I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways
by ebfiddler
Summary: AU. Castle and Beckett are both homicide detectives. When Castle becomes dangerously ill, he must figure out his real priorities. What happens when Beckett finds out that SHE is at the top of his bucket list? The clock is ticking, and love is in the air. Translation of Te aprendí a amar by Tamyalways with author's permission.
1. Chapter 1

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **AU.**

 **Author's note:**

 **Good morning everyone! Today I'm happy because I'm starting this new story. This one is very meaningful to me and I fervently hope to get it right. I wasn't planning to post it today, but in the end I decided, I think it's a perfect day for it.**

 **First of all, I ask that you give it a chance. I think it could be a great fic!**

 **Second, I want to make clear that the idea is Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION's. It's an honor that she trusts me with her idea. I hope to live up to it. That makes it more difficult, but it also makes me try harder, and that at least is something I can do.**

 **Third and not least, I want to thank my beta/collaborator ladydkl for taking this journey with me. I expect that we'll get to a very good place together, as with the other fic we have worked on together. Thanks for offering your help in the first place and thanks for your work so far and for the work to come. I tell you, readers, that she writes wonderfully, and she could write a great fic herself, a great story—so from here I encourage you to do so XXOO.**

 **Well, without further ado, here's with the first chapter. I hope it's the first of many together with you all. Thanks for being there.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 _(Translator note: Have you noticed the recent spate of Spanish language Castle fics? I have. There seems to be quite a community of Spanish-speaking fanfic writers and readers who have been inspired by Castle lately. I noticed this story as I was browsing a few months back, when it was first posted, and found to my surprise that I could actually read it without having to resort to the dictionary all the time, either for erudite and obscure terms and grammatical forms, or (at the other end of the spectrum) for slang and language so informal that it's unlike anything I ever studied in school. This is the first time I have attempted to translate anything this long, or indeed anything like this at all. I have enjoyed reading this story in Spanish, but I'm not a native speaker, and my reading in that language is slow. In desperation I have sometimes hit that "translate" button, which really is a bad idea, as it frequently results in some truly execrable sentences. Eventually I got to thinking, "Huh, even_ I _could do better than that"—and so when Tamyalways asked if someone might consider making a translation, I volunteered, and...well, here it is. I also was interested in working on this story told from first person POV, something I've not attempted in my own fanfic. I want to make it clear that this story is the original work of Tamyalways, while the translation is mine. If you enjoy it and can read Spanish, please visit her profile page and check out her many other stories.—ebfiddler)_

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

RICK'S POV

I'm the kind of guy who gets everything he wants. I laugh my way through life and, whenever I'm not working, I like to live life to the fullest—because we live with too much horror and death during the rest of the day. I'm a homicide detective in New York, one of the cities with the most deaths in the world, though I suppose that's to be expected since we're such a large city. And many of these deaths are due to murder or manslaughter. I am fortunate enough to be on that city's police force, a detective to be exact—and what's more, I have the very good luck to be part of the best team of homicide detectives ever.

I succeed at work because I like the job and always try to do the best I can. I succeed with women because I don't lie to them, I always tell the truth. Combined with this, my mother did a good job raising me. I'm ruggedly handsome, and not afraid to know it and show it. I don't lack for money because I learned how to invest thanks to some college courses. But despite all these supposed perfections and a life in which theoretically I lack for nothing, there's still something I haven't got.

Everyone seems to think that I'm out to avoid this "something," but what these people don't know is that it's my secret dream, my aspiration, my nirvana—and totally impossible. What I really want more than anything is a woman with whom to spend the rest of my life. Someone I love and who loves me, with whom I can form the family I never had. I want to grow old and count gray hairs with her, reading books or writing them or simply breathing. It's no small thing.

Yes, it's true, I'm really a hopeless romantic. But I'm so afraid of being hurt, that I'd rather spend every available night with a different woman—that way I know that when day breaks, it won't cost me a thing to go, or disappear, it won't cost me anything at all to say goodbye, and it certainly it won't be important enough to do me any harm.

That's me. Richard Castle. And like any other human being, I have my fears, my dreams and my aspirations.

There is a special woman, naturally. Isn't there always an unattainable woman in the life of every successful man? One that you desire more than anything, about whom you fantasize privately, who, just by a look, can make your heart flip over and turn your head upside down. Well, for me this woman is Detective Katherine Beckett. My partner. Okay, maybe she's more than my partner, since she's actually my direct boss. She's totally different from me. She's serious, disciplined and somewhat old-fashioned in her relationships. In a few words, she told me she's a "one and done kind of girl"—she intends to marry once, for life. That's what I was talking about—for me no woman ever lasts longer than one night. But for her, I would make an exception.

I love how she is. She orders me around, she is sexy, but most of all I love her sense of loyalty and her intelligence. She is without a doubt the best cop I've had the fortune to know and work with. My favorite pastime is pulling her pigtails and driving her crazy. I know when and where and how to poke at her to make her jump. But when it comes to work, we are undoubtedly the best team ever. When we work together, there is no murderer who can resist our efforts, and no murderer we can't bring to justice.

Today was a typical day at the office, except for the annual physical. The truth is that I don't like doctors at all—but I didn't mind the pretty blonde nurse one bit. I was trying to engineer a hook up with her, since I despaired of having Beckett.

"Detective Castle, don't move."

"If you promise not to hurt me," I said with a wink.

"It will only be a poke," she told me. "You won't even notice."

"And what if I do? Then what?" I teased.

"Huh?" It's clear she was no exception to the "dumb blonde" stereotype when it came to carrying on a conversation, I thought, as she fiddled with my arm.

"What will you give me in exchange? Will you go out to dinner with me?"

"Now," she said as she taped a bit of gauze over the spot where she'd inserted the needle.

"Now what?"

"Now I'm all _done_ poking you."

"Are you serious?" I was rather put out.

"Castle, I think this time your plan has backfired," my partner Ryan laughed, and my other partner Esposito followed suit. Kate, by contrast, remained silent, and concentrated on assisting the doctors to the extent that she could.

"Kate ..." I called, but she didn't look at me. "Beckett ..."

"What is it, Castle?" she said resignedly, giving me the slightest hint of a smile.

"You're not afraid of being poked by a little needle, are you? You should be used to it," I said referring to her doctor fiancé, making my two companions laugh.

"Shut up," she said with a scowl.

We were there a good long time between the jokes and the teasing, until the captain appeared with a new case. We got to work right away.

When we arrived at the crime scene, the medical examiner, Lanie Parish, was already there. She's Kate's best friend, and she makes a hobby of riling her up, just like I do. It's only with her (and occasionally at a party) that I've seen Kate smiling, having fun, and looking relaxed. Those moments have only served to confirm that this woman has me in her net, though she doesn't know it.

"Hey Lanie!"

"Hey guys, Kate ..." she said, lifting her gloved hand.

"What do we have?" Kate asked in professional mode.

"My god! How about, _Good morning_ ... as in ' _Good morning, Lanie, how are you?_ ' No, she's all business, all the time. Where's the fun in all this?" I intended to goad her.

"We're here for the victim. If you're not, you can go get yourself another job," she retorted crouching down next to the victim and looking for evidence of a bullet hole or some other cause of death.

"Come on, children," Lanie said, laughing, "you know what they say, fighting is foreplay—"

"Lanie!" Kate scolded her, but I saw how she blushed.

* * *

KATE'S POV

God, now I had an insane desire to throttle Lanie, too. I didn't like his little jokes at all, much less Castle himself. I don't like him, and she knows it. He's the total opposite of what I've always wanted in a man. As a partner, it's another matter. He's disciplined, good at his job, and punctual, although he doesn't always take it seriously. Despite our differences and despite the fact that I cannot _stand_ him, when it comes to work, we are in tune. Sometimes I even think he can read my mind. But it's the only thing I admire about him. To live up to my standards, a person has to give one hundred percent, stay focused, and keep all senses alert. He instead prefers to take everything as a joke, pulling pranks or messing with everything you put in front of him. But with five minutes of sober lucidity, he comes to the same conclusions that I do after dedicating an entire night to it. That aspect of him I admire, although at the same time it drives me absolutely crazy. I can barely stand it on a regular day, and the way Lanie joked about us bothered me a lot.

This day had been pretty stressful right from the beginning. We investigated the crime scene, we managed to talk to the relatives of the victim once he was identified, and of course we had created the time line of the last day of his life. I hated cases like this. The victim had a wife and two small children. I hated the cases where victims had children, especially if they were young. I had been one of those children who had lost a parent, too, and the pain stays with you for the rest of your life.

I needed coffee in order to hang in there a little longer. I didn't want to end the day without taking another look at the murder board. I knew I was missing something about this case, and I wanted to solve it and give some comfort and peace to those children who had lost their father so unjustly today. I went into the break room and closed my eyes, feeling the magnificent hot liquid rolling through my mouth. Yes, I'm aware that I'm a little addicted to coffee. I didn't feel human until I had my first cup when I first awoke, and from then on I drank countless others—whatever was necessary to keep me on my feet on a day like today.

"Hi, Kate," Castle said, suddenly appearing behind me and disrupting my moment of relaxation.

"Beckett," I corrected him sharply.

"When are you going to drop the formality? We've been partners for almost two years and yet I still have to call you 'Beckett'."

"I call you 'Castle,' right?"

"Well, I'd be happy to let you call me Rick," he said with that trademark flirtatious smirk. I just wanted to erase it from his face. "Or Richard, or Ricky even—that's what she called me last night when I—"

"Guys." Espo appeared, saving me from living through another one of those awkward moments, another of Castle's boastful comments referring to his many liaisons, saving me the trouble that would have ensued had I followed my impulse and thrown the hot coffee over Castle's head. "Lanie says she has something. I'll go down to—"

"No," I interrupted him. "I'll go, I need the fresh air." I glared fixedly at Castle.

I went down to the basement, to the morgue, and there in the autopsy room I found Lanie focused on the body of our victim.

"Hi Lanie."

"Hi Kate. You look awful, girlfriend." She glanced sidelong at me, but without looking up from the corpse.

"Thank you, I love you, too," I said ironically.

"What you need is a good party."

"Yes, exactly, that's what I'm doing now," I told her, sitting on an empty autopsy table beside my friend.

"Okay, I don't mean now, but this weekend."

"Lanie ..."

"No excuses. Josh is on duty, you told me that yesterday, and instead of staying home alone you're coming with me."

"Okay, fine."

"We're going out with the guys."

"Lanie ..."

"What? It'll be much more fun. And, you could fulfill your dreams," she said raising her eyebrows, referring to an unpleasant and embarrassing one I had told her about the other day.

"I'm never going to tell you anything again," I said blushing. "You know that wasn't a dream—it was a nightmare!"

"A nightmare which you really, really enjoyed," she said with an evil laugh. "Kate it's normal to have erotic dreams. And perfectly normal to dream about that hot hunk of a partner that you have."

"God ... I hate him! Don't you understand? I do _not_ like him, he's _not_ my type, and you know it. It was just a damn dream."

"No Kate, you don't have 'nightmares' like that about someone you hate. You like this guy. It's not a bad thing to accept that."

"I _don't_ like him. Besides, I love Josh."

"Yes, right, of course! You'd have to love him to put up with him."

"Lanie!" I scolded her. My fiancé Josh was a good man, a caring man. He was in love with me, and I admired how he devoted himself to his humanitarian causes.

"Okay, sorry. But the world's not gonna end if you check out another guy. And why not? I do it all the time."

"You're incorrigible," I said laughing.

"You got that right, girl. And this weekend you and I are going out, 'cause you need a good party."

"Fine. Now can we focus on the victim?"

I didn't know what it was about her, but Lanie was my undoing. Whenever I was with her I felt young again, like I was in my first year of college before ... before everything happened. Sometimes I needed to free myself from this solemn version of Kate that I had become. I needed to feel young again, uninhibited, happy, and it usually happened when I was with Lanie. She let out this part of me that nobody else had known how to draw out for a long time now.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **On Wednesday the second chapter of this story will go up [translator note: probably sooner than that]. But I don't want you to forget "Una nueva vida es posible (A new life is possible)" [another story by tamyalways]. I have also posted chapter 50 of that story today, and on Wednesday I will post the epilogue. When one door closes, a window opens, haha. I hope you like it and enjoy it. And I hope, as always, for your comments—let me know what you think and how the story makes you feel.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Translator note: Sometimes the author's comments are the hardest part for me to translate! Tamy's got a very informal and pleasant tone to her author's notes, and my book-learned Spanish is not quite up to conveying that. Also, keep in mind that she posted the original of this months ago, so references to "Wednesday" etc. are not relevant to the posting of this translation. However, let me join in urging you to post reviews—the author will definitely appreciate the feedback._

 _Also, general note about the fic: This story is long (50+chapters), and as you may have noticed from the category selection, it's a drama, with a certain amount of angst, humor, and romance. The vast majority of the story is safely "T"-rated; however, there are some parts that are most definitely "M." I will endeavor to mark the headings of chapters that contain "M"-rated material. Also, tamyalways specializes in writing AU. You will notice that while Beckett and Castle (and other characters) are the same in essentials, there are non-canon elements, especially to their backstories, in order to support this AU._

 _As Tamy says, reviews are welcome. I'm going to try to translate any comments you post to Spanish so that Tamy can read them, and of course feel free to PM Tamy directly if you wish. I'm not on Twitter, so if that's your preferred method of communicating, you've already got Tamy's info._


	2. Chapter 2

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author's note: Good morning, thanks so much to all of you for giving this story a chance. On the one hand the great reception you gave it surprised me, but on the other hand, it's not such a surprise, as I think the idea is a good one.**

 **I have to thank Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION for this great idea and for giving me the opportunity to try to do something good with it.**

 **If I get this right, much of the credit will go to ladydkl for her support and participation in the story. I am delighted that you offered to help me, I think that accepting your help was the best idea I had. Thanks to that, I think I have managed to improve my stories a lot, so thank you very much.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

KATE'S POV

I woke up again with the feeling of being alone. Lately I always felt that way. Josh took many shifts at the hospital, maybe too many, not to mention his travels with the NGO that he volunteered for. I had always liked that about him and admired him for it, but sometimes ... like today, I just felt very alone. I didn't mean to be selfish, and I certainly didn't expect to have him constantly glued to my skirts, but not seeing him for months at a time was hardly the plan. I wondered if this was what I could expect for the rest of my life—feeling lonely, abandoned, almost invisible. What a life to look forward to!

I sighed, resigned to my fate. I stretched out over the bed and squeezed my eyes tight in an attempt to shake off this nightmare. I needed to talk to someone. I felt sad, and in a case like this, a friend is the best medicine, so I decided to call Lanie and make a plan to meet her for breakfast. At least before going to work I could disgorge my sad and lonely thoughts. I should talk to Josh and give him an ultimatum ... that if he didn't put a little more effort into the relationship, one day he was going to find me in bed with another man, taking the place that he didn't fill.

I chose one of my somber suits, to go along with my mood, and leaving my curls to air-dry, I walked out the door with the hope that Lanie would make me a smile and change my mood. I had just reached the coffee shop when she crossed the street from the other side. We didn't usually hug each other, but today I needed it, so I let her hug me, and I gratefully received all the sincere affection that my friend offered.

"How's it going?"

"Not very well," I said, twisting my lips in dissatisfaction.

"Tell me about it over coffee," she said, motioning to the barrista. "Two coffees, with two pumps sugar free vanilla."

We sat at a table near the window overlooking the avenue. From this vantage point we saw everything, and almost nobody could see us. When our coffee arrived, I looked out the window for a moment searching for the right words to describe the situation. I put my ideas in order, and then shot it off point blank.

"Lanie ... I'm having doubts."

"Doubts?" She stared at me, trying to understand my words. "About the meaning of life? About God? About corruption and sin? Girlfriend, you're making it sound like you're trying to decide whether to become a nun or go live in some god-forsaken monastery. Come on, tell me about it."

"Don't be silly, my doubts are over ... my future with Josh."

"Don't mess with me. Are you going to break up with him?" she asked, smiling with more satisfaction than I liked to see.

You could tell that she didn't like Josh. I knew it, but she could've at least taken the trouble to hide it a little. Sometimes it was so obvious when I was with her and Josh came looking for me. She wouldn't greet him—it was like he was invisible. She even called him "the invisible man." Sometimes it amused me, but after all, Josh was my fiancé because _I_ had chosen to accept him. It bothered me that my friend showed so much animosity toward him.

"Lanie, this is not a joke. I love him, or … I thought I did. And if I'm having doubts, maybe it's because I no longer feel the same way about him as I used to."

"Honey, I don't want to make you mad, and I don't want you take this the wrong way, but ... let's face it, you couldn't give me a better news. I've never liked Josh much, and you know it. I'm not very good hiding it. But if he makes you happy, it's _you_ that he's going to live with, so I'll shut up and smile and keep on ignoring him when he makes you angry." She delivered the last part with a wink, showing that she would do anything to defend me. "But I see you, and Kate ... you're not happy. You don't seem like an eager bride looking forward to her wedding. I notice every day you're more self-absorbed, more distant. You shrink in and try to disappear when you get together with other people. You're learning to be like him, invisible." She took my hand in hers, making eye contact, and earnestly told me, "You're not the Kate I used to know, and I think the reason for that is Josh. You live your life without enjoyment, without that beautiful characteristic you used to have, of trying to make things better every day. And now you've stopped trying, Kate. You need someone who _gives_ you more life, not someone who sucks it away from you. Someone who pulls you out of the daily grind, someone who makes you happy every moment, who makes you excited, who makes your day-to-day unique and special. That's what I want for you, girlfriend, and I know Josh doesn't give you that."

"Wow! How long have you been rehearsing this speech? Because it came out perfectly."

"You can't imagine," she said with a smile.

"Maybe you're right. But maybe what I need in my life is this, a little predictable monotony and tranquility. I don't like surprises."

"No, Kate. Life with no surprises is boring. You need a man who makes you live, who loves you and shows it, who makes you thrill with ... well, you know what I mean." She made a gesture that was in very poor taste in such a public place.

"Lanie," I hissed, as I looked to see if anyone was watching us, "you don't have to be so explicit."

"Fine, let's leave that aside for now. Tell me now ... who has worked this miracle and opened your eyes? How did you recognize the error you were about to commit?"

"I didn't say that. I didn't say I'm going to break my engagement, I'm just not sure I want to get married. I don't want to feel alone the way I feel now. I'm tired of it, Lanie. I don't want to wake up every morning in a cold and lonely bed. I want to spend time with my fiancé, going to the movies, going out to dinner, watching TV, eating popcorn, making dinner together, and we have barely seen each other in recent months. When we started this I didn't think his work was going to affect me so much."

"Kate, it's normal. Nobody really likes to be alone, no matter what they say. And I just want you to be happy, and I'll be there by your side, whatever decision you make," she spoke fervently. It was clear that her advice was for my own good, and this time she was right. I had to act with determination and stop this meaningless thing that my engagement had turned into.

* * *

RICK'S POV

I woke up stressed, tired, feeling worse than when I went to bed. This wasn't normal, not being able to sleep, but for whatever reason, my eyes simply didn't want to close. My arms and legs weighed heavily on me, and it felt like my feet were glued to the floor. It was as if I'd spent yesterday running non-stop, when in fact the previous day had been fairly quiet.

 _I'm getting old,_ I thought, _every day I have less endurance,_ then laughed at myself and my strange ideas.

After my morning shower, I got dressed and ready for work. As usual, I stopped for coffee before going to the precinct. The coffee at home was good, but this coffee shop had one with vanilla—just the thing to finish waking me up—and today I definitely needed a double dose.

This coffee shop had the best coffee in town. It was very peaceful and I liked to sit near the window where I could see the people walk by. It was a hobby that I couldn't engage in as much as I'd like, but I always took advantage of those minutes before putting myself in "on" mode, ready to engage one hundred percent of my effort and my brain at work.

When I entered the coffee shop I went directly to the counter to order. From the corner of my eye I saw that my favorite table was already occupied. _Bad luck,_ I thought, today was definitely not my day. I had just decided to ask for the coffee to go, when I heard a familiar voice behind me calling my name. When I turned, I could not believe who was there—undoubtedly my luck was changing. I took my coffee and approached my table. It was "my girls"—my favorite women from work, that is—who were occupying my customary place, and I was happy to share it with them.

"The sun has come out at last," I said winking at them and taking up a position next to their table. "Look who's here, my favorite detective and my favorite medical examiner"—this delivered with my most charming smile.

"Hello, Castle," Lanie said with a sunny smile. From Kate I barely got a nod.

"May I sit here?" I asked trying to be polite, as I went to take the place next to Kate.

"No," she said wrinkling her nose.

"Yes," replied Lanie, smiling.

"Like this?" I asked, half-sitting.

"Go on, sit, don't be silly," Lanie said, just about pushing me down into the chair herself.

"Well, thank you, and sorry if I'm bothering you, ladies. Are you enjoying some good coffee?"

"Yes, and talking about all our secrets. You in?"

"Lanie," Kate scolded. I liked her so much that she actually seemed even prettier when she was ticked off.

"I love you both, don't fight over me. You know that I have enough Ricky for both of you."

"Yeah, you'd say that. I'm off," Kate said, rising.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you," I said getting up and trying to keep my partner from leaving. "I promise I'll be good." I raised my hand in solemn promise.

"Next bit of BS, I'm out of here."

"Okay."

We sat back down and remained silent for a few seconds while all three of us sipped our coffee, trying not to be the first to start the conversation. It was Lanie who broke the impasse.

"Hey Castle, do you have a girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend? Are you kidding? I don't have any time to spend with a woman, all my time is devoted to Kate," I replied, enjoying her look of surprise. "She's my work wife." Kate began to object when I clarified, "Besides, I'm just fine being single."

A glance at Kate revealed that she was biting her tongue, trying to control herself and not say anything. I decided to needle her to get her to spill whatever was eating at her.

"And you Kate? What about you?"

"I …" She huffed out a wry laugh. "I think you two are just kids, you need to grow up."

"For believing it's okay to be single?"

"I think you're old enough to go out on a date every night with some woman or other."

"Yes, could be you're right. So now I'll go on dates every single day," I smirked.

"That doesn't surprise me. You both are afraid of real love."

"No, Kate. We're alone because we haven't found the right person. If I had her before me now," I said staring fixedly at her, trying to see right through to her heart, "I promise I would never let her go. I wouldn't be the kind of inconstant idiot you think I am."

I saw her swallow as if I had managed to get through to her a bit, although I doubted she would entirely believe what I said.

"If that's so, do you really think you're going to achieve it if you go around acting like a jerk?"

"What if that's just how I really am?"

"If you truly believe what you just said before, then I don't believe you're really like that. The problem is that you act just the opposite of what you say."

"Yes, I guess in that sense, I'm a scaredy cat."

"I suppose so."

"Yeah. Well. I wanted to tell you something about the case."

"Yes, that's better," she said, already more relaxed. She really didn't feel safe with the previous topic of conversation.

"See, I was thinking all last night. I didn't sleep very well. And, anyway, I think I know who the murderer is."

"Yes?"

"You see, I investigated a little, and it has to be someone who knows their routine. Well, the family's routine. Thursday, the kids had piano lessons, and the wife had to take them there from five to seven pm. The husband had to go missing between those hours. Someone knew he'd be home alone during that time. And who could that be? Someone who might also have an issue with him?"

"Oh God!" Kate exclaimed, eyes popping wide open.

"The neighbor!" we both exclaimed simultaneously.

"God! I love when you do that, the synchronized thinking, shared-brain thing ... you two are so adorable," Lanie said laughing at what we had done.

I saw how Kate blushed over what happened and felt a strange fluttering in my stomach. Without a doubt she was an incredible woman with a special beauty. I decided to help her out of her trance.

"We'd better go and catch this bastard," I said getting up and taking a sip of the coffee that I had been using as a hand warmer.

"I agree," she said getting up, and we left the coffee shop with a good taste in our mouths.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Well, this week being the first one after a busy time for me, I can only post three chapters of this story. But I'm letting you know that on Saturday there will be a new chapter in the story.** _[translator: next chapter in a few days]_ **I hope you continue enjoying it. You already know that you can let me know by leaving a comment.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _If anyone has any comments about the translation, feel free to PM me. Happy to discuss the story, too.—ebfiddler._


	3. Chapter 3

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author's note: Good morning, here I am. A promise is a promise—so here's another chapter. I really hope you like it.**

 **The idea is not mine, it's Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION's idea. I thank her again for leaving it to me to give it form.**

 **And thanks to my beta/collaborator for all of her work.**

 **The characters are not mine...**

 _Translator's note: I was hoping to get this up much earlier today, but I wanted to check up on medical terminology, and make sure I had it correct before posting. Sorry about the delay._

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

RICK'S POV

We managed to close the case, and the rest of the day was spent with paperwork. How I hated it! I was no good at it. I belonged on the streets. I needed to get outside. Here I felt like a bird trapped in a cage.

"Come on, Castle, get a move on, or we'll be here all day," said Espo as he passed me.

"Someone's in a big hurry." I raised my eyebrows with a smirk.

"Yeah, the ladies are hitting the town tonight."

"Oh, is that so?" I asked, looking at Kate.

"That's not your concern, Castle, just finish your share of the work."

"Guys, you want to get a few drinks to celebrate the weekend off?"

"Sure, if you're buying."

"Fine, I'll buy. I really want to celebrate," I declared, fixing my gaze on Kate, who sighed with acceptance.

Suddenly I became very eager to finish up the paperwork so that I could enjoy the evening. I had a feeling it was going to be a great night. I applied myself to the stack of papers, but much as I tried to concentrate, I couldn't. I hated having to write about it. Some kind of writer I was! Suddenly I heard footsteps approaching from behind me.

"Detective Castle." Captain Gates startled me.

"Yes, Captain?" I said rocketing to attention.

"I need you in my office."

"Of course, but I have to finish the paperwork."

"Your partners can do it."

"But sir—" the boys immediately objected, but with just a look, Captain Gates quelled their protests for now.

I followed her, unaware that this moment would suddenly change my life.

"What is it, sir?"

"The hospital just called me. Apparently there was some sort of problem with your blood work, and they need to repeat the test."

"Problem?" I repeated uneasily.

"Yes, something unusual in the analysis, and they need to repeat it to be sure."

"I assure you I do not take drugs, sir."

"I don't doubt it. I think the sample got misplaced or contaminated ... I really don't know exactly. You'll have to talk to the doctor. They didn't communicate the specific results to me. I think you should go right now to talk to them at the hospital."

"Of course, I'll go now, sir," I said, more than a little nervous now. I had a bad feeling about this, as if something grave were about to happen.

I turned to leave the Captain's office, but she wasn't finished.

"Detective."

"Yes, sir?"

"If you need some time off, or require someone to help you, be aware that your partners, or even I, will be happy to do so."

"I don't know, sir. For the time being, until I figure out what's going on ... " I trailed off. This much amiability from the Captain was more than a little disconcerting. It scared me, actually; it confused me. "Thank you."

I had woken up with a bad feeling, I couldn't deny that, and now it seemed like there really was something to be worried about. I just hoped that it was all something stupid, or an error, and I'd be able to laugh about it.

"Hey, Castle! Take it back." Espo shoved my pile of papers back toward me, eager to abandon the paperwork that Captain Gates had assigned him. "You're not off the hook."

"Sorry guys, there are cops, and then there are _cops—_ like _me_ ," I blustered, pretending a good humor that was really lacking inside. "I'm clearing out for the day."

"You're not serious?" Ryan asked me.

"But of course! There are different classes of cops. Classes within classes. And some of us just have class."

"You gotta be kidding... Did you charm her with your good looks or something? You got some nerve," Espo snorted.

"Castle, is everything okay?" Kate asked with concern as I passed by.

"Sure, everything's fine," I attempted a light smile. "It's just the nutcases at the hospital who misplaced my blood samples."

"So, we'll see you later? We're still on for drinks."

"Yes, of course, I'll see you there, okay?"

"Okay, bro. You owe us one," Espo said, scratching his head with his pen.

"Talk to you later," I waved, forcing a smile.

I thought we'd be celebrating tonight. I thought it would be a good night. Now I wasn't so sure. Maybe this drink would be more for drowning sorrows and forgetting than for celebration.

I left the precinct, feeling the fresh air on my face. I was more than a little apprehensive about what might happen—I was afraid even without knowing what was going on. I decided to walk to the hospital in order to put off the moment that I'd have to deal with it. I had a bad feeling in my gut, and I wasn't often wrong in such situations.

I got to the hospital entrance, and sat down on a bench outside. I watched the people come and go, but did not dare to go in, until finally, I realized I could not make this moment last forever. I gathered my courage and entered. I checked the bulletin board for the right department, and when I found it, I climbed the stairs up two floors rather than taking the elevator, as if doing a little bit of exercise would make whatever was wrong with me go away. When I arrived, a nurse had me wait until she notified the doctor of my arrival.

When the door opened and the doctor called my name, I was so slow to react that he had to repeat my name. I got up and went in and took the seat he indicated.

"Mr. Castle, I'm Dr. Carter, and I asked you come over in order to talk to you about the results of the tests that we ran yesterday."

"Yes, so I'm told," I nodded, swallowing.

"You see, we want to repeat some of the tests in order to be sure of the results."

"Did they find something serious, Doctor?"

"We've detected a problem with your CBC, the complete blood count. You have a highly elevated white blood cell count. The differential count, which shows us different types of white blood cells, reveals that the proportion of lymphocytes—one type of white blood cell—is also way out of range. The test also revealed atypical lymphocytes—that is, an abnormal form of lymphocyte. That's why we want to repeat the test, in case it might have been a laboratory error. If we get the same results, then we'll do further testing to see if there's other evidence of disease. We want to rule out the possibility that it's just a bad count."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Mr. Castle, I think that we should repeat the test before—"

"No, I want to know what I'm facing."

"Leukemia, Mr. Castle. That's what I'm talking about. But let's not jump to the conclusion that it's the worst case scenario. It may be an error, and for that reason we'll repeat the tests, okay?"

"Fine," I said, gulping. I knew it. I knew it was leukemia I was facing. This was not helping me at all.

"Mr. Castle, that's the worst case scenario. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We'll repeat the tests and I hope to give you the results soon."

"And what if it is leukemia after all?" I asked visibly frightened.

"Then we hope that the disease is not very far advanced, or that it's not a very aggressive cancer, and we can fight it. We'll treat it with chemotherapy first, and radiation therapy if necessary, to destroy the cancer cells and induce remission. If that fails, we'll have to try a bone marrow transplant."

"Whatever is necessary, Doctor."

"But let's not be alarmist, in many cases the prognosis is quite favorable, so let's take it step by step."

"Sure, whatever you think is appropriate."

"Let's start by repeating the tests, as if it were a laboratory error. And if it is unfortunately confirmed, I will give you an appointment as soon as possible to begin further testing, such as the bone marrow biopsy, and we'll tackle the disease. I think to begin with, we should address this fatigue that you're exhibiting, right?"

"It's true, yes, some days I'm very tired. I can barely sleep, and that's not helping much with the fatigue. Not to mention the headaches."

"You may need to take a few days off from work. I don't think you can perform well in this state of exhaustion. This is not going to be easy, Mr. Castle."

"No, I understand, Doctor, but I prefer to keep working."

"Well, you must do as you think appropriate. Above all we must be guided by your disposition. You're the one who will tell us how you feel, and you'll decide how and when to act. But you really shouldn't over-exert yourself. Fatigue can really take a toll on you at a time like this. This disease doesn't have a lot of visible symptoms."

"I understand. But I feel that I need to keep working so that I don't go stir crazy."

"As I already mentioned, please take care of yourself. And above all, lean on somebody—a relative, a friend. Don't try to do it alone. You will need a lot of care and a helping hand."

"Thanks for your advice, Doctor."

I left the exam room ready to conquer anything. I would not give up. The fight would be vicious, but I wasn't going to let this stupid thing crush me. The nurse showed me where I should go for retesting and I followed her instructions.

I was escorted to a room where I was given a gown, and I changed into it behind a screen. After that I had to pee in a cup, which was a bit disgusting, but I couldn't afford to be squeamish about it. Then I had to lie down on an exam table, get blood drawn. They sedated my lower back and did a lumbar puncture, extracting my spinal fluid to determine if the illness had invaded the central nervous system.

I was uneasy about what was coming next. I felt like a child again—and in my case, a child who had no father to help him, whose mother was always out working in order to support us. I started to feel afraid again, like I had then, and now I was alone, more alone than ever. I closed my eyes trying to stay strong, but I was well aware that I was very near the edge, ready to collapse, and close to thinking that this was something I was not going to survive.

"Mr. Castle, we're done. You can get dressed. We'll let you know as soon as possible about the results of the tests."

"Thank you," I replied, and got up and went to put on my clothes.

I left the hospital feeling worse than when I entered. I was scared to death. I knew it was going to be a trial, but I _had_ to get through it—there were still all those things I wanted to do that I had always put off "'til tomorrow."

I was always busy, all my life. First at school, where though I enjoyed myself, I also put in the necessary effort, and completed all the required courses of study. Not so very fulfilling, but they were what they were—you had to do it. In college, likewise, I had a lovely degree certifying my work, but still my heart wasn't in it. I neither particularly liked it, nor did it do me all that much good. The place where I gave everything—all of myself—was at the police academy. I had wanted to be a police officer since I saw them on television for the first time when I was very small. When I was decorated for my efforts, I was the happiest person in the world, and to this day I felt it was an honor to serve the city that still sheltered me. And in this same city, I "got lucky" in a certain sense of the phrase, in my love life—but still could never fulfill my dream of being with the woman I really loved. The one over whom I lost sleep, and who always made me sigh when she was near—not that I really had any right to complain. I got to spend all day long at her side; it was just at night that she wasn't mine.

Now I remembered that morning's conversation, and I wanted so much to be able to do it over, to wash my hands of my previous behavior. I wished I had fought harder for her, wished I had striven to gain her trust and win her love. Was it already too late? I hated myself, that I had acted that way, acted like the kind of jerk she would never want to love. Now would I even be able to show her my real self? It would be difficult, and even if I did, I had so little time to do it and so much to lose—my whole life to lose.

I had by this time reached the entrance of the bar where we had planned to meet, and tried to alter my expression before entering. I wanted to forget about it all for a while—though that was easier said than done.

When I walked in, the first thing I saw was Kate, uninhibited and carefree, a Kate who had completely surrendered herself to enjoyment. She was dancing with the boys and smiling from ear to ear. She was so, _so_ beautiful. I could not help stopping and gawking at her, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I turned I found Lanie smiling up at me.

"Shut your mouth or you'll catch flies," she said with amusement. I smiled, too, at the vision of beauty on the dance floor.

"I need a drink," I announced. That would help me unwind.

"To celebrate?" my friend asked me.

"Yeah … or to forget," I said running my hand through my hair.

"Rick, are you okay?" she asked with concern, as the smile faded from her face.

I was so tempted to tell her _no_ , so that I wouldn't have to bear the burden alone, but I couldn't do that to her. Maybe later, but for now I had to deal with this problem by myself. I had no right to ruin everyone's night out, and even less to ruin her life. "It's nothing, I guess my life just sucks right now."

"Is this to do with the conversation from this morning?"

"Something like that."

"Well, look, it's not too late to make a change." She indicated Kate.

"I think that if I'm even going to try, I need a couple of drinks first," I said heading straight to the bar, Lanie following. I sat down on the first available stool, knocked back the first drink, and ordered another. I needed it to drown my sorrows, and I needed that little nudge if I was going to try to be happy, I thought as I watched Kate dance.

She _was_ my happiness. I was afraid to be happy, I was afraid of _her_ , but the time had come where it was now or never. If I didn't take the step now, I would end my life regretting that I'd never taken a chance with the woman I had loved from the day I first saw her. I didn't want to die still wondering if she was my soulmate. I needed to be sure before I could begin this fight—the fight for my life.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **See you Monday for sure, late afternoon because I have things to do in the morning. Thank you all for following the story and I look forward to your comments.**

 **Have a good weekend XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _I'm planning to update on Mondays and Thursdays, so see you Monday with the next chapter—ebfiddler_


	4. Chapter 4

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good afternoon, and here's another cha** **pter, sorry for the delay. Well, as always thank you all for r** **eading and for your comments, and I thank ladydkl for her help throughout this fic and for helping with this troublesome headache of a chapter, without a doubt this was the most difficult to write. I just hope you enjoy it, that's what's important.**

 **The characters are not mine ... and the idea is Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION's. Thanks for having confidence in me, and I hope to do my best with it**.

 _Translator note: Content warning. This chapter is a bit racy, though I think it still falls within the category of a T rating._

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

RICK'S POV

With the little burst of confidence that two drinks gave me, with nothing to lose and even less time, I went to the middle of the bar where Kate was still laughing and dancing with the guys. They were laughing, too, and enjoying themselves. Enjoying their lives. That could scarcely be said for me.

I approached with a smile and a drink for her, and when she saw me she started smiling like I'd never seen before.

"Rick, come here," she called. And when I heard her call me by my name I felt my heart pound. I knew she had had too much to drink, but that didn't change how much I liked it. I wished she would always call me by my first name.

"Hi, Kate, here's your drink."

"Mmm! Thanks," she said, taking a sip. "See, guys ... he really knows me and he knows how to please me."

She gave me back the glass, and I set it on a nearby table and turned back to her, taking my place near her, moving to her rhythm, brushing her lightly so she would notice my dedication.

"Rick, wanna dance? These two are clumsy clodhoppers. Come on," she said grabbing me and pulling me closer to her.

I swallowed hard as I felt her sweaty, hot body near mine, so close I could feel her heat emanating through her clothing. She threw her arms around my neck and started to move with me to the rhythm of the song. Her touch, her smell, her breath on my ear made my body respond. It soon became quite obvious just how excited I was, and I feared bodily harm if she felt it. Or maybe not—she _was_ a bit drunk.

Kate rubbed her body against mine, and oh boy that was going to end very fast, leaving my jeans stained with the evidence. She began to kiss my neck, tickling me and driving me completely wild. I had to stop this before we did something really inappropriate in public.

"Drink," I rasped out, swallowing hard and pulling away from her as much as I could, "I need a drink."

"Okay, I need another one, too," she said as she came after me.

"I think you've had enough for today."

"Don't rain on my parade," she grumbled, putting her hand on my chest and caressing me in a very sexy way. She played with the hairs that stuck out, and through the fabric she brushed my nipples, erect bumps due to our dance and from her touch. I closed my eyes in an effort to control myself, because this was worse than a Chinese torture.

I pulled a little further away from her, then went to the bar to get a drink. Something to calm my body.

"Hey." Lanie appeared beside me.

"Hey," I answered the same way.

"May I ask you a question?" she spoke softly close to my ear.

"Yeah, sure, ask me."

"Do you like Kate?"

"Is this a trick question? No," I lied.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious you do," she said smiling at me, showing me just how badly I lied. "But do you just want to sleep with her?"

"Lanie, I don't think—"

"Answer me."

"I like her. A lot. I like her smile, I like her personality, I like how she does what she has to do to help others. I like it that she's complicated, that she teases me, that she hates me and gets mad and yells at me, that she blushes when we both say the same thing at the same time, that she hits me when I pull her pigtails. Everything, Lanie, I like everything about her." My eyes never left Kate as she continued dancing by herself in the center of the floor.

"Sounds like you're in love," summed up the medical examiner.

"In love?" I repeated in question, though I knew the answer of course. I just didn't want to say it. "I'm not in love."

"Yeah, yeah, right, whatever you say. In other words, you're madly in love with her."

"I don't know."

"Well, if you like her, you gotta fight for her."

"She's engaged," I reminded her.

"Show her, through your actions and behavior, what you just told me, and maybe she'll leave that quack doctor."

"I'd need a whole lifetime to show her that."

"It may be difficult, but it's not impossible, and you have all the time in the world. You're close to her all day long, so just behave yourself, and maybe she'll see what a good guy you are."

"Maybe I don't have that much time, Lanie."

"I'm gonna tell you one thing, though. If you sleep with her tonight, you have no chance whatsoever. She'd hate you because you'd remind her that she had a moment of weakness. She's the kind of a woman who, when she loves someone, respects him and gives him everything. If she cheated on Josh with you today, she'd hate you for what you'd represent, and then she could never stop hating you. So I suggest that as much as you desire her— _don't_ do it. Hang in there and you'll eventually get your reward. Think about it, okay?"

"If you say so ..." I muttered, never losing sight of the object of my desire. Kate was still on the dance floor moving to the rhythm of music, so ethereal, so precious—and Lanie didn't know just how difficult it would be for me to follow her advice, this day of all days. The day that they'd informed me that my life most likely had a rapidly approaching expiration date.

My friend Lanie was absolutely right, but I just didn't have the time anymore, and there was so much I wanted to show her. But it didn't follow that I should take advantage of her situation tonight. But on the other hand … if I could be with her tonight, at least I would always have that memory.

I approached her with assurance and took hold of her waist, pulling her to me. I caught her by surprise by the looks of it, but soon she relaxed and began to move at the pace that I set with my body. I could feel her breath so close, I could not stop looking at those unfathomable hazel eyes. I touched my forehead to hers as we continued moving to the sound of music. I really wanted to kiss her, to be allowed—finally—to taste those lips I dreamed about every night, but ... in my mind I repeated Lanie's words over and over again, and held back. I felt her arms around my neck, her hands playing with my hair, felt her chest against mine, and suddenly felt her mouth on my ear.

"Get me out of here, Rick," she whispered in a sexy voice, and then pulled back just far enough to look into my eyes. I saw so much passion that I couldn't refuse. I smiled at her and, taking her by the hand, I led her out of there, and we were soon on the way to a more private place. A place where she could make me forget, where we could exist together, just she and I alone.

We took a taxi. I wasn't about to drive myself, since we both had been drinking, and almost without thinking I gave the cabbie my address. While we were en route I felt Kate put her arms around my waist, with her body turned towards me and her lips playing with my earlobe and my neck, making shivers run up and down my spine. I should have tried to stop her, but I let her do it. I was in heaven, and it was exactly what I needed at this time. I needed to feel something to give my life hope, that this world was the world I needed to live in, that this was the world I had to fight for.

When we reached our destination I paid the driver and helped her out of the cab because truthfully I could see she wasn't in very good shape. I helped her to the elevator. There she leaned against the opposite wall and stared at me with a captivating smile on her face that was driving me crazy. She was so beautiful, certainly the most beautiful woman I had seen in my life. She had a natural beauty emanating from her like light itself. Suddenly she got close to me, running her hand sensuously over my chest, creeping downward little by little. I followed its path with my eyes, swallowing. Then I felt her other hand on my neck, and when I looked in her eyes, they were filled with desire. The next thing I knew her lips were on mine, attacking me mercilessly. Just the touch of her lips on mine was making my legs wobbly. Her tongue eagerly invaded my mouth, tasting every part of it with such aptitude that I felt dizzy from the sensation, from her lips on mine, from her hands caressing my chest and neck, from her scent, all of this drove me crazy ... when suddenly _Ping!_ the elevator door rang and began to open. We separated with smiles on both our faces and I tenderly pushed aside a strand of hair that fallen over her beautiful, perfect face. I caught up her hand, and pulled her out of the elevator, towards my apartment, towards the place I called home.

When we entered, she resumed the desperate and incessant attack on my lips. I put a hand on her thigh, my body intent upon getting closer to what it was craving at that moment, and she immediately wrapped her legs around my waist. At that point I felt like it didn't even matter if I was going to die afterwards. I carried her as well as I could to my bed and gently deposited her on it, while she nibbled forcefully on my neck. I growled with absolute pleasure and resumed attacking her lips.

I was so excited that my mind couldn't cope, I couldn't even think. To be with her, feel her, see her smile that smile that took my breath away, and … I couldn't live the little time that was left knowing that she hated me, knowing that I'd helped violate her principles. I didn't want to live the remainder of my life with her angry at me—and all my fault. I just couldn't do it. I quickly separated from her and stood up.

"Hey," she complained, opening her eyes, seeing that I was up and away from her.

"I can't," I said almost in a whisper, still breathless from our recent exertions.

"If you can't, let me help you." She smiled at me mischievously and started to undress.

"No, Kate, please stop," I begged, closing my eyes to avoid temptation. "I can't, I don't want you to hate me after this. Maybe tomorrow, when you're better, when you've overcome the effects of the alcohol. If you still want it then, I'll have no problem. But I don't want you to regret it tomorrow and then hate me for the rest of my life. As much as you want it, I can't do this because I know it would hurt you."

"Rick, don't be a killjoy."

"No, I'm being responsible. One of us has to be. I had less to drink than you, so I have to keep a cool head. Now get some rest, Kate, sweet dreams. We'll talk tomorrow." I placed a soft, tender kiss on her forehead and left the room, leaving her alone in my bed, fully dressed, her cheeks flushed on account of what had just happened.

* * *

 **TO BE CONTINUED …**

 **On Wednesday, a new chapter, I don't know what time, so be alert.** _[translator: next chapter on Thursday]_ **Thank you, and I'm hoping for your comments.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	5. Chapter 5

**Good morning everyone, here's a new chapter. The next will be on Saturday** _[translator: next chapter on Monday]_ **because I don't know if I'll be able to get on the Internet before that, and also my beta/collaborator and I are having some problems with the fic, and we are almost ready to start over with it, and that gives us little margin for error. If we can fix it soon, there may be more than three chapters next week.** _[translator: Sorry, folks, two a week is what you're gonna get. I don't think I can prepare the translations at quite the same rate that Tamy writes.]_

 **Thank you to Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION for trusting me to write your story, and I hope that you are enjoying it. I hope we can bring it into existence the best way we can. I'll never give up!**

 **Also thanks as always to ladydkl, but especially in this fic, as she's taken a leading role in this story, and if we can keep it going it will be thanks to her. No doubt we can continue to make this idea something worth your liking, that is our principal objective.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

RICK'S POV

I kept tossing and turning on the damn couch, unable to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I felt her body and her lips on mine, and saw this previously undiscovered version of Kate. Finally I got up and went into my bedroom. I needed to see her, I needed to remind myself that I had done the right thing, that she was really there, and this was not just some hallucination provoked by the disease that lurked inside me. I walked carefully so as not to wake her. The image I saw was something I wanted to keep with me for the rest of my life, stored away in that vault of memory where I keep everything beloved, precious, and marvelous. There she was, taking up most of the bed, with her mouth slightly open and her hair disheveled.

I approached slowly, carefully sat on a corner of the bed so I wouldn't disturb her—and also so that she wouldn't catch me watching her—and observed her peaceful slumber. Lanie was right. I was in love. I don't know if that's exactly the word I would have chosen to describe the feeling, but I did know that despite all the indifference I professed—and despite the fact that we had scarcely ever had a serious conversation that wasn't about work—I felt more for her than I had ever felt for any other woman in my life. I really, really liked her—all her characteristics, her peculiarities, her appearance … I admired it all. She was the strongest and most intelligent woman I had ever known. She was extraordinary, unique. And yes, I was in love with that woman with all my being.

I lay down carefully in front of her. I could feel her breath on my own. I would love to wake up by her side. But it was impossible ... I must not do it. Seeing her comfortably asleep in my bed made me feel things I had never felt before. I couldn't help myself, and gently I pulled back a lock of hair from her face. She moved slightly at my touch but quieted and stayed deeply asleep. I knew I had to return to the couch because if she woke up and saw me there, then the great sacrifice I had made would all be for naught. So I drew near her one last time and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, filling myself with enough of her to sustain me during the approaching battle.

I could have had a great night, one single eternal night for me. But I also knew what I would lose, and I knew that one night was never going to be enough with her. I had accepted that decision in spite of what it had cost me to make it.

I wanted her in my life, even if it was just as usual—with dirty looks, anger, and shouting, with me annoying her, needling her, and her looking at me with distaste, and yet knowing all the while that she didn't really hate _me_ , but just hated the part I acted. But from now on, I intended to show her the real me. Maybe I didn't have much time, too little to win her over, but I hoped there would be at least enough time to get to know her better, and at least long enough for her to stop hating me. Long enough at least for me to enjoy having a few of her smiles directed my way, those smiles that stole my heart and soul every time I saw them.

I placed another soft kiss on her lips and got up slowly, leaving her there, sure of the decision I had made, and eager to show her how I really was. Whatever came next would come as a result of that decision, because no matter what, I wanted her in my life. I needed her, and I wanted to enjoy whatever time was left to me with her, at her side.

With that thought I lay down again on the couch, until I fell asleep at last. Of course, I never stopped dreaming about her and what could be, if I spent not just a night with her, but a lifetime, a lifetime full of her laughter, her smiles, her kisses, her caresses, a lifetime full of her. That would be a grand dream which I knew was impossible, especially now that ... I knew that my life would be cut short soon, but dreams live on and that's the way I was going to live. I would live to enjoy every moment with her that I could, to enjoy the woman of my dreams, the love of my life.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I woke up with an incredible headache. I stretched out as far as I could in that comfortable, soft, big bed. And I detected a scent, a smell that made me smile because that smell was ... Oh god!

My eyes sprung open when I recollected that this smell should not be in my bed, and more so when I realized this was no dream but an actual smell. His smell permeated the entire room.

I opened my eyes terrified, and in spite the darkness of the room, I recognized right away that this was not my bed, this was not my room. I carefully probed the rest of the bed, and ascertained that I was completely alone. I shot upright, patting down my body, releasing a deep breath of relief when I verified that I was still wearing my clothes, all the clothes I had put on the night before.

I got up carefully and tapped the screen of my cellphone, which was on the bedside table, as if it were possible to hide everything that had happened last night in the obscurity of the room—if anything had even happened. I picked up my shoes and jacket and tiptoed out of the room. The whole apartment was dark, as it was still before dawn, but it wouldn't be long until sunrise. As I passed through the dining room on the way to the door, still a bit disoriented, I saw him. He was asleep on the couch, and I don't know exactly why, but I was relieved to see that. It was possible that I had not messed up everything, that it had all been a bad dream. The truth is that he was very handsome, especially when he was sleeping and not opening his mouth to spout all his usual nonsense. I could not help but smile at seeing him so quiet, so deeply asleep. But I reminded myself of the situation and headed toward the door to escape whatever had happened here, or whatever could have happened but I did not remember.

"Kate ..."

I froze when I heard his voice behind me. I was hoping that he was dreaming and not really awake, because I didn't know if I was prepared to have this conversation right now. On the other hand, the thought that he might be dreaming about me made me blush.

"Kate ... I think we need to talk."

That's when I realized that he was awake, and I started to panic. I blushed so much I thought my head was going to explode, my hands trembled, and my heart beat like a runaway horse. I prayed to heaven that nothing had actually happened, because if it had, I couldn't go on working with him. I'd never be able to look him in the eye without shame.

I turned slowly, keeping my head down in an attempt to hide my anxiety and my shame over what I imagined had happened.

"Castle, really, I—"

"Kate, nothing happened. I want you to know that," he hastened to say, and I looked into his eyes—those magnificent blue lakes, in which it would be so easy to lose myself and never reappear—because I needed to believe him.

"So ... what am I doing here?"

"Last night you were drunk and it didn't seem right to leave you alone, in case you felt sick. I wanted you to be safe—"

"And you couldn't take me home?" I asked angrily, though really I was angry with myself.

"Sorry, I don't know where you live, so ... maybe I should have called Lanie, but ... I didn't think of it. I just want you to know that nothing happened."

"Really?" I repeated again. Cold Beckett had returned, the one who looked sternly and sharply at him, who customarily growled at him, who disliked this insensitive man and held him at arm's length.

"Yes, of course. Why? Do you remember something?"

"The truth is that I don't know."

"Well, I promise you nothing happened. I slept on the couch all night. My kidneys can vouch for it," he grinned at me.

And although I did not entirely trust him—because there were bits and pieces that came to mind that seemed to refute what he said—I preferred to give him credit.

"All right, fine. I have to go. Have a nice weekend," I said, turning to go.

"Kate, wait."

"Now what?"

"Stay for breakfast," he said very earnestly, without any hint of double meaning, "just breakfast."

"Castle, I have to—" I was going to make some excuse, but his eyes seemed different to me, sad even.

"Please. I need to talk to someone."

"Don't you have any friends?" I asked sarcastically. I never even considered such a thing might be true.

"Well, right now you're the closest one I have. Besides, it's also about something you said to me the other day."

"Something I said?" At the moment no conversation with him came to mind. Although we spent every day together, we rarely made smalltalk, if it did not relate to the case.

"Yes."

"Okay, fine, I'll stay, but just for breakfast, and then I'll go," I said, dropping the shoes I held in my hand on the carpet, which incidentally was very soft. My feet were in heaven on this carpet.

I agreed because I was curious about what he wanted to tell me, and also to find out if he was lying about last night. I seemed to have memories of his hands on my body, his lips on mine—I could even still taste it—but he said that nothing had happened. Could a dream be so real?

"What do you want for breakfast?" he asked me, getting up from the couch where he had slept.

"Just coffee is enough for me," I said, wincing as last night's hangover made my head and stomach feel like somebody was pounding dents in them.

"You should eat something. I'll make some pancakes. You'll see, you're going to love it," he explained as he pulled cooking utensils from the various shelves and racks and began preparing the food.

"Castle, I don't want—" I began, but he looked so pleadingly at me that I shut up. I shouldn't accept this from him, but if he was telling me the truth, yesterday he helped me and didn't take advantage of the situation as others might have done.

"I think I have a couple of pills that might make you feel better. Hangovers can be very treacherous."

"Thank you, because I feel like my head is about to explode."

"That's just because you're not used to it, Detective," he said to my back, and knowing he could not see me, I allowed myself to relax and smile at his joke. At heart he was a good guy, he had behaved well, and I should at least return the favor.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading this story. For you, it's worth all the trouble ;) I hope you continue to enjoy the story and see you on Saturday** _[translator: Monday ;-)]_. **Hugs to all and I hope for your comments.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Tamy has been delighted with your response to this story in English ("I am thrilled with how it's going. I'm really pleased with the way it's been received."), and is very happy to read your comments, which I have translated and sent to her.—ebfiddler_


	6. Chapter 6

**Good morning everyone. I hope that this one will be worth the wait. Ladydkl and I are working together on this fic to make it as good as possible, and so that you can enjoy it as much as possible—both those things. I want to thank her for her hard work and encouragement to help us pull this off, and now more than ever I feel that this will turn out well.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

RICK'S POV

I was glad she had agreed to stay for breakfast. It meant that she believed me at least. It was a little uncomfortable, but I would do whatever it took to keep her close to me, even if only as a friend or colleague. Under no circumstances did I want to lose her, because then what meaning would my world have?

I started to make the pancakes. They'd be great—well, at least the various women who had tried them told me so. Meanwhile Kate sat at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in her hands. Occasionally I stole a glance at her because I had to know what was going through that marvelous head of hers. I placed the dish of pancakes in front of her and sat down opposite.

"Thanks," she said without much conviction. She seemed rather absent.

"Try them. I promise you that you've never eaten anything this good," I enthused, to see if I could cheer her up.

"Yes, of course," she smiled hesitantly.

At the first bite, she closed her eyes in pleasure, and her smile confirmed my triumph.

"They're good?" I asked, expecting some praise or flattery at least.

"The truth ... is that they're ... not too bad," she said, hiding a smile.

"Right."

"Well then... what do you want to talk about?" she asked me, no beating around the bush.

"I was thinking about what we talked about the other day. Something has happened to make me rethink things."

"Are you alright?" she asked with concern.

"Yeah, of course, I'm fine. But I think you were right. I'm stupid for not having seen it before and I wanted to thank you for opening my eyes. I'm not going to sit around waiting anymore, I'm going to find and fight for what I want. The real deal. You never know," I said swallowing. It was an uncomfortable situation, so to cover my expression I lifted the coffee cup to my lips.

"I'm glad you think so."

"Kate, I'm really sorry if I've ever behaved badly towards you, if I've behaved like a ..."

"A jackass ... well yes, you have behaved like that. Many times," she laughed.

"I wish we could at least be friends. Seriously, I want you to meet the real Rick, the true one."

"Castle, er ..." She lowered her gaze to the empty plate, adding, "This is awkward."

"If you don't want anything to happen, don't worry, I'm fine with us remaining friends, good co-workers. You're the best, and I'll learn from you," I told her, making her blush and smile a little.

"Okay, but I need you to promise me one thing."

"Anything," I said happily.

"Promise me that nothing happened last night, and don't lie to me."

For a few seconds I was paralyzed. I wanted to have her as a friend, but for that I had to lie. Because what happened yesterday—at least for me—was far from _nothing,_ it was something significant, a watershed moment. Yesterday, my eyes were opened and I finally recognized my feelings. I became aware of all the love that had accumulated in my heart. How she was mistress of my heart, though she remained unaware of it. Yesterday I understood that she didn't hate me as much as she said she did, and with just one kiss she let me know that heaven existed in her lips. "Nothing, I promise."

"Good," she said, visibly relaxing.

We ate quietly, smiling at each other from time to time. I didn't want to talk about it any more. That would alienate us, and I would have to lie some more. And I just didn't want to lie to her anymore.

My phone rang and I got up to answer it, still lost in the moment. I still had a smile on my face, was still foolish with happiness, because she was there.

"Castle," I answered, still smiling at her.

"Mr. Castle, Dr. Carter here. I'm calling because I have the results of your tests. You should come to the hospital to talk about them." I gave Kate a wave of my hand and went into my room to talk privately.

"I want the truth and I want it now," I told him, not eager to make a pointless journey.

"Of course ... but I think you'll agree that you should come in and talk the matter over with me."

"Don't confuse the issue with obstacles, Doctor. Get to the point."

"But ... I can't give you the appropriate explanations right now, not in this way."

"I don't care. Tell me now or you won't see a hair of my head again." I had raised my voice, but collected myself, and spoke more softly so Kate wouldn't hear. "I'm sorry, but I can't wait. It's my life that's hanging by a thread, not yours."

"Well, Mr. Castle, the tests are positive. I'm sorry, but—" And then I heard nothing more of what he was saying, though he continued speaking for quite some time. It was as if someone had encased me in ice. I was unable to react. "—Mr. Castle."

"Yes," was all I could manage.

"We need to start the treatment as soon as possible."

"Agreed."

"As soon as you can, come in and we'll schedule the chemotherapy sessions."

"Fine, any time today. I'll stop by after work."

"I think you ought to take some time off, your job is—"

"No," I interrupted him. "I need it more than ever. I'll be fine, just …" I was so taken by surprise that I really hadn't assimilated the whole picture. It was overwhelming. "Thanks."

"Mr. Castle, you should have someone accompany you to the sessions. They are not uncomfortable in and of themselves, but they're harsh, and afterwards you won't be in a condition to—"

"I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm stronger than I look."

"I hope so, and I really hope you can conquer this disease. We'll be waiting for you."

"Goodbye," I said, and hung up.

Suddenly the weight of it all came crashing down over me and I began to cry like a baby, dropping to the floor. I lost track of the time I spent lying there, until I heard someone knocking on the door of my room.

"Castle, are you okay?"

"Yes," I said, hastily wiping away the tears. I ran and hid in the bathroom, tried get rid of the traces, but my red and irritated eyes betrayed me. Finally I threw open the door and bumped right into Kate. I tried to keep my head down the whole time to avoid questions, but she was smart and observant and clearly saw that something was wrong.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, it's just I forgot about something."

"Ah! Okay. Don't worry about it, I have to go now anyway. Thanks for everything, Castle. See you on Monday?"

"Yeah, of course, see you Monday."

I walked her to the door and closed it behind her, before slumping back down to the floor to resume my previous task, bawling like a baby. I was slow to accept this affliction, to accept that it was really happening to me. All I knew was that right now I didn't feel like fighting anything at all. I knew I had to; I needed to live, if only so that she was not out there alone on the dangerous streets. I was supposed to be by her side protecting her, caring for her, adoring her in silence—but nonetheless at her side, as always.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I could not believe what had happened. My intuition said that he was lying, but if he was, it was for my own good, or so I imagined. He could have boasted about it but he chose to deny it. That said a lot about him. Today he had demonstrated that he was a good man. I knew he was lying because I could still feel his lips on mine, and it was such a vivid, indelible memory. I also knew that after last night my doubts about Josh and me had grown even larger. I needed to talk to Lanie. Only she could understand me, and she'd give me the insight that I needed.

I went straight to her apartment. After all, no one was waiting for me at home. That was the advantage of living alone—or as good as.

"Hello," I said in greeting when Lanie, wrapped in a bed sheet, sleepily opened the door.

"My god, Kate! It's Sunday...no wait, I mean Saturday. Did you just roll out of bed? It's _so_ early."

I looked at my watch. It was 10 o'clock in the morning; we had been partying until the wee hours. I looked at her with my head cocked. "You really mean that?"

"Yep. After a wild night like that, I consider it _early_."

"Uh-huh. And may I come in?" I asked even as I entered.

"Well, uh ..."

"You're not alone?" I asked searching living room of her apartment with my eyes for a suspicious lump.

"Not alone, but come in anyhow," she allowed, seeing as I hadn't really waited for an invitation.

I could not believe my eyes. There was my partner Esposito with shirt off, his jeans not quite fastened, and a suspicious grin on his face, though when he recognized me, his face froze.

"Really?" I asked looking between the two of them.

"It's just a little sex. You should try it. It's fantastic for your health, your doctor recommends it," she declared, tossing Espo his shirt.

"Yeah—well—think I'll get out of here," Espo mumbled, vanishing like a shot, out the door mere seconds after I had entered.

"For real?" I laid into her. "You're gonna tell me about this. You bad friend, you—why didn't you tell me you've been hooking up with a member of my team?"

"How about this deal: if you want details, you tell me how it went last night with man-candy Castle."

"What?!" I responded, completely flabbergasted.

"Don't play dumb, girl, I saw you leave with him. Kate, you were practically eating his face, like he was—"

"Hold it. Stop."

"I don't know how you could possibly resist, and not go all in, the way you two were carrying on there."

"I told you to stop."

"Kate, if there's no consequences, a little physical joy is not such a bad thing, right? Or ... did he hurt you? Because if he did you wrong—"

"No, just the opposite, everything's fine. It's just ... I barely remember anything, and I'm ashamed of what happened."

"Hey! Kate ... let's just hope there're no consequences, and besides, anybody else in your place would've… Look, no one can cast any aspersions, we all know he's irresistible," she concluded, still smiling at me.

"The poor guy behaved very well," I said looking at the floor.

"Yes? And did you enjoy it?"

"Lanie," I scolded her, "We didn't do anything! Or, well, so he says. I barely remember anything."

"He told you that?" she responded, wide-eyed.

"Yeah. But I think he's lying."

"Lying?"

"It's just that...I remember something."

"Ah! And what do you remember?"

"I think I remember kissing him."

"Wow, Kate! And how is he at the kissing?" she questioned me with interest.

"Lanie, I just need to know if anything else happened ... I don't know if ..."

"Kate, don't make such a fuss. You're not a virgin, you have to know if something happened. We women notice these things. Girl, if something happened, you'd feel it here," she indicated her lower regions. "That doesn't happen just from kissing."

"Lanie, you're being kind of coarse," I laughed in spite of myself. "The truth is that my body tells me no. But I don't understand how—after the way we were kissing—" I said still trying to wrap my head around it, "how could nothing happen?"

"I think you know well enough how," she remarked placidly to me, as she sat down on the sofa, remarkably composed for someone who was still clad only in a sheet.

"Huh?"

"I think he knows _you,_ well enough to understand that this would've done you damage. Although you sometimes think he's an idiot, he's a good guy, and he did it for you. It would have been very easy for him to sleep with you, Kate, and he could've boasted about it for a long time. What's more, I think we've been very wrong about him."

"I think you're right. It's true, he behaved like a perfect gentleman."

"Ya think?" she said humoring me.

"Yes," I said laughing at her reaction, "I think he deserves more respect on my part. But now what matters to me is that I failed Josh."

"Come on, Kate! I'm not sure that man even remembers your address. He lives on a plane or in the clinic."

"Yes, I've let him down. And I think that even if it was because I was drunk, in the end it's because I'm not really sure I want to be with Josh—or at least I need some time to think."

"Well, I think you're right. So then, how _does_ Castle kiss?" she asked with a big smile.

I snatched up the cushion that was at hand and threw it at her head, unable to stop laughing. I was certain now, Josh was just a passing phase in my life. In contrast, Castle had always been by my side. I didn't remember him ever behaving badly toward me, he'd just been there, next to me, supporting me as we worked the case. Indeed, I owed him a lot, though I always treated him so badly. Besides, I wasn't going to tell Lanie—but that kiss was colossal … fantastic and unforgettable.

* * *

 **TO BE CONTINUED …**

 **Thank you all for reading, and sorry for the wait. If this weekend goes as smoothly as usual, next week there will be 4 chapters for you to enjoy. I hope for your comments as always, they continue to encourage us to keep writing.**

 **Have a good weekend and see you Monday XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Two chapters per week, folks. Next one on Thursday. I enjoyed the scene with Lanie, especially her dialog. Oh, I wanted to respond to the guest reviewer who was inquiring about chapter length. I have found that most of the chapters in this story come to 2000 to 2500 words—about 5 to 6 pages typed text. When I was writing my own fic, I tended toward a slightly longer chapter length, around 3500 to 4000 words…but I found that my readers seemed to enjoy frequent updates more than they enjoyed longer chapters, so I got in the habit of dividing the chapters in half and posting more often. In any case, the chapter length here is dictated by the author, Tamyalways, and I am translating the chapters the way she wrote them. Tamy updated the Spanish version of this story 3 or 4 times a week, but I don't think I can match that rate. I still have about 15 or 16 chapters yet to translate in first pass for literalness and accuracy, and I haven't edited for fluency, naturalness of expression, and grammar usage differences beyond chapter 8. I give each chapter a polishing edit right before posting, and then make further corrections after reading over the posted version (there are always some typos, no matter what I do!). If I find that I have enough margin, I may up the postings to three a week, but don't count on it. I have a real job and a family, and fanfic is something I do for fun in my spare time.—ebfiddler_


	7. Chapter 7

**Good morning, here we are with another chapter. But first of all I want to thank you all for following the story and for all your comments. I like knowing that you're interested in the story.**

 **First of all, I wanted to make clear that Kate is beginning to realize that Castle is not the kind of guy she thought he was, and it could be that she picks on him a bit (normally)—but she's not in love with him, nor does she have those kind of feelings for him right now. But also, she's beginning to recognize that maybe she doesn't love Josh anymore, and gradually her feelings for Castle evolve. This kind of thing comes about as they spend a lot of time together, as they care for one another and, as the title says, "I learned to love you"—this time they spend together is what will make Kate fall in love with him.**

 **Without further ado, I want to thank my beta/collaborator for this teamwork we're doing, everything is going great and that is thanks to her—let me make that very clear!**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

RICK'S POV

I spent the rest of the weekend shut up at home, except for things medical. I only went out to pick up the prescriptions that they gave me. The doctors had to test my body's reactions before starting the chemo, and they did tests to see if they could find a bone marrow match, and they started treatments for the anemia ... in a word, I went in there but never knew at what time I would come out, or in what state.

I felt tired, like my body was weighed down. I had an upset stomach, and frequent nausea. I was weak and very pale. I thought about staying at home from work, but I felt I should keep up my normal routine as much as possible, so that I could continue my life without anyone noticing anything. For that, returning to the precinct was paramount.

I drank my coffee before leaving home, but no sooner had I emptied the cup than I had to run to the bathroom to vomit. Nothing stayed in my stomach for long, and that was pretty disheartening. Because of that I was pretty cranky and irascible. I changed my stained clothing and went to the precinct to face the day. Although now there was a new and distinctly unpleasant aspect to my daily work routine—trying to hide my situation.

I wanted to see Kate, mainly to see what happened in the aftermath of our incident, if she had at all changed her behavior towards me. I prayed that if there was a change, it would be for the better, and that this "non-kiss" would not inevitably pull us apart. I wanted to have her for a friend at least. It was the best I could hope for now.

I walked into the precinct, rode up in the elevator, and when the doors opened, my eyes, my heart and my body—weak as it was—all sought her out. When I found her, only then could I continue on my way. Today I spotted her in the break room. I enjoyed this image for a few seconds ... the weekend had passed slowly in her absence, and we had only been apart for two days.

"Hey! Earth to Castle," someone said behind me, startling me and pulling me from my reverie.

"Yes?" I responded, a bit on edge.

"What are you looking at?" Ryan asked, following my gaze.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about getting some coffee," I lied.

"Yeah, sure," Ryan and Espo both said, nudging each other.

"Don't be childish," I said sternly.

"Mr. Castle," someone called behind me.

"Yes?" I turned quickly. It was the Captain.

"Would you please accompany me to my office?"

"Of course, sir. Let me leave my things at my desk and I'll be right there," I said, and she smiled at me sympathetically before going into her office.

"Having an affair with the boss?" the boys asked.

"With Kate? Oh how I wish," I sighed.

"No man, she's engaged, off limits. We're talking about ..." and they jerked their chins in the direction of Gates's office.

"In case you're not already aware of it, you guys are idiots."

"Lately you've been in her office more than at your desk, and you always seem to come out unscathed from those encounters ... You got friends in high places or something?"

"It's because she's finally recognized who here has the most brilliant mind, if you must know," I smiled cheekily at them as I walked toward the Captain's office. It reminded me of being sent to the principal's office when I was a kid—the feeling was the same—but back then it was usually more than justified.

I gave two raps with my knuckles and she nodded at me, indicating that I should enter and sit down. I was nervous; I always would be in that office.

"Castle, are you well?"

"Yes, sir, I'm fine," I said avoiding her gaze.

"If you need time off, or to take vacation or medical leave, I'll understand. And afterwards you can come back here, with no repercussions whatsoever."

"No sir. Thank you, but if you will allow me, I'd prefer to remain active. I don't want to stay home counting the ceiling tiles and feeling sorry for myself. I need the action, I need to be active."

"Look, Detective Castle ... I know what is going on, and I think that while you're undergoing the course of medication, you're going to need to rest and let someone take care of you. You should talk to one of your partners, or perhaps your mother."

"I need to work, sir," I said looking at her almost pleadingly, "and I beg you not to tell anyone. I really prefer to deal with this alone. If I need something, then I'll do something about it."

"I do not think that's the best decision, Detective, but I'll respect your choice. You will not leave the precinct, for the time being; you will stick to desk work and in-house activities. For now, I prefer that your partners carry out any field work."

"But sir—" I protested, interrupting her—which I had never dared to do, but she was clipping my wings, she was taking away my incentive to go to work every day.

"Your health is not at one hundred percent, and I will not let you endanger yourself. I also have to think about your partners. I can't have you out there compromised. You could not help them in case of danger, nor could they help you—so for now, you leave the field work to them, and you stay here in the precinct. You may work on any case, as long as you do your work here."

I understood, and comprehended her reasons, but anger was eating at my insides. I wanted to work, maintain the routine, but my body was not at full capacity—and that was dangerous for Kate. I must not put her in danger, I could not let her down. She could get killed as a result of this slump in my health.

"I disagree, but I accept your orders." Then I thought about the guys. They were going to pepper me with questions. "But what should I tell them?"

"I already told you, Richard, that I think your partners need to be aware of your medical situation. You say no. Well, how you deal with this is your first order of business."

"I ... I've thought about it a lot, Captain, and for now I prefer to keep it a secret."

"There will be symptoms and you know it," she said, looking both thoughtful and concerned. "What if you need their help?"

"In case something happens to me? I think if something happens they'll know what they have to do." I attempted a smile. "Thank you sir, truly. May I go back to work?"

"Of course, and remember that if you need something, all you have to do is ask."

"Very good, yes sir. I'll need to leave more or less on time, for the appointments—they're doing tests on me right now, and then for the days when I have chemotherapy—" I couldn't continue, it cost me so much just to acknowledge my situation out loud.

"You always have permission to disappear when you need to. Don't worry about me. I'm aware of your situation and in contact with your doctor. And if some day you're not feeling well, you may stay home. Don't worry about it."

"Thank you, sir." I got up and left the office.

I needed a good cup of coffee, so I directed my steps to the break room. I leaned my hands on the counter and let out all the air I had held in. I wished I could just lock myself away in some safe place and be alone. This was becoming a lot harder than I thought it would be. Maybe Captain Gates was right, and I ought to talk to someone ...

I heard someone clearing her throat, and turned to find myself face to face with Kate.

"Oh! Hello," I said swallowing.

"Are you okay?" she asked me, laying her hand on my forehead to check for fever.

"Yes, yes, fine," I answered pulling away from her touch. It made my hair stand on end and I didn't want her to notice anything.

"What have you done? A visit to Gates's office—who have you annoyed this time?"

"Oh! It's nothing, just a tiny little problem—I think she didn't much like my behavior towards the head of another department."

"That goes without saying," she grinned. "Cordiality and good manners aren't exactly your forte."

"I don't care what she thinks." I went along with her train of thought, but the truth was that the Captain was the only person I could confide in right now, and she was being so nice about my situation. I really had no right to complain about her.

"Rick," Kate said, grabbing a napkin from a pile on the table and coming over to help me, "your nose is bleeding."

"Ugh!" I huffed, raising my hand to my face. There was blood all over my fingers.

With the napkin she'd picked up, she wiped away all the blood, then gave me a clean, dry one for my hands. It was so tantalizing, having her touch my face so gently, but I had to collect myself.

The doctor hadn't warned me about nosebleeds. I'd have to tell him that afternoon when I went to get more tests. It was obvious I needed to study up about this disease, to have a better idea what to expect from now on.

"It's the heat, it always does this to me," I lied—more lies—trying to downplay the situation.

Espo suddenly appeared. "Guys, we have a case." Kate immediately sprung into action, while I remained totally paralyzed. Her touch had affected me in more ways than she'd intended.

"Hey! Are you deaf?" Kate harried me, handing me yet another a clean napkin. "Didn't you hear? We have a case."

"Oops! I forgot to tell you, I can't do field work right now."

"Why?"

"I'm … being punished," I explained quickly, turning down my lips as if I were upset about it.

"Punished?" she asked in a puzzled tone.

"Yes." I really was not sure what to say, so I turned back to my meeting with Gates, and piled more lies upon the previous fiction. "You know, a warning not to talk back to the bosses, and … also, there's that shooting evaluation that I missed."

"Don't tell me you failed it? _You?_ Richard Castle?"

"Yes, and there's no need for you to be ribbing me about it."

"No, I mean, really?" she laughed.

"Yeah, but it was fluke. When they re-examine me, I'll show them. I'm the best."

"We'll see about that," she said as she left the break room smiling.

It hurt my pride a little, but at least I saw her smile again. I knew these lies were going to haunt me, but it at least gave me some leeway, until I had permission from the doctor—and Gates—to return to the street. I was just hoping that it wouldn't go on for too long, because it would just kill me to be stuck here all day in the precinct.

I went to the bathroom, and there I wiped all the traces of blood off my face. I didn't want sympathy or pity from anyone. I wanted to maintain the same image I'd always had, of being strong and not dependent on anything or anybody.

I stayed in the bullpen preparing things for my partners' return with the details of the case. I wanted a case to immerse myself in, so that I could forget about this disease that was trying to kill me.

All of a sudden, my partners were back, and Kate immediately ordered the boys to get started on the various tasks necessary to open the investigation. As she approached, I got up, still observing her, ready to do whatever she asked.

"And what do I do, boss?"

"You ..." she spoke thoughtfully, "I don't know what to do with you. I have to talk to the family, so if you want to—"

"No thanks ... I'll wait outside."

"You always manage to wriggle out of that job, just because you don't like it. Well look, for once, it's your turn. You'll be the one to talk to them, so get up now and come with me—I see they're already here.

"Fine ... if you say so," I said swallowing. I always tried to escape this duty because it was my least favorite part of the job. I liked the exciting part—investigating, interrogating suspects, following up with witnesses, making arrests—but I didn't feel comfortable in front of the family. Kate, by contrast, was a real pro. I suppose that her empathy was due to the situation with her mother. She had lived through this herself.

I approached the family. I was so anxious that I was nearly speechless. But the presence of Kate, her support—she was always around to help me—gave me enough strength to face it.

"I am so sorry for your loss, ma'am, sir. I hope that we can help you to every extent possible, and that we'll soon put the perpetrator behind bars. Rest assured that I'll do my part to make that happen."

"My son—" sobbed the mother of the young man who had died that morning.

"Ma'am, I am deeply sorry for your loss. As a police officer, I feel that I've failed your son, and that's why I promise you, we will find the perpetrator. I will not permit him to harm anyone else," I reached out and gently took her hand.

"Thank you, son... thank you ..." she managed. I left that room with my hair standing on end, just about overcome with emotion, and felt the tears springing to my eyes. I really needed to contain myself.

"You've done very well," Kate whispered to me, and the brush of her lips on my ear made a million butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"You think so?" I asked. "Because I have a feeling that I just promised something that I'm not so sure I can fulfill."

"I'm sure you can—or rather, _we_ can," she said smiling at me with a mischievous twinkle of her eyes. I was enraptured.

"Thank you," I said, returning the wink.

"Seriously, I'm glad to know you can do it. So now I don't always have to be the one to do the job nobody wants."

"I'd rather not do it at all."

"Oh, poor baby, how I feel for you. I'd've thought so, too, before you handled it so well," she said laughing and shrugging her shoulders.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading on, I hope you continue to enjoy it. My beta and I are finding a good pace, so if the internet allows me to, there will be 4 chapters this week. See you Wednesday with the next chapter and as always I'll be here waiting for your messages.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _So how do you suppose Rick's decision to pretend nothing is wrong, is going to work out for him? Next chapter on Monday.—ebfiddler_


	8. Chapter 8

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author's note: Good morning, here we are again with a new chapter. I'm so glad you're liking the fic, and let me warn you that there's going to be angst. Again I want to thank Ladydkl for being my beta in this fic. In this one more than any other, it's as much your effort as mine.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

RICK'S POV

We had not achieved much in terms of the case. I was frustrated with being shut inside the building for so long. I needed to get out.

At least this time Kate had stayed with me, even though the boys had gone out, and her company was enough for me.

"Castle," she called.

"Yes?" I said, pulling out of my musings.

"The boys are eating while they're out. Do you want to order something while we continue working with these documents?"

"I'd rather go out. I'm fed up with being stuck in here."

"What do you mean?" she asked, scrunching up her nose, clearly not comprehending my urgency.

"Let's go _out_ to eat!" I practically shouted, handing her her jacket. I didn't want to stay inside another minute.

"I don't think—" she replied, glancing towards Captain Gates's office.

"Come on," I interrupted, pulling her along. "I can't stand to be stuck in here any longer." I was by now completely exasperated.

"Fine, but let's not go far, in case they need to find us."

"Perfect," I said happily.

We went to a nearby diner for burgers and shakes. We sat facing each other and our eyes met from time to time.

"This is really great."

"I can't believe you've never been here."

"Well, I don't usually go out for lunch."

"Yeah ... well I think you should," I opined between bites.

"I'm fine as I am."

I wasn't sure what to say to her. I didn't want to screw up the delicate balance between us. But I obviously wasn't thinking carefully enough about what I was saying, because the next moment I ended up in it up to my neck.

"Oh, by the way, when are you going to invite me to your wedding?"

She lowered her gaze, gulped down her mouthful of burger, and appeared to mull over her answer ... but her eyes told me I had touched a raw nerve.

"Well ... I don't know yet when it will be."

"I just think if you're thinking about getting married any time this year, you should do it soon," I blabbered, trying to repair my gaffe.

"What's with all this interest in my wedding? Are you looking forward to marrying me off?"

"I ... don't—I mean—I know that—" I didn't know how to exit this conversation with any grace; the situation was becoming very uncomfortable. "For you, I imagine ... well, I suppose—I mean, marriage is such an important thing—that's why I asked."

"Yes, it is. And so, it's important to think _very_ carefully before doing it, so that you don't regret your choice later." And with that, she shut down that line of conversation.

"Yes, of course. Forgive me," I said, seeing that subject was too complicated for a light conversation. I had to distract her with something frivolous, so that I didn't make her mad at me again. "I'm eager to get to the beach and enjoy some warm weather. When are you taking your vacation?"

"I don't know," she said dully, and turned to take another bite of her food.

"You never take it, do you?"

"My work is my life—why would I want a break from it ? I like it and I enjoy it. I don't need a vacation."

"Come on Kate, everyone needs a vacation. You must've never had a good one, or you wouldn't think so," I attempted to say jokingly.

"What do you know about what I need?" she asked sadly, and I knew I had again touched on a sensitive issue. "And why do you care if I've had a good vacation or a bad one?"

"Sorry, sometimes I forget about—" I knew she had lost her mother during winter vacation from college.

"There's no need for you to ... Well, I—"

"I know, Kate, it's hard ... but it's turned you into the amazing woman you are."

"Well, I would rather not have gone through it."

"I know it—but you know," I said taking her hand and looking at her earnestly, "no one wants things like that to happen, but when they do, we have to get whatever little good we can from them. You know, come out stronger from the trial."

"You speak as if—"

"Ah! No, of course not—I never had anything like that happen to me. I never even knew my father."

"I thought you were ... well, I thought he left you a lot of money."

"Everyone thinks I had a father because he left me some money. I don't even know who he is. He settled this legacy on me while he's still living, in order to save face."

Her furrowed brow made it clear that she didn't really understand what I meant, so I explained further.

"He has another family, and he doesn't want them to find out that I exist. He gave me the money to shut me up. I don't know him at all, never met him."

"I think he loves you."

I looked at her, puzzled.

"Yes, he does love you. It's just that he also loves his family and doesn't want to lose them; he's afraid. He gave you the money as a way of helping you. It really sucks because what you need most from a father is for him to be there when you need him, but ... at least he didn't want to leave you stranded."

"I don't know about that. I used to think that the money was some kind of test, so I didn't touch it for a long, long time. But then I realized that no matter what I did with it, he wasn't going to come back and be a part of my life. Oh well, that's life," I said lightly, trying to change the tenor of the conversation. It worked; I got her to smile back.

"I think we should go back. We've already talked enough about sad things today."

"You're right," I said getting up and offering her my hand to rise. After paying for the meal, I held the door for her, like a true gentleman, and we headed back to the precinct.

We rode up in the elevator, and I just couldn't stop staring at her—she was so beautiful, and I loved the way she was dressed today.

The elevator lurched to a stop—so it seemed to me—and I let her exit first, but when I was about to step out, everything seemed to start spinning.

"Rick ... Rick ..." I heard her voice calling me, but I wasn't able to move. I couldn't see straight, and darkness began clouding my vision.

I grabbed onto the bar on the wall and held on until my sight returned. I raised my head and caught Kate's worried gaze. I tried to set myself straight, but everything started to fade out again.

"Slowly, Castle, don't push it," she cautioned, preventing me from moving.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," I repeated. It was the only thing I could say, like a broken record.

She and another of the guys there took me to the break room where I lay prostrate on the couch until my body started responding to my will again. I insisted that I wanted to try to get up, but her hand on my arm made me give up the idea.

"Take it easy, Castle."

I sat up slowly and remained sitting. I avoided looking at her. I didn't want to appear weak in front of her. Maybe it really would be better to disappear for a while, but ... I just didn't want to separate myself from her.

"I'm fine."

"Castle, you're not fine. Earlier you had a nosebleed, and now this ... I'm going to call Captain Gates," she said, straightening up, ready to go to her office. But I managed to stop her.

"Really, it has passed. I'm fine now. It must have been low blood sugar, or heat stress—I don't know what, but anyway I'm fine now."

"You should go home and rest, or see a doctor."

"No—" I cut in a little sharply, before recollecting myself. I looked at her pleadingly. "I just need to sit for a bit. I'm fine," I repeated for the thousandth time.

"Alright, fine, but for the record—"

"No need to fuss, I'm fine, I promise," I said with a smile, but I read her eyes, and it was clear that she didn't believe me.

We spent all afternoon on the case, but it seemed like we'd reached a dead end. We couldn't find the key to solving it. Since the incident this afternoon on the elevator, Kate kept me close in her sights. At heart, I liked knowing that she cared—but not wanting to worry my partners was also one of the reasons why I was keeping silent about my illness.

As the day wore to its end, I quietly slipped away from the precinct and headed to the hospital. I was weary. I didn't like lying to everyone, but it was for the best.

When I arrived at the hospital I saw Kate's doctor fiancé in the distance, and I quickened my steps so that he wouldn't notice me—though I doubted that he would recognize me. We had only met once or twice at the precinct party, and we were both rather "cheerful" at the time. But just in case, I hurried so he wouldn't see me.

"Hello, Rick, how are you feeling today?" the nurse asked when I arrived at Oncology. This nurse, who by now was my "regular attendant," was such a sweetheart to me. I had a lot to thank her for, because she was so good at taking care of my needs and handling me at my worst.

"Well, today was _not_ a good day."

"What happened?"

"A dizzy spell."

"That's par for the course, but you do have to be careful. You know what you have to do if you want to make it go away, or at least less dangerous."

"I'm not going to stay at home, if that's what you mean."

"Well, be that way. But you shouldn't be working so hard."

"Hard? At the precinct, they're only letting me push papers, and barely anything else. It would be impossible to work any less hard."

* * *

KATE'S POV

I arrived home and as soon as I entered the apartment, the _aloneness_ settled down on me. Josh was supposed to be there already, but the apartment was locked and all the lights were off. I changed clothes and was making something to eat when I heard the front door open, and Josh came in. He approached me from behind, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back toward him.

"How was your day, honey?" he said, giving me a kiss on the neck.

"Fine," I said dryly.

"I missed you a lot."

I couldn't say the same. It had been a while since I'd missed him, and—even more disturbing—I had become accustomed to having him _not_ around.

"Josh, I—" I tried to tell him, but as usual, he wasn't listening.

"Hey, today I saw your partner."

"My partner?"

"Yeah, the womanizer."

"Castle?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"At the hospital. I saw him just now, right before coming here."

"Well, he fainted in the precinct today. He must have gone there to get checked out."

"I don't know, but I don't think so—he was in Oncology. Maybe he was going to visit someone or—" I interrupted him this time.

"I'm sure he was going to visit someone."

"Could be," he said kissing my neck again, but I pushed him away. I wasn't entirely sure, but I knew Castle wasn't there to look in on somebody about a case.

"Oh, by the way, Kate, in a few days I have to go away to—"

"Josh—" I complained.

"I'm sorry, but I'm sure I told you about it before—"

"I can't go on this way. I've had enough. I started this with you because we were good together—and because you didn't make me feel so _alone_. But lately—"

"Kate, I'm sorry. Look, I won't go, okay? I'll stay here with you."

"It's not that. Now you'll stay, but not too far down the road, you'll go again … and I just don't know ... I don't think I can do this—"

"Give me a chance. I promise I'll spend more time with you, alright? You can't just throw it all away—at least, give _us_ a chance."

I doubted him. I felt like throwing it all to hell, but what if I was wrong? We had been together for too long for me not to give us a chance. If he changed, if he spent more than just a few hours at home with me, then maybe—just maybe—I could fall back in love with him.

"Okay, but if—" and as usual he did not let me finish.

"Everything is going to be great, I promise," he said, kissing me softly.

We sat down to dinner, but I could not stop thinking about what Josh had said about Castle. I was worried. Castle couldn't really be ill, could he? There had to be another explanation. Josh spent the rest of the night trying to move forward, trying to recover what was good about our relationship, but it was no good … I couldn't really focus on him for even a single minute. Right now I only had one thing and one person on my mind—Castle. But it wasn't because I cared more about him than my relationship, it was just that … Clearly, I was starting to go mad.

 **TO BE CONTINUED …**

* * *

 **Thanks for reading this far. I'll see you on Friday with a new chapter. Things will progress, gradually. We'll see if Kate lets this go, or if curiosity and worry get the better of her.**

 **As always, I'm hoping for your comments :)**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator note: Next chapter on Thursday. You'll eventually find out more about Castle's father, but I'll just mention that in this AU he is not Jackson Hunt. And dear Guest reviewer, don't worry, I took it as a compliment that you were wishing for longer chapters, and I believe Tamy did, too! And I apologize if I sounded too defensive in my note. Thanks to all for your interest in this story.—ebfiddler_


	9. Chapter 9

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, I'm happy to see that the effort Ladydkl and I are making is bearing fruit. And I'm happy, very happy that you are liking the story. Thank you for your expressions of support and I truly hope you continue to enjoy it. We are progressing well in it and I'm happy because it seems to be working.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

RICK'S POV

The day started in the worst possible way. I could barely stand upright, and when I managed to get to the bathroom, it was all I could do to park my battered body on the bathroom floor, draped over the toilet bowl. I was in no condition to get up off the floor, so I lay there on a towel, barely able to move at all. Eventually I crawled over to the phone on my nightstand and picked it up. That effort cost so much that I had to rest a while, gasping for breath, before I could even use the phone in my hand. That chemo session was just terrible for my body. I was dizzy and vomiting and didn't even have the strength to comport myself like a human being. My body felt beaten and abused, like some poor animal's. When I had recovered my breath, I called the precinct. I was still having some trouble breathing.

"Yes?"

"Castle here, please connect me with Gates."

"Ah! Hello. Here you go," the switchboard operator told me.

I heard the waiting signal, and in a minute captain's voice came through the speaker.

"Sir, it's Castle. I want to apologize, but I think I need to take the day off. Yesterday I had the first chemo session, and I feel terrible."

"Of course, Detective," she said, her voice full of concern. "Do you need anything at all?"

"No sir, right now I'm just tired," I answered, lying.

"I understand. Take whatever time you need."

"Thank you, sir," I replied. I dropped back onto the cold floor. The towel was soaked from one of my sudden bouts of vomiting. Every round left me feeling worse.

It was going to be a very long day. The disease was certainly making itself obvious. I knew I was sick, of course, but at least before the illness itself hadn't required much effort from me. This chemotherapy, on the other hand, was just killing me. It was horrible. I felt torn apart, destroyed inside and outside. I hoped that at least it would serve its purpose, and be worth the suffering.

Maybe for another chance to live—yes, that would be worth it—to live without this damn disease. Now that I had opened my eyes, and finally knew what I wanted, it was just not fair that my time was up. I didn't like injustice, and never had—so I would fight to stay alive. The world had not yet seen what Richard Castle had to give. And I hadn't yet managed to get the girl—the girl of my dreams. In the movie of my life, she had the starring role.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I awoke to the smell of coffee. I had no desire to get up, but there was no choice. I found Josh ensconced in the kitchen. I could not believe what I was seeing. I had never seen him behave with such domesticity.

"Good morning, honey," he said, kissing me.

"You're cooking?" I asked with an incredulous smile.

"I promised you I would give everything necessary to make this work."

"I know it. You're _cooking_?"

"I know what I stand to lose, and I don't want to. Now, come, have something to eat," he said putting breakfast in front of me on the table, which was set and arranged in every respect.

We ate quietly, almost without speaking. I was making a big effort, but it could never be like it used to be. That love had already disappeared, and I really doubted that it would just somehow reappear one day. He had earned my regard, but my heart just didn't seem to understand that, and refused to respond.

When I got to the precinct the boys were already at work, but there was no sign of Castle.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey, Boss."

"Where's Castle?" Ryan asked. "We thought he was coming in with you."

"He's asked for a day off," Captain Gates informed us from her office.

"Really?" Espo said, giving me a look. "Must be he hooked up with some lady-friend who won't let him leave the bed," he teased.

But for me, the knowledge that he was not going to come in made me worry even more. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wanted to focus on the case, but no matter what, my thoughts wandered elsewhere.

We worked diligently through the most part of the morning, but didn't get a break in the case. We needed my partner's sixth sense to crack this kind of case. I was thinking of him without pause, so I decided I might as well do some investigations of my own, and follow up on what Josh had revealed.

I left the boys in the bullpen and took the elevator down to see my friend the medical examiner. When I arrived, she was focused on a body. I stared at her as she worked— gesturing, talking, the way she carried on an actual conversation with the dead body. It made me laugh out loud. That startled her and she gave a little shriek.

"Kate! You scared me."

"God, you should have seen yourself."

"Very funny. So what are you doing here? Did you come to have lunch with me?" she speculated, approaching me.

"Well, no. Actually, I need to ask you a question as a medical doctor."

"Really? I'm a little rusty, most of my patients are dead, remember? But I seem to recollect, you have your own doctor at home, and he's much better looking than I am—or have you changed your orientation?"

"Don't be silly," I said, throwing a towel at her face. "Well ... are you gonna help me or not?"

"Of course. Hit me with it."

"Okay, listen, I hope I'm wrong, but I think an 'acquaintance' of mine has an illness and—"

"Kate, is Josh alright?"

"It's not him," I replied wrinkling my nose.

"So then—"

"Just ... can you help me without asking who it is?"

"Well, okay, but only because we're such good friends. Now shoot ... what are the symptoms?"

"I don't know, he's been acting weird ..." I said, unsure where to begin.

"Girl, _you've_ been acting weird ... and it's not because you're sick," she said with a perfectly straight face, ribbing me. "Weirdness is not a symptom of disease."

"Okay, well, look. He fainted, and had a nose bleed," I said, recalling the incidents. "He's been acting tired, and weak, I don't know ..."

"Kate, that could be anything."

"Josh saw him in the hospital a few days ago, in the Oncology Department. Maybe it's because—"

"Kate, maybe so, but I can't say that these symptoms _have_ to be some type of cancer. There are lots of things with symptoms like that. You look worried Kate."

"I don't want to worry ... but I can't help brooding about it."

"Kate, who is it?"

"I can't tell you that. But I need to know for sure, dispel the doubts."

"Then ask him. That's the best way."

"You're right, and I won't wait any longer. Thanks, Lanie," I said kissing her cheek, and I ran off to find him. I needed to see him and ask him about it, to remove the doubts that constricted my heart.

In spite of everything, I had a great fondness for him—and even if I didn't, no one should face trouble all alone. He needed more than ever for me to have his back.

I walked to his apartment. It was lunch hour anyway, and I didn't want to wait until after work. Also, if Josh was right, maybe he was in the hospital, and much as I didn't want to see him there, I couldn't get rid of the doubts that ate at me.

I arrived at his apartment. It was only a few days ago that I had last been there, and the truth is that from that day everything had changed between us. Gradually I was realizing that he put up quite a façade, wore his image of a skirt-chasing jackass like a mask. I knew he was at heart a good guy. It was just that he had no luck, maybe life made him act the way he did. He really was someone very special, if you could see him without that mask, that armor he wore like an icy shell, that made him appear so unfeeling and flippant.

I climbed the stairs. My suspicions had made me pretty agitated. I needed answers and I expected him to give them to me. I raised my fist and knocked on the door, afraid of what I would find.

* * *

RICK'S POV

God! I couldn't believe my bad luck—I'd spent most of the day puking my guts out, and now someone was knocking on the door! I got up as best I could from the sofa where I had collapsed a few hours before, surrounded by towels that by now had fulfilled their purpose. They were filthy and smelled foul. I was extremely dizzy, my head hurt from the effort, and everything seemed to sway as I made my way to the door. I staggered to it and threw it open without even checking who was out there. I should have done so, because when I saw who was responsible for the knocking ... the look on my face was like a child who discovers that Santa is really his parents. I'm not sure if I was surprised, or frightened at being caught by my partner in such a state, or both of them at once.

"Hi ... Kate. What...are you doing here?" I said running my hand through my disheveled hair, trying to comb it into place. Nothing in life could change my disposition to flirt with her, not even all this damn vomiting that was just about killing me today.

"Hey! I—" I could tell she wanted to say something, but was afraid to ask. I guess the view I presented was not entirely pleasant. I was wearing only a wrinkled T-shirt covered with stains, and athletic shorts—altogether a pretty lamentable picture.

"Let me guess—you missed me already?" I said with a lift of the eyebrows, reverting to my usual innuendo and banter, but she didn't react. "Come in," I said stepping aside.

She went into the dining room and stood there surveying the scene. I was embarrassed by how bad the apartment looked, but the truth is that I hadn't had the stamina to carry the towels to the bathroom nor to pick up the clothes I had taken off the day before.

"So, what brings you here?" I asked, as I cleared the couch of debris, so that she had room to sit down.

"I—" She stopped to remove a wet towel that I'd been using to cool my face, before sitting down. "I, uh, just wanted to know how you were," she explained, handing it to me.

"Me? Fine. Why?" I said, grabbing the towel and chucking it onto the table where a whole pile of used towels had collected.

"Well, you don't look fine. And—well, you missed work today, and yesterday—"

"Oh! Yes. Well. I'm fine. Apparently I'm coming down with the flu—can you believe it? You know how I never get ill, and along comes the flu and it leaves me looking like this," I smiled, lying to her all the while.

"Really?" she asked, looking into my eyes.

I had sat down on the end table, as I was incapable of holding myself upright a second longer without collapsing. I couldn't maintain my balance on account of the dizzy spells, and if I tried to stand up, I'd probably fall on her—and even though falling on her was in fact one of my dearest desires, that was _not_ the way I wanted to do it—looking like _this_ , smelling sour and covered with vomit stains like some drunkard.

"Do I look so bad then?" I said with a smirk. "Just give me a chance to take a shower and you'll see ... I'll be back to looking like the irresistible Don Juan you adore so much."

"Yeah, right, in your dreams," she joked half-heartedly. Her demeanor was still serious. "Well, okay, I guess I'll go now."

"It's lunchtime. You've definitely not eaten anything yet, so don't leave until you've had something."

"I don't have—"

"Hey! Not a word of protest," I exclaimed, pulling myself up off the end table and grabbing the phone. "What would you like to order?"

"Don't you like to cook?"

'Oh! I love cooking, it's just not a good time to do it."

"Obviously," she laughed.

"Hey, you'll see—name the day and I'll invite you for a proper meal, and you'll find out who prepares the best cuisine in the world."

"You wish," she said making the two of us laugh.

"Well, I promise, I'll cook for you someday," I said very sincerely, looking deeply into her eyes. She squirmed uncomfortably.

I got up, and called for delivery. I was happy that she had worried enough about me to come see me. The truth is that her arrival had vastly improved my day, and made me feel much better, and more confident again.

This woman was extraordinary, and I was not mistaken about that, never mind how badly we had behaved to one another before. I always thought she was a great woman, and now I was even more sure of it. I couldn't stop watching her from the corner of my eye. She was so beautiful, and I felt so privileged to be allowed to work with her. That was something that gave me satisfaction in life. Although ... dreaming is free ... and if there could be something more between us ...

 **TO BE CONTINUED …**

* * *

 **Tomorrow, a new chapter, I'm not going to make you wait, haha.** _[translator: Sorry, friends, but I_ am _going to make you wait. I'll have it up by Monday, perhaps Sunday if I can get enough ahead.]_ **Thank you all for following the story so far and I hope that you continue down this bumpy road with me. As always I hope for your comments.**

 **I wish you all a good weekend XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	10. Chapter 10

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author's note: Good morning, here we have a chapter that's very special and important to the story. I hope you like it. Thank you all for your comments.**

 **My beta and I have found a good pace for working on the story, and it's certainly going well. I just hope you enjoy it and appreciate the work we've put into it, we have done it with all our love. Thanks, Ladydkl, for giving all your free time to this story!**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

KATE'S POV

I hadn't dared to ask. I had spent a good long time with him, and still I didn't dare ask. I was afraid that my suspicions were correct. I would've preferred to believe his fabrication, despite my doubts. Castle had returned to the precinct, and was working with me on cases again. He said that he felt better and that we needed his help, but after every meal he had to run to the bathroom, and from the noise you could hear through the door, he threw up everything.

I watched him closely, and he was acting strange. He continued making his jokes, with his natural charm, and that brashness that drove me nuts—but he was pale, he became dizzy if he stood up quickly, and he visited the bathroom more frequently than men usually do.

And we couldn't get a break in our latest case, even _with_ his sixth sense. This case just had us tied up in knots. It was taking too long. Usually after a day or two, we had already questioned at least two or three suspects, but this time the day was drawing to a close, and we had no leads.

"Hey guys, I think I'm going to head out. I don't want to give the flu any excuse to hang around longer," Castle announced, after repeated glances at the clock. "See you tomorrow."

I watched him walk out the door, and made a snap decision to follow him to find out for myself what was up with him. I needed to resolve the doubts that still haunted me. A presentiment gripped me and propelled me to my feet.

"Guys, this just isn't our day. We're not getting anywhere, so see you tomorrow," I told Ryan and Espo, and grabbed my jacket and darted out.

When I reached the parking garage he was already gone. There was no sign of him or his car.

"Oh hell! He's thrown me off the scent," I cursed aloud.

I didn't know which way he had gone, but instinct told me to head to the hospital, that I was sure to find him there. I climbed into my car and sped off, hoping to get there as soon he did, or shortly after.

When I reached the area of the parking garage designated for oncology patients, I saw his car parked there. I was distressed; this seemed to confirm my worst fears. The only thing I didn't know yet was what kind of cancer my partner was facing. I wandered around the building without knowing exactly where to go, and I didn't see him. I returned to the entrance, and spotted him speaking with a nurse. Then he walked down the main corridor. I followed him stealthily, like I was tailing a suspect, and hid behind the corner when he stopped to knock on a door.

I got as close as I could without being seen, in order to hear what they were saying inside the room. I knew it was wrong to overhear a private conversation, but it was beyond me to behave nobly in this regard. I needed to know what was going on.

"...And here's the prettiest nurse in the world," Castle was saying with his usual charm.

"Hey, Rick! You're late today," said a female voice.

"Well, all good things are worth waiting for," he responded.

"How are you feeling?"

"God! How I hate that question."

"Just you wait. By the time your course of chemo is complete, you're _really_ going to get sick of hearing it. And so—?"

"Okay, I had my worst day by far."

"Par for the course, Rick. You received your first dose of chemo earlier this week. Imagine, I thought you weren't going to come. Most people can barely move."

"You should know that I always keep my word. I told you I'd see you today at the same time, and here I am."

"And are you ready, then?" the woman asked.

"No. I want to stop chemotherapy."

"Come on, you can't be serious!" said her shocked voice.

After that I couldn't listen any more. I felt like entering the room to shake some sense into him, but I didn't want to reveal that I'd been listening in. So that left me standing in the corridor, leaning against the door, after hearing that my partner—my friend, the man who had given me the best kiss of my life—or at least, as best as I could recall—had cancer and was undergoing treatment. Or rather, had started chemotherapy, but now seemed to have decided to give up on it.

It was in that moment that I understood that if he didn't continue the course of treatment, he was likely to die ... No, Castle, no, please! He couldn't _die_ ... I needed him! Well, I ... didn't _personally_ need him—but at work, at the precinct, yes, I certainly did. He pulled my pigtails, he drove me to distraction, he made me absolutely crazy—but he also made me laugh, he helped me see life from another point of view, and this allowed me to continue working with a will, and helped me enjoy my job.

The Captain, I thought suddenly. _This_ was the reason he was constantly being called into her office—she had to know. _This_ was why she hadn't been rebuking him the way she did to me or the boys. She knew all about it. I should ask her ... but no, it was still better to continue my investigation. All I needed to know now was what kind of cancer he faced, and convince him to continue with his therapy.

I sank down in the nearest chair. Without even realizing it, I had started to cry. I couldn't imagine how it could be that he was trying to deal with this alone. How long had this been going on?

"Are you alright, miss?" said someone beside me. I looked up and saw a woman searching my face with concern.

"Yes ... I—I have to go," I managed to say between sobs. I got up and went out to my car. There I sat and cried. You hear about cases like this, you know about them, but you never imagine it could happen to someone so close to you—someone so full of life and wit and humor which (though I'd never admit it) I actually loved because it cheered up my life. He was a handsome guy, friendly—again, that kiss came to mind—a man who kissed like he did, should not just disappear from the face of the earth. He would make some woman very, very happy. _Some_ _woman,_ not me of course—because I was _engaged_ , I thought defensively.

Everything had changed between us lately. I had seen a side to him that I liked. That night marked a "Before" and an "After" in our lives, and we almost—arrgh! Did he already _know_ on that day? Was that why he didn't—? Was that what made him change? So many questions without answers. I wanted to be there to give him some support, to do something to help—although what could anyone do to help in such a case? Just support, understanding, perhaps a bit of TLC? I didn't know how he'd take if I behaved differently towards him than before. Maybe he'd be offended.

Minutes passed and I lost track of time sitting in the car—until I noticed Castle approaching the parked cars. I recognized his silhouette perfectly well. He looked spent and exhausted. In that instant, something sprung inside me and made me come out of hiding. I approached him as he leaned against his car resting.

Thank God I'd never had to live through something like this, but I imagined how hard it must be, how it must kill the spirit and sap whatever will you had to fight against it. I walked up behind him and sighed, "Oh, Castle."

He fixed his blue-eyed gaze on me, and I couldn't say another word.

* * *

RICK'S POV

I was tired, completely exhausted, and felt like absolute crap. The doctor and nurse had tried to talk me into staying in the hospital as an inpatient in order to get through the first few days of chemo; they said it was best that way. But I just couldn't do that. It would just kill me to stay there; I couldn't stand it. As long as my body had the power to hold me upright nothing was going to keep me chained to a hospital bed.

I got to the parking lot. I had no strength left to drive, but I didn't feel like calling a taxi, either. I was just so tired that I leaned against the car and closed my eyes trying to get some oxygen into my lungs—which felt like they'd shrunk, the way they failed to inhale enough air. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing, and I didn't hear her approach until she spoke.

"Castle."

When I turned and saw her, it was like I was turned to stone. I tried to stand as upright as I could manage, and I only hoped the dimness of the parking garage would obscure my face, which was permanently pale. I needed to conceal my condition.

"Oh! Hello, Kate," I said, tripping over my words.

"I…"

"What brings you here?"

"I ... needed to know."

"To know?" I repeated, unwilling to understand what she meant. "Are you alright?"

"Rick ... I ... I know."

"You know?"

"I'm sorry I followed you, but ... I needed to know." She burst into tears.

I took a step forward, then another, til I reached her side, and then I pulled her into my arms. It pained me greatly to see her so distressed.

"Rick, why didn't you tell me? Why?"

I stood stock still. I understood what she meant—she had found out. What else could I expect from the world's greatest detective? I held her tightly in my arms and noticed how she was shaking in between her sobs.

"Kate, come on, everything's fine," I said, knowing well what a cruel lie that was. But what else could I say?

"God! I'm sorry," she said pulling away from me. "You're the one who's ... and here I am crying like a fool."

"Hey, it's nothing. Thanks for worrying about me," I said smiling. "I'm fine, really, I didn't want any of you to find out, I didn't want to cause anyone any distress."

"Rick, that's not right—"

"I know," I said cutting her off, "but, really, I'm fine, and besides ... it's all over."

"What? Was that your last session of chemotherapy?" she asked, eyes widening.

"No, it's just that I've decided not to get treated, if they have to just about kill me to treat me. I don't intend to waste what's left of my life lying in a hospital bed or sprawled on a bathroom floor."

"We will discuss this later. You're strong—and you're not going to be fighting alone."

"Kate, you don't understand," I told her, placing a finger under her chin, making her meet my eyes. "If I'm alone it's because I _want_ to be. I could call my mother and she'd be here in five minutes. But I want to do it on my own. I know I can."

"You _can_ do it, but you don't have to," she said looking at me with luminous eyes. "Let me help, it's what partners are for."

"Partners," I smiled, adding, "You're right." I couldn't deny her anything she asked of me. At least this way we'd spend more time together—and that was all that mattered to me, being with her.

"Well, then, let me take care of you. I'll take you home, you look tired."

"There's no need, I brought the car—"

"No, let's go. You can come get it another day. Today I'm taking you home—and that's your boss ordering you, by the way."

"At your service," I said giving a military salute, as we were taught to do in the academy when addressing a superior officer.

We arrived quickly, as we weren't far. I was happy she was with me. We sat down facing one another. Kate was trying not to stare at me; it was as if something were making her uncomfortable. I knew her well, and knew how to interpret the look in her eyes, because I had made it my occupation to discover each day a new expression in those beautiful eyes.

"Come on, Kate, let it out," I prompted, when I figured out that she didn't dare to speak.

She looked at me and opened and closed her mouth a couple of times trying to say it, at the point of asking the question. That was what her expression told me. Her mind was prioritizing a list of questions that she was going to fire off at me. She didn't want to repeat herself, and she was preparing herself to accept the answers.

"The other night, when _that_ happened—when we..." She seemed uneasy, and I didn't know whether to attribute that to nervousness or fear. "Did you already know?" she asked with downcast eyes. She seemed self-conscious. "Is that why nothing happened?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to keep calm. If I fell apart, this could end badly—or perhaps very well—but I had to answer with complete honesty. I didn't want to lie to her anymore.

"They'd only told me that there was something strange about my tests, something bad. I had gone there to repeat the tests, and I wasn't sure of anything, but ... I just had a feeling that it might be."

"Good God, Rick! How could you—?"

"I just ignored it—I didn't want it to be real! You, the boys, Lanie—everything that happened that night helped me forget a little."

"So … that kiss—" That was what was gnawing at her vitals ... the Kiss. That was the doubt in her mind.

"Kate, I wanted it to happen. Let's not be obtuse. I don't deny it. Any sane man would want to be with you." I gazed at her unblinkingly, and saw how she blushed and averted her eyes. "But nothing happened—not because of all this shit, but because I had a conversation with a friend who helped me understand the harm I could do you if something happened." I studiously avoided saying the name of our mutual friend.

"Lanie," she deduced immediately, and sighed. "But did anything really happen?"

"Yes," I answered solemnly. "I didn't want to lie to you, or make you feel bad about it, but there were some kisses. Nothing else."

"I knew it!" she exclaimed, making me open my eyes. I was beginning to feel dizzy again. This conversation was complicated, and it was using up my last reserves. But she needed to know …

"Do you remember?"

"Not all of it, just some."

"I'm just that unforgettable," I claimed. That got her to smile.

I couldn't hang on any longer—my eyes shuttered, my spine folded, and down I went. I don't remember hitting the floor—and it turned out, I didn't. She caught me. When I came to, Kate had taken off my shoes, placed my head on a pillow, and covered me with a blanket.

My sense of time disappeared. I only remember a warm cup at my lips, and the taste of homemade broth. The liquid element ran through my tired body and took effect. I found enough strength to open my eyes.

"Are you still here, or is this a dream?"

"Come on, you two-bit Don Juan, sit up. You have to eat something," said a lovely voice, combined with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen on my partner since I've known her.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **See you on Monday with a new chapter. I hope you like where is the story is going. From now on there will be much more of the two of them together. Thank you all for reading this far and I hope as always for your comments.**

 **Have a good weekend XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Translator: Next chapter either Wednesday or Thursday. Sorry, folks, I tried to get this chapter ready yesterday, but there just wasn't enough time. (I work on weekends.) I'm going to try to increase the pace to three a week. Gotta admit, I'm a little frustrated with Rick's attitude in this chapter—it seems like he's throwing in the towel too easily with the chemo. Where's his fight? I'm chalking it up to stress. But with more than 40 chapters left to the story, I can tell you definitively, that the fight isn't over yet. Hope you continue to read, and thanks in advance for any feedback, advice, and comments that you care to leave. I translate all your comments for the author to read, and respond personally to all signed reviews._


	11. Chapter 11

**Good morning everyone. I'm so happy that you are enjoying this story so much. I hope I don't disappoint you. I just want to warn you that I'm no expert on leukemia or cancer, just the research I have done on the internet. Please remember this is fiction, and if I make some errors, it is not my intention. Thanks to Ladydkl for her help on this subject because if it were up to me alone it would have been a disaster!**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator note: How about it? I did it! I managed to get this chapter up on Wednesday, a day early! (Well, okay…it's nearly midnight, but in my timezone it's still technically Wednesday, so it counts, right?)_

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

RICK'S POV

It had been some time since Kate found out about my illness. She didn't leave me for a moment. She asked permission from Gates, and when she explained why, the Captain gave her carte blanche. She behaved like a real partner and a true friend. But it made me aggravated beyond belief that although she was close to me all day long, I had to part from her every night so that she could sleep with another man. I wanted her to be mine alone.

Today I had a conference with the doctor. My decision was giving much occasion for talk, and Kate wanted to accompany me to get a word in and persuade me to change my mind, even if it was ultimately my decision. But it was going to be complicated, because she was also supposed to go to court to testify about a case we had previously investigated. She really wanted to go, I could see it in her eyes—so I took advantage of her absence, and when she went to fulfill her duty in court, I went to the doctor.

I arrived at the hospital feeling strong. Ever since she came to help me, I felt stronger, eager and more confident that I could withstand another course of chemotherapy. When I arrived I saw the nurse I already knew—the one who had already become a friend, a person with whom I could speak freely and expose my thoughts and misgivings.

"Hey Rick, how are you?"

"Here we go again," I smiled at her. "I forbid you ask me how I am, got it?"

"No need to ask. You look very happy," she said returning the smile.

"Yes. But I think today will be the last time we meet. I'm not going to continue the treatment." I averted my eyes.

"Rick, I—" She came to a standstill at my assertion. "Do you know what you're saying?"

"Pretty much. That's why I came. I want to talk to the doctor about this."

"I think you need to deal with this in some other way. Just because you're losing some hair—which will grow back over time anyway—or you had a bad week with some uncomfortable symptoms—that shouldn't pose too much of an effort for you. Put it in the balance and weigh it against the life that awaits you later after a successful treatment."

"Can you imagine this big fat head shaved bald? God! I don't want to think about it," I said half-jokingly.

"You'd be handsome anyway," she said, and winked.

"And don't you doubt it," I teased.

"Alright, I'll pass along your request for a consultation. Let me hook you up to the drip, and then I'll speak to Dr. Carter."

I watched she hooked me up with all the usual tubes, needles, tapes, and stickers, and made a note in my chart. I was thinking that perhaps I could put up with one more round of treatment, now that Kate was with me. She would spoil me with caring. At that moment the doctor entered the room.

"How's Rick doing?" he asked the nurse.

"Physically like crap, but mentally determined," I answered before she could.

"That's expected. Okay, let's get the medication started."

"Well, Doctor, I think I've made the decision not to continue treatment. When can I finish with all this?"

"Look, Rick, I heard about your conversation with the RN, but I think you're wrong. You shouldn't give up."

"And spend the rest of my life feeling like shit? Not being able to take a single step without feeling dizzy? Not being able to eat anything without vomiting? And watching all the hair fall out of my head? No thanks."

"Rick, we ought to continue the treatment, intensify it even."

"No—no—no—" I roundly refused, standing up suddenly from the treatment chair, with the tubes and needles still hanging off me.

"Rick, it's the best way. Well, or a bone marrow transplant, you know that—but unless we find a compatible donor, we must continue with this. We can beat it. Or at least we can slow down how fast it progresses."

"Okay, I'll accept what you're doing to me today, but once I leave here, you're not going to see me again. Dead or alive."

"All the more reason to admit you for a few days—just a few days. We can help you cope better with the side effects of chemotherapy. You'll find that with our help it's really not so terrible."

"Why did this happen to me?" I said lowering my gaze. "Was it something I did wrong?"

"I don't know the answer to that question, Rick. It just happens to whoever it happens to. But I know that you're strong, and if anyone can get the better of this, it's you." He wrote down something in my chart, and after looking at the latest test results, he asked me, "Rick, have you felt any other symptoms—"

"Other? You mean there's more? So losing my hair is trivial? Not being able to keep any food down? Not being able to take a single step without wobbling like I'm on the Titanic? When my nose drips blood unbidden, like a leaky faucet? None of it is under my control."

"Fine, we'll do some tests to see how it's affecting your body. You have to be strong because—"

"I know the chemo attacks my body, but it also attacks this disease that's crushing me—but that doesn't really make me feel any better, and it sure doesn't alleviate the side effects. That's why I'm telling you that today is it. I'm done with these treatments."

"I'll come back in a few hours, and let's talk about this. Don't be discouraged, Rick ... don't. See you then." He put a hand on my shoulder in farewell.

"See you, Doc," I said leaning back in the recliner where I usually received the chemo treatments.

I watched the liquid as it slowly entered my body through the tubes connected to me—this liquid that was supposed to kill the damn cancer—and it gave me time to think about many things.

With Kate I could withstand anything. She was my strength now. The problem was that afterwards she would disappear from my life. Well, okay, she'd still be my partner at work ... but nothing more. And I wanted _more_ , oh so much more. That is, assuming I could beat those frigging malignant cells that rendered my body so incapable.

The nurse saw me with my eyes closed in thought and questioned me.

"Hey, Rick, penny for your thoughts? What's on your mind?" she said, perpetually fiddling with all the tubes and wires and stuff. I never knew anymore what was going in and what was going out of my body.

"About the twists and turns of life ... how nothing makes any sense ..."

"Don't give up. You're young, brave, handsome. Don't let a few nasty symptoms get you down. Don't let the leukemia beat you. You have to continue with the treatment, there's—"

"The doctor says I should be admitted to the hospital so that you all can help me with the side effects of the treatment, but I don't know if I can stand being cooped up," I digressed. "There's still so much I want to do ... things in life that I want to experience. Loads and loads of things, so many—and now? Nothing."

"Rick, you can still do those things. Don't say that." You could tell she was trying to cheer me up, but to me her words just seemed to go in one ear and out the other with no effect.

"But it's more likely that I have only a short time left."

"Let me see ..." She left for a moment and returned with something in her hand. She handed me a piece of paper and a pen, pulled over a little table, and told me in a very determined manner, "Write down the things you want most in this life and make it your goal to fulfill them as soon as you can. Don't leave anything for tomorrow that you can do today."

"There are things that you can't achieve overnight. We both know that," I replied, still discouraged.

"I know it, but there are other thing you _can_ do. Write them all, number them and elaborate on them as much you want, at least enough so that you have it clear yourself. It will give you some motivation to fight and reach these goals, or at least the vast majority of them."

I looked at her with surprise, but actually, it seemed like a good idea. I took the paper and pen and got to work. After taking a look at the progress of the medication, she left me to my task.

I spent a long time writing. At first, it was just a bunch of nonsense, but then I had some certainties, and finally I realized that there were not so many things that I absolutely _had_ to do.

The damn treatment was finally over, but they didn't come to remove the tubes dangling from my arm. I suppose they were afraid that I would go away and they'd never see hide nor hair of me again—or whatever hair I still had left when they were done with me. But then the stuff that they'd pumped into me began to take effect. That sensation of being at sea, the constant dizziness, the heaviness in my arms and legs. The bad taste in my mouth and finally the nausea, as if I'd been binge eating for three days straight. When I tried to call the nurse, it was too late, I had already vomited all over the floor and my clothes.

Clean once again, tucked into the bed that would be my residence for the next few days, I felt a little better, or at least encouraged enough to call Kate and let her know that I was going to be here for a while.

"Hello, Kate. It's me." As if she didn't know—I was sure she had my name on caller ID.

"Hey, is something wrong? Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes, all's well. It's just that there's been a change of plans and I wanted to give you a heads up."

"Thanks for the warning then. Now tell me."

"At the moment I'm in the hospital because they're going to relieve you of the responsibility of looking after me. They want to try to mitigate the effects of chemo."

"Taking care of you is not a burden, Castle, but if the doctor thinks it's necessary ..." She didn't seem so sure that they could take care of me better than she did.

"Also, I'm going to ask Gates to let me take a vacation." At that, I waited for her to explode.

"Vacation? Are you crazy? I think those chemicals they're treating you with have messed with your head! You've lost what little sense you ever had, partner."

"Yep, I'm going ask Gates right now," I said, with the biggest smile ever.

"Castle, can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure, talk to me ... What's up with you?"

"What? What's up with _me_? Are you insane? As if you could take a vacation right now!" she exclaimed, her voice quite raised by this time.

"Kate, I'd rather that no one else knew about this," I said, lowering my own voice.

"Right, sorry," she continued more quietly. "But you can't just up and stop treatment."

"I _need_ to stop for a little while," I said, my voice conveying the seriousness of my intention.

"Castle, Rick ... has something happened? What haven't you told me?"

"Nothing! I'm so sick of everyone and his brother asking me how I am!" I yelled. "Sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I understand."

"Sorry ... can we just talk in person?"

"Castle, I have work to do right now ..."

"Please," I pleaded. I couldn't lie, not to her.

"Okay, give me an hour, and then I'll come. Castle, I'm not in the mood for teasing. Better just tell me what's going on. Can't you give me a clue?"

"No, come and find out," and I hung up. I was going to tell her the plan that was brewing in my mind. She ought to know about it …

When she arrived, after greeting one another, she sat beside me and I told her some of my ideas.

"Well. It seems that the chemo is not working as smoothly as they thought, so—"

"You have to stay in the hospital?"

"Yes."

"Well then, I can I ask for a day off to—"

"No, really, there's no need for you to do that. You don't have to—"

"It's not that I _have_ to, it's that I _want_ to," she said, taking my hand—which made me tremble, and it wasn't exactly because of the chemo. "If you want, I can ask for as many days as you need. I have so many unused vacation days—"

"No." She glared at me for that, and I knew then it would be impossible to change her mind. "Fine, I mean—what I want to say is, any time that you can spare to visit me, I'm happy with it, truly."

"Rick—"

"Really, I don't want this to disrupt anyone else's life. It just makes me feel worse."

"Okay, okay, fine. But I will come by every day to see you, so I know how you're doing."

"Perfect. And if you can bring me some decent food while you're at it, I'd appreciate it," I said, trying to get a smile out of her. I could see the barest glimmer of one, and that gave me as much satisfaction as I wanted, for now.

"Of course. But I do hope you'll put it to good use. I'll be satisfied if you manage to keep it inside your stomach for at least fifteen seconds," she joked back at me.

* * *

 **TO BE CONTINUED …**

 **The next chapter will be Wednesday. Until then! I hope you'll review. :-)**

 **Hope you have a good week XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Just under the wire, on Wednesday. I won't make you wait til Monday for the next chapter, I'll continue to post early, so look for the next one on Saturday or Sunday.—ebfiddler_


	12. Chapter 12

**I Learned to Love You, by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author note: Good morning, here we are with another day and another chapter of this story. I'm happy, so happy that you all are reading this story, thank you so much for that.**

 **As always I thank ladydkl for her wonderful work, for her enthusiasm and desire and speed whenever it's needed. Since we started working together, it's really improved my work, especially in this fic. Without her help this would not have gone nearly so well.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

RICK'S POV

I'd done it. Written my dearest wishes—my bucket list—down on paper. I knew that many of them were unattainable, but felt I might as well write them down anyway. Nothing was impossible in this life ... or what was left of it. If any of them at all actually came to pass, it would be like a dream come true.

"Seriously, Rick, who is this 'Kate'?"

"What?" She surprised me as she was changing the bags hanging from the bars above the hospital bed. Those bags contained the supposed cure-all for all the problems that were caused by the cure for my greater problem—the cancer.

"This 'Kate' who appears in almost all your wishes," said my nurse with the paper in hand. I immediately snatched it back from her, and she looked at me with a mischievous smile. "She must be really special, given the nature of some of your wishes."

"That's none of your business," I snapped, definitely in a bad mood. I folded the paper into a book and shoved it into my nightstand. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, this is a list of impossible things anyhow."

"I don't think there is anything in life that's impossible except—"

"Except avoiding death. Right. And that's getting closer and closer for me."

"Don't say that. You're going to live a long time, and if this 'Kate' knows what you want, she'll fulfill every one of those wishes you ask for, because it would be silly not to. Is she silly, Rick?"

"What're you saying? She's the cleverest, most intelligent woman I've ever known," I said with pride.

"More than me?" she asked, a smile on her face.

"That's it! You're not going to meddle any more in my life today, and we will not talk any more about her," I exclaimed, annoyed, just as the door opened and Kate entered.

"Talk about whom?" Kate asked as she closed the door behind her. My heart raced upon seeing her, standing there with that smile that she always had lately when I looked at her. God, I was still not used having her around, being allowed to look at her so much.

"About—" the nurse was about to answer, but thank God my heart rate shot up and set off the heart monitor, which sounded an alarm. Everybody looked at it, then it suddenly stopped.

"Rick, careful with those emotions," the nurse laughed, while she reset the machine.

"Kate, this is my crazy nurse. Crazy Nurse, this is Kate," I said pronouncing her name with some emphasis, hoping she would understand and shut up.

"Oh! So _you're_ the famous Kate?" she said laughing at me.

"Famous? Rick, what did you tell this poor woman to get her to say that?"

"Yes, very famous, and apparently you're also much smarter than me. We'll have to go head to head on a trivia quiz or something, and check it out," she kidded, laughing as she saw the terror on my face. "Well I'd better go, before one of his looks cuts me in half or strikes me down dead." She smiled at Kate, who smiled back, but not before shrugging her shoulders at me in question.

"Well, I can see that you're not going to get bored here; she seems funny," Kate remarked, pointing to the door through which the nurse had just exited. "Another one of the many women who fall down and worship at your feet."

"Oh yeah, very funny," I responded nervously. "And...worship? Shut your mouth, Kate Beckett, and don't talk such nonsense. She's got me all fed up. She's such a terrible gossip, and wants to know everything. By the way, what are you doing here?"

"I told you I was coming. I don't know why you're surprised."

"Well, I'm glad that you came," I said smiling, trying to take the edge off and make her forget the previous few minutes. "I hope you brought me something to eat?"

"Sorry, I had no time. I came directly from the precinct."

"Great, now I get to eat the gourmet hospital food. Do you want the privilege of trying it today too?"

"It can't be _that_ bad."

"It's a deal, then. Today _you_ get to eat it," I laughed.

"I'd better not."

"And there's that encouraging spirit I was looking for. Here's to solidarity!" That smile was the most beautiful thing in the world; it ought to be named a World Heritage Sight.

"I would like to ask how you feel, but since you don't like to be asked that, I won't," she said biting her lip. She had no idea what that did to me—it was so innocent and sexy at the same time.

"For once—and mind you, I am not setting a precedent here—I'll answer without your having to ask me."

"Is that so?" she exclaimed, all wide-eyed. "What a privilege!"

"You'd better believe it. And I'm feeling pretty good, because you've come to see me," I informed her, which caused a pink color to suffuse her cheeks, then I added, "even though you have _not_ brought me anything to eat."

" _She_ didn't, but _I_ did," the nurse proclaimed, reappearing with my dinner tray.

"Ugh. Do I really have to eat this? You know, the theory is that you're supposed to try to _avoid_ making me vomit, not provoke it."

"But you're going to eat _everything_ , and Kate's going to help me, right?" And Kate nodded as the nurse rolled up her sleeves applied herself to the task of forcing me to eat.

"The truth is, I'm not at all hungry," I told the two of them, who regarded me with pursed lips.

"Yeah, but you have to eat. And I have other patients. Do you mind staying here until he eats everything?" she asked Kate, who looked at me without really knowing how to respond. "Ah! And try not to set off the monitor again, or you'll have to put up with the alarm for a while. I can't just pop back here to stop it right away," and she was off like a shot to distribute dinners to her other patients.

"You don't have to, Kate. There's no need for you to—"

"Stop saying that. I'm here because I want to be."

"Well then, as long as you're here, you could help me eat this crap."

"Oh, _sure_...no _way_ , that's your job."

"Right, foist off the dirty work on your partner."

"Shut up and start eating."

I ate silently, thinking of the heart rate monitor. It wouldn't trigger the alarm if I just gazed at Kate the whole time, would it? I wanted to stretch out the length of time she kept me company. Being alone just seemed so pathetic, so sad.

"Well, that's enough. I'm already full—"

"Oh no! There's still a few more bites left."

"Hey! I'm not a baby," I protested, with little effect. I was already beginning to feel the calming effects of the injection they'd given me just before Kate arrived.

"Castle, you can barely keep your eyes open, so finish up, and I'll leave you in peace."

"I'm so tired." I set aside the food tray, where half of the food still remained. "Do me a favor?"

"What is it? I'm here to help."

"Please could you stay awhile with me?" I gave her my best puppy dog eyes.

"Only a little while. If you don't fall asleep soon, you're on your own," she threatened me. But just her presence itself was enough to make me feel calmer and more relaxed.

"Okay. I promise to be good," I said lying down. Kate tucked me in a bit and sat in the armchair next to me and turned out the light.

"Go to sleep," she said when she saw I did not close my eyes.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I watched him gradually drift off to sleep. I liked seeing him so peaceful. At least the vomiting and dizziness seemed to have subsided a little. I could not even imagine what he had to be going through. It must be a living hell, and yet he retained his composure like a true champion. I was proud to have him as a partner. He was an example to others in the same situation. I had never seen him give in to despair at any time. He just had that one moment of weakness, but that seemed to have passed.

He was sleeping deeply like a little innocent child. I gently ruffled his hair, trying not to wake him. When I pulled my hand away, a few strands of hair came with it. It was something I had not noticed until now, but it must have happening for some days. Ladies' man that he was, so concerned about his appearance … it was clear that, in that respect at least, this illness was going to hit him hard.

Suddenly my phone rang and I picked it up immediately so as not to wake him up. It was the precinct calling about a new case. I needed to make a note but had nothing at hand. Scrabbling through the drawers of the nightstand to see if I could find a paper and pen to write with, I saw a paper sticking out of a book.

"Ryan, I'll call you back later. And send me the information in a text, right now I have nothing to write with."

"Okay, boss."

I found a pen and pulled the paper from the book. It wasn't blank—I saw that it was covered with Castle's handwriting. "Bucket List. The Last Wishes of Richard Castle."

When I realized what it was, I decided to put it right back in place, as if I'd never seen it. But as I was folding it back into the book I saw my own name written on it, and I froze. My curiosity got the better of my common sense .

 _Bucket List  
The Last Wishes of Richard Castle_

 _1\. Kiss Kate.  
2\. Marry her.  
3\. Have a child with her.  
4\. Travel the world.  
5\. Make Captain and run a precinct.  
6\. Swim naked on the beach.  
7\. Write a book.  
8\. Plant a tree.  
9\. Meet my father.  
10\. Drive a Ferrari._

I had to read it several times to comprehend it. Did he really want all that? My God, if that was true—I was on his list three times—and right at the top! It couldn't be. How could I fulfill _these_ wishes? How was he going to—?

I had to get out of here, disappear from this place. Leave and hide so that no one would know what was going through my mind ... I put the list back inside the nightstand again, right where I had found it, amongst the pages of that book. I closed the drawer carefully, I grabbed my phone, my purse, my coat, and fled, leaving behind everything I had just seen.

I was so afraid of it all—though, what exactly scared me?

That he wanted to _kiss_ me? That really was not such a difficult wish to fulfill. If I could trust my memory it had already happened—while I was drunk and barely aware of what was going on. I supposed he also meant that he wanted to sleep with me. My brain was so foggy, that I wasn't even sure any more what he was referring to, or what exactly I had read. Maybe it was just a joke.

He wanted to _marry_ me? God! I was engaged to another man. We were talking about wedding dates—even though every day it was becoming more and more clear to me that he wasn't the love of my life. My thoughts were jumbled ... like I was trapped in a maze, running in circles. It stole my breath away.

And all these thoughts were pointless. There was nothing I could do to help him with _that_.

And to crown it all ... _a child!_ What the _hell_ was Castle thinking?! It was crazy to imagine that any of those wishes could be fulfilled—especially the first three.

I sat in my car and I burst into tears. This man had put all his hopes of life in _me,_ and now I had a dilemma: to do something or not, about the relationship I currently had with him—this man who was apparently crazy in love with me, and who—each and _every_ day— caused me such aggravation.

My head was boiling like a pressure cooker, and I didn't know whether to think that Castle had lost what little sense he had, or if _I_ was the crazy one, to be even _thinking_ about how I might grant those wishes.

Not to mention that he had already said several times that he wanted to stop treatment ... This could not be happening to me ... This was the worst nightmare that had happened to me, since what happened to my mother.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Next chapter on Friday, and meanwhile you know I'm just waiting for your comments! I'm happy that you are enjoying it, and with a slow but steady pace we'll continue with this story—it's truly doing me some good. Thank you all for reading because without you there'd be no point to this.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Well, how about that? I got this chapter up early, too. I hope to continue this trend, so see you in another 3 days? (I hope.) Thanks to all of you who have commented._


	13. Chapter 13

**Good morning, here's a new chapter in the story. Hope you enjoy it. The truth is that this story will bring me great memories, because of how much work my beta and I have put into writing it and how well we have organized to move it forward. Of course your enjoyment of the story is our goal, the thing that makes it even more special. Thank you all for your comments, but mainly thanks for reading it and making it your own.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _Translator: For those of you traveling today, here's a chapter to enjoy while you're on the road. (Not while you're driving, of course!) Content warning: One paragraph, the eighth one in, T+ for implied sex, non-graphic. Skip that one paragraph if you're not mature enough for it, and go on to the next. The rest of the chapter is safely no more than T._

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

KATE'S POV

When I arrived at my door I was still profoundly affected by that damn list. There was no reason I had to do anything about it at all—but then why did I feel guilty about it? As if it were my fault that someone could not fulfill their dreams! What could I do about it? Certainly not force my feelings. There was some appreciation, sure—we had been partners for many years, and I had developed a great fondness for him. But to leap from there to feeling what _he_ seemed to feel, was like crossing an abyss.

I entered my apartment and found Josh standing there, waiting for me, smiling from ear to ear. I had forgotten all about the man who was _actually_ my life partner, who merited my thoughts, even though lately I hadn't spared much thought for him, and the few thoughts I spared had been bad.

"Good evening, Princess. You're home late, and you must be tired. Look—I prepared dinner!" he exclaimed excitedly, showing me the table prepared with meticulous detail.

"Oh thanks! But I'm not very hungry."

"Then we can move on to dessert," he said, and began kissing my neck.

It could not be—this man was expecting to have sex with me, when the only thing I had on my mind was the situation of poor Castle. "No, Kate, he doesn't want your pity," I thought getting angry with myself, while Josh continued to kiss my neck. "Forget Castle for now. Your fiancé is coming on to you in the most obvious way. Pay attention," I scolded myself.

Regarding Josh—despite not being in the mood for it, I could tell he was really trying to improve his side of the equation, in order to recover and indeed advance our relationship. He was investing much more effort than I was, and I needed to do my part, to keep it from becoming one-sided.

I let it happen, in order to forget. It was a return to the monotony that gave me tranquility, the daily routine of my home, of our relationship—but there was just no way. My head—and why deny it?—my _heart_ , were just not in it. He did his best, but in spite of wanting to enjoy it, I only felt pain in the friction of his penetration, so when he finished, I just rolled away to sleep. Sleep repaired my distracted mind as well as my damaged heart, bored by someone who no longer offered me anything.

I got up early, but Josh had already gone to work. He left me a note next to the coffee, as he used to do when we first began and everything was going so well. Now, it all had changed. _I_ had changed.

I couldn't stop thinking about everything that happened the day before. I had to go to work and focus on my job, but before I did, I needed to talk to someone about everything. Getting it off my chest and talking about it would do me good. And as always, who better than Lanie?

I went out with her to a coffee shop near my house, to eat a peaceful breakfast and talk, albeit without giving clues who I was talking about.

"Hello," she saluted me when I arrived. We greeted each other with a hug before sitting down. "What happened? It sounded serious."

"Well ... it's about what we were talking about the other day."

"About that friend of yours who is sick?" My friend and hers, I thought, but I couldn't tell her that.

"Yes, it's cancer, it's confirmed."

"Oh! Dear God, I'm sorry. Can I do anything to help?" she exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hands in fear.

"He's strong, stronger than I've ever been in my life."

"That's good, but he needs the support of those close to him."

"I think I'm the only one he's told. Or rather, I pulled it out of him, figured it out—put the screws on him, and he sang."

"And he hasn't told anyone else?"

"No, he only has his mother, but he didn't want to tell her."

"God, he must be—!"

"He seems to be holding it together."

"Yes, but inside …. Well, the treatment is almost worse than the disease. It destroys you little by little, it's horrible. The side effects leave you shattered, without the power to do anything."

"Yes, I could see that the other day, and as if that were not enough, it seems like things aren't working quite as expected ..."

"Well, maybe they haven't found the right drugs for the chemo yet. He has to keep fighting. His best option might be a transplant."

"A transplant? Sorry, I'm not much of an expert on this subject."

"Yes, a bone marrow transplant."

"Can I be a donor?"

"Sure, maybe. But it's hard to find someone with a compatible tissue type," she said stopping to consider what she would say next, "unless perhaps he has living parents or siblings or children of his own. However the most viable candidate, other than his own child, would be a full sibling—same father and mother."

"He doesn't have one."

"Oh, what bad luck." She added, "But you can get tested. You never know."

"I will. It doesn't hurt to check. But that wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk to you about." I stopped a moment to meditate on how I could explain to her about his bucket list. "He made a list of his last wishes."

"Come on, he shouldn't be so pessimistic. He could be cured. But okay, what about this list? Is it completely unrealistic or something?"

"It's that _I'm_ the principal subject," I told her.

"Huh? How does _that_ work?"

"Yeah, I'm on that list _three_ times. He wants to kiss me, wants to marry me and wants to have a child with me. It's _insane!"_ I recounted, blushing just to think of it.

"Oh! How beautiful, Kate! He's a romantic, and obviously, he's crazy about you."

"Lanie, the problem is, I cannot give him what he wants, and it hurts in my soul ..."

"Don't stress, Kate, you can get past this. Don't think about Last Will and Testament yet, but you could at least fulfill _one_ of his wishes—just like a fairy godmother. That first one is not so very complicated, right?" she said winking at me.

"We've already kissed."

"What? You never told me about ... wait, how did this happen?"

"Well, it was just once, but I was drunk, and I hardly remember a thing."

"Oh, that doesn't count. You have be in full possession of all your faculties, so that he can enjoy it—and you can, too." My friend was having a blast with this conversation. She loved to give this kind of advice, and was totally in her element. "Look, it's not that difficult. You're a woman, and we know how to kiss a man, even if we don't have much feeling between us. Plant a good kiss on him, leave him breathless, let him dream, and make him feel that it's worth living just to be able to repeat the experience. It'll surely give him all the strength he needs to fight," she explained in a perfectly calm manner.

"Lanie, I'm with Josh. Are you crazy?"

"Oh yeah. Right. Josh, the doctor. Imagine that, I like him so much I forgot about him entirely! Hell with him—he's just _too_ boring. By the way, how's it going with him?" she asked, purely for information's sake. She had never liked Josh, even though they shared a profession. From the first minute of meeting, the two had shared a mutual feeling of animosity, hatred even. He was jealous that I shared so many of my private thoughts with my friend, and she was jealous that he took up so much of my time.

"Well, he's going all out to be the perfect fiancé, at least he's trying to. But really, even since the beginning of our relationship, I haven't done the same."

"Who would advise you to?" Lanie curled her lips in distaste.

"I can't do it anymore. I'm the bad guy this time. For as much as he gives, and as much as I would like to accept it, I just can't. Last night for the first time in my life I faked it, just to get him off, even though it was hurting me."

"I think you should—"

"Hush. Don't say it. I know what you think. But I think I have to keep trying."

"For how long?"

"Until I feel what I haven't felt."

"That relationship has not made any sense for a long time, my friend. Before, you used to be excited, but for a long while you've been bored, and that's not good, girlfriend—not for you and not for him, either," she spoke sharply. I looked at her defiantly. "Okay, sorry, but I just want you to be happy. I'm doing it for your sake, telling you what you're unwilling to tell yourself."

* * *

RICK'S POV

I was so bored! Spending all day, day after day, in the hospital stuck within the same four walls just is not the kind of thing that makes me excited. I don't like being alone, though I knew that was my own fault. I could have my eccentric mother here with me, or the boys with their jokes, but I had chosen solitude.

God! This was hell. I just wanted to throw it all in, and go to the beach, to enjoy as much—or as little—as was left of my life. That was what I wanted. I wanted to leave behind this damn treatment that tore me up inside and out, and those insupportable side effects that just about killed me in and of themselves. I'd almost rather let the disease run its course, and enjoy what little life I had left with the ailment, but without the vomiting, diarrhea, and pain, without having to choose between sleeping my life away or suffering through it, because the only thing that the medications to alleviate the side-effects of the chemotherapy had done, was put me to sleep.

My beach house ... I had bought it years ago with the money from my father, and I had decorated it with little objects that I brought back from my travels, photos of actors whom I'd met thanks to my mother, or landscape photographs of the marvelous sunsets that I had taken from the window that overlooked the beach. Even that profoundly ugly sofa that I loved because it was the most comfortable sofa in the world, despite being so very ugly.

Thinking about the beach house made me really want to go there. It would be absolutely heavenly to do so with Kate—though, on reflection, Kate was what was keeping me here. If she would come with me, nothing else mattered. Even if it meant shortening my life by a few months.

She, who lit up my nights, mistress of my thoughts and dreams. I was in love with her more and more with each passing day. I could only think about her, about being with her, having her as close as possible. She lightened the bad nights and the bad times. I was strong for her, I did it all for her, for the privilege of having her close by my side.

The door flew open and my nurse bustled in. Immediately she began fiddling with my IV drip, my veins, my pulse, my heart monitor, and finally ... with me.

"You could at least give me a 'good morning,' right?"

"Good morning—sorry, I had other things on my mind. By the way, I saw Kate here with some guys, about ten minutes ago. They went to the lab—asked me where it was."

"What? Who?"

"Kate. This 'friend' of yours, with two other guys."

"What?" I exclaimed in distress. If they were at the hospital with her … they would know! Had she told them? God! I hoped not! I was starting to get angry. I had confided in her, and it seemed that she had betrayed me. I began to sweat and get short of breath—I was getting all worked up.

"Please, could you bring me a glass of cold water? A very cold glass, please ..."

"Rick, what's wrong?" she asked me, putting her hand on my forehead to check for fever.

"It's just ... they're my partners, my friends. They don't know about this and if they're here it's because she told them. I don't want them to know! I don't want—!" By this time I was almost shouting, my passionate temper obviously getting the better of me.

"Rick, relax. You don't know what happened. Don't jump to conclusions."

"She let me down! I can't believe that she would let me down."

"You don't know that for a fact. Don't make judgements on no evidence. Relax."

"I don't want them to see me like this! I don't want—" I moaned, tears springing to my eyes over the helplessness I felt.

"Rick, why don't you want them to know?"

"I don't want them to see me like this, all weak and helpless. I'm not weak. I don't want people to pity me."

"Listen, Rick," she said, coming closer. "If they're your friends, they won't pity you. That's not the right word. They're going to be sad, so very sad, because of what you're going through, but it's not pity. And I don't believe that anyone can view you as a weak person. You're ill, yes, but even so, you seem like the strongest person in the world." She stopped praising me, in order to let her words sink in, and to underline her opinion that my decision to keep silent about my illness was a mistaken one. "You're strong, Rick, you demonstrate that every day as you confront this disease. Crying, being afraid—that does not make us weak. Struggling as you struggle every day makes you strong," she said framing my face with her hands.

"Thanks," I said, still sniffling a bit, "thanks indeed."

"Okay, now show your strength. I'll get you a cold drink that will bring down that hot flush. And remember, here _you_ are the strong one."

I felt calmer, though still anxious about their reactions. I would have liked to tell them myself, but in the end, the circumstances were such as they were—and they were not the best. I closed my eyes to rebuild my composure. Calm down and try to appear calm. She _knew_ she had no right ... well, okay, maybe she _did_ —but I could not get angry with _her._ She was the only person who gave me the strength to continue.

The door suddenly opened again, and I shut my eyes imagining how the guys would look at me. But when I opened them up again, I didn't see what I expected. I found only one person looking at me, with a clean, pure, look that melted me inside, and made my heart rate shoot right up out of range.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Tomorrow, a new chapter.** _[translator: So sorry, but no—next chapter on Saturday, not Thursday.]_ **I'm not going to make you wait much hehe. Thank you very much indeed for continuing to read the story. It's a pleasure for me and for my beta/collaborator to write it.**

 **Happy Friday XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Hi folks, your friendly neighborhood translator here. As Tamy has stated, she has done research and has done her best to depict Rick's cancer reasonably accurately. Please bear in mind that this is a piece of fiction written by someone who is making her best effort but is not a medical expert. I have a little medical background myself (still no cancer expert) but bear in mind that I am the translator, not the editor, of this story, and while I've made considerable effort to render dialog and medical descriptions in a manner that's accurate and appropriate, it's not my intention to re-write Tamy's story. The main point is that Rick's illness forces a compression into a matter of months, of the relationship developments that took about five seasons on the show._

 _Meanwhile, let me express my appreciation of all reviewers, signed in and guest, who have commented on the cancer aspect of this story from personal knowledge. Those of you who are interested in Castle fics that deal with the topic of cancer may want to read the series of stories by AddisonSp:_ Walk Me Through This One _and its sequels_ I Will Try to Fix You _and_ The Story III _; or_ Patient _by Stephxy. And those of you who want to read completely accurate descriptions may wish to check out the case studies in_ JAMA _or_ Lancet _. ;)_

 _To the guest reviewer who was wondering what stage cancer Rick has: It's never stated explicitly in this fic, but my best guess is that it was_ not _discovered in its earliest stages. (I'll also note that Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia is not staged according to the "Stage 1-2-3-4" system that most people are familiar with, but rather is classified according to immunophenotype, which is based on the type and maturity of the leukemia cells. The patient's prognosis depends on this, as well as other factors such as age of the patient, initial white blood cell count, and response to chemotherapy.) This AU version of Rick seems to be bent on hiding some things from himself, compartmentalizing them and ignoring them, so he may well have felt some symptoms before the blood test revealed his illness, but he chose to disregard them or attributed them to some other cause. It's very easy to think that the symptoms of anemia (fatigue, lack of stamina) come from some other cause, eg. not getting enough sleep, being out of shape. I can also tell you that according to this fic's timeline, Rick's cancer is a rapidly progressing version, and may pose more difficulty in treatment for that reason. As for your comment about treating nausea, well, that's the reason that some jurisdictions have passed medical use laws, isn't it? Thanks for all your comments! :)_

 _—ebfiddler_


	14. Chapter 14

**Good morning, I'll give you a new chapter of the story, I am very happy that you like it. I want to thank Ladydkl because there was a time when it overwhelmed me and I just about collapsed and without her help I would not have been able to write this fic.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

RICK'S POV

"Hello," I said opening my eyes, and smiling at the sight of her. It couldn't be all bad if she was at my side.

"Hello," she said returning the smile and the greeting somewhat tentatively.

"Where are the boys?" I asked solemnly.

"Already gone. We came to get tested for—"

"I know, you told them, didn't you?"

"Say what?"

"If they're here, it's because you told them. They already know about my situation," I said somberly, looking into her eyes.

"Did you think that—?"

"And, what? Isn't that what you did?"

"No, who do you take me for?" she exclaimed, raising her voice. "Yes, I want to shout it from the rooftops for all the world to know—it would take this weight off my soul," she told me, pressing on her chest just over her heart. "Rick, I want to help you, and I would love not to be the only one who knows—because, strange as it seems, you've worked your way into my heart. You ask me impossible things, and I can only say yes—even if you're wrong, even if it's a mistake, even if I'm terrified and don't know what to do. But no, Rick, I didn't say anything to anyone, and I'll keep guarding your secret—even though it just tears me apart to keep it from my loved ones, and I think it's wrong. But no, don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"I—"

"No, let me finish. I would rather not be the only person here to help, but it's your life, and I wouldn't dream of telling anyone for anything in the world. You're the one who has the right to keep it secret or tell it, not me," she exclaimed, and the tears began to fall as she let go of the emotion that oppressed her heart.

I was crying, too, and when I felt her beside me, I turned and hugged her and she hugged me back. I felt her hot tears on my chest getting my T-shirt wet, and I realized she was right. I shouldn't force her to carry all that weight by herself. I ought to release her from that obligation and give her peace.

"Kate, you don't have to do this, because—" I was imagining that she felt sorry for me, and I tried to separate her from my embrace.

"No," she said more quietly. "Don't push me away. I'd rather at least try to do something than stand idly by and do nothing. I _need_ to help you."

"If you want to help me, give me one of your smiles, Kate," I said, and saw a hint of a smile on her face. She blushed, certainly, from the way I was looking at her. But I loved her so much that it hurt to be around her and not be allowed to embrace her, touch her, regard her so, to keep her always in my arms, comforting her when tears flooded her eyes—her amazing eyes.

"Rick...how do you manage to stay so strong?"

"Because I have you by my side," I said simply, smiling at her again. I knew she might not take it seriously, but rather as one of my jokes, but it was the greatest truth that had ever escaped left my lips. I was strong for her and because of her.

"You know you can count on me any time you're feeling bad."

"I know," I said brushing a lock of her hair aside. "I know it well," I repeated almost in a whisper.

"Well then, don't distrust me anymore, please."

"Never, Kate, I promise," I said emotionally.

"You're going to do it, then? You're going to tell the guys and let them help you?"

"I'll tell the guys, but I think I should talk to my mother first. I've distanced myself from her, and she deserves to know. And among other things, maybe she can be a bone marrow donor. Who knows? It seems it's just as likely she can be the donor, as my father."

"Okay. Thank you," she said, breathing deeply for the first time in a long time. She felt calmer now that she knew she could talk about it with Lanie or her partners.

"Kate, is it asking too much? Or are you willing to be with me when I do it?" I said swallowing. I was terrified to imagine the woman who gave birth to me, when I told her that I had a practically incurable disease, that I wanted to abandon chemotherapy, that I might have only a few months to live. When I told her that her only child was likely going to die.

"Always," she said flashing a ghost of a smile while she held my hand tightly in hers.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together, talking about banalities. I didn't want to bring to mind the list, though that would have been a very interesting conversation. I was grateful for how she was reacting to everything. I felt "loved" in her style, in the "Kate"-like manner, and what a shame it was that I wasn't going to have a long enough life to thank her properly. That thought wiped the smile right off my face, and she noticed.

"Rick, are you alright?" she said very seriously, looking worried.

"There's no reason to hide it. I feel afraid." I could finally say it out loud. "I—I'm afraid that the chemotherapy is going to kill me instead of the disease."

"Hey! It's normal to feel afraid, but you're going to fight—no, _we_ will fight together to get through this. Maybe we'll find a compatible donor, and then everything will be resolved."

"I hope so," I said giving her a look and a sad smile.

"Tell me about your mother, Rick," she blurted, and I looked at her with surprise.

I took a deep breath and everything came spilling out of me. "It's not easy to talk about the great Martha Rodgers, she's a very peculiar character. A diva of the stage, and without a doubt, the most significant woman in my life—so far," I smiled. "And in spite of everything—her follies, her extravagances, and her oddities—she's the person who raised me, all by herself. She is so strong, so very strong ... and of course, like every actress, eccentric, and somewhat egocentric and complicated, too."

"And now we know where you get it from," she laughed.

"Yes, she's also stubborn and very charming, and doubtless I got that from her," I said laughing, too, as I brought to mind some of the crazy antics of Martha Rodgers. "And you? Kate, which of your parents do you resemble?"

"I ..." I noticed her hesitation, but she smiled and spoke calmly. "I have features from both of them, but my father says I'm like my mother—headstrong, clever, and bossy."

"That's for sure. You're right, you are." I gave a shrug and received a soft punch in the arm.

"It's hard to compete with you," she said looking at me.

"Kate, may ask you a question?" I tossed out. I didn't want to take the chance of asking and having her answer that it didn't matter.

"Go ahead and ask, then I'll decide if I'll answer," she said with a wink.

"Have you ever thought about becoming a mother?"

"I think I haven't yet felt the call of motherhood," she replied without hesitation. Surely she had thought about this subject on occasion.

"I know I'd like to be father some day. I wish I could create and be part of a family. Not just that, I want to find someone special and have a little Ricky and a little K—" I was speaking with such enthusiasm, I was about to say her name, but luckily I was able to stop. "I'd love to be a father, to try to be better than my own father, although that's not saying much."

"I'm sure you will be someday ... you'll see."

"I don't know ... at the moment it's difficult to talk about it."

"Hey! Rick ... I'm not going to let you—"

"No, no, don't say what you're thinking. It could happen, but that's not what I'm thinking about. They say that all this chemotherapy and radiation might make me sterile ... you know?"

"Oh!" She had not thought of this.

"I'd like to bank my sperm, in case one day I find that special woman, and it turns out that I've become sterile."

"That seems like a good idea," she answered thoughtfully.

"I would like to ask you a favor."

"What?" she asked, alarmed.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to ask you to have a child with me," I said laughing—although that was exactly what I really wanted.

"Very funny."

"I just ... if something happens ... you know," I said unable to pronounce the word that we both had in mind, "I want my sperm to be available for someone who can't—I don't know. I'd just like to feel useful—use it for something—for research, give it to someone who can use it—I have no idea. But you know what I mean?" I watched as she nodded her head in understanding. "Promise me you'll take care of it."

"I will," she said, with tears in her eyes. "Where have you been hiding all this time, Rick? I've never seen you this way before. But you really seem to be this way—loving, sensitive, educated, thoughtful. You're authentically charming," she said laughing through her tears.

"Ahem! Yes, of course I am charming, haven't you noticed? You could marry me," I joked—but at the same time, I was completely serious in both desire and intention, because it _could_ happen someday. I saw Kate smiled at the joke, but there was something in her eyes that I couldn't quite decipher.

Then we were interrupted by that dang nurse, who had the gift pestering me with her visits.

"Hey kids," she greeted us, but without that smile that she always sported like a banner.

"Hey, is something wrong?" I asked, worried by her demeanor.

"I have the results of the donor compatibility tests, and I'm afraid none of them are compatible. I'm sorry," she reported sadly.

"Never mind, it's what I expected. It's not important," I said, swallowing, although every day that passed I had less hope in this whole process.

"Still, you're on the Urgent List for a transplant, so if a donor is found, you'll be the first. So don't worry, and don't lose heart, okay?"

"I'm not worried," I answered, disguising the wave of depression that threatened to overwhelm me.

"Hey! We've said that we're going to stay strong, we're going to stand and keep fighting," Kate said with surety, right beside me holding my hand, as if she wanted to transmit her strength to me.

"This just means that I'll have to get to work on my list."

"List? What list is this, Rick?" Kate swallowed hard as she asked.

"Nothing, it's just some foolish thing," I said trying to play it lightly.

"A list of his last wishes," my nurse explained innocently, and if looks could kill, she would be undoubtedly be dead.

I looked at Kate. I was going to apologize and make up some lie, but her whole demeanor had changed. Something was gnawing at her inside. She was pale, and she wouldn't meet my eyes—as if by that means she could somehow disappear from here and reappear far, far away. She released my hand, which had begun to sweat suddenly.

"May I see it?" she spoke in a low, almost inaudible, but very resolute voice.

My eyes were as wide as saucers. How could I show her this list when all of it—or almost all of it—was about _her?_ I'd never be able to look her in the face again. How stupid I'd been that day to write all my dreams down on paper ... the kind of thoughts that ought to be kept to oneself, in the mind, in the heart, hidden from the world. No one should have access to something so intimate as the dreams of another being—and now that woman, that _nurse_ , had brought it up, and Kate had asked to see it! If I said no, she'd get mad, and with good reason—so would I. And if I said yes, I'd also lose her—because in a few words not only did I declare my love, I asked her hand in matrimony and declared to my desire have a child with her ... oh my God!

"Kate ... I think I'd better not ..."

"Rick, this list—give it to me." She spoke very determinedly. "I want to help."

"You can't."

"And why not? I think she can," the nurse exclaimed loudly ... because she could never keep quiet, not even once.

"If I can help, I want to see it, Rick. I demand it."

I was frozen in place. I was terrified of letting her read it. But I'd rather that she knew how I felt about her. Maintaining this façade of friendship, of partnership was a lie. I might die soon, and I just couldn't lie to the only person I cared about.

Without getting out of bed, I turned my body and opened the drawer of my nightstand, where there were some books I'd been looking at. There, among the pages, was the dang list. I took it and looked fixedly at Kate, handing it over without saying another word.

"This is what's most important to you Rick? Are you sure these are your wishes?"

"Yes, these are my last ten wishes," I told her, unwilling and unable to break eye contact, trying to tell her with my eyes that the most important thing of all was to be with her at this moment.

"Alright," she said looking down at the paper. But at no time did I note surprise in her eyes. She was serious, reading attentively, but she didn't seem afraid, or offended, or angered. Her look was that of an observer, and finally—no rage, wrath, or anger, nothing.

"Kate, I know you already have someone." I took her hand and squeezed it as she turned to look at me. "I would only occupy the place for a few months—three, four at most—but during these months that I have left, would you marry me and give me this dying man the sweetest death in the world?"

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it there! I know that you'll want to kill me now, but it's a nod to the series, right? haha. On Monday I will give the answer. I'm sure this is going slower than you expected but I promise you that will get better …**

 **Have a good weekend everyone XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Thanks for reading! And thanks for your comments, too._


	15. Chapter 15

**I Learned to Love You, by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning. Another day, another chapter. I am happy to see that you all like the story, and happy how it's progressing, slowly but surely. I hope you continue to enjoy it as you have so far. I want to thank you all for your involvement in the story and particularly ladydkl for being there.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

RICK'S POV

She stared at me after reading the paper and hearing my speech, with a look of astonishment on her face—but she didn't really look completely taken by surprise. You'd almost think she had foreknowledge of what the paper said. She swallowed, not breaking eye contact, for several seconds, then lowered her gaze to the paper again, and spoke.

"Look, I want to help you be happy," she said, raising her eyes to mine again, "but I don't know if I can."

"Kate, forget it. Look, chalk it up to the medication. You're already doing more than enough." I smiled uneasily. I really had thrown myself into the deep end, making such a request, and in doing so I had put Kate between a rock and a hard place. We had become better partners—work partners—but it didn't follow that she'd consider marrying me.

"Rick, I would like to do more ... but—"

"Hush, never mind ... look, you can help me plant a tree instead," I suggested, making her laugh, in an attempt to make her forget the whole thing. "We can start with that one, or skinny-dipping on the beach." I waggled my eyebrows for effect.

"I can't believe you haven't already tried that. I always figured you were more daring."

"Well, no, I did my streaking in the park. But swimming? No, haven't done that, I suppose because it seemed too easy." That made her smile, too.

"About the child—"

"We've already spoken about that."

"Yes, and I'll help as much as possible," she said smiling at me. "After all this time, you're still pursuing the idea of meeting your father? I thought—"

"I thought I had a lid on it, too, but ... I just feel like I'm missing something. Like I need to close that door, you know?"

"Yes, I understand," she replied, her eyes sad.

"Well, the one about taking a trip won't be very difficult," I remarked, inspecting the floor, "but the one about being captain, that'll only happen if you slack off. Otherwise—"

"Rick, you're better than I am."

"Boss, don't underrate yourself. I never will be. And I don't care, really. It really doesn't bother me at all to stay in your shadow."

"I think we work best next to each other," she said tenderly stroking my hand. "I never knew about your cultured vein. Do you like to write, then? But when we have to write up the paperwork you always try to shirk it. The majority of the time I end up doing it."

"It's boring. What I like to do is establish the case and speculate about it, as you know, and I get a real kick out of playing with the suspects. I don't know why that surprises you. I thought you knew me better."

"Rick, writing a book is not an easy—" she pointed out, with a slight frown.

"Well, I'm going to surprise you even more. I've already started writing it, and it doesn't look so bad."

"I want to read it—and I would love to play detective with you," she laughed. "Ah! If you get the Ferrari, I call first dibs when you drive it to the precinct. It goes without saying that you will let me try it before you let the boys." It was clear that this subject agreed with her, because she took another breath and continued on the same theme. "By the way, did you know that those cars are designed for a woman to drive?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, intrigued.

"Well, yes, they are. It's because there's not much room for the pedals. The brake and the accelerator are very close together, and women, who have smaller feet—other than me with my size nine—can manage them better."

I was blown away by her knowledge about this make and model of sports car. And she made me laugh about her shoe size. I thought her feet were absolutely perfect, the few times I'd been lucky enough to see them bare on the mat in the precinct gym, when we practiced self-defense.

Our good-natured accounting of the list was coming to an end because we'd reached the critical point. We were silent for a measured moment. Neither one of us wanted to be the one who continued, but I hoped in vain that Kate would be the one to bring it up. Finally she said, "About the rest ... I ..."

"I understand. You can't do it. Forget that I asked."

"But ... it's that …. Look, I would like to do it, and I wish that I could, but I can't do it if ... well, without feeling what a person ought to feel when doing it."

"I know, I understand." After all, she was engaged to another man, so of course she _loved_ _him_.

"But the wish about the kiss …. We've already kissed. Why did you even put that down?" She wrinkled her forehead in confusion.

"Well, that was not a proper kiss. You don't even remember it." I wanted to lighten the gravity of the moment, and the best way was humor, so I continued, intent upon breaking the ice that had formed between us at this stage of the conversation. "And let me assure you that if I give you a real kiss, you'll definitely remember it—that I can guarantee."

But the smile vanished from my face when I saw how Kate's smile changed. She put her hand on my arm, and slowly approached my face. Our lips were so close I could feel her breath on my own, feel her heat, her scent. Then her lips were on mine, and I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to make good use of the situation and take the initiative—but then I stopped thinking entirely when I felt the way she moved her lips. Then her tongue came out and traced the outline of my mouth, which I opened in order to enjoy fully this amazing kiss in which so many feelings were mixed up—esteem, affection, complicity, sweetness, excitement …. Our tongues observed each other, were introduced, and got to know one another, instantly becoming fast friends. When they disappeared from the scene, our lips reunited. If this were heaven, I wouldn't mind dying. I could die right now, I thought. Her lips skated lightly over mine, but felt so warm and soft. My heart seemed ready to leap out of my chest to enjoy the party that was going on within me at that moment. I felt like dancing in celebration of this unique moment.

She made a gesture of withdrawal and I could not help holding onto her arm and pulling her towards me a little more, and pressing my lips even more insistently onto hers. I could not hold her any tighter, so I caught her upper lip between mine, giving her a final tender, warm kiss there.

When our lips parted, we stayed very close, our foreheads almost touching. I opened my eyes after a few seconds. We were close, her eyes still locked on mine and her face flushed. How beautiful she was! But I knew this was costing her the world, that this situation could not have been to her liking, so I decided to lighten the atmosphere.

"If I'd known how you kiss ... I wouldn't have wished for only one," I said and watched as her smile bloomed. She blushed even more if possible and lowered her gaze. I wasn't lying. Living with just a single kiss from her was like living in hell, because now whenever she was around I would want to touch her and kiss her. Because that was what my heart wanted, to love her above all things and make her happy, to make her feel that she was the most loved woman in the world.

"I have to go, Rick," she said biting the lip that had just kissed me. If she only knew how much that simple gesture drove me crazy!

"Yeah, of course ... yes, that's fine. See you another day?"

"Of course, tomorrow," she said smiling at me. She turned and after waving goodbye, she was out the door of my room, leaving me with a foolish grin on my face. I plopped back on the bed and closed my eyes in an attempt to record every feeling, every touch, every movement of that kiss.

I opened my eyes, still smiling, and turned over, covering my face with a pillow to try to smother my euphoric exclamations. Everything was fantastic, nothing else mattered at all—that's how I felt at that moment. When I got up I saw that the number of hairs falling out on my bed had increased, and I knew that sooner or later, I'd have to confront the situation. I decided, what better time than this, in which I felt that nothing could hurt me?

I called the nurse. When she walked into the room and saw me flushed and smiling, she thought the fever had increased.

"What happened, my boy? A moment ago you were fine—what have you done?" she asked me as she put her hand on my forehead to test her theory. When she realized she was right, she asked intrigued, "Something does not add up ... I thought you'd gone and started World War III, and now you're blushing more than a teenager?"

"Everything's fine. Please, could you lend me a razor? I'm going to take the plunge and just shave off everything that's left."

She returned right away with everything I asked for, handing me the razor, soap and a towel, so that I could just get this over with.

"Want me to help you?" she asked.

"Yes, please," I answered.

She disconnected my IV, helped me put on my slippers and robe, and took me in the wheelchair into the bathroom and parked me in front of a stool. I sat on it and gave her a nod to begin.

After combing to remove all the dead hair, she lathered up my head. And slowly, so as not to hurt me or cut me, she guided the razor from one side to the other.

When she finished, I felt lighter, fresh, neat and clean. I liked the feeling, although I imagined that when I saw myself in the mirror I would probably cry.

"Good thing that hair grows back, right?" I said giving her a smile.

"You're very happy since your 'friend' left."

"Really, I can't complain."

"Anyone in your situation would, and it would be acceptable."

"There is always someone worse off, you know. I also believe that even if I get out of this alive, all this will have helped me to realize who I really am and what I really want in life."

"You're amazing, do you know that?"

"Are you telling me that you doubted it?" I said making her laugh.

"You're a special patient and a friend, Rick," she said giving me a soft kiss on the cheek before she disappeared.

She left me in the bathroom, and I took a good look at myself—seemed like I ought to take advantage now that I was up. My eyes were red, almost dull, and had big black bags under them, my hair was gone, and in its place was my bright white bald head. I took off my T-shirt and I could tell I had also lost weight and muscle, and—I didn't know exactly when, but I had developed some strange spots on my skin.

I fell to the floor of the bathroom, drawing my legs up under my body, and curled up like this I let the pain overwhelm me—the pain of realizing that all of this was real and everything else was a dream. This was my reality: I was ill and I could very well die, my life ending just as I was really beginning to live.

They were banging on the door but I had no desire to move at all. I could only sob and shudder with pain—which I felt at this moment in my soul. I couldn't move and I didn't want to. And just like that, my strength fled, and there was nothing I could do to hold back all the pain I had inside. I wanted to be strong for her, but I couldn't be strong for everyone. I needed to let some of it out because it was killing me, burning me up bit by bit, day by day, session by session. I knew that having to stay strong was not the same as being strong. I had to be strong, but I wasn't really strong, or at least I couldn't always be. I was afraid. Being afraid is something so normal, so human … and no amount of being strong, or wanting to be strong, could keep fear at bay.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **I know you wanted Kate to say yes, but I think when asked so suddenly it's normal to be cautious. Kate needs to sleep on it at least—no one would answer without at least thinking about it. But at least I gave you that big kiss, so you can't complain. Rick is somewhat weaker now that he is no longer trying to maintain a state of denial about his illness. He'll need her more than ever, and Kate will be there for him.**

 **See you Wednesday. Until then I'll be waiting for your comments as always. Let me know what you think about Kate's answer. From here everything will develop more quickly.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Next chapter on Friday, I hope. With the holidays here in the States, I've fallen behind on translating, and lost my buffer of prepared chapters. But I ought to be able to polish up the next one in time to keep up the pace. I certainly enjoy hearing from all of you who take the time to comment on the story, and as usual, I translate all your comments into Spanish and pass them on to Tamy. —ebfiddler_


	16. Chapter 16

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here we are today, bringing you a new chapter. I want to thank you for all your support in this fic, and certainly I thank my beta/collaborator Ladydkl, because without her this would not be the same.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _note from translator: Sorry, this is a day later than I intended to post it. But it proved to be much more difficult to polish up the translation on this one than I anticipated._

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

KATE'S POV

I woke up alone in my bed and alone in my apartment, which was a good thing, because I was so agitated. I'd been thinking a lot—about Castle's request, what it meant, my perspective on it, my feelings, Josh …

I didn't hate Castle. I never really did hate him—he just drove me crazy as a way of hiding his true feelings. Deep down he was a romantic, forced to look elsewhere for what he had already found in me, but was trying to conceal. But still, that didn't mean I ought to marry him. But how could I get him out of my mind? That was a good question.

After pottering about at home for a while, trying to keep busy in order to avoid thinking, I realized that even though I'd like to avoid it, I really couldn't—the only place I could find peace would be in the hospital. I had the day off, so it was best to go see Castle. Yesterday I left early before he got his medication, and I wanted to know how he'd passed the night.

When I got there, I saw Alex, the nurse who took care of my partner, busy rushing to and fro, but when she spotted me she came over to me right away.

"Hey Kate," she greeted me, very somberly.

"How's the patient today?" I asked with a smile.

"Well, I'd like to talk to you."

"Of course, tell me, what's going on?" Her tone of voice worried me; it did not bode well.

"Look ... even though he's made it clear that he doesn't want us to speak to anyone but him about his case, I think you're his exception. I know you're the only one who visits him, and the only one who knows about his illness, and I know that he's in love with you." This statement left me somewhat confused—it seemed like this woman was aware of everything. Or Castle maybe had no other friends, or was in a desperate slump and just disgorged everything onto the poor nurse. Anyway, the conversation did not augur well. "I think you need to be, and—I repeat, you're the only person he has confided in—I think you _deserve_ to be updated about his case."

"Hit me with it, Alex," I said, fed up with the conversational detours.

"Rick has been considerably worse since last night," she said without further preamble. My gut was telling me to run to his side, but I didn't. Instead, I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "He's been experiencing some bad symptoms, both from the medication we've been giving him to alleviate the side effects of chemo, as well as the ALL itself."

"Wait. What's this ALL? Is this something new?"

"Ay! Sorry, it's not new. Sometimes I forget I'm talking to someone unfamiliar with this jargon. Sorry. ALL is the disease Rick has, Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Remember that name, because you'll hear it many times, and also doctors will understand you better when you speak. And if any of us ever say something incomprehensible, ask anyone, we'll all be happy to explain, either I or any of my colleagues."

"Thanks Alex, that's very thoughtful of you. But what you're saying, in other words, is that Rick is worse today?"

"The doctor thinks that he ought to continue with another round of chemo, try a different drug combination. But this induction round has been less successful than we'd hoped. But Rick is saying that he doesn't want to continue with any more chemo."

"If he doesn't continue with the chemo? What? He doesn't—?"

"He doesn't want to do it any more. Sometimes the first round of chemo does not induce remission, and so, and after a respite to allow the patient's body to recover a bit, we try another round with different drugs, hoping that the cancer hasn't progressed too much in the meantime. But Rick is telling us that he refuses to receive another round. I don't know what we can do for him, in that case. He'll probably be discharged in two or three days, and while he'll begin to feel better on account of stopping chemo, he'll have to deal with increasing symptoms from the ALL itself. Now, a bone marrow transplant is still an option, if we can find a match for a donor."

"Alex, can't you make him take treatment? There must be some way."

"It's his body. We can not force him if he refuses the treatment. He's in full possession of his faculties, and that leaves us without recourse, not only me and Dr Carter, but the hospital."

"If he doesn't follow up with another round of chemo, how much time does he have?" I don't know why I asked that question, but it seemed like he was giving up.

"If he has no further treatment at all, three, maybe four months. And the transplant is only a viable option for about the next two months. After that, it may be too late to try. At first, he'll continue having some of the symptoms of the chemo, then gradually he'll start feeling better, but it won't be long before the symptoms of the disease begin to catch up with him again. The honeymoon period won't last all that long, and I hope he will take advantage of it."

"He can't die ... not him—it's so unfair!" I exclaimed. I couldn't help it—the tears I had held back almost since my arrival today at the hospital began to fall.

"I wish we could offer better options, Kate," said the nurse taking my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Does he know about all this?"

"We wanted to wait until you arrived, hoping you could convince him to continue with treatment."

"He's very stubborn. I doubt he'll listen to me." I sniffed, trying to stop the stream of tears that flowed from my eyes. "You said that he's feeling worse ..."

"Yes, yesterday evening he had an abrupt deterioration. His temperature shot up, and he hasn't been able to hold down any food since then. He's also pretty irritable. Yesterday, just after you left, he was so happy. He decided to take the step of shaving his head. He seemed so sure of it, and seemed at peace with it. But I guess when he saw how he looked, it hit him how ill he really was. It happens to many people—they don't realize how bad it is until something makes them take a good look, and then they really notice the toll this disease takes on their body. Yesterday he had a breakdown, for the first time since all this started."

"So ... he's going to die," I gasped, staring into space, unable to believe that this could be happening.

"Let's pray that doesn't happen, Kate. While there is life there is hope, but he has to get used to the idea, and you have to get used to the idea, that he has a maximum of four months or so left to enjoy life, unless he makes up his mind to take another round of chemo fairly soon. And as harsh as that sounds, he deserves to be happy these last few months. Don't you think?" And I just nodded unable to hide the tears. The world was falling down around me almost without my noticing it.

I cried and cried until I had no more tears. I knew I had to get over my moment of weakness. Now I had to be the strong one. I said goodbye to Alex with a hug and walked into Castle's room. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with air along with the strength to endure whatever I had to. I went in and found Castle attempting to get out of bed, but too weak to accomplish it safely. As he looked toward me by the door he lost his balance and began to fall, but I was fast enough to prevent that.

"Damn it," he cursed, grimacing with pain.

"Take it easy."

"I don't want to take it easy!" he exclaimed heatedly, but then his face changed. "Sorry, Kate, I shouldn't take it out on you." He looked abashed. I stepped away to give him some space, but gave him my full attention. Since all this started I had not seen him like this. He had always worn his own clothes, street clothes, but now he was wearing a simple hospital gown and a cap. He was very pale and flushed, glistening with sweat caused by the fever.

"Kate, I'm sorry I spoke that way … I'm just ..." He lifted his head for a moment and focused his eyes on mine, and I felt like I was breaking inside. I bit down hard inside my cheek to hold back tears that welled up inside me.

"Castle, it's okay. It's only natural…"

"I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to hurt the people close to me."

"Well, anyone can have a bad day. You've seen enough of mine, haven't you? It's only fair that now I have to put up with one of yours," I said, and could not help smiling back when he smiled at hearing me speak in our usual mode.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me very seriously.

"I ..." I didn't know how, or why I did it, but I suppose it was because of what Alex had just spoken to me about. I went on almost without thinking. "I thought about what you asked me yesterday."

"Oh, yes? Look, Kate, it doesn't matter if —" but I interrupted him before he could retract his offer.

"I accept your proposal." Those words fell right out of my mouth, and when they did I felt some kind of weight settle in my heart and mind. What had I just told Rick? I'd just told him I'd _marry him_ ... it was crazy!

"You accept?"

"Yes, I will marry you, Rick." I saw how surprised he looked, but suddenly he smiled with his eyes, his whole face lit up, and I felt that, in spite of everything, I was doing something good.

"What? Umm, Josh? Are you sure?" He could not believe what he was hearing. "Thank you, but—it's just—I understand—never mind—forget it—"

"I'm going to marry you, Richard Castle, do you understand me?" I said it with the utmost seriousness, unsmiling, without pausing to reconsider. He was serious too. His smile had vanished, and I had to ask, "Are you okay?"

"I'm happy." He smiled again.

"I mean physically," I explained.

"Not so much. I'm not having my best day."

"Did they tell you anything?"

"No, but I'm sorry. As much as I want to, I can't keep going like this, like I was before; I don't feel like I used to," he said sadly.

"Hey! Whatever happens, we'll fight. We're used to it, right? I'll be by your side. Together. I'm not allowed to give up, and you're not, either. Who was always telling me that tomorrow would be another day full of opportunities, when I wanted to give up on a case? Well, I won't let you give up now. I need you by my side, fighting. I'm selfish, I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for me—because I miss you at the precinct, do you hear me?"

"Kate, there's nothing left here," he said pointing to himself, "of the old Rick Castle—if you ever even liked him."

"I liked you before."

"Don't lie."

"Well, you always had ants in your pants. But it wasn't really you, but rather the persona that you used to hide behind. Rick, _this_ is you, this is the real you."

"No, you don't really know me—"

"God, Rick! I couldn't stand you! And yet I couldn't hate you at all, and it was because I knew there was something there, hidden," I said pointing to his heart. "There had to be something when you were so good at helping people. You'd always strive to solve the case and wouldn't ever give up. You were always there with me, side by side.

"I did it for my own sake, for pride."

"You don't even believe that yourself. You acted like you couldn't talk to the families, but it was because doing it hurt you, because if you did, you'd stop being objective and anger would consume you. Rick, we became cops in order to protect others. Now, you must fight to protect yourself, because when you do, you're fighting for the people you can help in the future, when this is over."

"I never thought you were such an optimist," he said flashing a timid smile with lips chapped and cracked by the acid vomit that had spewed out of them last night.

"Well, I call 'em as I see 'em," I said smiling.

"And what if ... if I'm useless ... and if it's just that I'm tired of fighting?"

"Rick, you still have options."

"Yes, options totally beyond my control. I'm a controller because I'm afraid of the things I can't control, and these options are things I can't control. I can't sit around waiting, hoping against hope that a transplant suddenly becomes available. I just can't sit here and wait … and do nothing while my body slowly dies away."

"Where would you rather be then?" I asked expectantly.

"I'd go to a nice quiet place where I could be alone. I would go to the Hamptons. I have a little house there by the beach, that I bought a few years ago with the money from my father. I'd try to fulfill as many of those wishes as I could and get the most out of whatever life is left to me."

"Well, now we're getting married, so we'll do that together. But don't be hasty," I said trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Kate," he said, firmly embracing me round waist without getting up from the bed where he sat. I dropped my head onto his shoulder. "Thank you for giving me this. I know what it's costing you to do this."

"Well, then don't let me down." It was only now that I suddenly remembered Josh. "Um, look, first I have to fix some things," I said thinking about the difficult task ahead of me.

"Of course ... Besides, you can always change your mind, up to the last minute."

"Shut up, don't give me ideas," I said with a mischievous smile. I looked at him, and saw no trace of my old partner. _He_ was gone, disappeared. It was not him.

"And if I recover, don't worry—I'll give you a divorce and you can be free ... You won't be forced to stay tied to me—I won't be so selfish. If I get that damn bone marrow donation, and if my body accepts it, there's no need for you to feel bound to me. You can fly free, with no reproaches."

"Good, because I'm going to end up divorcing you, you know—because we will win this battle, Richard Castle, you hear me?" I told him, knowing how difficult a task it was. Surrender was a word he never used to accept, and he was not going to start now.

And I really didn't hate him anymore. It was nothing like before—but still I didn't love him. I always thought I'd marry only once, to my one-and-done, but making this exception seemed to be the right thing to do. Making someone happy just by marrying him, helping him fulfill one of his last wishes, was a much more positive thing to do than waiting for my one-and-done. What's more, I could end up having the best of both worlds. I might still find the love of my life and marry him, or I might never find him, but I would always have the feeling, the satisfaction of having done the right thing, in helping Rick fulfill his final wish.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Well I think we've taken a big step forward. I hope you're glad that Kate accepted him, and hopefully she can help him through this trial. Rick already has more things clear in his mind, he doesn't want to waste any time, he wants to be happy for the time he has left and if it's with the love of his life, so much the better. Well I await your comments with great anxiety.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 **P.S. If any of you know English and would like to translate my fic into English, I would be very happy about it. Write to me and we'll talk. :-)**

 _translator: Well, and that would be me, right? But Tamy has written lots of Castle fics—there are plenty of them left for any of you would-be translators out there!_

 _Seriously, this chapter gave me fits. It's because it has more medical content. My experience so far with this fic has been, that when I translate any dialog relating to medical conditions, etc., if I translate it literally from Spanish to English, it doesn't come out sounding like anything a medical professional would actually say. This means that I have to delve a little deeper, and go for a translation that conveys the essence of the meaning, rather than the literal word-for-word meaning—which in turn means I have had to do some research about ALL myself in order to use terms a medical professional might use, and to use them correctly. (Or at least I hope so! I may as well apologize here for any mistakes I have made in that regard.) And that takes some time. So sorry once again for taking quite a bit longer than I expected to get this posted._

 _I also had a problem with the nurse apparently being willing to violate HIPAA (a law requiring medical personnel to obtain a patient's explicit consent before sharing their medical information with anyone, for those of you not in the United States). Apparently that's not a legal requirement in Spain, or at any rate Tamy didn't include it. Anyway, I chose to make an assumption that Kate is on Rick's HIPAA consent list. And for those of you concerned about Castle's apparent decision to give up on treatment: My take on it is that Rick completed an induction round of chemotherapy, which, unfortunately for him, failed to achieve complete remission. It's not clear to me if he managed to achieve partial remission or not, but it seems that instead of consenting to a second round of chemo, he's choosing less intense care at home. You'll see in upcoming chapters that he leaves the hospital with a boatload of medications intended to try to keep the cancer in check as well as to alleviate the symptoms, so it's not as if he is doing nothing. It doesn't exclude the possibility of another round of chemo at a later date, or of receiving a bone marrow transplant should a suitable donor become available, but for now at least, he is choosing to pursue a less_ _aggressive form of treatment, and the trade-off is for better quality of life. Don't worry, there are still 30+ chapters left to this story, so obviously it's not all over yet._

 _I'd be glad to hear from any of you who would like to comment, and, as always, I will translate your comments to Spanish and send them to Tamy, who really enjoys reading them. She told me that it was just incredible to read some of the recent comments, and she is amazed by and very grateful for the many followers of this story, and those who have favorited, and the sheer number of readers. So from Tamy as well as myself—thank you all so much!_

 _—ebfiddler_


	17. Chapter 17

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning everyone, I have a new chapter here. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, and as always, thanks for your support.**

 **I want to thank ladydkl for her support and for her hard work, thank you for everything. It really is a good thing that I get from working on this fic.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

KATE'S POV

After a few hours, I returned home, shattered inside, and saddened, not by my decision, but by the helpless feeling I had of not having achieved very much with my exploit. I don't know why, but I felt a pressure on my chest that had nothing to do with my choice, but with his health. He was much more subdued, he'd lost muscle mass, and was pale with dark circles under his eyes, all of which demonstrated that his body was beginning to give up the fight. When I looked in the mirror I realized that my body also had changed in recent times. I had dark circles under my eyes from too much crying, and had lost a few pounds. I turned on the faucet and let the water run between my fingers, until I bent down splashing my face with the water that was cupped in my hands, trying to wash away my sorrows.

I was about to leave the bathroom, and with my hand on the doorknob, I heard a familiar voice.

"Baby ... are you home?"

I closed the door again, leaning back against it. It was Josh. I had demanded that he change his ways, and yet I—I had not done _anything_ to make our relationship work ... on the contrary, I'd killed the relationship. I asked him to change and he'd fought tooth and nail, while I had simply ignored him.

Why couldn't I do the same? I thought. True, I didn't feel that way anymore, but even so I loved him ... I loved him and yet I was going to marry someone else. I had to talk to him, I had to break it off with him, but I just couldn't do it right this very minute, it was just impossible. Just a few days ago we made love for the last time, and I did it to test if there was something left in our relationship. And I realized there was nothing there, it was empty.

Since Castle proposed to me, I had turned it round and round in my mind a thousand times, but never once did I think of Josh and the pain I was going to cause him. But even if Castle had not proposed to me, would I have married Josh? No, I don't think so. I think our relationship was already broken, even though neither of us wanted to move on either.

After an empty night, where the two of us practically ignored each other, the new day dawned. Josh went to work as usual, and despite it being the weekend, I resumed what had by now become my routine, of going to see my partner. It was the only place where I found inner peace, there beside him, fighting against this cruel enemy.

As I neared the door of Castle's room, I saw the doctor leaving it with a long face. When I approached him, he looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

"You've told him, haven't you?"

"Yes, I just did. The results are clear. I'm sorry. The chemo did not work as well as we expected, and we've failed to achieve remission. I've tried to encourage him to take another round of chemotherapy—after a few weeks' respite, of course, so that his body can recover—but there's no denying that the next round would be even harsher than the first, and he did not tolerate chemotherapy very well this time. I wish I could promise better results from a new round, but the fact is that I cannot guarantee it. I wish I could deliver more hopeful results that would make him want to keep fighting but ... he's decided to leave chemotherapy. I'm sorry."

"What ... like this?" I said trying to keep the tears under control.

"He seemed as if he knew before I told him, as if he had already taken it in. I am concerned about his outlook. He's strong, and has fought hard, but I have seen other cases like this where the patient has been very discouraged, when they put so much effort into the induction round of chemo, and suffer through the side effects, and yet it produces so few tangible results. As much as he talked about leaving treatment before, he stuck with it and maintained a positive attitude, but the knowledge that things are going badly has to have affected him."

"I know."

"He's getting ready to leave. He asked me for a voluntary discharge. I wanted him to stay admitted for observation, but ... I understand that he wants to go. I still think it is worth trying another round of chemotherapy, and the bone marrow transplant remains an option, if we can find a donor. But neither one can be attempted presently. I understand that he's balancing quality of life against the chance of extending his life—anyone in his situation wants to live with as much dignity as possible, even if their time is short. I'll leave discharge papers at the desk, with all the instructions he should follow, the prescribed medication he should take, with schedules and routines, as well as some measures to take on account of the ALL, to avoid infection." I hoped he would not go on with more of those damn acronyms; I had heard enough of them in the past few weeks to last a lifetime. "And if you're going to be his caretaker, you ought to request a leave of absence from work. He should not be left alone, and while hiring a home health aide is an option, it might not be the best solution; he would benefit from personal care. If you have trouble, know that you can call me twenty-four hours a day, and, to the extent possible, we'll provide adequate palliative medication to alleviate the symptoms of the disease."

"Thank you, Doctor." I shook his hand in gratitude, and said goodbye. Once again I stood in front of the door to Castle's room, and once again I felt fearful.

I entered and saw he was quietly packing the few things he had brought with him. He was dressed in street clothes and still wearing that cap on his head. He noticed me entering, but continued with his task, putting things in the bag like nobody was there. He was angry, and he had reason to be so.

"Castle, what are you doing?"

"Collecting my things and getting out of here. I don't want to wait another minute."

"What for? You don't have to leave immediately. You can sleep here and tomorrow—"

"I know, Kate," he said looking defeated. "I know I'm dying, and they can't do anything."

"Hey! there are still options," I said, trying to cheer him up.

"Yeah, of course."

"There are, you know."

"Right. A possible transplant. Which is also not likely to work because they have to match tissue types with the donor. If they can even find someone compatible with me."

"Rick, you can't give up now."

"Kate, I just want this to end one way or another."

"No ... don't talk like that, okay?" I said almost crying.

"Kate, look," he said pulling me into his arms. "I'm fine at the moment. At least I'm still standing. I'll continue fighting, but ... I can't stop my life, put everything on hold while I'm waiting. I need to _live_. Let's get married, and enjoy being married ... If I'm only going to get three or four more months, I want to live happily, without being locked up within these four walls."

And he was right—indeed, I understood. Nobody in their right mind would want to spend the last months of their life in a hospital. But ... I also had a selfish desire to make him stay here so that the physicians could do everything possible to save him from whatever evil was still to come.

"Kate, if you've changed your mind, I'll understand."

"No, I am sure. Today I will resolve the issues at hand, and tomorrow I'll come to your house. Give me a couple of days before we head to the Hamptons. I want to speak to my father, buy a wedding dress, and tell my maid of honor that I'm getting married."

"All right. Two days, I can wait."

"Only one condition. Promise me you will tell the boys and your mother."

"Kate ..." he began to object, or even whine, but I shot him my severest look, giving him to understand that I was unmoveable in this regard. "This is a requirement then?" I nodded. "Okay. I'll go see them, somewhere other than my home. Something that gives me a little breather, you know."

"Alright."

"And my mother ... I'll invite her to the Hamptons. I'm afraid of how she'll react."

"I'll be with you, don't worry. From now on, you're not going to be alone. I'll ask for leave to accompany you. I have some savings that will help us during these months, until we find your donor."

"Kate, don't worry about that. My father left me well covered, and my mother, proud as she is, learned to invest it well. I have a good financial cushion. The house in the Hamptons was financed by the interest, also the work I had done on it. And as we'll be married, that money will be yours, too. You won't have to worry ... you could even stop working altogether if you wanted."

I was flabbergasted by this speech. The rascal was very rich and yet still lived like any police detective—working every day, driving a deplorably utilitarian economy car, living in a normal little Manhattan apartment, and above all never saying a word about it to his partner. Truly, my soon-to-be husband was full of surprises.

"Thanks for the offer, Rick, but you're going to use that money when you recover. But I'll allow you to maintain me in style for the duration as payment for 'my services'," I joked.

"But of course, Miss Beckett. You will not want for anything while 'in my service'."

We were crazy, that we even dared to joke about something of this nature ... but who said we could not have a sense of humor during a time like this?

"I'll help you, I'll take you home and then I'll go and take care of the things I have to do—"

"Kate, if you have doubts—" Again he looked somber, sad, as if he refused to believe that we really would get married.

"I've already told you that I don't. I have a lot to do, so come on, hurry up."

We gathered what little he had there, and after saying goodbye to Alex, with whom we exchanged phone numbers, so that we could call if we had concerns to share and if we needed anything, we picked up the doctor's instructions from reception. After stopping at a pharmacy to pick up the boatload of medication that Rick was supposed to take, I left him at his apartment.

I needed to talk to Josh ... but first I needed a shot in the arm. The burden of keeping so many secrets for so many days had worn down my spirit. I needed a girl talk, to get all this off my chest, and I could only do that with one person, with my friend and confidante.

We met at my house, and sat on the couch, both with a glass of wine in hand. I was bone tired, but I needed to arrange all this before—well, before it was too late.

"Lanie, I'm getting married, and there's so much to do. I'm counting on you."

"Well, I know that—though I'd rather hoped you wouldn't go through with it."

"No, not to Josh."

" _What?!"_ she exclaimed, just about falling off her seat.

"I'm going to marry—I'm marrying Rick," I said, my gaze fixed on the floor.

"Rick?"

"Yes, Castle."

"Castle?" she repeated in astonishment, and she seemed so flabbergasted I thought she was going to have a fit. "Who are you and what have you done with my friend Kate?"

"Lanie, I'm serious! No kidding."

"But …. Girl, what drugs are you on? Did I miss something?"

"I ... um …. Really."

"Shut the front door. I'm just blown away, but you know what? I love it, you two make an amazing couple …. But I thought you hated him."

"It wasn't hate, it was … well, it doesn't matter, I don't hate him now. Not that I'm in love with him either, but I don't hate him at all."

"Wait a minute. How you are not in love with him? Look, my friend ... you gotta explain yourself, because it's clear that I missed something big."

"Okay, the truth is ... Rick is the friend who was sick."

"What?"

"Really, he should be the one to tell you, but ... I need to speak out about this ... I can't carry the burden alone any more."

"But wait, let me see ... you're telling me that Castle has ALL? How—how is he?"

Those damned acronyms again. I was taking a real dislike to them. I tended to forget Lanie was a medical examiner, and had trained for a career in medicine like any doctor, so ... she and the nurse and Doctor Carter all shared a professional jargon, and they always used these strange acronyms and words that I could barely understand.

"He's not well, they tried chemo, but ... they had to give it up, I don't know exactly why, but it seems that it didn't work as expected. But despite that, he had already thought about giving it up. And can you not speak medicalese? The only option left is a bone marrow transplant, so long as he can get it in time."

"Oh! I want to get tested, in case we're compatible."

"I appreciate it," I said wiping away the tears that had escaped.

"But how did you get from this point ... to having a wedding?"

"He asked me. Well, he had a list of last wishes and ... I just couldn't refuse."

"It's difficult, isn't that right, my friend?" She gently patted my cheeks, which were bathed in tears.

"Yes, but I have no doubts about it. It's just that ... I have to talk to Josh ... I still have to break up with him."

"Oh! What a mess!"

"Yes, I feel so bad. I know that our relationship was already dead, but ... he's given so much lately. He made the effort because I asked him to, and now ... I'm going to break it off."

"You're doing something very noble Kate."

"I know."

"So then, when are you two getting married?"

"Lanie, I have no idea!" I said laughing through my tears.

"I just can't believe it ... all this ..."

"You? Imagine what it's like for me, with everything I've been dealing with by myself lately. I've been so scared. He's been so strong all this time, but ... yesterday and today I saw just how sick he really is. I think he's given up hope, and he just want to live out the rest of his life in the best way possible. But Lanie, I need for him to live ... I need him to recover."

"Come here, girlfriend." She drew me into a hug as I began to lose it one more time. I couldn't imagine how I could live after spending all these months together with him. I wasn't able to imagine the pain that I expected in the coming months. I just wanted to be happy and to make him happy—but then I'd have to recover from the entire ordeal alone... It was going to be so difficult.

Lanie and I spent a long while together as well—hugging, talking, drinking some wine, trying to lighten the situation a little, but we couldn't avoid thinking about it. Suddenly the door opened and Josh walked in.

"Hi, ladies. How are you?" he said pleasantly.

"I, really ... I was just leaving," said Lanie, getting up and giving me a big hug. "See you tomorrow, and may the Force be with you," she whispered in my ear. "Goodbye, Josh."

"Goodbye, Lanie," he responded, somewhat surprised. Lanie never spoke a single word directly to him. I think it was a real farewell, and I think she even felt sorry for him.

When the door closed on Lanie, Josh approached me and tried to kiss me, but I turned aside so that his lips brushed my cheek.

"Kate, are you okay? What's going on?"

"Josh, we need to talk." I met his eyes directly, my mind on the consequences of my decision.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **New chapter tomorrow,** _[translator: Sorry, sorry, but it will be in another 3 days, as usual.]_ **and finally the conversation to end the relationship with Josh. We'll see how it goes for poor Kate.**

 **I want explain to you that Rick wanted to stop treatment, that he didn't feel like waiting any longer. But he only made the decision when the doctors told him that the chemo was not working as expected, that in the next round they had to intensify it, and that's what made him decide to leave it entirely to try to live happily for whatever was left of his life, still without leaving behind the possibility of having the transplant. I feel that was not so well explained in the chapter. We had problems there trying to decide how things were going to get worse for him, and at first I decided it was because the chemo didn't work, then it was because he left chemo, and eventually it became a mixture of the two. Despite the mess I hope you liked it.** _[translator: Having the advantage of knowing Tamy's intentions in advance, I tried to translate it in a less messy way. Hopefully it made sense.]_

 **I hope for your comments as always, without further ado, I leave you til tomorrow, have a good weekend.** _[translator: or, you know, a good week—because I ought to be back before the weekend with another chapter.]_

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	18. Chapter 18

**Good morning everyone, here we're just drooping with tiredness. It was so dang hot yesterday that I couldn't fall asleep until dawn. Well, once again thank you for reading and for your comments, I'm glad that you liked the chapter. I also want to thank my beta/collaborator for her work, without her there it would not be the same.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: This chapter was posted in its original Spanish version in August. I don't think it's quite so hot, either here or in Spain, right now. ;-)_

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

KATE'S POV

After thinking about it so much, and acting without thinking in some respects, it was time to talk to Josh. I had some anxiety about that conversation, but as my father always said, "When it's a bad road, walk fast." It was better to get it over with now.

"Kate, what's wrong?"

"Look ... I can't marry you."

"What?!" he exclaimed, his eyes popping wide.

"I can't do it. My feelings have changed, and I feel we're wasting our time on something that will never work."

"Kate, haven't you seen that I've put everything else in second place, to make this work?" he asked, raising his voice. "And now, you go and say it was a waste of time!" By now he was actually screaming.

"I'm sorry," I said, unable to avoid tears. I didn't want to hurt him. After all, I had loved him—he had been an important man in my life, it was just that there was nothing I could do now. Feelings cannot be forced, and unfortunately, those I had once had for Josh had gone, disappearing with the passage of days. I would never know if it was the result of his frequent absences, his work, his way of life or mine—who knew? But there it was. It was over, without recourse. And it was not because I was going to marry Rick, but because I didn't feel anything for Josh anymore.

"Why now?" He was still angry, but he spoke more quietly; perhaps seeing me in such a state made him control his temper.

"I've wanted to end it for a long time ... but for the love we once had, I thought we deserved another try, for all that we've lived through together. I loved you, Josh," I explained, touching my heart, "but there is nothing left here of what I felt last year."

"You should have told me this a few weeks ago, when we had that conversation, Kate. If you no longer loved me, you were not going to love me again just like that. Overnight."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, I'll gather my things and go."

"Wait, I have something else to tell you, and I'd rather you hear it from me." I spoke quietly, unable to lift my gaze from the floor.

I had to tell him before he found out by some other means that I was going to marry another man. I knew this was going to hurt him, but maybe, if he blamed me for it, it would make our break up easier for him. I deserved his hatred.

"Kate, what is it?" he said approaching me. He was right in front of me and I had no choice but to look at him. "Is there someone else?"

"I'm going to marry Rick," I blurted. And although the tone of my voice was nearly inaudible, he understood immediately.

"Rick?"

"Castle."

" _What?!"_ he shouted again. "No, this is a joke! It can't be, that you're leaving me for that idiot. Kate, you've said it yourself, that he's a complete jackass, and now you're _marrying_ him?"

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to find out like this ... I understand, you must hate me."

"Kate, you're not alright. Did you hit your head? Did you have an accident? Are you _insane_? Look, you know what? I'm happy you broke up with me before you got me involved in such a frickin' mess!" he exclaimed angrily storming into the room we shared. After grabbing his things he cleared out, slamming the door behind him.

I threw myself on the floor and broke into tears. I knew I had hurt him. I didn't want to. I could have given him my reasons for marrying Rick, but somehow, I felt that he needed to hate me, I needed to feel bad about what I had done. I had a strong chest pain consuming me inside. And I lay there on the floor crying until, without knowing how, I fell asleep exhausted.

I woke up and went to Rick's house to see how he was. I found him surprisingly well, smiling and standing there already dressed.

"Hey!" he said in greeting.

"Hello," I gulped, my aspect very somber. I still had a headache from all the crying.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, but shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Right now I think you're feeling worse than I am," he replied, and I looked at him as if to ask 'Really?' "Come on, spill it. You know that I know you too well, and those eyes of yours are screaming 'trouble' at me."

"It's nothing, really. By the way, I told Lanie yesterday—"

"Oh! No matter. She would've found out tonight anyhow."

"Thanks for understanding," I said sitting beside him on the sofa in his apartment. He sat with his legs stretched out, with a nutrition shake in his hands.

"It's okay. I have to go to the hospital to collect some papers. If you want we can meet later at the party."

"No, I'd rather go with you," I said smiling.

"Okay, just let me grab a few things, then let's go."

He got up and handed me his milkshake and went into his room. A bit later he came back out—I had finished off the smoothie, which incidentally tasted great—and after picking up a folder from the tabletop, he held out his hand. I got up, but did not offer my hand in return as it was still hurt somewhat by Josh. Without further ado, we left for the hospital.

When we arrived, he was still smiling. I could not imagine myself being so calm in his situation as he was. Although I imagine that much of the happiness he exhibited was simply a façade. After speaking with the doctor, we went to say goodbye to Alex and thank her for all her help.

"God, Rick," she said, giving him a hug, "you're an amazing man. What a shame you already had another woman in mind." She looked at me and winked, with a big smile. I returned the smile, though I wasn't in any kind of mood for it.

"Well, I wouldn't mind a three-way," Rick responded with a laugh. "Thanks for everything, Alex. Without a doubt it's been lovely to meet you and experience the great treatment given in this hospital. You're amazing."

"I expect you to invite me to the wedding."

"Well, you're guilty of instigating it, at least in part, so—" They were joking around, and I tried to go with the mood, but still I sure didn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of marrying this way.

"I think we should go now Rick. We're keeping Alex from doing her job," I said, hugging her as we said goodbye.

"We're going out for drinks with friends tonight, if you'd like to be our guest, Alex," Rick invited her amicably.

"Thanks guys. I'm on duty, but thanks anyway. Listen, guys—don't give up the fight. I'll let you know if there's news."

"Thanks," I said as we left the reception area.

We were on our way out when suddenly I heard someone yelling, and I turned around just in time to see Josh hit Rick hard in the face, knocking him down. The blow was strong enough to give Rick a nosebleed that wouldn't stop.

Alex hurried over to administer first aid, packing Castle's nose with gauze. She sat him up, then helped him to a chair.

I looked at Josh with hatred, pushing him away.

"Are you insane?" I couldn't believe what he had done, and the worst part of it was that Rick was still bleeding. "He has leukemia. Are you trying to kill him before his time?"

"God, Kate, I'm so sorry ... I didn't know ... sorry ..." He was contrite now, nearly crying.

"Josh, you need to leave," I said giving him a pretty strong shove. I didn't want him to hit Castle again. He was still sitting in the chair being cared for by Alex.

"Sorry, I understand now." He approached Castle to apologize. "I'm sorry. Try to make her happy," he told him, and disappeared without looking back.

I helped Alex raise Castle up, and we took him into the infirmary so that they could stop what by now amounted to a small hemorrhage. I felt terrible and I didn't even dare look into his eyes.

"Kate," Rick called, trying to get me to look him in the eye, but I wouldn't. "Kate, look at me."

"Rick, I'm so sorry," I apologized, trying to wipe away my tears.

"Kate," Alex explained, "press here, like this, to stop the bleeding." She handed me a clean wad of gauze. "I'm coming!" she called over her shoulder, but I knew she was just making an excuse to give us some privacy so we could talk.

"That's what you had to do today, right? You broke it off with Josh?" he asked me very seriously.

"Yes."

"Kate, we don't have to get married. It was a mistake to ask you. Sorry, but ... I wasn't thinking about you, I only thought about myself. You're in love with another man, you were going to marry him, and I—I shouldn't be so selfish, not with you. You deserve to be happy, Kate."

"You're wrong on all counts, Rick."

"No ... I ... I understand."

"I'm not in love with him anymore, and even if you hadn't asked me, I wouldn't have married him. But this is my fault," I said pointing to his face, where a large hematoma was developing on his nose from Josh's punch.

"You told him you were going to marry me, right?" he deduced, keeping his gaze fixed on me.

"Yes. I didn't want him to learn about it indirectly."

"And did you not tell him what's been happening with me? … Ah … it's because I asked you not to tell anyone, isn't it? Oh Kate, you had every right to tell him that."

"No, I did everything for selfish reasons. I needed for him to hate me. I deserved his hatred," I said through tears I could no longer contain.

"Kate," he said, raising my face and using a fresh piece of gauze to wipe away the tears that just wouldn't stop falling, "nobody deserves anybody's hatred," he grasped my chin and made me look at him, "much less you. No one could ever hate you for doing this. Just look at how we started out. You drove me completely wild, and despite that I still followed you like a puppy dog," he said making both of us laugh. "You're an amazing woman, and you definitely do not deserve to suffer."

"Don't I deserve it? Rick, I've hurt him so much. I should have broken it off earlier. A long while ago. Before I even knew anything about your feelings, or your illness, I became aware that I didn't really reciprocate his feelings," I emphasized that point so he would understand, "and I ought to have broken it off that instant, but I didn't. I led him on and allowed him to invest in the relationship, while I just accepted it and invested nothing of my own to make it work. He gave the skin off his back trying to make our relationship work and in return I—I hurt him."

"Kate, the whole world makes mistakes. But you're a great woman, and you don't have to feel bad. You have to value yourself more. You're an amazing woman who gives everything, even setting aside your own aspirations to make me happy. That shows how great you are."

"Pardon me, sorry to interrupt," said Alex as she entered. She put pressure on Rick's nose packing it this time with an ice pack until the bleeding stopped.

"We'd better leave as soon as we can, before this hospital finishes me off," he joked, trying to smooth things over, but I was in no mood for it. "We expect to see you at the wedding, Alex. I'll let you know in advance."

"Thanks guys, and be happy. You deserve it."

"Are you okay?" he asked me when we left the hospital.

"Yes."

"If you're not in the mood to hang out with the guys—"

"You're not going to get out of telling them, Rick. The time has come—no more delays. Have you called your mother yet?"

"Yes, tomorrow we'll meet her for dinner."

"Okay, let's go home now and get ready. Have you thought about how ...?"

"I have no idea, but I guess it will come to me in the moment. I don't want to fill the night with sadness and compassion. I want to celebrate life, and our wedding."

"Yes, I understand. But at first—"

"I know it'll be difficult for them to understand, but ... they'll have to take it in. Because I don't want to waste another damn minute of my life on this crap. I want to start living; I want to be happy."

I could not help it, but pulled him close and hugged him hard. I wanted to make him happy, but I didn't want to forget that he was sick. What I wanted really, was something that didn't exist: I wanted him to be healthy. As long as the disease was slowly killing him, I would not be able to get it out of my head. I knew I had a very good chance of losing him, and that—that killed me, too.

In the car, Rick was quiet. He was driving, and despite noticing my downcast mood, he didn't pester me with questions. He just kept quiet and let me purge my ill humor myself. It was nice to be with someone who knows you so well, and knows so well how to avoid making you uncomfortable.

 **TO BE CONTINUED ...**

 **Have a good weekend everyone, see you on Monday with a new chapter. I hope you like it as it goes on. On Monday he'll chat with the guys ... we'll see how it goes. As always, I'll be waiting for your messages and comments, to get a sense of whether you still like the story.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	19. Chapter 19

**I Learned to Love You, by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here's a new chapter. I'm very happy that you've been enjoying the story. I imagine that for any fic writer, what they like is that, however many or however few people read, that at least they enjoy what they read—or at least that's true for me. It doesn't really matter how many people read it, as long as those that do like it—and if they let me know that, so much the better! So I'm happy that you like it, and I like also knowing that this is an incredible way to reach people around the world—that's fantastic. I hope you continue to enjoy it, because while you're there reading, here I will be enjoying the writing.**

 **I want to thank my beta/collaborator for her work and for her enthusiasm. Without you this would not be the same.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator note: Not enough time today to go over this again, so sorry if I've let any errors slip by._

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

KATE'S POV

I went out with Rick to The Old Haunt. He had wanted to get everyone together to tell them what was going on, and not have to tell them one by one, each repetition making him confront the facts again, leaving him with bad feelings and a bad taste in the mouth. But before I met up with him, I sought out Lanie. I needed her support. I wanted to know that if at any time I fell apart, she'd be nearby to pick up whatever pieces of Kate might still remain.

I went by the morgue, and she was outside waiting for me. She got into my car and we drove to the meeting place.

"I invited Captain Gates. She's been worried about you, and I thought it would be a good thing. Do you think Rick will mind?"

"Not at all. You've done well. I shouldn't have forgotten her. I'm worried about so many things—but above all, about Rick. And regarding Gates—from the first day she knew what was going on, she has given us so much leeway. Without fussing about schedules, without calculating hours of leave or days off, she's given both of us whatever we needed, carte blanche—I really can't praise her enough. We couldn't ask for a more accommodating boss."

We arrived at the bar, and after finding a place to park, we walked in together. My eyes immediately sought out Rick's. I was trying to imagine how he was feeling, about telling everything to the guys, and I wanted to be able to support him in this delicate moment. Whatever came to pass, I was there for him—it was my role to help him keep strong and support him.

He had been very brave and tough so far, and this helped me greatly, too. It gave me the opportunity to get to used to the situation and to get to know him, and to know myself better, too. Although now, I was expecting to have enough time to get to know him better. Every day this man had made me feel more admiration for him. He was teaching me something very important—how to fight for what one wants and how to realize what is important in life.

I was aware, more than ever before, that we were not in this world forever—we only passed through like visitors for a brief moment, and it was up to us to decide if that moment was magical and unique, or if we just muddled through life without pain or glory, one number out of millions. Our time was limited and we had to enjoy every second. We shouldn't occupy our fleeting moments of existence with the mundane, and neglect to strive for our dreams.

Anything could happen to us. Just look at what had happened to Rick. He kept waiting for the right moment, and then he found himself with little or no means to do all the things he wanted to do—including even something so important as meeting his father or marrying or having children. We ought to live for the day, to know with every heartbeat that we are alive and understand the importance of here and now, rather than always waiting for tomorrow.

In the distance I saw him, looking like he always did—put together yet casual. He wore jeans, button-down, and jacket. Although he didn't look it based on a casual glance, I knew he had to be out of sorts, even though he had felt more or less well, when I had left him a little while ago. Since his release from the hospital, a hat had been his constant companion—though he changed hats according to the color and style of his clothing, because at the end of the day, there are some things that never alter, and he had always been conscious, even somewhat vain, about his appearance. He never removed the hat because he hated showing the bald head that the courses of chemotherapy had left him with. But that was also why he had shaved his head in the first place, because he preferred that to being seen with the limp, scraggly, and patchy locks that the chemo had left him with.

When Lanie saw him, she launched herself at him, startling him with the force of her hug. But he reacted quickly and hugged her tightly, as he did with me. Meanwhile, he also looked at me and winked. He needed help, so I approached to extricate him from the grasp of my friend, who was beginning to tear up.

"I'm sorry, Rick," Lanie said letting go, when I gave her a gentle tap on the shoulder.

"Hey! I'm fine, same as always," Castle proclaimed, though his sad eyes belied his hearty words.

"Look, Castle, don't think I approve of what you've done here," she scolded. "You didn't have to hide. We're your friends, and we'll be there for you."

"I know and I'm sorry, that's for sure. I know," and I felt his arm move around my waist; he needed my support to follow through, so I allowed it to stay there. "I already have a Jiminy Cricket who has not stopped telling me that daily," he said looking at me and giving me a smile, "so please let's end this once and for all. Today, I don't want any pity. Listen," he told Lanie, but he was looking at me, "today I want to celebrate friendship and life. I'm still alive, so I invite you to take a drink and give a toast to our friendship."

We walked over to where the boys were, and Lanie preceded us, letting us linger behind a little. I gave him my hand, and he squeezed it. I stopped and told him that Captain Gates would be there.

"I invited Gates. She's been worried, and I thought—"

He instantly interrupted to tell me it was okay. "You've done well. I didn't think of it, but really ... she's been there the whole time—indeed, she was the first to know about my illness and she facilitated the process of taking leave for testing and all that. Thanks Kate, and not just for this. For everything. Without you I couldn't have stayed strong even this long."

"I think I ought to be thanking you, for showing me what it is to fight and letting me know you better. We've spent many hours together, and I've had the pleasure of getting to know you, Rick—a side of you that I never knew existed." I smiled, patting the hat. He returned the smile, and we approached the bar, where they were all sitting.

"Let's get this over with as soon as possible. Come on."

"I'm with you, don't forget."

"I never do," he said, regarding me with such sincerity that a shiver ran down my back.

The boys, oblivious to everything, were drinking and enjoying a few laughs, talking about God knows what, and when they saw us, they greeted us.

"Hey Rick," they both began at once, only to stop short and stare silently at us. I suppose they had just noticed we were holding hands, judging by their surprised looks.

"Hey guys. And Captain," Rick greeted them. "Well ..." He paused for a breath. "I asked you to gather here to tell you ..." His palms were sweating, I also detected a certain tremor, and I realized he was not feeling well at all. "...that ... This is not easy." I squeezed his hand, entwining my fingers with his, trying to instill strength and courage. He glanced at me, gave an almost imperceptible nod, and refocused on what he wanted to say. "I know I've been away a while, and I should've told you this a while ago, but ... well … better late than never, that's how life is. In the last round of blood tests that they have us do routinely at work ... I was diagnosed with leukemia." Everyone's faces changed suddenly, and despite their complete silence you could see the impression made by the confession. "I tried fighting it, but I think it's no use any more. Among other things, because the side effects of chemo are really unbearable, and I'd rather live the rest of my life decently. So..."

"You're not serious, right?" Ryan said, his eyes wide, but glazed with suspicious moisture. "You won the game and beat this crappy thing, right? Isn't that why we're here?"

"No guys, I'm here because ... the disease has won the battle, if not the war. This round wasn't successful, and I don't hold out a lot of hope for better results from more chemo. Perhaps a transplant from a relative. Doesn't look like there are many options—apparently compatible donors don't grow on trees—because at the moment the only thing that looks possible is a bone marrow transplant ..." Ryan and Espo shot me understanding looks as they made the connections. "By the way, a little bird told me that you all got tested. Thank you." All were silent, except for Captain Gates, Lanie and I. Despite the somber tone of things, we knew what was going on, and we knew we had to hold ourselves together so that we didn't make this speech even more difficult for Rick. "Look guys, don't be angry with me—but I don't want to just sit around doing nothing, waiting to see if I can get a transplant or not. I just can't do that—I just don't want to live like that. So that's the reason why I wanted you all here—today is almost like a farewell. I'm going to go to the Hamptons, 'cause I want to enjoy this beach house that cost me so much money to buy—even if it's only for a few months. And I've got some plans—things I want to do, things I want to get done before my time comes. Promise me you're going to keep doing our thing here at the precinct. I expect you guys to work your butts off and take all the thugs off the street, every perp who tries to disrupt the peace of our fair city. I leave it in your good hands. Captain Gates will keep an eye on you and tell me how you're doing at upholding my legacy—and if you don't hold up your end of the stick, I'm gonna come kick your asses ... got it?" He ended his talk with a smile, while the faces of the others reflected shock, fear, grief and affection for the man who had delivered a farewell speech that made our hair stand on end.

The boys' reactions to this speech were predictable—they variously tried to hide their feelings by taking a drink, or just wiped the tears that had spilled, without worrying about what people might say, and without saying another word the three men gathered in a tight hug.

I gave them some space, trying myself to avoid shedding the tears that fought for release. I already knew everything he'd just said, but still that didn't make it any easier to hear. Lanie's arms around me pulled me out of my abstraction and made the emotion all come pouring out again.

He wanted to celebrate friendship, and to me it seemed remarkable on his part. But he needed to understand that we had to purge the grief that gripped us all, before we could celebrate anything. We had to mourn for our friend, for all that he had lived through and for all that yet remained for him to struggle through. Our little group understood and supported each other, and Rick knew that all of us would be there to help him cope with and overcome the situation, even if from afar.

Reality having reared its cruel and ugly head, everybody made an attempt to return to normal. Each person masked the pain in his own way. Rick, meanwhile, took my hand, interlacing our fingers again, to give me strength as well as to draw on mine. It did not go unnoticed by the others.

"But it's not all bad news ... I want to tell you ... or, rather, _we_ want to tell you something." He looked at me.

"Mr. Castle, don't you think you've already told us enough?" Captain Gates spoke up for the first time.

"Almost finished, sir." Castle was smiling now, more relaxed. "I've asked Kate to marry me, and believe it or not—" he said with a smile that could light up the room, "—she said _yes_ , so ... if you have nothing better to do this weekend, we'd like to invite you to our wedding."

"This is for real?" The speaker was Espo, who until then had not said a word, "Because if it's a joke, you two are gonna—"

"It's true! Scout's Honor," Rick proclaimed exaggeratedly, raising his right hand in oath. "But even I sometimes still think it's a dream," he added, making everyone laugh.

"Well then, let me congratulate you," said the Captain, smiling for the first time.

"So now," Rick said after accepting everyone's congratulations, as did I, "let's celebrate, I invite you." He smiled and looked happy, but I knew that inside this had affected him greatly, and that surely there would be a price to pay for all the effort it cost him.

RICK'S POV

After that seminal moment, I was exhausted—completely spent—but I couldn't leave my only friends here and disappear as if nothing significant had happened, so I sat, listening and throwing in an odd phrase here and there, so they didn't feel sorry for me. The women were talking together, a little ways apart, so eventually I excused myself from the guys and tried to approach them unnoticed. I wanted to know what they were talking about, as it didn't seem to be just a casual friendly chat. Lanie usually expressed herself with lots of gestures, but at the moment, both she and Kate were punctuating the conversation by taking large gulps from their drinks. That worried me.

"Kate, how are you holding up?" Gates asked.

"I'm not the one going through this, sir," replied Kate.

"Victoria, please. We're not at the precinct," she responded amicably.

"Thank you ... Victoria."

"You see, unfortunately I have also been in your situation, Kate. The person who suffers is assumed to be the only victim, and of course he's the one who suffers the most. But the people around him suffer too, and since you'll be with him—"

"I'm fine, good." I let out a snort at hearing Kate say that. "I just wish I could do more than what I'm doing."

"Kate, you've done much more than anyone else in your place would have done," Lanie said hugging her.

"Then why do I feel so useless right now? I want to help, I _need_ to help him, but don't know how."

It pained me to see this. She was suffering, she was feeling distressed about the situation, was going through all the drama of it, and she shouldn't have to do that. And even though I had asked her to marry me, despite dreaming every day about marrying her ... it made me feel mean.

I would've liked very much to run off alone, away from all of this and from everyone. I had wanted to keep her distanced from it all so that she wouldn't suffer, but I had been selfish, I had preferred to make myself happy, over the consideration of her welfare. I knew she would suffer seeing me in my last days ... but if she were not with me, I'd rather just end my life. All of this was just killing me anyway. Maybe I should talk to her and free her from this heavy obligation of having a wedding. Tell her that I left her free to live her life as she chose.

I approached her, making short work of the few steps that separated us, and collected her empty glass. I could feel the heat of her back on my chest and that made me feel alive.

"Stop talking about what you're talking about, ladies, and just enjoy the party," I grinned.

"Rick, it's rude to listen to girl talk ... you're not supposed to ..."

"Hey … look, I don't want lamentations. Come on," I said grabbing her hand, "I want to dance with you—will you?" I said smiling into her eyes, those eyes that I had never been able to decipher despite five years of trying.

Kate got up, leaving the girls behind, and I brought her over to a secluded part of the room where we had a bit of privacy. There, I placed my arm around her waist and pulled her towards me. She put her left hand on my shoulder, while her right hand firmly gripped my left, which she then drew together over my heart. She laid her head on my chest, and we started to move to the sound of the soft and leisurely music that played as part of the ambience of the Old Haunt, just as it had, barely a month ago, just when my life began to change.

"Know what?" I said, trying approach the conversation I needed to have with her with a light touch.

"Mmm ..." she murmured, apparently enjoying the moment ... and that made me doubt myself. Was she, despite everything, beginning to feel something for me?

"The last time we danced," I told her chuckling softly into her ear, and I felt her stirring next to me, "it wasn't exactly like this."

"I don't remember that, and you know it," she smiled mischievously.

"Well, I think you remember more than what you say."

"If you say so ..." she replied, pressing herself even closer to me.

And then I let go of my good intentions of releasing her from the wedding. I was petty or foolish, or selfish, perhaps—but I was in love with this woman. When I died, she could resume her regular life, and she'd have enough money to live without having to work, a nice house in the Hamptons, and she would be young enough to rebuild her life with whomever she wanted. So I decided to be happy for what was left of my life, and to try to keep her close to me for the entire time. Because I could not live without her—I needed her, and if that made me petty or selfish, so be it.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **See you on Wednesday with a new chapter. I hope that you continue to enjoy the story. Haven't seen the worst yet... he still hasn't told his mother. How is Martha going to take it?**

 **I hope for your comments, XXOO.**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: It gets worse, but it also gets better…. Next chapter on Thursday._


	20. Chapter 20

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here's a new chapter, for you. I hope you like it.**

 **As always, I thank my beta/collaborator for her work. This chapter is from the two of us.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

RICK'S POV

It was a long and difficult night, and I barely slept. I shouldn't have had anything to drink. It made me nauseous and I had to make more than a few trips to the bathroom.

I woke up tired, my whole body heavy like it was made of bronze, and my bones felt weak, like glass crystal made to carry too much weight. I needed to get out of bed. Kate would be appearing at any moment, and I didn't want her to see me like this. After the dance we shared, I knew she really was the person I always imagined. She was very kind to me, and after dancing, she drove me home and shyly kissed me on the lips. I was so surprised, I don't even know if I returned the kiss.

I stayed in bed, trying to summon the will I needed to get through the coming trial—talking to my mother, telling her what had been going on these last few weeks. She most deserved to know, and was the only one, now that I had told the guys, who still knew nothing. It would be a trying moment. She knew me very well and would not agree with my decision to leave further treatment. She would try to convince me, haul me over the coals, and attempt to impose her will on me...but still, I had made the decision, and I was determined not to leap into another course of chemo.

I heard someone open the door. It was my guardian angel—Kate had just arrived. A few days ago, when she said she would marry me, I had given her a key in case something happened to me, and I told her she should use it anytime. Today was the first time she'd used it, and now I knew she was taking me at my word.

"Rick, where are you?" she called, raising her voice slightly. "Wake up, sleepyhead," she added as she entered the bedroom and and took in my appearance, which must have been pathetic. "Judging by what I see, it wasn't the best night of your life. Those circles under your eyes tell me you haven't slept. What's wrong? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"What a fiancée! So bossy today," I grumbled, hauling myself up in bed despite the pain, in order to convince her that I was fine.

"You don't have to be a hero for _me_ —I know you too well. Want me to help you with the shower?" she asked, assisting me up.

"Oh yes! Absolutely, please. And while you're at it, you can wash my back." I tried my best to leer and make a joke of it.

"I'm going to make you breakfast, so please do call me if you feel unwell," she responded as she left the bedroom, clearly unconvinced that I was going to be fine.

It was hard for her not to help me, but for me it would be not just hard but humiliating, to see the woman to whom I wanted to _give_ everything, acting as my nanny. My manhood would be seriously trampled. I only hoped that, sometime before leaving this world, I would be equal to the task of consummating my marriage. I wasn't going to ask Kate to have a child—that really would be asking too much of her—but I would dearly love to have a full relationship with her one day, if she would allow me and it wasn't too distasteful to her. Although at present, it was a moot point—Little Rick did not seem up to the task. From the start of chemo he'd stopped giving any signs of life when I was near a woman, and that depressed me quite a lot.

With pleasant thoughts like these, I proceeded to get up and shower. I really did not want to let her bathe me or see me in this state. After freshening up, I brushed my teeth, got dressed in casual clothes, slotted on my cap, and went to the living room where I smelled coffee—the liquid elixir which I had loved so much and which now pretty much disgusted me, since it triggered nausea. But I wasn't about to say anything about it, and I took a cup so she wouldn't be offended.

"Go sit down, breakfast is almost ready. We have to leave soon to go meet your mother." I avoided her gaze as she said this, so that she wouldn't see how much anxiety this conversation provoked in me. "I know you're nervous," she said, and I raised my eyes to look at her. "You can't fool me."

"Yeah. You're right, I'm scared shitless, actually. I have no idea how she will react."

"Rick, she'll be sad—it's to be expected. But nothing's going to matter to her more than your welfare."

"I know ... but I've hidden it from her for a long time and ... I stopped fighting."

"You haven't stopped, you're just doing it your way, or at least I think so. I wouldn't marry you if I didn't know that deep down you have the desire to live. I know you're not giving up. If you're happy, you'll be much stronger in fighting this. And in the end, we will win, I'm convinced of it."

"Hopefully. I love it that you're so positive," I said, feeling my fear begin to dissipate, transformed into a smile.

"I learned positive thinking from someone very special. Don't you remember? That's how you always were before."

"Well, it's an attitude that has served me well, hasn't it? After all, here you are with me—and that was beyond my wildest dreams," I said making her laugh.

"Come on, dreamer, come help me clear up, and let's go."

* * *

KATE'S POV

I drove the car. He looked really tired, and this way he could take a rest if he wanted as we drove. And he did. We still weren't quite there when he awoke.

"Still a ways to go?"

"Nope, almost there."

"Okay," he said looking nervously in the car's mirror. "I love this hat. Nobody would notice that my fabulous hair is all gone, right?" he tried to joke.

"Soon you'll have it all back. It'll grow quickly, and before you know it, it'll be back again, awaiting your ministrations." I glanced sideways and he laughed. "As if I don't already know that you used to spend hours styling your hair just so."

"That's what made me so irresistible."

"Yes, of course, if you say so," I said laughing.

I followed his instructions until we stopped in front of a great, big, amazing house. It had two floors visible from the front, and its white exterior made it stand out in the middle of a beautifully kept lawn on a small rise. It smelled of the sea, which had to be close by. "This is incredible," I remarked, looking curiously at it from all angles.

"I wanted to put my father's money to good use—or at least part of it," he said smiling at me.

I helped take the things out of the car, clothes and other items for the wedding, and then we walked inside. The interior was even more impressive. A beautiful staircase led to the upper floor, decorated in white tones and light colors that made it look even more expansive. He must have seen my surprise because he looked at me, saying, "Wait till you see what's out back."

"Where should I leave my things?"

"You can choose your room. There are three upstairs, and two down."

"Which one's yours?"

"The first downstairs bedroom. I barely use the upstairs. Before, I was too lazy to climb stairs; now, I understand that it's pointless, when I have a perfectly good bedroom downstairs, and right next to the essentials, too." He pointed out the beautiful and spacious kitchen.

"Fine, I'll take the small bedroom next to yours."

"Kate—" he began to object.

I needed to be near him. I wanted to take care of him. I knew he didn't really like to have me hovering over him, keeping an eye on him, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to do whatever I could to make him feel comfortable and be all right.

"What about it?" I parried in complete seriousness, ready to counterattack if he objected any further.

"Nothing." He realized that there was no escaping it, so he resigned himself to it. "It's fine," he smiled at me.

"Well, that's ... okay then."

I unpacked my things in the room, and when I had finished, Rick had not yet come out of his room. So I started exploring on my own. When I went outside, my mouth dropped right open and stayed that way. The house was awesome, indeed its owner was correct in his assertions. There was an amazing pool with a natural lawn surrounding it. But the most wonderful aspect—the part that made me captivated with this place—was that wherever you looked, you could see the sea—blue and calm, with the sunlight reflected in it. Clean white sand began just beyond the fence. I could not have chosen a better place to get married. It was idyllic. I was still standing there gaping, stunned with the enjoyment of all that light and sea, when Rick's voice startled me.

"You like it?" he asked from right behind me, so close I felt the heat of his body.

"This is incredible!" I watched as he placed his hands beside mine on the railing separating the interior from the exterior, pressing his body even closer to mine.

"Imagine how it'll look decked out for our wedding," he said, and I turned round to face him.

"I think it's going to be fantastic," I said, made skittish by his nearness. I didn't know exactly what it was he made me feel, but his proximity made me very nervous. I looked at him, he smiled back, and somehow it just made me even more nervous. Suddenly we heard the sound of the front door closing, and I observed him suddenly tense up. The dreaded moment had arrived. "Be calm, I'm here, okay? I'm not going to leave you, or let go for a moment. You're not alone, and you know it," I said, stroking his arm trying to calm him. He closed his eyes at my touch, like he was absorbing strength through his skin for what came next.

"Oh, darling! Where are you, kiddo?" called a cheerful voice approaching us.

Rick took a step away from me and turned toward his mother. When they saw each other, they hugged each other tightly. From the comments they made, it had been quite some time since they'd seen each other. She was having a triumphant run on Broadway with a play; she was a fairly well-known actress.

"Darling, you didn't tell me you were going to be accompanied by this beautiful woman," she smiled at me as she approached me. She gave me a big hug, surprising me with her boldness. "So nice to meet you, dear. I'm the mother of this rascal." I couldn't help but smile at her comment.

"Hello, I'm Beckett ... Kate," I said smiling.

"Well, my boy, I'm delighted that you called me, but puzzled by the urgency—"

"Mother, I wanted to ... I have to tell you something," he said with a nervous gulp.

"I think I'll leave you—" I going to say leave you two alone, but I could not finish the sentence.

"No," Rick pleaded, holding tight to my hand. I nodded, but tried to stay in the background. This was something very intimate and there I was, somehow mediating between mother and son. It really must be very important for him if he did not want to talk to his mother without me around.

"Richard, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"Mom, look, I ... I'm sick ... I ..."

"What's happened to you?" He stared silently at the floor, unable to confront the anguish this woman had in her eyes. "Darling, look at me. What's wrong?"

"I have ALL."

"What?"

I saw what this was costing Rick. He was white as a sheet, and I was afraid he was going to faint, so I decided to help him a little to alleviate the burden he carried.

"Martha—if I may address you familiarly—your son is trying to tell you that he has leukemia." I felt as if it burned my tongue to pronounce the word.

"What?!" She looked closely at him, with tears springing to her eyes. Rick also began to cry. It was the first time I saw him so broken since all this started. They stayed embraced for a long time, crying in each other's arms.

"Mom, I—"

"Hush baby, we will fight, we will not give up, do you hear me?"

"Mom, I ... I can't ... I can't handle this."

"No, darling, don't say that, of course you can."

"It's that ... I've given up on the treatment."

"No, darling, no. You never give up, and you're not going to start now. Never. I always taught you that when you want something, you have to fight for it. And up to this day you've done very well with that, and this is not the time to give up, do you understand?"

"Mom, it's killing me. I can't do it ... no." He took a deep gulp of air—between the tears and the emotion, he was running out of breath. "I don't want to live that way. See what the treatment is doing to me," he said, removing his cap so she could see his lack of hair. "And it's not done me any good, there's been no progress with the disease. I need to be happy ... I just need to be happy."

"Oh my love!" she said holding him tightly, "Your hair is not important. Something can be done, right?" she asked both of us.

"A bone marrow transplant."

"I can donate?"

"Yes, but we don't know if you're compatible; you'd have to get tested."

"Well then, I will. And if I'm not, we'll find your father."

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"I don't want anything from him."

"Rick, you said—I thought you wanted—" I interjected, encroaching on the mother-son conversation.

"I don't want to live with the thought that he'd only do it out of pity. I would've liked to have known him because he wanted to know me, because he _wanted_ me ... not because I'm dying."

"That's not going to happen, darling."

"It could happen, and I don't want to die in doubt of his motivations. I don't need that—"

"Well, let's try to speak more calmly, darling."

"Mom?"

"Yes? Please, no more bad news. I don't know if I can take it."

"No, but I have something else to tell you."

"What is it?" she asked worriedly. Rick placed his arm around my waist and pulled me to his side.

"I haven't presented Kate properly. She's my fiancée, and we're getting married this weekend," he said with the smile that he reserved just for me, that made me feel so special.

 **TO BE CONTINUED …**

* * *

 **I hope you liked the chapter, see you on Friday** _[translator: Sunday]_ **with a big wedding ... the day has come…**

 **Thank you all for your comments you are very great.**

 **Have a great day XXOO.**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Sorry, didn't quite manage to get this up on Thursday. This week has been very busy, with holiday concerts and all. (And not over yet! But Sunday's a day off, so hopefully I'll get a chance to revise chapter 21 and post it). I made a decision to have Castle call his mother Mom in this chapter—I know it's almost always Mother on the show, but it seemed like if he ever called Martha anything less formal than Mother, now would be the time._


	21. Chapter 21

**Good morning, Rick's special day has arrived. I hope you like it. The two of us wrote it with much love and care. For those who are easily brought to tears, just a warning that you may shed some here (I say based on prior experience, haha).**

 **Thank you for helping me, Ladydkl, in all the chapters—but especially in this one, because I think it has turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself, hehe.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: Sorry, it's taken a while longer to get ready to post this. Busy time of year. After all the depressing angst of the previous couple of chapters, it's nice to be able give you something fine and shiny to read as a holiday present. Hope you enjoy._

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

RICK'S POV

I was just as nervous as I was happy. The day had arrived, the happiest day of my life. I felt physically bad after leaving the hospital, but gradually the effects of chemo were wearing off. But at the same time, I felt as if I could sense the cancer itself progressing relentlessly in my body, causing discomfort and pain that, over time, would grow, and eventually take my life. It was up to me if I wanted this ending to be happy or not. That was why today I was about to marry the love of my life—even though she did not feel the same way about me. That was why I had decided to leave the treatment and the longer, slower, unhappier path to death that it offered me.

All our friends were there, and my mother—happy to see me happy, although I could see the sadness in her eyes after hearing my news, the sadness of knowing that her son was dying. I understood why she felt that way, and I could only imagine how losing a child must be killing her inside.

She and Kate had quickly become fast friends. At least they'd have one another when this was over. I sometimes spied them hidden away during these days, talking about the wedding, planning, exchanging ideas. I didn't eavesdrop, just saw them gesturing and talking. One day, they were sitting on the deck having tea. Kate had drawn four lines in the air to explain about her dress. That gave me peace of mind, enough to know that all my feelings for Kate were directed toward the right person. The two important women in my life understood, accepted, and began to love one another. There was no greater happiness.

In addition, there was a very bewildered Jim Beckett, who had suddenly learned that his daughter was getting married, but not to the man he expected. His face when Kate told him was quite the picture. I owed him an apology for all that, and I also needed to thank him bringing into the world and raising up the very best woman in it. I was very nervous about this conversation. But first, I had another necessary conversation with someone else to attend to.

"Hello, Mayor."

"Hey, the man of the hour!" he greeted me with a hearty hug.

The mayor was a great friend of mine. I had done security escort for him for a few months, some time ago, when he was under threat by an extremist group, and we had become close friends. I had convinced him to come to the Hamptons to perform the marriage ceremony, not that that required much arm-twisting. Now before the big moment arrived, I had a question for him.

"I have to ask you another favor."

"Ask away. Whatever you want."

"I'm hoping you can do this so that this is not...well, I'm not sure how to put it. So that it's not legally binding."

"Do this what?"

"This wedding. I know that she's only doing it out of pity—and that's good enough for me. I can live with it that way. I can live the rest of my life with her, knowing that it's that way ... but I also know that there's an expiration date to her patience with this situation. I know how important marriage is for her, and when ... well, when this is all over with, I want her to be able to start fresh, and leave this marriage behind her without consequence. I want her to be happy and be able to marry for real with the person she really wants."

"Rick ... that's thoughtful, amazingly so—but I don't think that what you're asking me to do is necessary, nor can I perform a marriage that's not a legal marriage. That's my position. Do you understand?"

"I just want her to be happy. It's the least I can do after everything she's doing for me."

"And I understand, but don't worry about it. I'll talk to her when the time comes."

"Well, thank you for everything, Mayor."

"No, thank _you_ , Rick. You're like the brother I never had. So I know you're also a fighter, and it's not going to end the way you're thinking it might."

"For me it will. I'm done with fighting. I'm going to devote my time to being happy now. I want to enjoy every minute, today and every day I have left."

"You have to be on your toes to do that."

"Look, people think this is an easy decision, but they're completely wrong. It's not been easy. But just for once I'm putting my happiness first, being selfish."

"You're not really being selfish. What you just asked me shows that."

"Then let's get to work," I said with a wink. "Time to start?"

"Sure, let's do this. The bride has to be just about ready."

* * *

KATE'S POV

It was not like I expected, but I was still nervous, as I suppose every bride is. It was my wedding day, and I never dreamed that it would happen in this way. But I also felt I was doing the right thing, and that made me feel good, relaxed, at peace with myself, and content. I wanted to see him happy, and since I said yes, he had not stopped smiling. That was the best prize, his smile.

"Kate, you're lovely," Lanie said as she entered the room where I was looking in the mirror making the finishing touches.

"Thank you," I said blushing.

"Lanie's right, you look just divine, darling." Martha followed Lanie into the room and hugged me.

"Thank you both."

"No, darling, thank you. Today you're making my son happy, and for me this is just—"

"He makes me happy, too, in his own way."

"Maybe so, darling, but I've talked to Richard, and I know what it cost you to do this. I want you to know how much I appreciate it."

"I don't think I could've forgiven myself if I'd done anything else. Being able to make someone happy just by being with him ..."

"I thank God that at least my son had you when things went bad. Although I'm unable to understand why he has this mania for hiding everything to do with his health."

"Martha, he did it because he didn't want you to suffer ... that's why there were tears. Today, at least, we'll let that all go and smile ... for him. And now, if you'll let my father know, I'm ready."

"Wait a moment, daughter—because you're my daughter now. In spite of everything, I want this to be a proper wedding for you. You're wearing something new—your dress; something blue—your mother's earrings; something borrowed—the veil from your friend Maddy; so you need something old," and she pulled out a blue velvet box with the most beautiful necklace I ever saw. It was a solid gold braided cord with a pendant chain with teardrop diamonds, an ode to good taste and simplicity. She fastened it on me very carefully and then adjusted it to my measure. "It belonged to my grandmother, then my mother passed it on to me. Now it's your turn, Katherine, and I hope someday you can pass it to your daughter, even if she's not a direct descendant of my son. Tell her about a distant grandmother, who wishes her all the best on her wedding day."

"Good god! That is gorgeous. I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life," Lanie exclaimed, catching sight of the jewel as she stood beside me.

"Martha ... I cannot accept this. I'll give it back to you after—" I was nearly moved to tears.

"No, Richard has chosen you, and therefore this is yours, legal owner and everything," she proclaimed, raising her hands in a gesture of refusal. Lanie looked at me and assented with her eyes. This was the best gift anybody had ever given me. It was a family heirloom … and that told me that what we were doing was creating a family. Who knew what the future would bring?

When I took my father's arm to walk to the small altar that had been erected for the occasion in the garden behind Rick's Hamptons house, my mother was present in my mind. She was beside me, telling me I was doing the right thing, and that I would never regret doing so. It gave me serenity and tranquility. Every woman wants to have her mother close, especially at a time like this, her wedding day. I felt the tears at the brink of my eyelids, ready to run down my cheeks, and I bit my lip hard to keep them from pouring out. Today needed to be a happy day for the man who stood waiting for me with a smile on his face, expecting my arrival.

When there were only a few steps left, I focused on his eyes, his constant smile. And if I still had harbored any doubts ... all were erased at a stroke, because certainly my aim to make him happy was already achieved.

"You're beautiful, Kate," he said as he took my hand, and I smiled at him.

After kissing my father, I stood hand in hand with Rick. I was very nervous, but sure about what I was about to do.

The ceremony began with the mayor talking about love and the different forms of love. The love of parents, siblings, friends, and eventually the love a couple bears one another. How it started out as the love between friends, and after one trial or another, grew into something as beautiful as ours. Everyone laughed at the humor ... except the two of us, who looked at one another with the knowledge of how it really was.

"Well, do you want to say a few words?" the mayor asked us.

"I do," Rick answered, focusing his gaze on me, swallowing nervously. I interrupted, intending to save him the trouble of swallowing the bitter pill.

"Rick, you don't have to—" but he put his finger on my lips to silence my protest.

"Let me, please," he pleaded. "We're not even married yet, and she won't let me speak!" he joked, taking in all our gathered friends and family in his glance, and they laughed likewise—at these actions, so typical of us, and the comment, so typical of him. He took my hand and continued speaking, "I wanted to say first of all, thank you all for coming here. It's a rather long trip, but don't tell me it wasn't worth the effort." He indicated the splendid view with one hand, while the other held fast to me. "Now it's your turn," he continued, fixing his eyes on me. "I want to thank you, Kate, for always being there, for allowing this to happen, for making me the happiest man on earth," he spoke with great emotion. "Kate, you are the most amazing woman in the world. I knew it from the first moment they introduced us and told me that you would be my partner and my immediate supervisor. Well, actually, I knew it even better after the first time you told me off," he commented amid laughter from the audience. "I love you for many reasons, but above all for your character. I love that more every day," he said and I felt the tears begin to fall down my face. "I love seeing you get mad at me," he continued, making us all laugh, "and not letting me talk, and giving orders left and right, don't I, guys?" He emphasized his point by referring to our friends Espo and Ryan, who were nodding emphatically and barely containing their laughter. "But your smile makes the sun shine through any storm, and ever since I saw it for the first time, I've become addicted to it, and I wouldn't exchange it for anything in this world, not even for another minute of life. Thanks for everything, for being here, for making me who I am, for helping me know myself, for teaching me with your wisdom in life, for making me know what I want, and for helping me fight for it. Kate, there's still time to change your mind, if you don't want to do this. It's enough for me to know that you would do it for me," he concluded, and furtively wiped the tears that had appeared on my cheeks.

"I want to do it," I said, sure and smiling. "I _have_ to do it. I'm not going to release you from your promise." I took in a breath of air, as people smiled and whispered. "A few years ago, when they asked me to lead a team of men, I was a bit apprehensive, but my father—and by the way, thank you, Dad—told me that I could handle it easily. And although it hasn't been quite so easy as all that, I've found I was able to do it. You boys are going to be free of me temporarily, but tread carefully—because I'll be back! And that's a threat I mean to make good on," I said glaring at the guys, who looked like they wanted the earth to swallow them whole. "You, Rick, were one of those men, and at first you constantly had me fit to be tied! You had me beside myself, always driving me crazy with your 'brilliant ideas' and your eccentricities—it just about killed me, and I constantly had to turn to Lanie for consolation. It was she who told me that once you looked past all this stuff that drove me mad, you'd see the best person I'd ever met. You're good, loving, humble, and above all, tender. I just want to ask you something: do not change, Richard Castle, please do not ever change a thing."

"Well then, if we're all clear on that," the mayor inserted. "Richard Castle, do you take Katherine Beckett to be your wife?"

"I would be a fool to say no."

"Rick, just answer a simple yes or no," said the mayor, making everyone laugh again.

"Yes, yes, I do," he proclaimed, gazing into my eyes, and I saw love—the kind of love that I always expected to see in eyes of my spouse on my wedding day. I only wished I could feel the same way for him someday. I loved him now, but in a different way than he loved. I had come to know him well in recent days, and he was a different person from what I had always imagined before all this happened. He was really an amazing man, and I'm sure if we had known each other in other circumstances, if we only had more time ... I might learn to love him the way he clearly loved me.

"Katherine Beckett, do you take Richard Castle to be your husband?"

"I ..." I swallowed hard, and my hands were shaking—but when I lifted my head and looked directly at him, I said decisively, "Yes, I do."

"Well then, by the power vested in me as Mayor of the City of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now ... I don't know what—you can do whatever you want!"

I saw how nervous Rick became, as he slowly leaned toward me, with our hands still joined. I closed my eyes to accept his kiss, but despite that, I noticed that he brought his lips to my cheek, to kiss me there. He intended to pull back, but I opened my eyes and at the last moment, I turned and sealed my lips on his. It was a special, soft kiss. His lips were warm but motionless, as he stood there in indecision. So I took the initiative and with my lips tenderly caught his lower lip. It was just a kiss, but something stirred inside me.

Before I could process it all, Rick had withdrawn from the kiss, and all our friends surrounded us to congratulate us, hug us, and be the first to hear our first words as a married couple.

TO BE CONTINUED …

* * *

 **Tomorrow we'll be back with a new chapter. We'll continue with the wedding, and see how the celebration goes for this couple's most special day. Thank you all for continuing to read. You are the best!**

 **Have a good day XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: I'm sorry, folks, but this time of year is just very busy for me. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter ready for posting. Probably sometime next week. I expect to resume a regular posting schedule in January. In the meantime, I would appreciate any feedback or comments you care to leave about the story, and I will translate them for Tamy. Thanks for reading, and enjoy your holidays._


	22. Chapter 22

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Hello, good morning everyone. I wanted to clarify something that perhaps was not clear from the previous chapter. Rick asks the mayor if he can perform the marriage such that it is not legally binding, but the mayor refuses ... so everything is legal, they really are husband and wife.**

 **Having clarified that, I want to thank you for being here and for your comments. At the moment I am a little bit stuck with one part of the story, but I hope to get it moving forward soon. This will not affect you, as I have a good cushion of chapters already written, and I am sure that once again my inspiration will return.**

 **Thanks to my beta/collaborator for her support and help.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: I'm back! Happy New Year, everyone! At this point, I will be resuming regular postings. Thanks for your patience with the brief hiatus._

 _Chapter content warning: This chapter contains Rick and Kate's wedding night. Some teasing, some talk of sexual matters, nothing explicit._

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

RICK'S POV

It was undoubtedly the happiest day of my life. Seeing all my close friends and family, putting it all out of mind for one day, getting out of the city, and watching them enjoy themselves, dance, sing, smile—it made me happy, very happy. I was walking all around, stopping to chat and smile at each person, and enjoying taking a moment to be together with the people who loved me.

"Hey!" said the nurse who had cared for me during my hospital stay.

"Hi, Alex."

"You're so handsome!"

"You're not so bad yourself," I replied smiling, as I gave her a warm hug.

"Careful! Your wife might get jealous."

"Women to me are like churches—they're all beautiful and worthy of admiration," I said a little sadly. "Kate is the cathedral that every one of these churches aspires to be. Beautiful, grand, special, unique, but inaccessible."

"Rick, you're quite the romantic. Where were you when I was still young?"

"Alex, I want to talk a little with you."

"Sure, tell me."

I had decided to say goodbye to each and every one of them, because when they left, I would be alone with Kate, and I didn't know if I would have another opportunity to thank all of them for what they had done for me.

"I ... I just wanted to thank you for everything, Alex. Really, you're an amazing woman. I have so much to thank you for, partly because you're responsible for this," I said extending my arms. "You gave me the strength to fight for what I want."

"Yes, maybe so, but it's a shame that I haven't managed to convince you to keep fighting—"

"I'm happy this way, and I think that right now, given my situation, I couldn't ask for more." Suddenly she threw herself into my arms, squeezing tightly.

"Rick ... thank _you_. Thanks to knowing you, I've realized that most of the problems we have every day are trivial. After seeing you confronting your disease with strength, making it your goal to be happy, I think you're an example to others in the world. And I thank the world for letting me know you. Even though I would've liked better to have met you in other circumstances."

"I don't regret getting to know you in any circumstances, Alex. Really, I've gotten many good things from this and one of them is you. Thanks for everything. Thanks to people like you, a lot of people are able to put their problems behind them. You really are an example of how nurses should be."

"We're getting pretty sappy here, aren't we?" she teased, giving me one last hug.

"Yeah, a bit, but the occasion merits it," I replied, bidding her goodbye.

I was already getting a bit tired, but I still needed to have some other conversations and of course I needed to dance with my wife, which I wouldn't miss for the world. The next conversation was one I had put off for too long.

I walked over to where Kate and her father were happily chatting. She looked good, smiling, and that helped me. Seeing them together, I thought about how my relationship with my own father could have been, but right now I didn't think I'd ever meet him, and to tell the truth, I no longer had any real desire to do so.

"Hello, I'm sorry to interrupt," I said putting my arm around Kate's waist and looking almost shyly at her to see if she was bothered by that. But she wasn't. On the contrary, she leaned into me, closing in and happily kissing my cheek.

"Hey Rick, are you okay?" Kate asked me straight away, with concern in her eyes. Sometimes I wished she wouldn't look at me like that, that everything was "normal" so to speak.

"Yes, I just wanted to talk to your father, if I may," I said nervously swallowing. It was ridiculous, but I was as scared as a kid being hauled in front of the school principal. Kate's father was a lawyer and an impressive figure, and on top of that I assumed that he knew about the situation.

"Of course," said Kate, giving me an odd look.

"Don't go far—I'd like to dance with my wife, if you don't mind." I smiled and watched as Kate's face blossomed with a matching smile—the smile I had fallen in love with—and she gave me knowing wink.

"Hello," Jim said, offering his hand, "I would've liked to have talked to you earlier."

"Yes, me too. I'm sorry. I should've done it before, but everything has moved very fast because of my situation, which I suppose you know."

"Yes, I understand," he said, still very solemnly, which failed to assuage my fear.

"I just wanted to apologize for doing this to your daughter. I know you can't have liked it. I just want to say that in the time I have left I will try to make her happy, and I promise above all to take care of her. I just want to let you know that I love her and would never hurt her."

"I can see that. And I'm not angry ... I'm proud, very proud of my daughter."

"Yes, you have reason to be, I assure you. She is an amazing woman." I smiled like a fool.

"All right. Now that we're alone, I want to ask you some things," he said even more seriously.

"Yes, of course, please do."

"First of all, you're my son-in-law, so be familiar with me. I'm Jim, or Dad, as you prefer. And don't tell anyone, but despite having quite the reputation, I've never actually eaten anyone alive." He patted me on the shoulder. "Relax, man ... we're family."

"Thank you, sir—sorry—Jim, if I may." From that moment, when I saw that this gentleman did not have any kind of animosity towards me, I relaxed. I had already won him over, even though I had barely spoken two words to him. Now I understood who Kate resembled in character.

"Of course you may, son." He paused and looked around, then continued with his requests. "I've seen my daughter, and she loves you. I don't know how much nor in what way, but she loves you, or she wouldn't do this. Don't hurt her. What I mean to say is, don't give up your fight, son. I think losing you, after the way she lost her mother—it would destroy her, and I don't want to see her sunken in a morass like that again."

"I would love to live a hundred years with her, but it doesn't depend on me, Jim."

"Yes, it does. You can keep fighting."

"I understand ... but I ... I'm sorry, I'm going to die, you know? And if I'm allowed to choose, I prefer to do it without all the nasty side effects of chemotherapy."

"I could almost tell you that I understand, but I shouldn't ..."

"No, I recognize that. I understand that you want the best for your daughter, and I wish I could give her something more, but … the best I can do is try to make her happy, as happy as she makes me."

"I agree. Both of you, take care of yourselves and each other, Rick. And nice to meet you son, really," he said again offering his hand, and with giving it another thought I pulled him in to give him a big hug.

"Thank you. And now I think I deserve that dance with my wife. I'm going to look for her." I smiled and looked around for Kate.

"Make good use of the time, son, because after you do, I'll take her away for at least one dance."

"But of course, Jim. You're the only one I'd let interrupt us," I joked.

I knew she loved me. Jim had confirmed it, part of me already knew it, and I knew it was not just out of pity or compassion. But just a few short months ago I could not have imagined that she had even the slightest appreciation for me. I spotted her in the distance talking animatedly with Lanie and the boys, so I approached her with a smile.

"Would the most beautiful woman in this place grant me the honor of a dance?" I spoke softly in her ear.

"Absolutely," she said giving me a shy smile. "I don't know if I'm any good, but I can try."

"Just let yourself feel it, okay?" And she nodded in response.

I pulled her close to me and together we united in movement to the rhythm of the music, a slow, lilting melody that cradled us with its notes.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I held him as we kept time to the beat of the song. I loved to take refuge in his scent, the essence that made me relax, that somehow made me feel protected. His body had suffered greatly during this time. He was much thinner. He somehow felt small, in spite of being so tall.

I felt his hot breath on my neck and his strong arms squeezing my waist, and I wanted to grab hold of this moment, to seize it and remember it always.

I pulled away just enough so that we could see each other, face to face even though he was taller than me. We moved to the beat, gazing at one another all the while, trying to read what the other was thinking.

For this day I had chosen a high heel that placed me almost at his height. My dress was very simple, off-white, with a very comfortable boat neck, which allowed me to move freely. It was long, but had no train, which I always found somewhat pretentious. I felt good in it, which was what made me decide to wear it.

"You're lovely, Kate."

"You're not too shabby yourself."

"You had your doubts," he said to make me smile. I saw the heaviness of his eyelids, fluttering closed. There was no doubt, he was already tired. The day had been very long and busy, and he must be exhausted.

"Rick, I think you should go lie down for a while. You look worn out."

"No, I'm fine. Before I go, I need to talk to—"

"That can wait."

"Grooms may not just disappear."

"The bride and groom leave when they want to, so we're going now."

"You can stay if you want. All your friends have come—you should at least spend some time with them."

"No, we go together. Now we're a married couple, right?"

"Yes," he smiled, looking happy, "thank you."

"All right. Stay here a moment and I'll be right back for you."

"Yes, boss," he said with a wink.

"Careful ... if you make me angry, I can still arrest you," I joked.

I said goodbye to everyone quickly, telling them to continue enjoying the wedding as much as they could. When I returned to Rick, he was sitting on a sofa inside the house. He looked pale, and it was clear that he was tired.

"Come on," I said tugging on his waist to help him get to the bedroom.

He began to undress, fumbling a bit, so I decided to help. Carefully I started unbuttoning each button of his shirt. I tried not to look at him but inadvertently made eye contact. I noticed that he wasn't quite as blue as before. I helped him with the rest of his clothes, trying to touch him as little as possible, so as not to make him uncomfortable. I handed him a T-shirt that I found beneath his pillow. It was loose-fitting, and with his underwear, he would be comfortable. I pulled down the covers and eased him onto the bed, so that he could lie down. When he laid his head down on the pillow he winced, as if grateful that he could finally get in bed and rest.

"Do you want anything else?" I asked, before realizing the error of such a question.

"Oh yes, I _want_ it, but I don't think I _can_ ," he answered cheekily back at me. "No, don't worry, I'm fine."

"I'm going to change. I'll be right back." He looked at me surprised. "What?"

"You don't have to sleep here. It's okay, I understand."

"We're married, it's our wedding night, and I will not leave you alone."

"Oh yeah!" He smiled. "But I already told you, that I don't think I can keep up." He laughed uneasily.

"Since you've mentioned it, I'll tell you what I think." I paused, changed my plan. I wouldn't go to the other room to change—I would do it right here, no matter how embarrassed I was. I ought to give him confidence. "I think that neither of us is in a 'good position' tonight," I said making him laugh, "but we can still sleep together, if that's okay with you."

"How could that possibly not be okay with me?" he replied without ceasing to look at me. He was entranced by my movements, as I lowered my wedding dress off my shoulders, exposing my white bra, garter and stockings, and thong. His eyes were sparkling brightly at the sight.

Without turning around, I propped one foot on the bed, and removed the stockings slowly, one after another, giving him plenty of time to take delight in the sight, as he goggled at me. Then I unclipped the garter, which dropped to the floor. Now I was just wearing a tiny thong, and he looked like he was just about drooling.

"Kate ... God! I'm not made of ice! Please, come ... come!"

"Relax," I soothed, as I pulled on a small nightgown, off-white like my wedding dress and undergarments.

After lifting my dress off the floor and laying it over the back of a nearby chair, I got into bed with him. I crawled over the quilt up to his side.

When I got near, I noticed how, despite his very excited breathing, there was no sign of life in his groin. I had imagined that was the case, but I had wanted to try. I approached shyly, in spite of the fact that we had already seen each other nearly naked.

"Come on," he said, seeing me blush. "Thank you, Kate ... thank you," he whispered in my ear, giving me a gentle kiss on the head.

I lay on my back, not daring to move. I was nervous, but I wasn't made of stone, either, and I remembered perfectly well that kiss of his, his tongue playing with mine, and the excitement I felt. I was afraid that if I touched him, we would burn up.

"Kate, what you just did was beautiful, but you have nothing to fear. I'm incapable of anything since I got my first round of chemo. Nothing ... well, nothing works—not even in the morning. Although I swear I want to, because I have never seen a more beautiful and sexy woman than you."

"Rick ..." I said without moving.

"May I ask you something?"

"Of course," I said looking at him, hearing the urgency in his voice, though I was a little apprehensive about what he might propose.

"May I ... just for today ... ask you to hold me. I want to feel you close, know that you are real."

"Yes, of course," I said moving over to lie by his side, passing my arm around his bare, warm chest. It was curious, that even though the hair on his head had fallen out, his chest hair was still there, firm and strong, but soft and smooth at the same time.

Rick put his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him if that was even possible, until my head lay on his chest, listening to his hectic and excited heartbeat. It was so wonderful to know that his heart was beating so strongly … for me. Knowing that I could make someone happy just by being there ... that kind of love was what I always wanted to feel, and know that someone felt for me.

"I never imagined that on my wedding night, I wouldn't have sex with my wife. But I also never imagined I would marry the woman of my dreams and be so happy as I am right now."

"It will come, Rick ... in time. You'll see ..."

A pure love. That was ours, at this moment. Because I felt that each day, something was growing inside me—and one day, it would blossom, to our mutual enjoyment.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Okay, a further clarification, right now Rick cannot consummate his marriage, but don't worry, the effects will pass, and Little Ricky will make his reappearance, so I intend to change to an M rating** _[translator—It's going to stay T. See note below]_ **. Thank you all for being here, and I hope to return on Monday with a new chapter. Next week there will be surprises, and it will be a special week for me ... my birthday is coming !**

 **I'll wait for your comments, have a happy weekend XXXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Translator: Tamy went ahead and changed the story to an M rating, in the Spanish version. I'm going to keep it T. Most of the chapters remain T, in any case. There will be some suggestive segments in upcoming chapters, and as usual I will put a header warning on any chapter that contains "M-ish" parts. There is one upcoming chapter that is definitely "M." I will post a version of it here, modified to conform to T standards, and post the complete M-rated chapter separately._

 _Thank you for putting up with the long delay, and continuing to take this journey with me and Tamy. As always, your feedback is important, and very much appreciated._


	23. Chapter 23

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here's a new chapter. I thank you all for reading, because without readers there'd be no point to this!**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _Sorry! I accidentally posted chapter 13 instead of 23. Thanks to those of you who alerted me, so that I could fix it._

* * *

 **Chapter 23**

KATE'S POV

I woke up still in his embrace. He was tranquil, fast asleep. I lay there for a moment, gazing at him, taking in every feature of his face. I could not help but smile myself to see him asleep with a smile on his face.

I got up carefully so as not to wake him and left the room. The guests who had stayed over—the boys, Lanie, my father and Martha—were having breakfast together.

"Hello, good morning everyone."

"Hey! Here comes the bride! How about that wedding night, Mrs. Castle?" Lanie asked in an attempt to needle me.

"You never shut up, do you, Lanie? You remind me of someone."

"Me, too," Martha laughed. "How is he?" she asked with concern.

"Fine. He's still asleep. He slept all night, and I didn't want to wake him."

"Well, I leave it in your good hands. I've decided to go today in search of his father. Even if my boy has decided to throw in the towel, I certainly haven't."

"I agree. We must keep searching for a cure, to the very last moment, Martha," I told her, determined to help as much as possible.

"Yes. I don't know exactly where to look, but I'll do whatever I need to do. I have to help Richard, for once in his life."

"We'll help in whatever way we can, Martha," Ryan said, looking at Espo who immediately nodded.

"Thank you, dears. It's hard for me to leave my little boy, but it's no help sitting around here—so, time to get to work."

"I'll take care of him," I told Martha solemnly.

"I know, my daughter. You don't know how much I appreciate everything you're doing for him."

"I'm doing it because ... this is what my heart wants," I said, somewhat apprehensive but decided nonetheless. "I'll take him some coffee to help him wake up, so he can say goodbye to you all before you go."

"Good, thank you, Kate," exclaimed my father, happy to see me so decisive.

When I entered the room he was still sleeping peacefully. I had trouble waking him, but I knew he would want to say goodbye to the guests.

"Rick," I whispered softly so as not to startle him. I gently stroked his arm until I felt him open his eyes slowly, very slowly.

"God! Surely this must be a dream … good dream … and I don't want to wake up from it," he smiled at me, stretching.

"Come on, don't be silly. Wake up, everyone is waiting outside to say goodbye."

"Okay ... give me a minute."

"Is something the matter?" I asked worriedly.

"No," he replied quickly. "I forgot, this is the first time you've woken me up." He smiling at me again. "I just don't like mornings. It's always so hard to get up." He gave me one of his characteristic pouts.

"Well look at that ... one way that we are not alike."

"Only because you don't know how to enjoy the good life," he countered.

"Or maybe I don't like wasting time being lazy," I chided jokingly, but I saw something immediately change in his eyes. "Sorry, please don't get upset—"

"No, you're right. I don't have any time to waste," he said getting up quickly so that the sheets fell off completely, exposing his nearly naked body to view. "I think I need a moment alone," he observed in his nakedness. I didn't respond immediately—my eyes were drawn to his bare legs and abdomen, and the truth was that the view was not at all bad. I had seen him last night of course, but I suppose seeing him in broad daylight was giving me another perspective. His leg muscles were still strong. He had a few scars and birthmarks, and, well, his underpants left little to the imagination.

"Kate ..."

"Oh yeah! Right, sorry, excuse me," I said getting up, embarrassed at being caught so blatantly perusing his assets. I bolted out the door without looking back. Oh my god! How could I have been so bold as to look so shamelessly at his crotch?

* * *

RICK'S POV

I loved to see her so jumpy in the face of my almost-nakedness. The truth is, I knew that my body was not so bad looking. I liked sports in general, and practiced assiduously, and I also trained regularly to keep fit for work—or had done until recently. And if she was staring, it must be because she found me attractive, at least sexually. Although that was not really what I wanted—or not _only_ that.

I got up, took a shower, and when I left the bathroom, I felt like a new man. I dressed comfortably. I still had a few pending talks looming over me, before I could feel settled, before I could let it all go. I needed to get down to work now, so that later I could be happy with Kate, all alone with Kate.

When I left the bedroom everyone was gathered around the kitchen table talking—and when they saw me they all fell silent. I hated that. It made it so clear that the conversation was about me.

"Seriously? Has no one ever told you that it's rude to talk about someone behind their back?" I joked, and the others relaxed and continued talking amongst themselves. Ryan told his partner that before they left they should go for a swim in the pool; my mother was talking to Jim about something regarding an employment contract; and Kate was with Lanie, cup in hand, discussing the dress of one of their friends.

I pulled my chair up to the table and we all set to the task of eating breakfast, amidst many smiles. Later the boys carried out their plan to splash around, while Kate and Lanie stayed with my mother in the kitchen.

* * *

KATE'S POV

"Girls and boy," my friend said to me, Martha, and Rick, "I'm going to go gather my things together." She set her cup down on the table.

"I'll help you," I said following her.

"Oh! I like him, girlfriend. Don't you let him go," she smiled as we climbed the stairs. "I've always said that he's hot."

"I can confirm it! In fact, he just made me blush when he got out of bed this morning, and I saw what was under the covers."

"Don't tell me you didn't—" she began, but catching the negative motion of my head, she understood that nothing had happened last night.

"What a waste of a night, a bed, a man—" she was saying when I stopped her.

"Since the chemo—" I began.

"Ah! Of course, true, it's one of the symptoms. Well, promise me that when it happens, you tell me all about it, chapter and verse—because you must not waste the opportunity this man represents, believe me girl."

I accompanied her to the room she had occupied during the night. No doubt there had been a lot more action up in that room than in mine.

"And you? Everything okay with Espo?"

"What? He told you about it, then?"

"Who? He never told me a thing. But really, do you think someone had to _tell_ me? Yesterday nothing could stop you two from caressing and cuddling."

"Fine—just like you. You can say whatever you want, you can say you're not in love or whatever, but you and Rick never stop smiling and making lovey eyes at each other."

"Well, fine. I admit it, the truth is that there is much more to him than I ever imagined. He's the best person I ever met in my life. Seriously, Lanie ... he's so sweet, and he never stops telling me I'm the woman of his dreams.

* * *

RICK'S POV

After helping my mother clean up the kitchen, I headed to the garden, but I found Lanie coming downstairs with her luggage, so I went over to assist.

"Wait, I'll help you," I said taking one of the bags she carried.

"Thank you ... and thanks for inviting me, too. The wedding and reception were divine."

"It truly was a beautiful celebration. I couldn't have asked for anything better."

"Yes, yesterday—it was beautiful. Both of you made it clear that there's something very special between you."

"I felt it with all my heart. I really wasn't prepared for that," I said with all sincerity, as we arrived at where her car was parked in the driveway. "And some part of it is due to you. I want to thank you for helping me be happy. You gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me in my life."

"Well, and you had the willpower to carry through with my advice."

"You don't know what it cost me," I said making her laugh.

"Rick you're amazing ... a great man."

"Well, you do what you can. Lanie, really, thank you for everything, thank you for the great moments. Thanks for always making me smile—"

"God! Rick, come here," she interrupted, hugging me tightly. I felt my eyes stinging. This was crappy—I didn't want to say tearful goodbyes to all the people I loved.

"Well, if you don't need my help anymore ..."

"Wait," she said after getting in the car, taking my hand with the one she'd used to shut the door.

"Yes?"

"Don't hurt my friend."

"I would never do that."

"You'd never do it intentionally, but you're going to do it. You're gonna give up on fighting this thing, and you know that _that_ will end up hurting her."

"Even if I fight it, no one can guarantee that she won't still get hurt, isn't that right?"

"No."

"Well then, I prefer to make her happy for as long as I can."

"Sorry, Rick, I know everybody's telling you what to do, but ... it's because we love you, and we don't want to lose you."

"I understand and appreciate that," I said giving her one last smile before disappearing. There were still the boys, and even worse, my mother. I didn't know how I would manage to say farewell to her.

I found the guys next to the pool, with drinks in their hands. They were chatting and laughing, and when they saw me coming, they didn't stop smiling. I liked that.

I was tired of everybody thinking they had to be serious and melancholy when they saw me, tired of people seeing only the disease when they saw me, not the man with whom they joked and laughed.

"Hi guys."

"Hey Rick," they both said simultaneously.

"I came—"

"Don't say a word, okay?" Espo interrupted. "Let's just leave it that we'll miss you."

"Yes, especially when Kate unloads all her frustrations on _us_ ," Ryan laughed.

"Very funny guys, but remember that without me you're not going to have that high case closure rate," I said making them laugh. Those guys always knew how to get me a good laugh. It was the police jargon, their way of handling the drama which I liked. "I'm going to miss you two," I said hugging them both. "And take care of my girl when I'm not there ... I beg you, take care of her and don't let her forget to live and enjoy life."

"You got it, partner," they answered one after another.

"Well, we need to get going, we have a long way to go."

"Well, take it easy," and I left the two of them doing rock, paper, scissors to see who was driving.

I stood outside for a while filling my lungs with fresh sea air. I wanted to be done with all this now, it was so hard having so many "farewell talks." I didn't want to have to say goodbye to my mother ... but I had to, I had to do it so that I could leave everything settled and live my last days without regrets to dwell on, just being happy with Kate.

I went inside and found my mother and Kate chatting like they'd known each other their whole lives. I think that my mother loved having Kate as her daughter-in-law, indeed, she could come to love her as her own daughter.

When Kate saw me enter, she focused her eyes on mine, and I could not help but respond with a smile. Then she realized what was up and immediately said bye to my mother in order to give us some time alone. She touched me lightly on the arm just as she passed me, filling me with the strength I needed.

"Mom, I—" I started, trying to explain, but when I looked up, I couldn't continue. Tears started rolling down my face. She hugged me to her chest like when I was a child.

"Oh ... darling ... it's okay, everything's alright."

"I know I don't tell you this enough, but I love you, Mother."

"I know, honey, and I love you too."

"I know ... you want me to fight ... I know it... I don't want to disappoint you, but ... I can't do it ... not anymore, Mother."

"Darling, I'm so proud of you, so very much, do you hear me? And I'll fight for you. I will not stop until I find a transplant donor for you, darling."

I locked myself in her arms as she cried. I loved my mother above all—a mother is the most important person in the life of anyone—she's the one who is always there for you. And I knew how important I was for her, I knew that she loved me and that everything she did in life was for me and about me.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **This week is my birthday, and I want to make a gift to you—this week five chapters to enjoy. So on Wednesday we'll see another chapter, but there will also be chapters on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.** _[translator: Oh, man. Sorry, sorry, but there is no way I can keep up with Tamy's rate of productivity! Next chapter Thursday.]_

 **Greetings to all and to all a good week …**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Thank you so much for welcoming this story back with reviews and kind words! To the reviewer who asks us to get on with the story: Don't worry! Tamy did her part already—the story is complete. She's such a productive writer that she has written another full-length story since (Escondidos), and is 80,000 words into a second one after that (Lo que hay detrás de los sueños). Meanwhile, I have completed the first-pass translation of 41 chapters of this one, so I'm ahead of schedule there. It's the second pass, the polishing phase, that I haven't kept up with. This time of year is full of family events and work, so there hasn't been much time. However, the next few weeks are not quite so busy, and I think I can keep my promise to stick to the regular posting schedule now. You may expect the next chapter on Thursday, and every three days after that.—ebfiddler_


	24. Chapter 24

**Good morning everyone! :-) Here's a new chapter and I hope you really like it—here we begin the Caskett at full tilt. They're on their own now. I want to thank you all for reading, and your comments are the best.**

 **I want to thank my beta/collaborator for her work and encouragement to continue the story, because now I'm so glad she encouraged me to continue and wouldn't let me get discouraged. Without her this would not have come this far.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _Content warning: This chapter contains some suggestive language and teasing. T+_

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

RICK'S POV

We said goodbye to them all, and watching everyone go made my stomach revolt. I ended up on the floor of the bathroom next to the toilet bowl.

"Castle, what's going on? Are you okay?" Kate asked, appearing behind me as I sat on the floor gasping for breath.

"Yeah, I'm better now," I said getting up. I brushed my teeth to take away the bad taste and returned to the bedroom, where Kate sat on the bed waiting for me with a worried expression.

"Everything's fine," I said giving her a smile as I leaned against the doorframe.

"What would you like to do?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe we could go into town for a while, do some shopping and then, maybe eat out ... if you feel like it."

"For my sake," she said trying to smile.

"Kate, if something doesn't appeal to you, I want you to tell me. We don't always have to do what I want."

"Rick, you know me. You know that if I don't want to do something, I won't do it, and if you get a big head—"

"Oh yeah? What will you do, Detective?" I said smiling mischievously.

"You'd better get moving, clown," she said grabbing my arm and pulling me along.

When we arrived at the town center, we walked around, window shopping and taking in the atmosphere with jokes and laughter. It was our customary mode—she and I, doing what we usually did, walking through the city, looking for suspects. I looked around and saw other loving couples kissing, hugging, all holding hands, and I felt a pain in the heart. Sometimes I forgot that despite being newly married, Kate was not in love with me.

I looked at her and she gave me a sad little smile, and I felt a terrible desire to cry, because if I only had a little more time, just a little more, I knew I could get her to fall in love, make her understand that I could be the love of her life. But time ran against me.

"Rick ... Earth to Castle," I heard her call.

"Excuse me ... what?" I said, coming out of my reverie.

"What were you thinking?" she said taking hold of my hand. I felt a jolt of electricity through my body.

"I ... no ... nothing ..."

And we continued our walk. I wanted to tell her everything I felt, but at the same time I didn't want to make her miserable and burden her with my fears. I had already done too much of that to the poor woman.

"I can't believe it! It's Richard Castle," someone called out from behind us. When I turned I saw my neighbor with his wife. He was the first person to welcome me when I first bought the house.

"Hello, Steve," I said, clapping him heartily on the shoulder.

"What brings you to these parts?" he said looking at Kate, while I greeted his wife.

"Oh ...! Steve ... Gabrielle ... this is ..." I wasn't sure how to present her—as my friend, my partner, my wife?

"Hello, I'm Kate, his wife," she said smoothly when she saw me hesitate, turning me to stone.

"Seriously, Ricky, you got married and you didn't say a word?"

"Sorry," I said a little querulously. "We just got married, here at the house. If I'd known you were down, I would have invited you."

"I do like weddings," Gabrielle said. She smiled at Kate. "Kate, take care of him. You've carried off a jewel."

"I'm the one who's carried off a jewel," I said looking at Kate and lacing my fingers with hers.

"God! I can't believe it! I can't imagine you as a married man, buddy," Steve laughed. "We would love to have dinner with you some evening soon, if you can spare the time from your honeymoon."

I looked at Kate. I didn't know if she was going to feel comfortable with the idea. I was unwilling to cause her more trouble. After all, I had already caused her enough by persuading her to marry me.

"Sounds wonderful," she responded, smiling.

"But in any case, you can't miss our beach party. It's this weekend. You always tell us you can't come, Rick, but this year you can't escape us. There will be food, drink, music ..."

"Well, if we have a spare moment, we'll come by," I smiled at Gabrielle.

"Gabrielle, they're newlyweds! They don't exactly want to spend an evening surrounded by other people," Steve laughed, giving me a light slap on the shoulder.

"Well ... I think sometimes it's good to get out a bit. We'll see, we may just as well stop by. And there's still the dinner invitation," I said trying to dodge the issue. The truth is that I didn't feel like it, but I thought Kate would enjoy being around more people.

We said goodbye to them, and were alone again. It was starting to get late, and we decided to go to a little place that I liked to eat at whenever I was here. We sat at a secluded table, hoping to get some rest.

"Kate, if you don't want to go to the party or the dinner, I—"

"No, it's fine. I want to go," and I saw that she was serious, even seemed excited about the idea. Perhaps it was in order to spend less time alone with me. I assumed that she didn't find that all that comfortable. I lowered my head trying to keep my feelings from showing.

"That's great. Then if you want, we can go buy some party clothes," I remarked, trying to liven her up.

"No, I'm not going to buy something new just for—" but I cut her off to explain.

"Please, Kate—do you have any white clothes here besides your wedding dress? Because you have to wear white to this party."

"Oh! I didn't know that."

"I don't have anything white, either. I don't usually go to that party."

"Well then, let's go shopping," she declared, appropriating the last bite of the dessert we had ordered.

"Okay," I replied, getting up and helping her with her chair so she could rise as well.

"How long have you known them?" she asked curiously.

"The neighbors?"

"Yes."

"They were the first ones to welcome me when I bought the house. They're very kind and friendly. They're lucky enough to be more-or-less full-time residents. People buy vacation homes here, and Steve and Gabrielle spent all their savings to come and live here when they retired. It was their dream."

"I like vacations fine, but I couldn't live here year round."

"No," I smiled, "you're a city girl. I like it here too, I like the peace that gives me ... I enjoy the sun, the beach … the tranquility. But I also like the bustle of the city, the people, the atmosphere ..."

"So you understand," she smiled.

"Come on, let's go look for that outfit."

"Rick, you haven't eaten anything."

"I don't have much appetite."

"But…"

"Come on, tonight I promise you that I'll eat something."

I paid and we went shopping. I wandered around the store, and found simple white trousers and a casual shirt of the same color. When I tried them on I discovered they were baggy in every single dimension. I knew I had lost weight, but I hadn't realized how much. I tried on a smaller size and went to pay. Kate went to the women's section and found several dresses, which she was trying on one by one. I would've liked to enjoy a private viewing, for her to model them for me, to see her dressed in white again for me … but I knew she wanted it to be a surprise.

"You're done already?"

"You're finally finished! About time! You women always take so long to choose your clothes."

"Hey," she said nudging me, "don't give me that, given how many times I've stood around waiting for you to show up at a crime scene."

"True. But I promise it wasn't because I was taking my time picking out my outfits. It's because I didn't get out of bed in the first place, until you called me for the second time," I laughed.

"You are something else!" But she couldn't help laughing along with me.

When we were at home, I decided to take a swim in the pool while Kate put things in order for the night. The water was perfect, like a cooling unguent on every part of my body. After enduring the heat all day, my muscles relaxed, and I closed my eyes to smell the sea, just a short distance away ... the breeze blew softly ... I was in heaven.

"Hey! Don't fall asleep."

I opened my eyes, looked in the direction of her voice, and almost had a heart attack. There was Kate in a tiny black bikini, and it was ... perfect, especially if she wanted to give me a stroke.

"Is there room for me?" she asked, grinning at my discomfiture, clearly aware of how much her appearance had affected me.

"I ... yes ... of course ... if ..." I replied stammering. I cursed myself under my breath for my complete lack of suavity.

Kate dove in, swimming a few strokes, while I clung to the edge of the pool trying avoid feeling dizzy. On our wedding night, Little Ricky had given no signs of life, but _now?_ Now he made it clear that he was not completely dead, but rather very, very much alive, and responsive to my feelings. When she stopped at the other end of the pool from where I was, with wet hair slicked back, a mischievous smile on her face …

"Calm down, Richard. Calm yourself," I said under my breath, hoping she wouldn't notice too much. I was going to have a problem, a big problem, to judge by the size of him whom we had presumed dead. I would never be able to meet her eyes again.

She started back towards me, swimming like a professional. I started gulping and gaping, and suddenly I became aware that my mouth was hanging open and completely dry. I closed it immediately, just as she came to the surface, smiling, with her slick, wet hair, right in front of me. I could only hope that she didn't come _too_ close, or look down through the water, so she wouldn't realize what effect she'd had on me.

"Everything all right, Ricky?" she mocked me in my distress.

"You're going to kill me, Kate," I grunted, and she burst into laughter as she climbed out of the pool on the ladder next to me. To see her toned body, her perfect butt, those long, endless, bare legs ... this sensuality that was uniquely hers as she moved. I was going to explode any moment just from watching her. It was killing me, but what a way to die! I watched as she took a towel and dried off.

"Castle, see you in a while. I'm going to get ready," she said with a smile, and I was too stunned to do anything but nod at her.

As soon as she was safely away, I jumped out of the pool. It suddenly felt like the water was cooking me. I needed a cold shower.

I made it to my bathroom. She, luckily, had gone into the other room, where she'd left her clothes. Soon I had myself ensconced under the frigid cascade. That took care of my immediate problem, but I was still in a pickle. On our wedding night, watching Kate undress had failed to elicit even the smallest twinge—however today, seeing her in that tiny bikini had awakened a response in that part of me that I would've sworn had fallen asleep for good.

I kept picturing her in my mind, remembering all the details from our wedding night, and despite the freezing water, Little Rick did not lose any of his intensity. At that very moment, Kate entered the bathroom, and despite the rippled glass door between us, she could see perfectly well why I was hiding in here.

"Oops ... sorry ... I didn't know ..." she stuttered. "Sorry!" and she flew out of there.

What a mess. _Why now and not on the wedding night, Ricky?_ I kept repeating. Ricky ignored my mutterings, and kept up his own life.

I dried off, and by the time I finished dressing, he was back to normal, so I now felt able to go out and face the consequences.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **It seems that Little Ricky is making his reappearance, haha. Well, again I thank everyone for reading, and as I promised tomorrow there will be a new chapter. I thank you, too, for your birthday congratulations. I'll have a great day to celebrate.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Translator: Readers, I'm trying to keep this story to a T-rating, and I'd like you to weigh in on the best way to do so. I've already mentioned that there's one chapter I will be excerpting to keep to a T rating, while the complete version (definitely M-rated) will be posted separately. But in the next few chapters there are a number of moments that skirt the T/M line, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle this. I could keep them in, but mark them [*M*] so that readers may choose to skip those parts. I could edit the M sections and tone them down to a T rating. I could edit those sections out of the T-rated version, and post the complete versions of those chapters separately._

 _What do you think is the best way to handle the excursions into M in this story? This is new territory for me. I'm not new to writing fanfic romance, but none of my own stories have crossed this particular line. Please PM me or leave a comment._


	25. Chapter 25

**Hello, first of all I want to thank you for your birthday wishes. Thank you very much! And thank you as well for continuing to read, and of course for your interest in the story.**

 **I want to also thank my more-than-beta for her birthday greeting. I loved it, and I want to thank you also for offering that day the best decision I've made since I started writing this crazy story.**

 **Thank you so much! A thousand thanks to you all.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _Translator: Thanks to all of you who sent PMs or comments regarding the rating. I will be marking any M-rated portions of upcoming chapters with [*M*]. To maintain the T rating, simply skip over the marked portion. I will arrange it so that it will not disrupt the story to skip those parts if you choose. Any chapters containing any M-ish material will have a chapter header warning._

 _Content warning: Quite a bit of suggestive teasing in this chapter. T+._

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

RICK'S POV

I got ready for the party, dressing myself in the white pants and shirt I had bought at the shop. Then I put on a white baseball cap that I thought hid my illness pretty well—or at least it hid the baldness of my head.

I was a bit tired from the long day, but I was eager to see the dress that Kate had chosen for the party tonight. I had just finished pouring a glass of water when I saw Kate leave her room. I nearly choked when I saw her. If I still had any questions after the earlier event in the shower, this settled them, leaving nothing to be desired, except ... wow, I couldn't wait for bedtime.

"Castle. Are you okay?" she asked, completely ignoring the incident in the bathroom.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just the water went down the wrong way," I said coughing.

"What? Are you still nervous?" she asked with a mischievous smile.

"I ... no, of course not …. You are so mean, Beckett," I said drawing near. "You know, you're incredibly sexy, Kate."

"You're just saying that because you're thinking with your ... you know," she laughed. But she was right, my little buddy was starting to perk up. Fortunately, the pants were loose enough to obscure what was down below.

"You're not helping much," I said gathering her next to me, and we went out with our arms around each other's shoulders. I wanted to enjoy this night—this one and any one that life let me have with her. I would've liked to have spent the evening alone with her, but I understood that she needed a little time to clear her head and not spend twenty-four hours a day alone with me. It had to be a little bit exhausting for her, though for me it was like being in heaven.

When we arrived, the party was in full swing. Steve and Gabrielle immediately came to greet us, both of them perpetually smiling. I couldn't understand how it was that they always seemed so happy. They had to be on drugs or something.

"Hello neighbor! Kate. What's with the baseball cap, buddy? It doesn't really suit you," Steve said, trying to take it from me.

"Hey! Leave it. It's that I have a bad haircut, and I prefer the hat to ... you know."

"Always so concerned about your looks, Rick. Goes hand in hand with being such a charmer, I suppose. Let's get you a drink. Enjoy the party and don't pay any attention to my husband, Rick. You're handsome no matter what you're wearing," Gabrielle smiled, and gave her husband a nudge towards the bar.

"Why won't you tell them?" Kate asked in a whisper.

"I'm tired of seeing people's eyes change once they know."

"It's a normal reaction, because they care about you."

"Yeah, but I hate to see how they look at me ... I'd rather not."

"Do you want to leave now?" she asked, worried about me.

"No, I just ... I need a drink." I saw how she looked at me, and added, "Not alcohol, I just need something refreshing. It's too hot." I left her there while I went to find something to drink. I needed refreshment of mind and spirit as much as physical refreshment.

A while later, I was wandering around amongst the people looking for Kate, but couldn't find her anywhere. I was starting to consider going home to see if she had already decided to leave, but then I saw her sitting alone down by the beach, away from all the other people.

"You've never really liked crowds," I remarked, sitting beside her and handing her a glass of tropical fruit juice.

"I just ... needed to be alone," she answered pensively.

"Ah! I'll go away, if you want—" I said, starting up.

"No, it's fine," she said smiling and taking my hand to stop me.

"If you didn't want to come because—"

"I ... it's just, I guess the pressure to be sure that you're happy, falling only on me, is just a bit too much for me right now."

"Kate, I'm happy just because you're with me. But I understand that you need your space. You don't have stick to me like glue twenty-four hours a day, I'll settle for twenty-three," I jokingly told her, making her laugh. "Seriously, Kate, I don't want you to do anything you don't wish to do. If you want to, you can go back to the City—"

"Don't say such a stupid thing, okay? It's just that in recent times, I've been used to spending too much time alone. I wanted to run away from it for months, except you can't exactly _run away alon_ e to get away from _being_ _alone_."

"I don't want you to feel like you're under pressure ... I want this to be something we both enjoy. I don't want you to feel tense all the time because you don't know if I'm happy or not—I am, Kate, and I don't want you to doubt that for a second. But I need you to relax, so we can enjoy the sun, the sea, and each other's company."

"Thank you, truly. You have real problems, and here I am complaining," she said looking at me with that smile that made me forget everything.

"Come on, let's go home," I said, getting up and pulling her hand to help her up. We walked back to our house with our fingers intertwined, holding hands and barefooted, right along the edge of the beach, letting the waves caress our feet. Anyone who saw us would think we were a real honeymoon couple.

When we got home I sat on the sand facing the calm water. Kate sat beside me resting her head on my shoulder. We were silent for several minutes until she pulled away.

"May I … may I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why don't you want to meet your father anymore?"

"Because I've dreamed so much about him, and no one could measure up to that. And if he were to appear now, I would always have doubts as to whether it was because he actually cared about me or if it was only out of pity."

"You ... you've thought that about me."

"Yes, a lot. It's normal to have doubts. Before this, you hated me, and suddenly you're doing this. You wouldn't have done this if I were healthy." I stared off into space.

"Maybe you're right, but I didn't do it out of pity. I'm doing it ... for ... I'm doing it for love," she stated, and my eyes immediately snapped to hers. "There are many kinds of love, Rick, as the mayor said when we married, and I feel that I do love you, and that I would have loved you before if you had let me really know you. I think if you had done that, maybe ..."

"Maybe what, Kate?"

"Maybe I could love you in other ways," she said looking down at the ground.

"What are you trying to say?"

"That _this_ Rick—the _real_ Rick, that you kept so carefully hidden—I could have fallen in love with."

"Then it's a shame I didn't let him out before," I said smiling. After those words of hers I could not help but look into her eyes, and I leaned in closer until I felt her warm, moist lips on mine. A light touch, and I needed more. I caressed the side of her face with my hand and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss until our tongues danced together in a perfect _pas de deux_. We withdrew slightly with our foreheads touching, gazing into each other's eyes.

I don't know if it was some kind of insanity that her words provoked in me, or that wonderful kiss so full of tenderness and affection. But I got up and started pulling my clothes off piece by piece.

"Rick, what are you doing? Are you crazy?" she exclaimed, looking frantically up and down the beach.

"No! I just think it's time to fulfill another one of my wishes." I smiled as I removed the last bit of clothing. Kate immediately covered her face with her hands and blushed as red as a peony.

"Rick, cover yourself, please! I don't want to get—"

"Come on, you've already seen me just about naked! Now you can do it without having to sneak into the bathroom when I'm trying to cool my blood." I smiled, turned, and ran into the cold water of the sea.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I couldn't help but peek between my fingers. He had a magnificent backside, I could never deny it. God! Just thinking about it was enough to make my body thrum with heat. The truth is that right now _I_ could use a nice cold shower, like the one he took in the afternoon before the party. This was not normal—we were _married_ , we both wanted it, and yet here we were, both acting so stupid about it …

"Come on Kate, the water's nice!" Rick shouted as he swam about.

"Yes, and by your tone of voice, it must be a very _brisk_ sort of 'nice'," I laughed.

"Come on, you have to help me fulfill my wishes."

"You're already doing it. You don't need me for this one."

"But without you, it's just not the same," he pouted like a cross child.

"I don't want to go skinny dipping," I called back to him.

"Well, if you'd rather, just come in with your clothes on. I don't care. But come on, the water's great."

I was very doubtful, but I saw Rick was enjoying the water, and I thought of a little scheme that we might both enjoy. I bit my lip hard trying to make up my mind if I should do it.

"Turn around, Rick."

"What?" he asked surprised.

"I asked you to turn around."

"But Kate, I've already seen—"

"Turn around or I'm going home!" I threatened.

"Fine, I'll do it," he grumbled as he turned. "Can't see a thing, I promise," he said. But I knew that he had a big smile on his face, nonetheless.

I undressed as fast as I could, without letting him out of my sight, in case he cheated and looked over his shoulder. He was right, he _had_ seen most of my body naked, but this was different. The two of us were going to be entirely naked, and this time, Little Ricky was awake ... and apparently unimpaired.

I charged down the sand into the water, which was of course completely _freezing_ , and naturally I immediately was covered with goose-flesh, hard points sticking up from my skin.

"It's freezing!" I exclaimed, giving him a chuck on the arm to turn him towards me.

"Yeah, yeah it is a little," he smiled and opened his arms to give me a hug.

An even better way of avenging myself on him for luring me into such cold water suddenly occurred to me—the frosting on the cake of my little scheme, as it were.

"You could help me get warm," I teased.

"How?" he gulped.

"Yes, you know how," I purred, placing my hands around his neck and bringing our bodies closer together. I felt like my body truly did get warm next to his. I wasn't sure I could put a name on what it was he made me feel, but I was sure that it was something wonderful. His afternoon display of wedding tackle had opened the gates to new ideas; now it really was possible to consummate our marriage …

He looked at me dumbfounded, and for a moment I thought I would lose control, but with an effort I focused again on what I intended to do.

"We could do it…"

"Do what?" he whispered hoarsely, still seemingly incredulous that we were both naked and so close.

I kept my composure as well as I could and brought my lips to skim lightly over his, and when Rick tried to kiss me back, I turned away from him. I kept playing with him until I had him completely discombobulated, then grabbed his head and dunked it underwater. My revenge was complete.

When he resurfaced, sputtering indignantly, I could not stop laughing. Rick swam after me trying to catch me. We had a good time there, between the games and the light "unintentional" caresses that did not go unnoticed by either of us.

"I'll go get a couple of towels," he announced, leaving the water, and I could not avoid looking at him in all his splendor. Lanie was right, he was totally hot. "Do you like what you see?" he teased, picking up clothes from the sand. I thought I would die of shame—he had caught me red-handed.

A little while later he returned from the house. He was wearing a towel wrapped around his waist and held another one open for me.

"Not looking," he announced, with his eyes shut tight and head averted.

I raced out of the water to where he stood waiting to wrap me in the towel. Then we stayed there a moment, our eyes saying sweet things to each other in silent dialog.

"Thanks for helping me fulfill another dream," he murmured in perfect happiness.

"It's been a pleasure," I smiled back.

We collected the rest of the clothes and went back to the house, calling it a day. The truth is that I had no complaints, not with what we had done, and even less with the company.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **This is starting to get good—it seems that both of them are already a little tired of waiting. Can they hold out much longer? I think not! lol. Well, as you know, I'll see you again soon with a new chapter. This week you're going to have lots of "I learned to love you."**

 **Thank you all for your messages, and have a great day XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	26. Chapter 26

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning to all. Here you have a new chapter, and another one of Rick's wishes. One by one, those that they can fulfill, they're going to do together.**

 **Thank you all for reading, and thanks to my more-than-beta mainly for being there and of course for her work.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _Content warning: One paragraph, about one-third of the way through, contains a description that is more detailed than is appropriate for a T rating. It's marked [*M*] and anyone who does not wish to read M-rated material may skip to the next paragraph without losing any important story elements._

* * *

 **Chapter 26**

RICK'S POV

When I woke up, I found myself alone in bed, and not only that, Kate had been up for a while because I could feel the sheets were cold on her side of the bed. _Her side of the bed—_ I never imagined saying that. Ever since our wedding, she had slept by my side—with _me_ , her _husband_. The truth is that I had expected it to go much worse, that at the last minute Kate would spook or something like that, and leave me. But here she was with me, better than ever. Increasingly, we were less forced, she was initiating our moments of couple-like behavior, and we constantly were getting close to one another, and I could tell that she was becoming more relaxed around me. Last night she was dreaming, and caressed me repeatedly, talking in her sleep. At first I was doubtful, as I imagined she was dreaming of Josh, but no—she said _my_ name, "Rick," repeated as she touched my chest, and daringly, even a little further down. That filled me with joy. It thrilled me to hear my name spoken that way. I was the subject of her dreams.

I left the bedroom and walked toward the kitchen, and found a mountain of shopping bags on the floor. Kate moved through my kitchen as naturally as a fish in water. I rubbed my eyes. I must be dreaming still.

"Hello," I spoke to her back as I stretched.

"Hey sleepyhead."

"What's all this?" I asked, pointing to the bags on the floor.

"Oh! This, it's just some things I bought. But come, breakfast is almost ready." I went over to her, attracted to her body like a magnet, and hugged her from behind. I gave her a kiss on the neck and immediately noticed her momentary tension, but she quickly relaxed and leaned back against my chest, exposing her neck to me to be kissed again.

"Good morning, beautiful," I said softly kissing her cheek.

"Good morning," she responded, turning to face me with a shy smile.

"The best," I smiled back. She looked at me, and I didn't know how to decipher that look, all I knew is that it was followed by the feeling of her lips on mine in a quick good morning kiss that left me wanting more.

"Go sit down, it's ready."

I sat, and Kate put a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes in front of me. Then she sat down beside me.

"Pancakes? You think you can make them better than I do, do you?"

"Well, just wait 'til you try them," she said without losing that beautiful smile from her face.

I put a piece in my mouth and burned my tongue.

"Oh hell!" I cursed.

"What?" she asked, hearing my exclamation.

"It burned me!" I whined, making Kate laugh out loud. "Hey, it hurts." I stuck out my tongue.

"Wow, you really are something else." She got up and brought me a glass of ice water. "Man … I just pulled them out of the pan. You're supposed to wait."

"I just wanted to know if they were good. Now I don't think I'll be able taste them." I grimaced like a petulant boy and was again rewarded with her laughter.

"Shut up and eat."

"Are you going to tell me what you have planned for today?" I questioned, after sampling the delicious breakfast she had prepared me.

"We're going to fulfill another item on your wish list."

"Which one? Not that I mind repeating any of them," I commented, raising my eyebrows.

"Why repeat when you can do a new one?" she replied archly, buttering her toast.

"If you say so. So then, surprise me. Which one?"

When we finished breakfast, we both tidied the kitchen, and went to the bedroom. She pulled some old clothes out of the closet, we got dressed, and that is how we found ourselves out in the hot sun trying to plant a tree.

"A tree? Really? I don't know what prompted this."

"Sure you know. It's on your list," she laughed.

"But this is _boring_."

"I'll have you know, we are helping the environment. What's more, everyone knows that there are three things every person should do in their lifetime—write a book, plant a tree, and have a child ..." and she suddenly fell silent as she realized what she had just said.

"Yes, I know." I continued the conversation, playing it down. I was so happy that I didn't want to spoil her fun. "The only thing I like about this is seeing you dressed that way. It's very sexy."

"Rick ... this tree is no joke ... I'm completely serious," she said, unable to stifle her own amusement, and setting us both off laughing again.

We stayed on task, digging the hole and planting the damn tree, which seemed to weigh about a ton. I was becoming even more bored, so I decided to do something about it. Kate had lain down on the grass in the sun with her eyes momentarily closed. I got up stealthily and carefully arranged the hose with the nozzle open, then turned it on. It sprayed and splattered impressively, getting her completely wet.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing?" she sputtered, soaked from head to toe with cold water.

"You looked hot and dirty, and I thought—" but I couldn't finish the sentence before Kate launched herself after me. I tried to stop her by pointing the hose at her but that made her even angrier. When she caught me, I figured I was a dead man. We wrestled with the rubber hose spraying us both. Until—whether it was bad luck or not—Kate tripped over a loop of the hose, falling to the ground, and I toppled right on top of her in my attempt to prevent her falling. Both of us were dirty, wet, and laughing fit to burst as we lay on the grass.

"Rick! You have such ideas!"

"Well, I think you liked it," I said laughing again.

 _ **[*M*]  
**_ Both of us were lying on the ground, in the sun, and suddenly a palpable tension arose between us, and we solemnly stared into one another's eyes. Strong desire came over me. I had a fierce longing to attack those lips that drove me wild. Her breasts showed through the wet t-shirt, and I got carried away. I kissed her so hard it seemed like I wanted to eat her up. Abandoning her lips, I ascended to her ear and licked it with enjoyment, playing with the soft and pliable lobe as if it were her tongue. I thought I heard a sigh and then a moan ... she was _moaning_ ... she _liked_ it ... but that took my boldness away, and I stopped. Before I knew it, Kate was up. It was a magical moment, but I hardly knew if I dreamed it or it really happened.  
 _ **[*M*]**_

"You clean up this disaster you've made and just finish planting the tree." She eyed me sternly as she stood there. "I'm going to take a shower."

My reaction came a little too late. "Oh right! Fine, just leave me to do it all alone ..."

I knew that would be going too far, but every time I had her in a situation like this ... my body just burst with the desire to make her mine, and every time it cost me more to stop myself, like trying to stop a fire that consumed me. Little Ricky had awakened too late for the wedding night, but now he was irrepressible. I stayed lying down for a while, trying to recover my equanimity.

When I finished collecting everything, and the tree was planted, I went straight to the shower. Everything was muddy. I finished showering, and that's when all the accumulated fatigue hit me. My bones felt heavy again, and I had a horrible headache.

"Hello," I greeted Kate as I went back into the bedroom, to lie down for a moment. She was putting some clothes in the closet.

"Hey," she said, giving me a second glance. "Are you okay?"

"Just a bit tired."

"Then you'd better take a nap."

"No, I'm fine. I just ... I was thinking ... let's stay home today, watch a movie or something."

"Sounds perfect," she smiled. "We can make something to eat, watch a movie later in the afternoon."

"Okay, but I don't feel like cooking. Tomorrow if you want, I'll make something special."

"I'm looking forward to seeing if it's true what you say."

"You're going to freak out when you see what I can cook," I boasted, and she laughed.

"Until then, you should rest a bit. It's still early."

"Yeah. Think I'm going to stretch out for a while in the hammock outside by the pool."

"Okay, I'll come out, too," she replied.

"Kate," I called, "will you forgive me for what I did earlier?"

"There's nothing to forgive ... I liked it," and she made to go outside.

"Kate," I insisted.

"Yes?" she said turning to me.

"Would you do something for me?"

"Tell me."

"Do you remember I told you I was starting to write something?"

"Certainly."

"I'd like you to read it. I want your opinion on it."

"Sure. If you pass it to me I'll get right on it."

"Good," I said, going to get the manuscript. I was nervous about having her read it, because she'd find in it some similarities to us—but I wanted a critical reader more than anything, and her opinion was very important to me.

I looked around in the office for it and collected the pages. I went out to the patio and found her lying on the chaise-longue in her bikini, with sunglasses that hid her marvelous and enigmatic eyes.

"Bring it to me," she called when she saw me. "I'm eager to get right into it."

"Okay, but don't be too harsh," I said with a little pout.

"You won't get anything from me other than the truth, so go ahead and take your rest."

I sat in the deck recliner next to her and closed my eyes, taken by the fatigue that pervaded my body. I ached all over, and before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I started reading anxiously. I knew this was very significant for him. He had confided in me, and that showed me how important it was. At the same time, I was really scared.

I became so immersed in the reading that when I finally resurfaced and took a look around, it was already starting to get dark. The story was engrossing, and I knew as soon as I read it that it was based off a case with which I was familiar—not for nothing was I one of the best detectives he knew—and the characters were engaging. He had undoubtedly based the characters on us, and that made me a little bit embarrassed. I could see, by means of the protagonist, what he saw in me. I couldn't believe he put me on such a high pedestal. I just hoped I didn't disappoint him.

Neither one of us had eaten. I had been so buried in the book that I didn't notice when it began to get dark. I got up and saw he was still completely asleep and quiet. Without a doubt the effort of planting the tree had been too much for him, but in order not to appear weak he had endured it like a champion. I approached and tenderly ran my hand down his cheek. I don't know what had come over me in the past few days, but every time I touched him I felt something strong stir inside me. I attributed it to the affection that I was starting to feel for him, but that attraction wasn't what I recognized as falling in love. It was something even stronger, moments with him where I was so happy that I forgot about everything else. He was an amazing man and made me feel things ... things that I thought I'd never felt before. And though I'm sure he thought the effort was for nothing at times ... I felt admiration; I admired him for being the way he was.

Then I thought about the reasons why I was staying in that house in the first place, and could not conceive that he had to die.

"Hello," he said opening his eyes, surprising me in my staring and stroking his face, and I blushed to be caught in that situation.

"Hello. It's late already. We'd better go inside. I don't want you to catch cold, and furthermore, we haven't eaten." I covered up my thoughts with this rush of practicality.

"Aha ... but ... what did you think of the book?"

"I like it—although I don't approve of the name of the main character. Nikki Heat? Come on, Castle!" I smiled.

"I knew you would tell me that," he said as he sat up in the hammock.

"Well, that's not too hard to predict," I laughed. I stood and helped him up.

Castle called a pizzeria, and they promptly brought us our dinner. We ate between laughter and comments about the book, and we just continued discussing it very earnestly, trying to help him with a few aspects that didn't seem very credible.

"Well, let's set this aside for now, and watch a movie," he said, standing up and giving me his hand.

"Fine, my pick," I said following him to a part of the house I had not really explored yet. It was a room with three couches placed in U around a central coffee table. A big screen descended down one wall.

"Welcome to my movie theatre," he said, indicating where to find the shelf of DVDs. "No way!" he exclaimed when I hustled over to the shelf. "You're going to pick some insipid chick flick, aren't you?"

"How little you know me," I responded with a smile.

In the end we decided to watch the action movie "Speed." I don't know how, but we ended up cuddling on the central sofa. Castle was gently caressing my arm, and where his hand touched, I began to feel the sparks building between us.

"I think ... I think we should go to sleep," I said in as even a voice as I could manage, when the credits began to roll. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. My body was demanding more, but maybe it was wrong, or not appropriate. I didn't know ... There was a mass of feelings in my head that I myself didn't understand. I didn't want to put a label on that spark between us. Sexual attraction? Love? At the moment, though, I felt uneasy, strange—and I wanted to clear my head before I made a misstep. I had come here to care for him, to fulfill his dreams. _I_ wasn't important here—only _he_ was. But did that mean that I could not enjoy it? Did I mean to say that I was beginning to like the idea of being with him?

"Okay," Castle replied, getting up and helping me collect everything.

We lay in the bed face to face. I was nervous, my thoughts begged for explanations I couldn't give, and I felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. I rolled over and within seconds, I felt him draw me to his chest. I let myself be held. In this moment, the knowledge that he was there behind me, his warmth and his presence helped me relax, until I fell fast asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Tomorrow, a new chapter to end the week, and another dream will be fulfilled by Rick. It will be a fun chapter, full of feelings ... and with great desire on the part of both of them.**

 **I hope you continue reading, and see you tomorrow. Have a good day XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Next chapter on Saturday. Your feedback and comments are welcome._


	27. Chapter 27

**Good morning, here is the last chapter for this week. I'm very happy with the story even though this week my head has been elsewhere. But when that happens I start to think about how I want to change that ... and bring this story to its proper conclusion. For those who are wondering how much is left, I say, enough. The story is pretty much finished, and I think it will be around 50 chapters or a little more. But, well, we're looking now at the final touches ... which path to take, and if we're going to lengthen it a little more or not. But for now I don't think so. I think 50 chapters is already enough. Enough for this story, and then maybe I'll take a little vacation ... but I always say that, and then when I finish the story, I'm already writing something new! I don't seem to be able to stop, haha.**

 **Well, I hope you'll stick with it until the end, and so that you don't find it too long, I'll try to make each chapter significant, and it then won't feel over-long.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: For those of you who are snowed in today—stay safe, stay warm, and hope that your internet connection functions so that you can read lots of fan fiction and write lots of comments!_

 _Content warning: This chapter is somewhat suggestive, but contains no M language._

* * *

 **Chapter 27**

KATE'S POV

When I woke up and stretched, I expected to find another body beside me, but no one was there. I opened my eyes, scanning in every direction, but there was no sign of Castle in the room. I was scared ... maybe he was not feeling well. I was supposed to be there to take care of him and he had disappeared. I looked around the whole house but didn't find him. I was beginning to feel a tightness in my chest, when I heard a car pull into the garage attached to the house, then I heard a very loud beep and went to see what was going on.

I opened the door with fear seizing my body, until I found him smiling from ear to ear, then I breathed a sigh of relief, and let myself relax. What a scare he gave me!

"You like?" he said pointing to the Ferrari he was driving. It was bright red with a white undercarriage. A Ferrari with all the bells and whistles, a marvel of mechanics and electronics, parked right there in front of me. I didn't know what to do, whether to laugh, cry, or scream.

"Really? You bought it?" I asked in trepidation of how he might answer.

"No, that would have been throwing money away. But I've rented it so we can enjoy it for a little while. What do you think?"

"I love the idea," I said. I couldn't believe it ... I was going to have that beautiful machine at my disposal all day long. What a dream!

"Well, let's have breakfast, pack a picnic, and take it for a spin," he said, entering the house cheerfully.

When we finished breakfast and had the picnic prepared, Castle gave me a look and grabbed the picnic blanket.

"Ready, Miss?"

"Yes," I replied nearly whooping with delight. I had dreamed about climbing into that car since I first learned to drive.

"Do you want to drive?"

What a question! "Do you even have to ask?"

"It's all yours," he said tossing me the keys, which I caught mid-flight with all the enthusiasm in the world.

"Where are we going?"

"A quiet place where I like to go when I come here."

"Alright, you tell me the directions."

It took half an hour to reach the turn-off. I rushed the curve and Rick looked scared.

"Hey! I want to come out of this alive."

"Hush. You know that this is the safest car in the world?"

"No—and don't drive so fast."

"And that it is basically made for women because they have smaller feet and can maneuver better with these pedals so close together?"

"No … look out! ... that car! …" he cringed, as I dodged an oncoming car.

"And that the foot is the same length as the distance between the elbow and wrist?"

"Kate … you're scaring me ..." he said gravely.

"Come on Rick ... don't tell me you don't recognize this dialogue?"

"Right now I'll settle for just staying alive!" he exclaimed as I braked sharply.

The car stopped on a dime in just a few yards, and when I looked at him, he was as white as a sheet. I always drove when we were on duty, but of course, I didn't allow myself to hotrod—none of this skidding, sudden accelerations and braking. I had enjoyed the ride with the delight of a girl ... this car was made for me ... so beautiful, with all these great features ... if I hadn't done all those things, I would have wasted a unique opportunity.

"I'm sorry," I said laughing.

"If you think we can make it intact to the next intersection, then turn right. We're almost there."

At a normal cruising speed this time, we drove into a kind of forest, and parked the car in an idyllic spot—but I thought the car was as much of a marvel as the scenery.

"Is it safe to leave it here?" I asked him as he took the basket with the food and I carried the rolled-up blanket. He didn't answer, so I insisted, "Are we going very far?"

"No ... hush, the car will be fine," he laughed.

After passing through several thickets of trees we came to a small clearing with a lake and a thin cascade, and in truth it was beautiful. I was surprised to find such a paradise so close to civilization.

"This is incredible."

"I knew you would like it," he said proudly.

"How is this place not swarming with people?" I asked curiously.

"People come for the beaches, and don't investigate the other good things here," he said, and I nodded with understanding.

We laid the blanket near the water, and we settled down beside one another.

"I love breathing in the tranquility here, the fresh air ..." he said closing his eyes.

"It's not bad," I said, enjoying the moment.

"And there's the city girl talking."

"You're a city boy, too."

"Yes, I am, but I know how to enjoy other things as well."

"Ah! And you think I don't?" I asked him curiously.

"I've never seen you take a vacation until now. The truth is that I thought bringing you here would make you ill. You know, without the 'fresh air' of Manhattan," he laughed.

"Very funny," I said reproachfully, hitting him gently in the arm.

"You know that you're very beautiful when you're angry? But when you're like this, calm, smiling ... you're even more incredible, Kate," he said looking at me with such adoration that I could not help it—I drew near him, noticing how surprised he seemed at my sudden proximity, but I didn't hold back. I placed my lips on his and let my tongue explore, asking permission to enter. When he opened his lips, I slowly pulled back.

"Thanks for the compliment, but you do not have to tell me things like that," I smiled.

"Yes, I know, you've mentioned that before. But are you going to kiss me like that every time that I say it?" he asked very earnestly.

"Don't push, Rick, and maybe you'll be rewarded." I got up, and without looking at him, I removed my outer clothes, keeping my underwear on. I could feel his eyes on me, tracking my every movement, but that was exactly what I wanted.

I got into the water and began to swim to just below the waterfall and then looked at him. He stood there with his eyes fixed on me, open-mouthed.

"Are you coming or what?" I called, to incite him.

I watched how he jumped to take off his clothes, and he did it with such haste, he skated around and almost fell down. I laughed clear and ringing at his awkwardness and nervousness. I did not know what was going on with me. I was playing with fire, that was clear, but ... this time, I wanted to burn—and more than that, I wanted _him._ Badly.

Slowly, trying not to fall again, he got into the water, and once in he swam rapidly to where I was.

"I love this version of Kate," he remarked as he approached me and put his hands on my waist.

"Which Kate?" I asked him directly.

"The fun, bold, daring Kate," he said drawing nearer, pulling me so close that I could feel the movement of Little Ricky, making mischief. But that was exactly his intention.

"I like it, too," I replied, shortening what little distance remained between us to kiss him seductively.

We began slowly, only our lips connecting, then slowly I opened my mouth to his tongue, which eagerly sought its partner in my mouth. We continued kissing passionately as our bodies made full contact in an embrace that left no space between us. We broke the kiss only out of necessity, from lack of air. But not before I placed a tiny kiss on his lower lip and caught it in my teeth slowly until I succeeded in pulling what I thought was a small groan out of his mouth.

"God! You're going to kill me, Kate, but what a way to go," he panted, in an attempt to make a joke. But what he did was remind me again of everything, and I couldn't help parting from him with a sudden gasp. "Sorry, I shouldn't have made that comment, I'm just a babbling bigmouth," he said sheepishly, avoiding my eyes, on account of his blunder.

"Yes, you are," I said, and returned to attacking his lips. I wanted to keep those thoughts far out of my mind. Especially now that I was starting to burn with passion and lust. I felt a mad desire for him to take me, right here and now.

I started to lower my arms slowly from his neck to his back, pulling him closer, using my nails.

"Kate," he gasped breathlessly, separating from me. "Please, we have to stop, I'm not made of stone, Kate … please," he protested, attempting to put some distance between us.

"And what if I don't want to stop?" I responded, lunging for his lips again. But at that moment he pulled away from me. He looked into my eyes and put his hands directly on either side of my face.

"Are you serious about that?"

"Totally serious. Is something wrong?" I said, surprising him.

"No, well ... what I mean is ... no ... it's just ... I didn't want it to be like this," he said breathing rapidly, almost hyperventilating, without really knowing how to explain himself in the breathlessness of the moment.

"Like what?" I asked frowning. I could not move, he was holding my head still with his huge hands on my cheeks. As if he feared that a movement on my part could change my mind.

"Like this, here, in the middle of nowhere, without even going on a single date, without doing anything that makes you remember it was worth it."

"A date?" I was so surprised by what he said that I didn't know how to respond.

"Yes," he said catching his breath, as if that act almost cost him his life. "Let me take you to dinner and take you somewhere special. Let's spend an evening together, let me show you everything I feel and never yet told you—and then, if you still want to..." He released me and pulled me back in towards him to increase the intimacy of the moment.

"You'll risk my changing my mind?" I asked, stunned by the proposal. He was proposing to woo me, while I had been trying to seduce him. Certainly he was a special man. I never imagined that a man would refuse, or rather postpone, making love to me just to improve the ambience. This really was love.

"If you change your mind, it's because you're not sure of me, or of my feelings, or of your own self. So I'd rather wait, Kate."

"For real?" I asked, believing that this conversation had to be a joke. My _husband_ was the first man who had resisted my attempts at seduction. Unbelievable, but true. But I decided to go along and see where it would lead. "Okay then, a date."

"Perfect. You're not going to regret it. It'll be the best date of your life, I promise you," he said kissing me softly, which made me sigh with the frustration I felt.

"So. Let's go." I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I was already feeling ashamed of myself. I had insinuated, indeed, I had attempted to seduce him, and he responded by proposing a date. It was so embarrassing! My sense of womanly self-esteem was down at the sub-zero level at this point.

"No, there's plenty of time," he said to pulling me back into contact with his body. "We can enjoy this a little longer."

"Fine, but let's go for a walk," I said swimming towards the shore. I felt frustrated and self-conscious. I got out of the water and lay down on our blanket to enjoy some sun.

I put my sunglasses and closed my eyes. Rick was still in the water at that point, but it wasn't long before he got out.

Immediately I felt something like raindrops falling on me. I opened my eyes and removed the glasses.

"Rick," I scolded.

"What?" he responded, with that cocky smirk that drove me crazy. He lay down next to me and raised himself on his elbow, gazing at me adoringly.

"You are ...such a clown!" I said.

"Yes, and you love it. You can't deny it," he replied cheekily, bringing his lips to mine for a kiss.

I let my hand caress his cheek, while he smiled contentedly. I couldn't believe I was with him like this.

"I can't believe this is happening ... we're so ... so comfortable," I said, looking timidly into his eyes, biting my lower lip.

"Well imagine what it's like for me. I feel like I must be dreaming," he answered, still gazing intently into my eyes. "You're the best dream there is," he said as he kissed me and slowly drew light, small circles over my waist.

I pushed him gently onto his back and lay down beside him, resting my head on his chest, right over his pounding heart.

"I could stay this way my whole life," he mused, looking at the sky while nuzzling my hair with his cheek. I closed my eyes the better to enjoy the moment. "I just wish … that all this could have come about some other way." His voice sounded sad, and that made me raise my head to see him. "Well, no matter how it came about. I'm just happy it did ... happy to have lived it and enjoyed it with you."

"I'm so glad to have known you, Rick, to know you really. I always knew how good you were as a detective, and knew your clowning and your jokes that irritated me so much," I said laughing, "but I never knew you could be such a tender, sweet, good man, the kind I thought no longer existed. One of the true ones."

"You forgot to say I'm terribly handsome," he added, raising his eyebrows.

"I knew that before," I replied, almost inaudible, almost silent, but he reacted instantly.

"Of course. It's the truth, you couldn't avoid it," he laughed.

"The truth is, no. I hated you but—" I shut up ... I had been about to divulge my secret to him.

"But what?" he questioned, moving in closer, quite interested.

"Well ... I suppose there was something that attracted me to you."

"Yes?" he prompted, intrigued by my revelation.

"Actually ..." I shut my mouth, doubting whether or not to tell the truth, hedged my admission. "What do you think?"

"No, come on ..." he laughed in disbelief.

"Once ... I dreamed of you," I confessed, blushing. I couldn't look at him. I looked at the sky instead. If I had been looking into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, I would've been unable to confess my secret.

"Oh! You don't say! Are you sure? And what happened in this dream?" he started asking eagerly.

"Well ..." _Should I tell him or not?_ I asked myself.

"Well what?" he prompted, his voice rising in pitch, so intrigued that he couldn't wait for me to begin the story on my own time.

"It was an erotic dream ... you know."

"I can't believe it!" he laughed out loud, falling back down again on the blanket.

"Don't laugh," I scolded, giving him a shove on the leg that was near my hand.

"What?" he protested. "Kate, there's no need to blush. I've had hundreds of dreams like that about you, you know," he laughed.

"Only hundreds?" I inquired, making both of us laugh again.

"And in this dream," he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively, "what happened?"

"I'm not going to tell you ... because ... later, you'll go telling the guys … just …. No."

"Oh! Come on. Where's the fun in not telling?"

"I'm going to make you a proposal," I told him, sitting up and looking seriously into his eyes. "What would you rather know? What happened in this dream? Or ... maybe ..."

"Without a doubt, I would prefer the reality," he replied smiling at me. Again he lay down on his back and pulled me back to resume my position with my head over his heart.

We stayed that way a good while, both relaxed, embracing ... dreaming of what was, to us, very real.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **This chapter is bit longer. I hope you liked it, and I hope you're looking forward to that date. We're finally getting closer to total union between the two. Thank you all for reading! Have a great weekend, everyone.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	28. Chapter 28

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, everyone. Here's the date that Rick planned for Kate. I hope you enjoy it, and as always thank you for being there and reading.**

 **Thanks also to my beta/collaborator for her work, and all the time she put in checking over my research into the disease. I would be lost without her. And of course thank you for your continued support.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 **Chapter 28**

* * *

RICK'S POV

As soon we arrived home that day, I immediately ensconced myself in the kitchen. I intended to outdo myself for our date night. I wanted it to be special, I wanted to make my very best effort, for her sake. Meanwhile, Kate took a bit of sun in a hammock by the pool, and continued reading my book, my book for her ... I never imagined that book was going to be read by the muse who inspired it, so in a certain sense, without knowing it, I was meeting another one of my goals.

While I was preparing dinner, I heard Kate enter the house. Lifting my eyes, I watched her approaching at a leisurely pace and smiling. Ever since we began this "vacation" she appeared so relaxed, as if she actually liked being here with me. She looked radiant, content ... and she was so utterly sexy with that carefree walk and that constant smile.

"Hello, what are you making?" she asked, coming closer to where I was working.

"It's a surprise, so shoo," I replied, blocking her way. "What did you think of what you were reading?"

"Come on ... just a little hint ..." she coaxed, stroking my neck and down my chest with a finger, trying to seduce me, and—sad to say for my willpower—she was completely succeeding. "If you don't tell me what you're cooking, I won't tell you if I liked what I read."

"Kate ..." I sighed.

"Come on, just one little bitty clue," she entreated, placing her lips on my neck and I closed my eyes as she nibbled on my pulse point.

"Kate ..." I protested, "don't be cruel."

"Fine ... I'm going to get dressed," she huffed in angry voice, turning around and heading towards her room. Halfway she turned and gave me a saucy smile.

I sighed, what else could I do? Because tonight I was going to fulfill another one of my wishes. I just hoped I was up to the task, and could give her everything she expected of me. I wanted to make her enjoy it like she had never done before in her life. I prayed to heaven, or begged my illness at least, to allow me to live up to the expectations. Making love with Kate would no longer be a dream, it would be a reality.

The chemo had put me out of commission for a good number of days. It killed my desire, my hopes, my endurance. But today I intended to make war on the chemo and hoist my flag high before the love of my life. Leukemia might vanquish me in the end, but I hoped to retire from the field this evening at least with my standard at full mast.

I made some calls as the dinner baked in the oven. I had ordered some flowers and dessert, and found in the pantry a perfect wine for my special dinner. I lit candles in the dining room, set the table, and when the oven timer went off, I was nearly finished with the preparations. I just needed to take a quick shower, get decent, and I'd be ready.

When I finished the shower I dressed carefully. I would have liked to dress up more, but the cap didn't go well with a tie. Comfortable but clean clothing, then, and I hoped I'd have some other opportunity to dress like a heartthrob movie star. I fit that constant companion, my hat, on my head and left the bedroom nervously. I heard a knock on the front door, signaling the arrival of all my deliveries. I tipped the delivery person, and arranged them in place.

I wanted to pick her up at the door of her room, in part to avoid revealing the surprise too soon, and partly to show her that I could be a gentleman. I hoped she'd like it ... keeping my promise, giving her the best date ever, something she could remember all her life. Even though I'd be gone, it would form part of her memory ... one of the good memories of her life.

When I arrived at her door, the door of the room she had chosen the first day—which, by the way, she had never slept in—I was so nervous, my hands were sweating and shaking with a light trembling. It was like arriving at the finish line after a long race. I knocked a few times and waited until the door opened and behind it appeared the most beautiful image I could ever dream of. She did not have that special light of our wedding day—our somewhat contrived wedding, but it was a wedding after all—but her smile was real. When I looked her over from her feet to her wonderful eyes, I was speechless. She was a superb image of a woman, femininity overflowing on all sides. She could have easily been God's inspiration in the creation of Woman, from her feet in those sky-high heels that she always favored, to her full-skirted red dress, cinched at the waist, fitted over her breasts, and tied behind the neck—the same neck I had kissed so many times this afternoon. Her hair hung long and free, and a touch of color highlighted her cheeks, accompanying the special brilliance of her eyes.

"Castle, shut your mouth," she laughed.

"That's difficult to do in the presence of so much beauty Kate," I answered, kissing her gently on the cheek and offering my arm to escort her to the dining room where all was laid out.

"Don't be corny," she blushed.

I escorted her down the hall. She placed her hand on my arm and she twirled a strand of her hair with between her fingers with the other. She was also nervous, and she liked this seduction game. I knew her and that made me feel safe.

"Close your eyes," I told her when we got to the closed door of the dining room.

"Oh? Come on, Rick" she complained.

"Please ... do it for me," I begged.

"Okay, but only because you asked nicely," she said closing her eyes as she smiled at me.

"Don't peek, Kate."

"Richard Castle, who do you take for?" she laughed.

I opened the door, and all was in place as I had left it less than ten minutes ago. I escorted her to the table.

"Don't worry, Kate, I promise you'll like it," I laughed softly in her ear and watched her shudder at the deliberate brush of my lips. Anxiety and nervousness added to the lack of vision heightened her other senses. I stood behind her and let her lean on my chest.

"Open your eyes, Kate," I said softly as I pulled her waist to mine with my hands and kissed the crook of her neck, tendrils of hair softly scented and styled for the occasion.

When she did, she could see how the table was set for dinner. The platter of food was covered to keep it warm, but the cutlery, glasses, wine, plates, everything was ready. A centerpiece of red roses presided over the table.

"Do you like it?" I asked when she remained silent.

"I love it. Thank you. But you didn't have take so much trouble. It's just a dinner," she said with a laugh. "I love roses, you know, right?"

"It's just another way to thank you for everything you're doing, every day we've been married, for making me the happiest man on earth," I said looking at her. She turned and kissed me gently on the lips, just a light caress, a sign of love and affection.

I held her chair and helped her be seated and did the same myself. I poured her a glass of wine, and while we sipped our eyes carried on a conversation.

"I think we'd better eat," Kate could not wipe the smile from her lips.

"Are you nervous?" I asked, to give something of mystery to the topic.

"I think you're not any less so," she said lowering her voice seductively. I could easily get used to this shared complicity, this game of words, this seduction—in a word, to life with her. At her side, this woman, this person, whom I was falling in love with for all those years I spent as her partner, and yet scarcely knew.

I got up to unveil the food and triumphantly placed it in the middle of the table.

"Lasagna?" she asked excitedly.

"It's one of my specialties ... among other things," I responded with a smile and a mischievous wiggle of my eyebrows.

"We'll see about that," she said handing me her empty plate.

I served her a generous helping, adding some salad on the side, and served it to her. I did the same with my own plate, but less quantity. I sat and watched her expression without taking my eyes off her, waiting. Now the anticipation was mine, to see her reaction to my specialty. I always thought of myself as a decent cook, but her opinion really mattered to me.

When she saw my expectant look, she decided to play with me, drawing out the anticipation, but she was also curious to know how the food tasted.

"This ... is…." Her eyes were closed, as she tasted, partook of, and savored the rich delicacy, just as I dreamed she would.

"Well…?" I asked impatiently.

"This is incredible," she smiled, and then I could expel breath that I had been holding. She liked it …

"I told you, I'm the best," I spoke quietly, but closed my eyes in a triumphant gesture.

"Yes, sure, happy coincidence ... come on, eat, you clown," she said with a smile.

I didn't have much appetite, but I made the effort. It was going to be a difficult night. I didn't know if I'd have enough respite from my illness to hold on. I wanted to measure up, I wanted to be up for it, and not make her think there was something wrong with me. I wanted her to enjoy it, and if possible for me to enjoy it, too—although for me, it was enough to have her there at my side looking at me with this seductive smile that made me feel like I could fly.

When we finished with the lasagna, I cleared the plates and re-appeared with my second specialty, chocolate mousse. She attacked the dessert cup and I observed how much she enjoyed this sweet delicacy, her eyes almost closed in pleasure. She enjoyed every spoonful ... and only stopped to offer me the cup, when she saw me open a bottle of champagne to serve with dessert.

When we finished eating, I cleaned up a little and took one rose, handing it to her. She brought it to her nose to smell the aroma.

"It smells so good. How did you know ...?"

"That you like roses? I know many things about you, Kate."

"Oh yeah?" she asked curiously. It had been a quiet dinner, in that our eyes spoke more than our mouths. "I think, Mr Castle, that though you believe you know me so well, maybe I can still surprise you today."

"I'm pretty sure that you can. I know your tastes because during all these years working alongside you, I've learned a lot about your body language, your likes and dislikes. I've kept track of everything in here," I said pointing to my brain. "Now let's do something you can't do in the city."

"No? What is it? Tell me, Mr. Castle," she wondered, rising from her chair as I offered my arm to escort her.

"Come, I'll show you," I said picking up a blanket I had prepared for the occasion. I guided her outside up to the fence that separated us from the sand on the beach. "I think you'd better take off your shoes."

Kate obediently leaned on me, unstrapped her shoes and removed them. And so, barefoot together, we approached the shore arm in arm, laid the blanket on the sand, and I offered my hand to sit down.

"Come on, trust me, lie down, we have tickets for the best show of the century."

"What?" she asked uneasily even as she did as I requested.

"Let me show you the stars," I said with a flirtatious smile.

"Really?" she asked somewhat skeptically.

I lay down and she did the same. There she was, the love of my life, and I didn't know where to start.

"See, there's the Big Dipper and that there is the Little Dipper," I said very seriously, like a real astronomer, despite having no clue about the subject. Suddenly, Kate burst out laughing. "What? What's so funny?"

"Rick, seriously, do you try this with all the girls?"

"No ... I've never brought anyone here. Well okay, maybe I tried something like this once with someone I met at a neighbor's party, but ... why do you ask?"

"Well, I just have to say that you must be used to dating people who don't even have half a brain," she managed as another fit of giggles overcame her.

"Hey ..." That really made me feel foolish. I'd thought I'd be able to impress her, but of course, she was Kate Beckett, she was not impressed by someone "showing her the stars." Not only had she graduated from Police Academy, she was very smart, and she'd graduated from the university Cum Laude.

"Ayayay! Excuse me, sorry ..." she said between guffaws. "Castle, you haven't gotten a single thing right."

"You're so sure of that?" I challenged, trying to cling to the remnants of my vanity. I was trying to dazzle her with my eloquent verbiage and profound knowledge and she ... was _laughing_ at me. Oh yes, this was what they called victory ... my big fat fiasco.

"That's the Summer Triangle. The bright stars are Vega, Deneb, and Altair, do you see? And over there, _that's_ the Big Dipper."

"Oh, of course, and you're right and I'm all wrong, huh?" I whined, severely wounded in my male ego.

"Let's not get mad." She stopped laughing. "Oh, it has been such a long time since I've laughed like that. You're a such a funnyman, if you only knew. I don't know about anything else, but you always make me laugh."

"It's not fair, you're better than me at everything. Is there anything at all that I can do better than you?" I said sadly. I attempted to impress her and all I got was her laughing at my expense.

"Of course. Come on, don't be mad, look, you're definitely a better cook than I am," she stopped speaking and lay down again beside me, leaning on an elbow to get a better look at me, seriously now, "and maybe, and I say maybe, you can even show me how you excel in other fields," and with a wink she brought her lips to mine.

"Well, you'll see—" I was about to give her some kind of explanation, but she silenced me with the invasion of her lips.

I savored her lips, her tongue, and in her mouth I encountered the taste of champagne mixed with chocolate, a perfect blend in the mouth of the woman I loved with all my being. I enjoyed the kiss as if it were the best dish of all, and let our tongues play naughtily together. I was enjoying this moment when a sudden recollection dampened my ardor. She was there, with me, but she didn't love me.

"Kate, really, you don't have to do this ... especially here," I said indicating the beach all around us.

"Ssshhh ..." she said putting her finger over my mouth to shut me up, "don't break the mood. Also, I want to give you a little astronomy lesson. I want to show you the stars," she giggled, before attacking my lips again.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **On Wednesday, the time has finally come ... haha. Sorry to keep you waiting but I promise, really, the time will come on Wednesday. I hope you enjoyed the date, and have a good week.**

 **I hope, as always, for your comments XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: I hope you're not too disappointed, but I won't be posting the next chapter tomorrow, but rather on Friday. Chapter 29 will come in two versions, a T-rated version that will be posted in this story, and an M-rated version that will be posted separately. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoyed Chapter 28._


	29. Chapter 29

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Well, the key moment has come and I am very happy about it. I wanted to thank you all who have been reading from the beginning and are still not tired of the story ... this chapter is dedicated to all of you who write me comments here as well as those who do it on twitter. You really do make me very happy. And especially today, I want to dedicate this chapter to Guiguita, I believe it's her birthday. Enjoy!**

 **I also want to thank my beta/collaborator because she had such a hand in this chapter, and just for everything …**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: This chapter has been edited to conform to T rating standards. The complete chapter as originally written by tamyalways will be posted separately with a M rating._

* * *

 **Chapter 29**

KATE'S POV

I felt his lips on mine, timidly at first, delicately, with adoration. In every one of his gestures toward me, he behaved the same way, as if he were afraid to hurt me or didn't completely believe that I was really there. And I had thought that such men had disappeared from the face of the earth. It seemed like the men I'd dated had always been somewhat rude, almost gross—but he, despite being one of the strongest people I knew, behaved with great delicacy and extreme care. I felt comfortable and serene in his arms. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. If you had told me a few months ago that Castle …

But that was not the Castle I now knew. That had been a facade, a mask that this Rick wore in public. This one I liked, the real one. For _this_ one, my heart leapt with joy whenever he was near.

Was I in love? I didn't know if I could call it that—or was this no more than compassion, friendship, sexual tension? The knowledge that he was so in love with me that his highest goals in life centered around me, had made me see him as I saw him now. I didn't know the answer, but I wasn't going to keep questioning myself now; I just wanted to enjoy the moment.

I chose to take the initiative. It was our first time, and although we both felt the same desire, I wanted it to be unforgettable for him. I was going to seduce him, claim my territory, and then let him do whatever he wanted. I sat on his lap and slowly descended toward his lips, which attracted me like a magnet. I devoured his mouth with kisses and heard him sigh. Our tongues danced together in an endless waltz, our bodies responded as the temperature rose, and we began to get rid of the barriers that impeded us.

"Kate, you're so beautiful," he said, making me blush under the intense scrutiny of his bright blue eyes.

"I want to see you, Rick." I attempted to remove the cap. At first he tried to stop me with his hand. "Rick, please, don't you trust me?" I asked, trying again.

"Always, as you know. With my life if necessary," he responded, fixing his eyes on mine.

"Then let me," I said, removing the cap tenderly and resuming my kisses.

Gradually I removed his shirt, revealing his strong naked torso. He had lost muscle tone and he was much thinner. The past few weeks had been very bad. He barely ate, and it showed. But despite all that he was handsome. I had never before looked at him in this way, and Rick really was handsome.

I ran my hands over his torso and then his back, gathering him to me. I needed that contact, and so did he, for we both gave sighs of pleasure.

We started kissing again, each of us determined to give everything, each intent upon pleasing the other in every possible way.

"Rick, God! How did you hide this gift so long?" I gasped between kisses.

"And you, Miss Beckett? I didn't know that you had such talents either."

We both laughed after sharing these astounding revelations. There was nothing better in the world than compatibility in a partner. I always missed having the ability to laugh and talk with Josh. Yes, we went to bed together, and it wasn't bad. But laughing, or talking, or even sharing our thoughts, never even occurred to us. I was somewhat timid about such things, but doing so with Rick was like talking to a colleague, a lifelong friend. So many times he had seen me at a low point, and we'd share one secret or another during long hours on a stake-out. He wasn't just the guy who drove me crazy, he was also the friend you could tell anything to. This affinity of feeling in married life was even better. To say whatever you wanted without fear of screwing up or losing face ... that was incomparable to anything I had known before.

He held out his hand and I gave him mine. He helped me up, we gathered up the blanket and our clothing, and retraced our steps back to the house. The pool lights were on and the water called to us enticingly. The sand annoyed us, slithering around in uncomfortable places, so I gave him a shove into the water. He gave a shriek, and I joined him, tossing my dress onto the nearest hammock.

The water was startlingly cold, but with the sweltering heat of the day and our bodies still fired by passion, it didn't bother me. It gave me pleasure to see him in his entirety. We closed the distance between us and kissed, then our hands explored, helping to light one another's fires. I realized that he was ready for a new game. He stopped kissing me and looked at me seriously.

"Kate, I have no protection here," he informed me in all solemnity.

"Who said you needed it?" I replied, with unceasing smile. I was there because I wanted to be, because I had the desire to be there, not out of pity, not because he was dying. I was there because I wanted to fulfill all his dreams, each and every one of them. Who knew what would be? I knew the chemo had left certain systems very weak ... but who knows?

"No, I can't make you do that—" I didn't let him continue with his misgivings. I kissed him like there was no tomorrow, as if with that kiss I could tell him I was ready for anything. I did not want to try to give a name to my feelings, I didn't know whether to call it pity, compassion, love, passion, friendship or sorrow …

* * *

"God Kate! What was that?" he gasped, still breathing rapidly.

"I don't even know!" I replied, laughing even as I struggled to draw in a deep breath.

"I've never—" It seemed like he was trying to explain, but I didn't let him ... I just pulled him to my lips and kissed him intensely. It was something magical. I don't know if it was the water, the situation, our excitement ... but it was a fabulous experience.

When we recovered, we got out of the water, a bit wrinkled now.

"Come on, you'll catch cold," I said as I covered him with a towel that was left out there from the afternoon.

"I'm anything but cold now. I need to rest though ... my legs are shaking," he said as he dried me off a little.

I sat in the hammock and he sat beside me. He looked at me from the corners of his eyes. I was still chilled from the feeling of the water and the gentle breeze that moved along the beach. He passed the towel around my back and hugged me with it.

It was such a special feeling, this affinity, this moment of tenderness, those blue eyes that looked brilliant in the dark with reflection from the water. That moment will stay in my memory forever. Because I had never felt so good and so special for someone. I could almost say I had never felt so loved by anyone.

Without words, we understood that this embrace had made this a real marriage. I could say now with certainty that I had married the right man.

He kissed me very gently, just a gentle touch, but it became more intense by the moment. I could never have enough of him. When we stopped for breath, he stood up and led me by the hand into our room, and there between caresses, by the dim light of a candle just inside the door, he dried me off, then lifted me up into the air and deposited me on the waiting bed. He lay down beside me, and I saw his tired eyes.

"Rick, I'm fine, let's sleep ... come on ... it's late."

"Please, Kate, no, not now, I don't care if I die tonight ... as long as I can have you one more time," his voice was low, and I didn't know if it was to give more intimacy to the moment, or if it signified just how tired he was.

"But you're exhausted. Let's rest. In a little while, if you feel like doing it again …" I said supporting myself on my hand in order to see him better. "I don't want you to exhaust yourself."

"Please ..." he insisted. And I didn't want to refuse. This was his to ask, and if he needed me, I was happy to oblige.

* * *

I stroked his back slowly as he caught his breath. Gradually he showed signs of recovery, and I felt his lips on my neck. He propped himself up on his elbow and gazed at me adoringly.

"That was amazing," he said kissing me, and why deny it? Because undoubtedly for me it had also been a great night. A great night physically, but also in terms of my feelings, because I could not deny it. I loved him. I was in love with him.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Sorry if there are any mistakes, but there was little time to correct. Thank you again. Let me tell you that now I have all the time in the world to focus on the story. I'll be giving some thought to the finale that I have mind. I know I said I was going to take a break after this, but my resolution has failed me already, and I'm already thinking of new stories. I want to ask a question, what is your opinion (for the next story I have in mind)—which of Beckett's exes do you like the least? Don't get too excited, it's not because I'm going to break up Caskett, but it's important for the story…** _[translator: Tamy has written this next story already. It's called Escondidos (Hidden) and is posted on her profile page in Spanish. You can follow the link on my profile page to get there.]_

 **Thank you all and have a good week, see you on Friday XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Translator: thanks for reading._


	30. Chapter 30

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Hi everyone, here's a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it and of course thank you for all your feedback, it's been incredible.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 30**

KATE'S POV

When I woke up I became aware of some small discomfort between my thighs, inevitable after such a big night. It was the good kind of soreness, that made me smile in a way I had not done for a long, long time. I stirred, seeking his big, warm body, but couldn't find him anywhere.

I sat up and scanned the room looking for him, but didn't see him. I got up and went into the bathroom, but he wasn't there either. Leaving the bedroom, I knew where he was before turning the corner, thanks to the wonderful smell coming from the kitchen.

He must have heard me coming because he immediately turned in my direction.

"Good morning, beautiful lady," he said, all smiles. "You've ruined my surprise." He approached me and gathered me in by the waist, kissing me gently on the lips. "I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed."

"Mmm! I would've loved that," I said returning the embrace and breathing deeply of his scent, "but I missed you."

"I love that you missed me," he returned, gently stroking my hair, "now let's have breakfast."

We both sat at the table making eyes at each other like two children who have discovered love for the first time, saying lovey words. Between smiles and kisses we quickly cleaned up the kitchen, and to cool off a little—both our bodies and our minds—we decided on a refreshing dip in the pool.

We both got into the water, trying to mitigate the heat here in The Hamptons. We played around for a long time in the water, until Rick stopped and stood near the wall. I approached him, and he quickly wrapped his arms around me. He started to kiss me slowly, making me shiver with anticipation.

"This is incredible," he smiled at me. "I'm the luckiest man in the world."

It was he who was amazing. Despite everything that had happened, here he was, happy in spite of it all, thankful for each passing minute of time he was granted, and thanking me just for being me. I never thought I was anything special, and yet this man considered himself fortunate simply for having me in his arms. He, and people like him, were exactly the kind of person who most deserved to live and be happy.

"You really are amazing," I said with great emotion, barely able to avoid tearing up.

"Kate, are you okay?" he asked with concern.

"Yeah, just ... this is so unfair."

"Yeah, Beautiful ... But you know what? It doesn't matter, Kate, I only care about this ... being here with you. I only want to think about the present, and stop worrying about a future we can't predict."

"You're right, but I'm still afraid ... afraid of losing you," I murmured resting my head on his chest. Rick hugged me, gently stroking my back.

"This ... is it what you expected?" He seemed afraid of my reply.

"No."

"I see ..." he said looking away.

"It's much better," I told him, lifting my head. "I'm happy. I never thought this would give me such happiness, these moments of genuine togetherness. I never imagined … that we would get to this point." I wanted to tell him I loved him, that I was in love with him, but ... I don't know why, but I couldn't say it. It could be I was afraid to tell him that and then lose him. I don't know, but I felt an incipient panic, almost physically painful, at the idea that I could lose this—something that I had never dreamed existed.

"I also never thought we would. I dreamed of it for a long time, but then for it to come true ... for me, it's utopia."

"Your dreams are being fulfilled, Rick," I said, tenderly caressing and kissing him. Rick immediately returned the kiss with all his might.

There we stayed, with kisses and cuddles, until our skin began to wrinkle like prunes from the water.

"Kate, will you do me a favor?"

"Sure, tell me what."

"I'm supposed to return the car today, but then I'd have to walk back, and I'm a little bit tired from—"

"Are you okay?" I worried.

"Yes, I'm just a little worn out from all our nighttime 'exercise'." He gave me a naughty look. "I would rather reserve my strength for tonight ... you know." He pulled me towards him and began kissing my neck, making me let out a little moan.

"Okay, yes, I'll go, but you owe me one," I told him as I kissed him. I got out of the water with a smile. I had no problem with his request ... and why not? Because it gave me the chance to drive that magnificent machine.

RICK'S POV

I needed an excuse to get her to leave, because I expected a visitor. I knew she would be thrilled, but first I needed to be alone for a while with our guest. Barely five minutes after Kate drove away in the Ferrari, I heard a car drive up to the front door. I got up and went to greet my guest.

When he got out of his car, I offered him my hand in greeting but he wrapped me up in a hug, and I felt like this is how it would've been, if I had had a father.

"Thanks for coming."

"No, son, thank you for inviting me. I've missed my daughter."

"That's to be expected, sir—"

"Jim, remember? Call me Jim."

"Yes, sorry, I'm not used to it ... Jim. Thanks for coming. I know that Kate will be excited to see you, but first I need to consult you about something in your professional capacity."

"Of course, whatever you want," he said taking the seat I offered him on the patio.

"Would you like some coffee, or perhaps something cold?" I offered.

"Coffee, please."

I made a couple of well-filled cups, and then we sat on the terrace. Jim pulled out all the necessary papers, and we set to work.

"It's the first time I've done this."

"Well, it's always necessary to take the appropriate legal steps, son; it's nothing strange."

"Yes, you never know," I said giving him a sad smile.

"Tell me what you want."

"Well, okay. I want my estate divided into two parts. My father, before he abandoned us forever, imagined that he could cover his guilt with money. Over time, that money as well as my own savings have been well-invested, and the amount has grown, so it's now a small fortune." My father-in-law listened attentively. "I want the money divided into two equal parts. The first fifty percent, I want to be divided, thirty percent to ALL research and the other twenty percent to the hospital, so they can make whatever improvements are possible." I stopped and swallowed. "Then the other fifty percent, twenty-five percent for my mother, so that she's not in need for the rest of her life, and the remaining twenty-five percent for my wife."

"Good, I've taken note," he said, writing in his notebook.

"Houses—this is a delicate subject. My apartment in New York, I want to leave to my mother, so that she has a place to live when she's in the city. And this house, I want to leave to Kate, because I think she'll have better memories here. And if for some reason it's complicated for her to keep it, then she can sell it, if she wants," I told him, looking at the floor.

"I don't think she'd be capable of doing that, although I imagine that it would be difficult for her to return here, if something ... if something were to happen to you, God forbid."

"Finally, I want you to take care of something when I die. I want you to handle this," I said, handing him the book manuscript.

"What's this?" he asked curiously, as he took it.

"It's a book I wrote some time ago. I want you send it wherever you have to—I would like it to be published."

"I'll take care of it, tomorrow if need be."

"Thank you, but I want it to be posthumous. I couldn't handle seeing my partners from the Twelfth Precinct read this. If I tell them about it, then maybe I'll publish it, but right now I don't want to—"

"Okay, no problem." He was carefully taking notes about my wishes in his notebook.

"Okay, if the book has the success I'm hoping for, everything that it earns will be for my wife. She's kind of 'responsible' for my writing it in the first place ... so, she should have the benefit."

"Aha, I see. Anything else?"

"Yes, I want you to keep this safe," I said handing him a stack of letters and a video. "I want you to view the video when the will is read, and I want you to make sure each of these letters reaches its recipient."

"Of course," he said taking them and putting them safely in his briefcase.

"Great," I replied, and just at that moment the door opened and I heard the voice of … my _wife_. I had a wife!

"Castle, I'm home. Do we have a visitor?" A smile lit up her face.

Jim quickly got up to greet her. Kate's face lit up when she saw her father, and they hugged each other so fondly; it made the effort completely worth it.

"But ... what are you doing here?" Kate asked, still with a big smile on her face.

"Well, you see, Rick called me and said, feel free to visit anytime."

"But—"

"It was a surprise," I told her, smiling.

"Thank you," she responded, biting her lip and making that little sigh that she always made when she did that. She always looked so innocent when she did that.

"Go on, spend some time together, you need it," I said kissing her and going back into the house.

"But—"

"I'm just fine," I lied, because in reality I wasn't all that tired, but something had upset my stomach again.

"You sure?"

"Yes, no worries."

"Okay. Dad, let's go for a walk, the beach is beautiful this morning. Come on." She tugged happily at his hand. But a few seconds later, she turned back and came to me, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks," she smiled "You're an angel."

"Go on," I laughed.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I took my father and we walked together along the beach, silent for a while. There was so much to talk about I hardly knew where to start. Eventually I broke the silence, because I had to know.

"Why did you come here, Dad?"

"To see you of course, my beautiful daughter ... or have you been too preoccupied with your honeymoon to notice how time has flown?"

"Yes, right ... Seriously, Dad, Rick didn't call you just for a visit, did he? I saw your briefcase on the patio."

"It's just that I came straight from the office." I looked at him as if to say 'Seriously, get yourself a better excuse.' "I can't tell you anything."

"Okay, fine, now I know it's some legal business."

"Katie, stop it."

"Why? What's going on? I have a right to know," I said halting and facing him, raising my voice slightly.

"Okay, fine ... but I can't give you details. He just wanted to make a will."

"But ... why?"

"Katie ... dear daughter, it's obvious."

"No, it's not."

"Look, Katie, don't be stubborn. Everybody has to do it someday."

"I know dad, but if he did ... if he's doing this, it's because he thinks things are not going to work out. I don't want to think so, I _can't_ think so," I insisted, resisting reality, although my tears betrayed how much I knew it to be true.

"My little one ... you love him, don't you?" he asked, hugging me.

"Yes, much more than I imagined I would, Dad. I never knew that my partner was this kind of man underneath. And now ... I just can't imagine a life without him now."

"It's difficult, sweetheart, and I say this from experience. But in the end you remember that you also have people here who love you, and for that you have to persevere."

"I'm afraid that ... no, I don't want to think about it, and I don't want him to think about it. I know it's probably stupid, but maybe it's better not to think about it—"

"Hey, little one! It's not stupid," he said hugging and comforting me liked he used to when I was a scared little girl.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **See you on Saturday** _[Thursday]_ **with a new chapter, until then I'll be waiting for your comments. I'm very happy with the story but I wanted to add this end note. I'm giving this story all my attention. I'm currently writing the final chapters, and as usual they are the most difficult to write …**

 **Have a good weekend XXOO**

 _translator: Next chapter on Thursday._

 **Twitter: tamyalways**


	31. Chapter 31

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning everyone. Here's a new chapter. Let me tell you that I have the fic just about done, but don't worry, there's still a lot to read ... There will be good times, but there are moments that will be very trying, so get your handkerchiefs ready because what's coming up now is some of the difficult times. Thank you all very much for your comments. This week in particular I am very happy, happier than ever, and that helps me write the last parts of this fic, which as usual, are the hardest.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: Sorry this chapter is a few days later than expected. It's been busy._

* * *

 **Chapter 31**

RICK'S POV

The three of us dined together. I kept glancing at Kate. She looked sad. I needed to talk to her to see what was wrong. After eating, we continued sitting in the dining room to have a drink while we were talking, but Kate seemed absent.

"I'm going to take a shower," she announced, getting up. I refrained from going after her.

"What's going on with her?" I asked my father-in-law, when she was out of earshot.

"Well, it's just ... we had a conversation that made her sad."

"May I ask—"

"I'll tell you about it when I'm ready."

"All right. If you say so. Thanks for coming Jim."

"Thank you for inviting me. And I think we're all tired," he said as he got up to go to his room. I knew that he was basically doing it for my sake. We had commented at the dinner table that despite having a rather quiet life, I tended to end the day exhausted. So I was thankful.

I stood up quickly from the couch, but lost my balance. I felt like everything was spinning around me. I could tell that someone was next to me talking, but barely heard even a murmur. Unconsciously, I sat back down, hoping that this little dizzy spell would pass. Gradually things seemed to return to normal.

"Are you alright?" Jim asked me. He had turned back to help when he saw I was in bad shape.

"Yes, don't worry—it was just a bit of vertigo," I said with a smile, in order not to alarm him.

"Really? Don't you think we should call a—"

"No. Please."

"But—"

"I'm okay. I just want this to last a little longer before … well, before I have to go to the hospital. I know that once I'm there, I won't be leaving."

"It's alright. Suit yourself, but I think I should tell Kate."

"If you don't mind, Jim, I'd rather keep this between us. I don't want to worry her," I said indicating the direction Kate had gone.

"Fine. But I think you should let her know. Now let me help you."

"Okay." I got up with his help and he walked me to the door of my room. "Thank you."

"Til tomorrow, son. Get some rest."

"And you, too," I returned, looking back as he made his way down the hall to the same room he had occupied the day of our wedding.

When I entered our bedroom, I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes, trying not to fall over. The truth is that this was not the first symptom of my disease. I had felt it coming back for a couple of days, but I was so happy I wanted to deny it. I needed to get more rest—I suppose it was time to pay the bill for my excesses. I lay down in bed and I must have fallen asleep. Sometime later I felt Kate lie down beside me and curl her arm around my chest. I gathered her in and pressed a kiss on her wet hair.

"All good?" I asked her with concern.

"Better and better, thank you," she replied, kissing my chest and clinging tight to me.

"Go to sleep, love. Tomorrow we'll talk."

I woke up and when I opened my eyes, I had to close them again because of the bright light streaming through the window. It had to be late, and I must have overslept, because my body felt stiff with lack of movement. I got up carefully. My legs weighed me down like they were made of cement and my head felt bloated, as if I had a hangover. That was a new symptom, I thought uneasily. I stepped into the shower, grasping at the walls for balance. I took a cold shower, hoping to wake myself up enough to maintain a façade of normality in front of my father-in-law and my wife. I didn't want to look like a zombie, especially in front of them.

When I came out of the room I found Kate relaxed, or at least more so than the previous day, talking to her father.

"Good morning," I smiled at them.

"Good morning," they both answered, but my gaze was fixed on her. I was eager to kiss her, but her father was right there, and I didn't know how he would take it. I imagine Jim realized that, or maybe fate intervened.

"I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," he announced and got up, giving me a squeeze on the shoulder as he passed by.

I sat next to her at the kitchen bar and caressed her tenderly on the cheek, smiling all the while. She smiled back silently. I gently kissed her lips and felt her smile bloom on mine, while I stroked her neck tenderly and delicately.

"Good morning, my life," I said turning towards her, smiling still.

"Good morning," she replied, biting her lip. "Stand on the other side of the counter. I don't want my dad to see us like this."

"Of course," I agreed, somewhat sadly. "Am I bothering you?"

"Castle," she reproached me earnestly, "It's just that I'm not too keen to be doing this in front of my father." She was blushing.

"I understand, but we're adults, and you're my wife." I was somewhat upset, but nonetheless obeyed her orders.

"You have to eat breakfast."

"I don't feel like eating anything now, really," I replied. She was using her determined look and her 'boss' voice—there was little I could do about it if she insisted that I eat.

"Alright, but in a while, you have to eat something."

"Yes, boss," I responded, getting a laugh out of Jim, who had just returned from his trip to the bathroom.

"Kids, I wish I could stay longer, but duty calls."

"Too bad, Dad," Kate rose and hugged her father tightly.

"See you ... but hopefully not too soon," I told him, shaking hands.

"I understand," he answered with a slight smile.

We said goodbye from the door. I could see that Kate was still a bit sad. I knew I was being selfish, taking her away from the people she loved, but I didn't need anyone else here at this time.

"Are you okay?" I insisted, seeing that she continued to look glum and still hadn't said a word, when we returned to sit in front of the breakfast bar.

"Yes," Kate lied, attempting to smile.

"Kate, don't lie to me, please," I requested, lifting her face with a finger so that she would look me in the eyes. "It's normal to miss everyone. If you want, we can go back to the City," I said trying to help her.

"No, don't worry, I'm fine." She closed in and gently kissed my lips. "It's perfect here," she said, clinging to my body as if it were a lifeline.

I needed to move a little. My legs were stiff and sore. I thought I'd go for a walk, and she offered to accompany me. We ambled along the shore, got our feet wet in the lapping waves. It was a very pleasant feeling. We held hands and, despite not speaking, we felt at ease. But then I felt a bit tired and sat down close to the shore. Kate settled down beside me and leaned into my side. I needed to lie down, so I lay next to her, supporting myself on my elbows, so I could look at her.

"You're beautiful, you know?" I made her blush. "And even more so when you blush," I laughed. And for my compliments I got a little shove in the chest.

"Fool!"

"Yes, I am. But you like it," I replied jokingly.

At that moment I felt Kate's hand grab the front of my shirt and she pulled me over so that I fell on top of her on the sand. Our lips met wildly. I needed to feel her, and it seemed to me she did too.

"God, Kate!"

"Don't talk so much," she exclaimed, silencing me with her lips.

We kissed slowly, savoring each other, an unhurried exploration of mouths with the tips of our tongues, so sensual that the weariness with which I had awakened began to disappear, to make way for the latent excitement between my legs. We complemented each other in every way, and she was right, we didn't need any words, our bodies knew what to do.

We continue kissing and caressing like two teenagers. I started to stroke her gently, lifting her shirt, skin touching skin, pulling moans from her again and again, when suddenly we heard something like a snort. I jerked my head up, looking around in all directions.

"What was that?" I asked as I pulled away. Kate began to laugh out loud, unable to stop herself. "I don't see what's so funny. What's going on?"

"It's my phone," she exclaimed, still unable to contain her laughter. "You should see your face." She pushed me off and sat up. She looked at her phone, then at me.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, don't worry," she said looking at me, "but I have to answer it."

"Okay, okay..."

"Be right back," she said, and walked a few yards down the beach to talk quietly on the phone.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I moved a few yards away, enough so he couldn't hear me. He was smiling, and recently I had a hard time not doing the same, in spite of the whole situation. Being with him was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was not doing a favor for my friend, my partner; I was enjoying every minute of being with him more than I ever imagined I would. The best thing was that I didn't have to explain it—it was good, I was at ease … there was no need to put a name to the feeling ...

Looking at the screen I saw that it was Martha who had called. I dialed her number and she picked up instantly.

"Martha, it's me. You have news?"

"Oh darling, thank goodness you called me. This search is proving to be quite a challenge. The boys have been helping me so much, but Rick's father has a fairly common name. Right now I'm on my way to Minnesota. There's a person in a little town there who may be Rick's father. I just hope it's him because I've run halfway across the country."

"Let's hope so. I would love to be helping you, Martha. We have to find him."

"I know, I know. How is my son?" she asked with concern.

"He's well, he looks good, and he's happy."

"Thank you Kate. I don't know how to thank you for what you're doing for him." I could tell that she had burst into tears, and that was to be expected. This was her son, and his life depended on it. "Without you, my son would not be so calm and collected, and I certainly wouldn't be able to go looking for his father—I would need to be there taking care of him—and—" She couldn't continue on account of her tears, and it was totally understandable. So I tried to downplay the issue a bit.

"No, Martha, if anyone should be thankful, it's me. I never imagined he could be like this, what I see now. He's a very special man."

"Oh! I see you've already fallen into the conquering nets of my son," she interrupted me, still emotional, but trying to make the effort to smile.

"I ... see ..." I didn't know how to reply to that, because the truth was that, yes, I definitely had fallen into the nets of Richard Castle.

"You don't have to say a thing. I know my son, and he inherited that gift from his father. Now you understand why I couldn't say no to him. They're both so charming—by the time you realize it, it's too late to escape, you're already at his feet," she said making us both laugh at the ourselves. "Oh! I have to go, my flight is about to leave. Tomorrow I'll call Richard. I want to talk to him."

"Of course, we'll be waiting for your call."

"Cross your fingers."

"I will. Thanks, Martha."

"He's my son, Kate. I would give my life for him," she said just before hanging up.

And I knew it, even though I'd not yet felt the call of motherhood. But I knew what a mother was capable of doing for her child, and I could still remember how my mother was, always supporting me, whatever she did.

I gulped down the emotion and retraced my steps, putting on a smile again to meet him. I had to be positive. Martha would find Rick's father, and soon Rick would get his transplant. I approached Rick. He was lying down, and when I got a little closer I realized that his eyes were closed.

"Hey, Sleepy, time to wake up! Let's take a dip in the pool."

He didn't wake up, or move, so I knelt beside him and shifted his arm.

"Rick ... Rick, wake up ..." When I saw that he gave no signs of waking I began to worry. I sat closer to him and began to shake him more forcefully, the tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks. "Rick ... Rick ... Rick ..."

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Sorry. I know you all want to kill me at the moment, but ... you knew that there would be hard times in this fic, that happiness could not last long ... I had no choice but to make them suffer. But they are together and surely that helps.**

 **Thank you all and I hope you have a great weekend see you on Monday XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Please don't kill Tamy or me. I will simply note that this fic is_ not _categorized under "Tragedy" and leave it at that. Next chapter soon, probably Tuesday._


	32. Chapter 32

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here's a chapter that I hope you can enjoy. Thanks for responding to the survey, I will think carefully about it. Josh has certainly earned the role, but ... I have my doubts, because I think that Will would be the better choice for the character that I have in mind for the next story.** _[The new story is called Escondidos (Hidden), and you can find it on Tamy's profile page in Spanish.]_ **But I will think more carefully about it. Now I'd like to enjoy what remains of this story, I still have three chapters at the most yet to write, and then I'll bring this one to a conclusion.**

 **I want to pay special tribute today to my beta/collaborator ... thanks for everything and I'm here for anything you need. Always glad to have you as a partner.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 32**

KATE'S POV

To say I was afraid was an understatement. I was scared to death while waiting for the ambulance. I held him to my chest closely, as if my embrace could transmit life to him. I needed him to respond in some way, to say something. However much I had complained that he never shut up, now I needed to hear him, hear his voice, feel that he was with me. I kept touching his neck, feeling his pulse—slow, barely discernible, but there it was—and that was what kept me sane—knowing that he was alive and breathing.

I started to hear the ambulance approaching, but I did not stop checking his pulse, and I talked to him. I had to make him stay with me. I knew he was listening to me, I just felt it. I needed him to know that I was here with him, and I wasn't going anywhere.

"Rick, they're coming ... hang on, babe, I'm here. Open your eyes, please open them for me," I cried. I kept it up, I could not rest until I knew he was alright—that all this was just a bad dream—that he was going to wake up and we'd find that we were together in our bed, enjoying our lives.

Suddenly, two men and a woman came running down the beach, and surrounded me. They asked me move. I knew I had to step away so that they could give him medical care, but I couldn't leave him. I needed to feel his pulse to know that he was alive. I needed to touch him, so that he knew I was still there.

We got into the ambulance and they promptly connected him to all kinds of tubes. I could barely touch him because he was surrounded by paramedics. When they hooked up the heart monitor I could hear the rhythmic "tick, tick" telling me he was there, his heart was still beating. When they finished attaching all kinds of cables, they let the driver know and the ambulance pulled away.

"What happened ma'am? Did he have too much to drink?"

"No, no ... he has A.L.L."

"Ah! Right," and they started putting all sorts of things on the IV that they had placed in his arm.

"Is he okay?" I asked as the paramedics kept active, attaching and detaching various devices from Rick's body.

"We have to do tests, but don't worry, at the moment he's stable. Do you hear his pulse?" the paramedic in charge told me kindly, and I nodded my head ... I could not utter a word. "Oh, do you know, what's his status with respect to the chemo?"

"No, well, he finished a course of chemo, but he decided to leave off several weeks ago."

"I see," he said as he began to draw blood samples and put them in several tubes, I suppose to anticipate work that would need to be done at the hospital.

"He'll going to be okay, right?" I asked, still frightened. I wanted to touch him.

"Relax, we're doing our best to keep him stable," the poor paramedic was trying to keep me calm, but he nearly had two patients instead of one. I was on the verge of collapse myself. Watching him lie there inert as the paramedic poked him with all sorts of needles and tubes was enhancing my hypochondriacal tendencies, and I was beginning to see stars before my eyes.

"Where are you taking us, doctor?"

"To Hamptons Memorial, ma'am," he replied kindly.

"Please, we ought to go to New York, that's where his doctors are," I requested.

"Well, when he's stabilized, we can take him there."

"No, please, I want you to take him now, to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center."

"But—" he started to protest but saw in my face that there was no possibility of changing my mind. "John, go to New York, to Sloan Kettering. Use the siren."

"Okay, you got it," said the driver, and he stepped on the accelerator, and within seconds the loud wail of the siren arose. It reminded me of the feeling of being on the job chasing down a murderer … and gave me hope. I don't know what subconscious workings sent my thoughts in that direction, as thousands of events from recent days came to my mind. But it was Rick, my partner ... and now my husband, who had to get well.

I sat behind the stretcher so that I could see him better, and the better to keep vigil as the paramedics never ceased their work over Rick's inert form. I gently stroked his head, where I could feel the beginnings of hair growth, his new, strong hair beginning to show signs of life. He had to make it. Martha was close to finding his father, and then we could do the transplant. He just had to make it.

It seemed like it took forever to get to New York, but when I saw the familiar lights and sights of Manhattan, my city, my home, I began to relax. Rick had not yet regained consciousness, and I was still worried, but paramedics told me that was because of the drugs they had given him.

I just prayed, prayed for myself, for the need I had of him. I could not do without him—not anymore, after discovering that I loved him—that I was in love with my husband—not with my partner, but with the man I had married. He didn't seem like my partner anymore, he was different ... so much so that you'd think they were two different men.

When we arrived they took him directly into the emergency room, and the paramedic handed off a folder charting all the procedures done en route. When I found myself alone with the new doctor, I could not believe my luck.

"Kate?"

"Hello, Josh," I responded, intending to follow after the stretcher carrying Castle.

"Is it Rick?" he asked, puzzled.

"Yes," I replied with no further explanation, watching as he disappeared between the doors of the huge hospital.

"Well. Take him in right now," he directed the paramedics. "Kate, you can wait—"

"Please, I need to be with him," I begged tearfully.

"All right. Just let me do some tests." He looked at the chart the paramedics gave him and continued, "Now I'm going to call Dr. Carter, who knows much more about his case than I do, but I'll initiate the tests. It'll only be about an hour, then we'll take him to a room, and you can be with him."

"But—" I tried to insist.

"Kate, this is what's best for him." He took my hand and looked fixedly at me, and said, "Believe me, he's in good hands."

"Fine," I said, bending over to place a gentle kiss on Rick's lips, slowly letting him go, as my tears wet my shirt.

"Kate, will you be okay?" Josh asked, noting that I looked almost ready to collapse. "Do you need anything?"

"I need you to help him!" I shouted almost hysterically.

"I will. You should call Lanie. It'll be better if you're not alone," he advised.

"Yes, I will, thank you," I said as I watched him disappear through the doors Rick had gone through.

I sat in a chair in the waiting room, but I couldn't just sit there. I needed to make some calls, but ... who should I call first? Normally I would call his mother, but I didn't want to alarm her without knowing very well how he really was, and what's more, she needed to stay where she was now, looking for Castle's father. Here she wouldn't be able to do anything to help, just as I wasn't able to do anything.

I wanted to call Lanie and the boys, so that they could come too. They deserved to know what had happened, but before I could pick up the phone I heard a voice next to me.

"Kate?"

"God, Alex!" I exclaimed hugging her tightly.

"What are you doing here? Is Rick alright?" she asked me without releasing the hug that united us in this moment of sadness and distress.

"Yes, no ... I mean ..." I had to take breath in order to continue. I needed to stop crying in order to make myself understandable. "A few hours ago, I found him unconscious on the beach, and I couldn't wake him up. I was very frightened, and decided to bring him back here."

"You did the right thing. Ssshhh," she soothed, gently patting my face with her hand. "Now you just have to wait. He's in good hands—the best."

"I think he's going to hate me."

"Why would he? You've done this for his good."

"Alex," I could not stop my tears, "what's going to happen?"

"I don't know, Kate. I imagine that they're running tests, but ..." she interrupted herself, she was about to mention that damn illness. I knew, we all knew, sooner or later it had to happen ... but why so fast?

"But?"

"I guess the A.L.L. is exacerbated. It's not unusual for it to behave more aggressively when you stop chemotherapy like that. It was something we expected, though perhaps not quite so soon."

"No, no, no ..." I repeated again and again without stopping. "We can't let anything happen to him. We're about to find his father and I—" I couldn't manage to speak anymore, and broke down in inconsolable tears again.

I felt Alex's arms wrapping strongly around my body. But nothing in this life could reassure me, nothing could remove this suffocating feeling, this fear, this sense of loss I had when he was not with me. I could not live without him. He was everything to me, and nothing made sense without him. He couldn't leave me, not now.

Alex had been such a godsend during Rick's last stay in the hospital. She was so good and understanding with us. She always took care of us in a special way, and now she took care of me. She got me out of that corridor and took me to the cafeteria for coffee while we waited for the arrival of Dr Carter or Josh, who could tell us something about Rick's status. I was very nervous but at least she had managed to get me to stop crying. I had had a moment of weakness, but I needed to be strong. Now more than ever I had to be strong for him, and for us.

"Kate, are you better?" Alex asked, taking my hand and giving me a forceful squeeze so that I could feel her strength.

"Yes, as well as I can be for now. I won't be better until they can tell me that he is well."

"I know, honey. How have you been? It looks to me as if things have been going well for you two," she smiled at me. I know she did it to distract me and hold off the pessimistic feelings that were beating me down. Still, I was grateful—that woman was a gem.

"We've been doing very well, actually. Sometimes I can't believe it, Alex ... He is such a special one."

"I knew you loved him," she declared, and I looked puzzled. "You're an amazing woman, Kate. Even though you wanted to deny the reality, and say that you married him because he asked you, because it was his last wish ... I knew you did it because you really loved him."

"I didn't—" I wanted to explain to her ... to tell her I had been planning to marry Josh, but she didn't let me continue.

"Maybe you were not aware of it. But I saw how you looked at him, how you smiled at him, how you cared for him ... it was love that you felt for him, Kate. When I listened to him speak of you, I thought he was exaggerating because he was in love. But he was right, Kate—you're a great woman, a person who brings light into his life. Neither one of you could be in better hands than with the other. You are made for each other."

"No, I'm not. If I were, I'd save him, I'd do anything to help him," I tried to explain, in tears again.

"You help him more than anything the rest of us can do. You make him happy, and that's the most important thing for someone who only has—" She was going to say so little time, but she stopped, took a breath and continued, "Whenever he talked about you, or whenever you came to see him, his face lit up. He couldn't deny what he felt for you—and you can't deny it either. Never in my life have I seen a man so in love as he is with you. I've never seen anyone love someone so much that spending a few weeks with her, was worth more to him than his own life. He's happy, and nothing will happen to him, you'll see." She wiped a tear from my cheek with her fingers. "But if it did ... I know that he would go with that smile on his face, the one that he always got when you walked into his room. It's the best smile in the world, the smile of someone who is happy, the smile of a person who has known the love of his life and was able to enjoy that love."

"Yes, but … what about me … how could I just stay here without him?"

"Kate, you have to be happy because he has been so happy, and that's thanks to you. You gifted him with the happiness he lacked."

"Yes, but I'd be left here alone, without him. Knowing that the love of my life is gone—and how am I supposed to live knowing that I'll never have him again as I have him now?"

"Kate, you can be happy again. You're still young ... you can rediscover happiness."

"Maybe ... but I can never have what I've had with him, never! I'm not ready to lose him. And I won't lose him."

"Besides, who's saying it won't be Rick at your side? Don't dismiss him from your life yet. Enjoy him! He's still here among the living ... Fight it, so that he doesn't see you in this state. You be strong, and look good and cheerful—and if you you are, so will he be."

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **See you Wednesday with another chapter ... Kate will have a conversation, a conversation that will definitely make her open her eyes even more ... What will finally make her declare her feelings? We'll see…**

 **Have a good day XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Next chapter on Friday or Saturday. Thanks for reading and commenting._


	33. Chapter 33

**I Learned to Love You by tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here's another chapter. Sorry, lots of drama, but from here to the end that's what it has to be ... but that doesn't mean that there aren't many Caskett moments, and therefore some good times, too. I've finished the story. It has been difficult, but I think it has certainly been worth it ... I have no doubt.**

 **Thank you all for following it, and I am just enjoying seeing you enjoy it ...**

 **Thanks to my beta/collaborator for everything, for her support, her work, her research, and for making me feel safe when I really wasn't. Thank you so much for everything … let's continue without stopping.**

 **The characters do not belong to me …**

 _translator: see note at end_

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 33**

KATE'S POV

Alex had sent me to the bathroom to freshen up, so that Rick would not see me in such a state when they brought him to his room. I had to be at one hundred percent for him. When I entered the bathroom, and I saw my face reflected in the mirror, I panicked. This wasn't me. I never collapsed like that. Not even when my mother died was I in such a sorry state. My eyes were red and swollen from crying. My face, in spite of being a bit sun-kissed, showed some ugly bags under my eyes, and when I refreshed myself with water and wet my hair a bit, even then I could not avoid feeling a bit of disgust. I lowered my head and vomited up the coffee I had drunk. Just what I needed, to get sick myself. I washed my hands, and after fixing my hair and wiping my face, I put on some deodorant, brushed my teeth, and finally decided I didn't look too terrible, so I retraced my steps to meet up again with Alex in the cafeteria. I saw her talking to Josh ... I didn't know they knew each other.

"Hello, Kate."

"Hello. How is Rick?"

"Dr. Carter has just arrived, and from now on, he'll be in charge of everything."

Why did he tell me that, and not how my husband was? Something bad had happened, for sure. I needed to know what, even if I'd rather not know. Yes, of course I'd rather live in the fantasy world where everything continued as well as it had before, before yesterday. But I knew I had lived all that time in a dream, and had awakened back to reality, after the sock in the gut of finding Rick unconscious.

"How is he?" I asked again, this time expecting answers. "And don't tell me that Dr. Carter is with him. You've seen him, you've been with him. Did he wake up?"

"We have done all the necessary tests. Dr. Carter will do some more, but he's awake and asking for you."

I didn't need to hear another word before I was running to his side. Alex followed me closely, but when I got to the door, I stopped dead. I needed to take a deep breath, force back the tears and fears, and bring out the best of myself for him. I was concentrating on all that when Alex came up beside me and squeezed my hands firmly. She gave me a smile and left. It was up to me alone to face my fear.

When I opened the door I found the doctor writing a series of notes, talking with Castle, and yes, Castle was awake and able to speak. He was back.

I walked quickly to his bed and I hugged him almost to the point of squeezing his breath right out of him, but at this moment I just needed to embrace him, to let him know that I needed him as much as he needed me.

"Hey! You missed me?"

"Castle ..." I admonished him.

"It's too early for jokes, well, okay, I understand," he said, giving me a smile.

"I'll leave you two alone," said the doctor. "Don't try to get up. You have to rest. As soon as I know the results, I'll let you know."

"Thanks, Doc," he said smiling, but I could see how sad and weary his eyes looked.

"I'm sorry," I told him, looking into his eyes.

"Why, sweetheart?" he replied, without understanding very well what I was apologizing for.

"I know you didn't want to come back to New York, but—" I was going to explain my decision, but it wasn't necessary. He simply responded … and he was too smart to believe any nonsense and subterfuge.

"I knew that sooner or later it would happen. I just hoped we could have enjoyed a little more—" He made a gesture with his fingers. Poor man ... he had wanted to be alone with me a little longer, in spite of everything. All he asked for was just a little more of my company. How could I not love him? He was surely the best thing that happened to me in my life.

"How long were you feeling bad?" I asked sternly.

"No, I was just fine," but he avoided my eyes as he said it. Clearly he was lying.

"Rick ..." I said reproachfully.

"Okay. A couple of days. Three at the most."

"And why didn't you tell me?" I upbraided him.

"I just knew that as soon as I told you, I would be here in less time than it takes a rooster to crow. I wanted to enjoy more of our time, this dream of ours."

"Rick, I ... I need you. You don't know how much, and I can't ... stand to see you so ill like this. It's not something I can overlook," I said as the tears that I had sworn to hide began falling. But I couldn't hold them back anymore—they burst out and showed him how broken I was inside.

"Hey! Kate, calm yourself. Come," he said pulling on my hand until I was half-lying on the hospital bed right next to him. "I know. You've done the right thing, and I'd never get angry with you for looking after me. I love you, Kate, and worrying about me is the nicest thing you could do for me. It means all is not lost—" he quipped, dodging the soft punch that I aimed toward his stomach.

"I wish I didn't have to."

"Me too," he said kissing me softly on the head.

"You need to rest," I said, trying to get up, but he stopped me.

"You also need to rest. Come on, beautiful," he said making space for me on one side of the bed. I lay down, my head on his chest, enveloped in his arms, listening to his steady heartbeat. This helped me relax and I finally fell fast asleep.

I woke up a few hours later, and he was still sleeping. I stayed there a while caressing him and giving him little kisses on his side and chest, trying not to wake him. But I needed to go to the bathroom, so as slowly as possible, I got up. I stretched my legs, which were numb from the awkward position in which I had held them, lying at his side trying not to disturb him. I went to the toilet and after combing my hair and splashing a little water on my face, I decided to go outside for a moment, for a little fresh air, before returning to his side. I knew I had to make a lot of calls—all of them necessary—but it was four in the morning, and I could wait a little longer, so that people could keep sleeping. As for Martha, I preferred to call when Castle was awake so he could talk to her himself. It would give her more comfort to hear her own son's voice than to listen to me.

The test results had not yet arrived, and I was anxious, but I imagined that whoever was on duty in the lab would not rush the results. I went outside and took in the air of the outside world. Without a doubt, we were home—the air of New York City was nothing like the Hamptons. I had wanted to return home, I really had—but I knew that if we did, it would be for a reason like this … and that had made me afraid to set foot in my home.

I saw a lady next to me smoking and suddenly I felt a craving for a cigarette. I had not done that for years, just a little bit in my teens, in the rebellious period that ended with the death of my mother. But now I felt like I needed one to lessen the anxiety and take away the anguish I felt.

"Excuse me," I approached slowly so as not to alarm her.

"Yes?" she asked, a little startled.

"Could you spare me a cigarette?" I asked, pointing to the one between her fingers.

"Yes, of course, of course," she said, handing me the pack. I drew one out and returned it to her.

"Thank you very much," I gave her a little smile and walked away.

I sat on a bench in front of the hospital in the darkness of the night, quietly smoking that cigarette.

"Hello," I heard a voice from behind me, and suddenly Josh was sitting next to me. "What's this? Smoking? _You?_ Kate, you've changed a lot—"

"I thought it would help me, but ... it hasn't helped much."

"Smoking doesn't help at all," he said, taking it away from me and throwing it to the ground. "All it does is kill you."

"And there's the doctor in you," I smiled wanly.

"That's what I am," he said following my line. "How are you?"

"Bad," I told him, unable to lie.

"I'm sorry about what happened Kate. I'm sorry that Castle is going through all this."

"Thanks," I replied, because he seemed sincere ... and because it seemed like he understood that our relationship would not have ended well, with or without Rick.

"I think I ought to thank him, even though … right now, it's hard to see it very clearly."

"What?" I asked, not understanding exactly what he meant.

"I asked him to take care of you and make you happy. Now, I don't see that happiness at the moment, but I'm certain that you've been happy—because if you hadn't, knowing you, you would've returned to the city right away." He gave a little laugh.

"That's right, Josh. Yes, he kept his word. He's made me the happiest woman in the world, in the little time we had to enjoy, before the symptoms of his disease returned." I smiled, but this was not a topic I really wanted to discuss with my former boyfriend, the man whom I had left for Rick's sake.

"I've seen how you care for him. At first, before I knew about it, I thought you'd gone mad, and then I thought you were doing it out of pity, because you're an amazing woman who could not refuse such a request. Now I see you, how you look, how you care, how you talk about him and ... I see that the idiot was me." He stopped for breath, because for him, too, it was complicated to be talking about this subject with me. It was his feelings that had been trampled upon. "You were never really in love with me. I understand that now. You never felt anything like that for me, the way you feel about him."

"Josh—" I wanted to apologize, because what he said was certainly true, but he didn't let me continue. He put his finger on my lips and spoke again.

"No, Kate. I know you didn't intend it. Maybe you yourself didn't even know what it was to love, to be in love, to love a person more than yourself. Now you're in love and it shows. And you know what?" He waited for my response, and I shook my head. "I see you happy, and for that, I'm happy."

"Thanks." He was a good guy. He always was. Maybe too good for me, and I just didn't know how to see it, or he didn't know how to win me over or maintain the spark. It had just happened that way ... there was no further explanation.

"Kate, keep fighting. Don't let this thing conquer you. While there is life, there is always hope, and you know I believe in miracles. Sometimes things happen that neither we nor any doctor can predict. The human body is the most wonderful machine in the world, and even though we've studied it for years and years in an attempt to understand it, it always exceeds our expectations." He was staring into distant space, sitting next to me, contemplating the night, speaking with his heart in his hand. "Stay with him, give him your love. That will make him strong, that will push him to fight against everything that comes. But ... just in case, don't keep everything inside, Kate. Tell him how you feel, so that when he leaves this life he has no doubt at all that you love him."

"How can you know that I haven't told him that yet?" I was hearing him, and it seemed like I was hearing the voice of my conscience. Maybe he knew me better than I ever imagined, and was telling me all this for that reason. Because, what he had said was exactly what I had had in my mind since I came to this hospital. I wanted to tell him while we were in the Hamptons, but I hadn't been able to do it ... and there I already knew I was in love with him, that I loved him like I had never loved anyone I'd been with.

"I know you. It takes a lot to get you to talk about it. But don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today, Kate. Tell him, show him ... be happy every minute that you have with him."

"Thank you for the advice. And I'm very sorry for everything that happened. I should have explained it to you better ... but I felt so bad for hurting you that ... I kind of wanted you to do it to me. I wanted you to hate me."

"Kate, I could never hate you. I was angry, of course. How could I not be? You'd just left me for another guy. But I couldn't hate you. I could never do that. And now that I know what you've done, how special you are, there's even less reason to hate you. I see your side of it. Tell him. Don't wait any longer to say something about how you feel, and while you're at it, make the person you love happy. Don't wait to say something that you're so sure about. Be happy, Kate, you deserve it." He got up and left me there alone once again.

I felt bad for having left him, for hurting him, but I did not regret marrying Rick at all, nor did I regret these weeks we'd spent together. Every touch, every kiss, having made love with him ... and I would never regret any minute that we were fated to spend together. Josh was right. I could not wait to say something that I was so certain of—more certain than I had ever been in my life.

I loved him so much that my heart hurt from not showing my feelings. He was the love of my life, the only man who made me completely happy. He had taught me the true meaning of love.

Without thinking any further, I jumped up and ran to Rick's room ... where he was still deeply asleep. He had not moved at all, and he breathed rhythmically. I stood still catching my breath, looking at him, gazing at the man who had changed me inside and out. A man who worked for six years at my side and never said a word to me for fear of losing me. Really, that had to be an enormous amount of love, if _he_ chose silence over talking ... and maybe losing me.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Thank you for continuing to read ... Hope you have a good week and see you on Friday** _[Monday]_ **with a special chapter ... finally, will Kate declare her feelings?**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, and followed this story! To the guest reviewer who pointed out about the last chapter, "There is no way an ambulance would drive from the Hamptons to New York; EMT doesn't work that way." — I completely agree! Thanks for bringing it up, so that I can talk about it. :) I didn't write or beta this story; I'm just the translator. Tempting as it may be sometimes to edit the story, ultimately I think that my job as translator is to select nuances of meaning, not to re-write the parts of the story I would have written differently myself. For what it's worth, here's my_ _headcanon on last chapter's ambulance ride: Kate called the EMTs. They took Rick to the nearest hospital in the Hamptons, where he was stabilized. Shortly after, they arranged a transfer to Sloan Kettering, so that he could be cared for by his own oncologist, Dr. Carter. The transfer was in an ambulance, with medical personnel in attendance, but not at high speed with the siren blaring. Thanks again, I hope you all are still enjoying the story. Next chapter should be up on Monday._


	34. Chapter 34

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning everyone. I want to thank you for reading my fic. I've got high hopes, and though I know it's hard to believe now, in the end I think you will like it ... I know I won't fail you. But that doesn't mean that I won't make you suffer a lot, because that's the nature of this illness that they have to get through, and I've tried to make it as realistic as possible but ... I'm no expert, and likewise my inspiration asks me to do what it asks me to do. I promise there will be good moments in between the drama.**

 **Don't be hasty. And, well, so long as you tell me when your birthday is, I will attempt to congratulate you, so that you see that I do read (and like to read) your comments. I've been busy, but nevertheless I want to congratulate JessTELLOBO who on Wednesday had a birthday, and I forgot. Belated congratulations, and this chapter is dedicated especially for you ... I think it will be a good chapter to dedicate to you. I hope you had a good day.**

 **The characters are not mine …**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

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 **Chapter 34**

RICK'S POV

I woke up in a cold sweat. I was having a nightmare, and when I opened my eyes I didn't remember where I was—until I understood. What I was seeing was no nightmare, it was reality. I had returned to this damn hospital room. I pulled the covers off, with the intention of getting up. I was already sick of being here, lying in a hospital bed. But I didn't even have time to get up, because at that instant, the door flew open, and Kate came running up to me and prevented me from moving.

"Castle, what are you doing?"

"Trying to get up," I said sulkily.

"You have to rest. You need to recover."

"I'm fine. I just need to get out of here," I explained.

"Okay, wait a moment. I'll get an aide to bring us a wheelchair."

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised. "Why? Kate, I have leukemia, my feet work just fine." I was pretty angry, but not with Kate. After all, she had done what anyone would have done in like circumstances. I was angry with my body, for not responding to my will, for not allowing me live in peace for a little while longer.

"It's the only way you're getting out of this room. You make the choice," she explained resolutely.

"Okay, fine," I conceded, seeing the look on her face. I knew I couldn't win when she entered 'boss' mode.

She left the room and I put my butt back in bed, completely resigned and defeated. I knew she did it because she was worried about me, but ... sometimes I still felt that I ought to be doing this alone, so that no one else had to suffer besides me. But _I_ had chosen to have her by my side. I had been selfish and decided to be happy with her, even though she didn't want me and wasn't in love with me. I had forced her to live in my hell with me, and now I couldn't do anything to distance her from all the pain.

Maybe I should have thought all of this through long before, but the desire to have her superseded everything, my need for her company trumped the need to keep her far away from all the bad things that were going to happen. I didn't regret anything we had experienced or done together. She had told me once that she was happy, and that was something that I could take with me from this world. But from now on, I knew that she'd want to erase the memories of what was about to pass, or really, I'd prefer that she didn't have to live it with me in the first place. The sad thing is that she knew it, and yet there she was beside me, more than ever.

"Hey!" she announced as she entered the room. "I got you the best wheels," she said, smilingly showing me a wheelchair she must have acquired somewhere. She helped me get up so I could sit in it, and just that little effort made me feel exhausted. Maybe she was right; I really needed to rest.

We went out into the hall and made a couple of laps. I thought we were wandering with no final destination in mind, but it seemed that Kate knew exactly where she was taking me. We went to a kind of inner courtyard that was surrounded by a forest of planters filled with green things, and had a few benches where a person could sit and breathe some air that didn't smell like hospital. We sat on the far bench, and again I needed Kate's help. We sat close together, as we had done almost everything recently, almost without realizing it. We both kept silent for a while, quietly holding hands, until Kate began to speak of what was evidently gnawing at her inside.

"I need to tell you something." She took a deep breath and continued, as if making a great effort. "I've been talking to someone who opened my eyes." She measured her words, she studied them before saying them, as if it were of primordial import to both of us. "There's something I must tell you, and I can't—don't want to—remain silent. I thought that if I hid it—"

"Kate," I grabbed her face and lifted it so that she met my look. She was making me very anxious. I was afraid, and I saw the same fear in her eyes. "What is it?"

"I … Rick ... I love you," she pronounced, spearing me with the most solemn look.

"What?" I frowned, not knowing, not understanding what she was trying to say.

"I'm in love with you."

When she said that I stared at her. Her eyes always told me what was going on inside that head of hers, and now they were practically screaming in confirmation of her declaration. I had to know if she was telling the truth, or if this was simply a new gift she was bestowing on me in order to make me feel better. She had changed in recent days; _she_ was the one who was taking steps beyond ... but I never imagined … _this_.

"Rick—" but I didn't let her continue. I kissed her hard on the lips, surprising her at first, then she returned the kiss with passion and with … love?

"I love you," I whispered when our lips parted, leaving our heads together and our eyes closed in the feeling of the moment.

When I opened my eyes, she was smiling at me with such happiness. I could not help it, the same smile appeared on my face. Kate was in love with me. What more could I ask for? _Time_ , that's what I wanted. Time to make her happy, time to live out our love, time to live happily together.

I kissed her again, and again, and again, and couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy that whatever they told me now, I wouldn't care, because Kate was in love with me. I was so elated, I didn't know how to keep still and quiet—when what I wanted was to shout to the whole world, jump up and dance like a lunatic.

"Rick ... I've never seen you like this ... you're so happy," she said between tears of emotion.

"Very happy. Kate ... this ... is ... the best thing you could have told me," I said, tucking behind her ear a lock of unruly hair that had fallen and obscured her perfect face.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before," she said looking down and swallowing.

"Since when? When did you realize?" She suddenly felt shy—and that seemed natural and normal. After all, she had just told me she loved me. It required a lot of willpower for a person like her to do that—and here I was demanding explanations. Poor thing ... "Kate, this is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I don't know how I can thank you for this. The time I have left is just insufficient. My God, Kate, do you know what this means to me? No ... you couldn't possibly know." I was so elated that I didn't let her get a word in edgewise.

"I ... I think that after the conversation we had on the beach, when you kissed me like that, you disarmed me, right before you had the briliant idea of swimming naked together," she said laughing. "I think that I realized then that my feelings were stronger than I had known."

"And why didn't you tell me this before, beautiful? Why, my love?" I asked touching her face. I wanted to see her eyes, watch her face as she explained, knowing that her eyes could never lie to me.

"It was just that ... I was afraid."

"Afraid?"

"All the people I love, I lose in one way or another. My mother, my father, even Josh, it was I who ended up pushing him away. I was afraid that if I told you out loud, I would lose you too."

"You'll never lose me, Kate. Nothing in this world can make that happen, except death—and that's not something I can control."

"But—" she was still scared, afraid to lose me.

"Yes, I know ... but nothing could make me leave you willingly. I love you, Kate," I repeated it again because now I could say it calmly. "Never forget that, my love. I love you more than anything in the world, and nothing will ever separate me from you voluntarily. Do you hear me?"

"Do you like saying it?" She laughed to hear my repeated affirmations and to see my enthusiastic face, animated by all the talk.

"I've had to restrain myself all these weeks not to tell you. Now that I can, let me say it. I'd shout it out loud, but it's five in the morning, and I think some people might take it the wrong way if I start shouting."

"Why didn't you say it?"

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable with my feelings. I thought you'd get weary if I pestered you over and over again with what I feel."

"Well, now you can say anything you like," she said grabbing my shoulders to bring our mouths back together for a tender kiss.

"I love you … I love you…. I love you," I alternated words and kisses.

"It's getting late. Let's go in," she said rising. She helped me back into the wheelchair and when I was settled there, I tugged on her waist until she lost her balance a little and toppled onto my knees.

"Castle," she scolded me, but with a big smile on her face.

"I just I wanted to tell you one thing, dear wife," I said, kissing her passionately, our tongues jousting in a show of love. Gradually we slowed the kiss, and adored each other with our lips only. We slowly separated, embracing each other, and with a sigh in her ear, I again declared my love. "I love you."

Back in the hospital room, we spent a while cuddling like two lovers. We never stopped smiling, touching, kissing. It was open season now, and I couldn't help but tell her I loved her every five minutes. It made her laugh. I loved seeing her so smiley, tranquil, and relaxed. Although I knew it would not last long—soon the doctor would come in to give us news about my status. But until then I wanted to enjoy every second I could get with Kate.

Suddenly she got serious, and put her hands to her head. No doubt she had remembered something.

"What is it?"

"We should have called your mother already."

"It's okay, there's always time to worry her later."

"No, you can't put it off. You have to call her. I wanted to do it last night when we got here, but I thought she would be happier if you did the talking."

"Well, okay, I'll do it," I said, kissing the frown off her forehead.

I picked up the phone, found her number in my contacts, and listened for her voice. I took a deep breath and held it as long as possible. I didn't think I was going to have to go through this again, telling my mother what was going on. I knew what she was doing, and I knew it was hard on her. She would rather be here with me, but the idea that she could save my life trumped any fear or difficulty. I didn't agree, because I knew how much it cost her, but I appreciated it because it made me feel special and loved. I would not have changed a minute of my life with my mother, just to have met my father. He had abandoned her to her fate with a young child. She had raised me on her own and given me her love in her own unique way, and now, to save her son, she had to find _him_ , this person who had done her so much harm. I couldn't imagine what she had to be going through right now. She had more or less some idea where she could find him, because when I turned twenty-one, money from my father had appeared in the bank. She never touched it. She always said that the money was mine, and I should be the one to make use of it. I didn't want to touch it, but my lawyers advised me to do something about it, because if I didn't, it could end up being a liability and causing me considerable trouble and expense, so eventually I did. I bought my house in the Hamptons with it, but little else.

Since I joined the police, after college, I always had a salary. I hadn't lived poorly, but I wasn't an extravagant person, and my needs were met by my mother, so ... that money grew, and now Kate could use it when I passed on.

I heard the ringing, and a part of me prayed that the call would go to voicemail. Yes, I was a coward, but having to tell your mother for the second time that you're dying is not something you do with any pleasure.

"Hello?" I heard through the telephone. I looked at Kate, she was there beside me, as always. I swallowed and let it all out at once.

"Mother, it's me. I'm back in New York, in the hospital. I'm fine, but—"

"I'm on my way, right now," she said just before hanging up.

I became aware that tears were running down my face, disappearing into the sheets. I knew that I was causing pain to my loved ones, and it hurt me, but at the same time, it made me feel so loved.

Looking at Kate, I knew that, no matter what happened, I would live forever in the hearts and memories of the people who loved me. That made me feel proud of the path I had walked, because it was on account of that, that these people were with me.

At that point, everything began to go dark again. I heard Kate call me, but had no strength to answer. Then I heard people talking around me, but I couldn't respond. That would have required almost superhuman strength, and so I let go, closed my eyes, and succumbed to sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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 **Thank you all for reading further, see you tomorrow** _[later]_ **with a new chapter.**

 **I'm feeling so inspired. Even though I've only just finished writing this story, I've already started to work on the next. I wanted to take a little break, but I feel the urge to write, and so I've already started my new story, where there'll be lots of drama and but also lots of Caskett moments. For now its name is Escondidos (Hidden) and I'll give you a little advance teaser about the new story.**

 **Thank you all, and I wish you a good weekend XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways.**

 _translator: I'd tell you that I'm planning to post the next chapter in three days, but there are those who are ready to hold my feet to the fire over promises like that, so … I'll just say that it will be posted when I have it ready! :) Dear Reviewer wishing for the next chapter to be posted already: I'm flattered (and I'm sure Tamy is as well) that you're so eager to read the next chapter. I'll take it as a great compliment to the story. But until writing and translating fanfiction seems like a more viable career option than the work I actually get paid to do, I'm afraid it has to take a back seat to real life. See you all in a few days!_


	35. Chapter 35

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning everyone. Today I want to thank you as always for reading because you know it wouldn't make any sense to write fanfiction without readers, would it? But today especially I wanted to thank the people of twitter for all your messages, your retweets, your favorites ... thanks because sometimes it may seem that I have less presence, but that's not the case. I really like your messages, you make me laugh and of course you show me that you are really immersed in the story—and that's what I like. So today is dedicated to all of you (even though maybe it is not the best chapter to dedicate), but you know that all of them are really dedicated to all of you who read—knowing that you are there waiting for the stories is what makes me write.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: I was hoping to have this up a few days ago, but didn't have enough time to polish up the chapter for posting til today._

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 **Chapter 35**

KATE'S POV

He had looked faded ever since he called his mother a few hours ago. I knew how important his mother was to him and how little he liked to see her upset. He looked sad, as much sad as exhausted.

I knew of his intentions. He wanted to indulge himself and think only about _his_ life—what remained of his life—but he was so good, so loyal, that no matter what he wanted, he still was always thinking about the people who loved him, before thinking of himself.

As I watched, he passed out again. I called him a few times but he didn't rouse, so I called the nurse. She asked me to calm down, and told me he was just sleeping, but she called the doctor anyway. His doctor confirmed that exhaustion had simply overcome him. He was fast asleep. If he did not wake up later that night, they would see, but for now they would just let him rest. So I did too, and left him alone for a while. I sat in the hallway right outside his door, trying to compose myself after the scare.

I remained sitting there a while, staring into space, trying not to think, trying not to feel, but it was so complicated. Now that this man mattered so much to me, he was going to leave my life, as did everyone who mattered to me. Perhaps it was my curse, I thought, giving an internal snort of humor at this notion. I, Kate Beckett, thinking about curses, when I was the least gullible person in the world. I was so deep in thought that I did not hear footsteps approaching me.

"Kate." I looked up in the direction of the voice and found Lanie looking at me.

I got up and hugged her like a lifeline in a storm at sea. I had missed her so much, and I needed her in my moments of doubt, in my bad moments, those times that fear overcame me and panic overwhelmed me.

"God Lanie! I've missed you so much!" I exclaimed, embracing her even more forcefully.

"You too, my friend," she said, drawing back to look at me, as the tears began to run down my cheeks, as they perhaps did too much, in the last few hours. "My God! Look at you, Kate! You've gotten thinner, and your beautiful eyes—"

"I ..." I could not speak. I was trying to, but I just started crying harder.

"Hey! Calm down. Come, let's sit down." She helped me to a chair, still holding my hand.

"We're waiting for the tests. But ... the prospects aren't very good," I explained, starting to cry again.

"Oh Kate, it'll be okay. He's strong, so very strong, and you can't give up, not yet."

"I …. Everything was going so well …. I can't lose him. Now more than ever, Lanie, I love him ..."

"I know," my friend replied, fixing her look on me, as if she had known all along what I was going to say.

"No, I'm in love with him. I love him as I have never loved anyone else in my life, and I can't live without him. I don't know how to live without him. He has taught me so many things. I've become so accustomed to him, to having him at my side, always—at any given moment of my life, he's always been there. Now if I'm away from him for five minutes I already notice his absence, I miss him. How am I going live without having him around?"

"Well, Kate, it's clear that you're in love," she said, making both of us smile. "In other circumstances, this would have been great news. But even so I'm glad. Because there is no more beautiful thing in this world than to find the love of your life, and to enjoy it for as long as you can, Kate. What you've lived through is not in vain. You'll carry it with you forever in here," she said putting her hand over my heart. "You two have always have been that way, you just didn't realize it. When you two are together, you're very special."

" _He's_ special. I never thought I'd be saying this," I gave a little laugh, "but there's no doubt that we were made for each other. We are so different, but connected in such a special way …. These recent times have been the most important and most beautiful of my life …. I just don't want it to end, it's not right ..."

I stayed out there with Lanie for a while, so we could get caught up. I was happy to have her around again. I could not help laughing at some of her doings. But then I looked up and saw Dr. Carter headed toward Castle's room.

"Dr. Carter, do you have news?" I asked anxiously.

"I have the results. I came here to speak with Rick," he said very gravely, which forewarned me that things were not going well.

"Doctor—" I wanted to question him before he went in, but it was clear that he intended to speak to Rick first.

"We had better go in. If he hasn't awakened, we'll see to it that he comes to," he told me, again with utmost seriousness.

"Well," I gulped. I felt Lanie grab my hand, stopping me for a moment.

"I'll wait here, honey. I'll be waiting if you need me."

"Thanks," I said, attempting to smile at her, but I was very nervous.

I knew that the chart the doctor carried could not contain any good news. I was just praying that it wouldn't be too bad, because I didn't know if I could bear it.

I went in and saw that Castle was awake, but still lying down. Seeing him alert at least pulled a tiny smile out of me. He had awakened on his own, and that was something at least. I walked over and gave him my hand. I wanted him to feel my support.

"Hello, Dr. Carter. Kate ... I fell asleep talking to you, sorry," he apologized when he saw me.

"Rick, I've come to talk to you. You understand that you're in this position because of the decisions you made a few weeks ago to leave off treatment. You know that, right?" the doctor asked him gently and sternly at the same time.

"I know."

"Things aren't going well, as I suppose you may imagine." He made an evaluative pause, to make us understand that what had ensued was due to Rick's decision not to continue with another course of chemo. "Your A.L.L. has been spreading rapidly during all this time. Rick, I regret it greatly, but your life expectancy has been reduced."

"But—" I tried to ask, but tears got in the way, "there are still options, right? It's barely more than a month, and he had a window of a few months to—"

"I'm sorry to report that this window has narrowed considerably. The defenses that he had previously were damaged by the chemotherapy. When he discontinued the course of medication, these defenses did not exactly reconstruct themselves."

"And if we find a bone marrow donor?" Castle asked. For the first time I saw him truly afraid. And he could barely keep his eyes open from the exhaustion.

"We have only a week, or two at most, to see if a transplant will work, and we don't happen to have a donor who's a perfect match waiting just at hand. It will be very complicated. Also, keep in mind that although you're already on the list of those in need of a transplant should a donor become available, you don't necessarily have the top priority. I hope you can understand that. A remaining option is that should someone donate specifically to you, we can perform the transplant, and pray that your body has enough strength to pull through."

"But, Doctor, that's not fair, he needs it because—"

"I am so sorry," he said lowering his gaze. At heart he too was very sorry to have to give us such grim news.

"No, I'm not okay with this!" I exclaimed, wiping away the tears of anger that sprung to my eyes. "I won't take 'no' for an answer. We have to keep fighting, everyone. Do _not_ tell me it's over!"

"Kate, I didn't tell you—" Rick tried to say, but in my desperation I cut him off.

"What? They're practically telling us that they've given up, don't you see, Rick?" I exclaimed, my voice getting higher and higher with each word. "And I will not allow it, I won't have it!"

"Kate, he's not to blame," Rick tried to sooth me. "They've done everything they—"

"No, not you too! We are not going to give up. Or at least I'm not giving up yet. I'll do whatever it takes, do you hear me? Whatever it takes!" I shouted as I ran out the door of the room without looking back.

"Kate ... Kate ... Kate ..." It sounded like Lanie calling me, but I needed to get away from it all, I needed to outrun the fear that crept through my veins like poison to my heart. He could not give up. _No one_ could give up. I could not imagine a life without him, I did not want to imagine a life without him.

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RICK'S POV

I knew how Kate felt. I had reconciled myself to the idea, but she hadn't. I also didn't want to die, nor even think about it, but I was prepared if that's what happened. I had made up my mind, and reconciled myself to the possibility, but I suppose she had not even wanted to consider it, and that's why she refused even to listen to the possibility now. Which in reality was more than a possibility, it was likely. But I didn't want her to think that I had stopped fighting, or that I had already made up my mind that I no longer cared.

Kate had left the door open. I saw Lanie and signaled her to enter. So she did, and the doctor, after saying goodbye to me very thoughtfully, closed the door.

"Lanie, please help me. I'm exhausted, but I need to talk to her. Please ... I beg you."

"Castle, you mustn't try to get out of bed. Look, you're starting to bleed from the nose. You shouldn't—" She came up to the bedside with a large towel.

"I need to talk to her. Please," I implored.

And I owed her greatly, because after cleaning the blood from my face and packing the nostril with cotton, she helped me into the wheelchair and took me to Kate.

We left the room on this quest. I needed to talk with her, and knew very well where to find her. I barely had the strength, but I _had_ to talk to her, to make her understand that I would fight until my last dying breath, that I intended to live by her side for as long as I possibly could. Because it was my destiny, it was my desire, it was my objective and my highest goal. She was everything to me, and I wanted to be with her as long as possible. Because the more time we spent together, the more I loved her.

We found her. I told Lanie when I spotted her. She brought me near, and left me there, going a little distance away in order to give us privacy. Kate was on our bench, where—was it only hours ago?—she finally told me that she loved me.

"Hello, beautiful," I greeted her, as I took her hand and gripped it as strongly as I could.

"Rick, you shouldn't—"

"I'm fine," I lied to reassure her.

"Rick ..." she said looking at me and seeing the blood-soaked cotton stuffed in my nose.

"Let me speak, Kate, please. I need you to know, to understand, that I have not stopped fighting. I will never give up while I have you by my side. You are my support, my reason for living, and I need you," I said swallowing hard to keep the tears that threatened to fall securely dammed up. "I want you to understand that I wouldn't give up even if I felt like it, because my heart needs to be here with you. And I want you to understand that nothing will make me give up. I don't want to go ... I want to spend more time with you, and I want this to last long ... I want to see you grow old with me ... I want to kiss you a gazillion times," I said making us both laugh. "I want to wake up every morning by your side until I'm a toothless little old man with white hair. Kate, I want to make you happy. So I can't go, nor do I want to. I don't want to die. Do you hear me? I won't give up, not even at my last breath. Until that moment I'll fight to be here, to stay with you. So that you know it's true, let me tell you something—back when you were out of the room, and I woke up alone, I took the opportunity to call my mother."

"Yes?"

"I asked her not to come back yet. I want her to find him, I want her to look for him and make him do something for me for the first time in his life. I want her to find my father because I want to live. I want to live, but only if it's with you, because nothing makes sense without you."

Kate threw herself into my arms, kissing me passionately, her ardor catching me off guard, so that I had to hold on tightly to the chair to keep from toppling over. And I let her carry me away. I got lost in her kisses and caresses, wanting more than ever to live, wanting more than ever to have the strength I needed to fight this.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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 **Well, it seems that they'll both fight together with all their strength, even though things are complicated. But together always they manage to beat the odds, so ... hopefully they can manage it again.**

 **Thank you all for reading and have a good weekend, see you on Monday XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: I hope to have the next chapter up before this weekend. Thanks for reading and reviewing._


	36. Chapter 36

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning everyone! Here we are, another day and another chapter. There are many chapters yet to go, and I know they will be very complicated chapters, but I also know that they will be exciting … and full of feelings ... I hope that despite the suffering you can still enjoy the story. Yesterday I was re-reading the last chapter and I felt a knot in my stomach despite having written it myself ... despite knowing what was going to happen ... It's going to be sad at times, but at other moments it will be very exciting because of the feelings they both have ... I just hope you like it, and I hope you like the end result, despite the hard road they have to travel.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 36**

MARTHA'S POV

I was so worried. I could not help it. I wanted to be with him. It wasn't for nothing that he was the most important person in my life. For him I would drop everything, and in spite of knowing he was in good hands, my maternal feelings kept telling me that he needed me there.

I was never a person given to crying, much less to wasting time wallowing in my problems. My character always pushed me to fight, not to settle for the status quo. I always knew that if you strived for something, you could achieve it. So now here I was in front of a door that was perhaps a portal to my past, to the time when the most important person in my life first came into being. My son.

I had never been a religious person, despite my Catholic education. I knew the prayers, I was familiar with the churches, and when I was young my mother made me comply with the doctrine they taught me in school. But I never thought that a simple prayer could fix something. Nonetheless, I had spent the last few days recollecting those lessons in order to pray for Richard—to plead for a cure for him, or pray that I could find his father and that his bone marrow would be compatible with my son.

I also debated between reason and desire. My good sense ordered me in a resoundingly forceful manner, to be there in front of that door, in a city far away from my home in New York. And my desire (my mother courage, as I've always considered it) ordered me to return to him, to take his hands and care for him, rocking him in my arms if necessary, so that he could rest assured that his mother would take care of him, would lay down her life if need be. But I couldn't … my place was here, looking for his father in an attempt to save the life of my offspring. Also, if I paid any attention to my intuition, I could not have left him in better hands. It was enough to see them together on their wedding day, to know that this woman was the right one for Richard, because she had given him the will to live. He looked happy and eager to fight with all his strength, and that he owed to his wife. Kate was a special woman, an angel who came into his life in time of need, and instead of running away, she stayed with him as his wife, nurse, and friend. She was the right one, and I knew it at first sight. The eyes of that woman spoke very clearly. She loved my son.

I just hoped that finally I'd found Richard's father. I hoped that if I found him, then the rest would be easy, because by whatever means necessary, I would not permit him to ignore his son now. He _had_ to be there for him _now_ , even if he later decided again to disappear from the face of the earth.

I arrive at the address the "boys," as Richard and Katherine called them, had provided me with. I had called upon several other "James Smith"s already, and it had been in vain, because it's unfortunately a very common name. But for me it was not just any name, in any old place. The day that I that I met him, I fell in love. One night was sufficient to render me falling at his feet, in the greatest travesty of my life. He deceived me. For him, I was just another one night stand in his string of lonely nights.

When I learned of my pregnancy, I looked for him, but couldn't find him at all. Until one day when my child was three years old, I came across him by chance. I was on tour, I don't even remember exactly where we were. My son always accompanied me on tour and during the daytime I would take him to a park or for a walk. Suddenly, I thought I saw a familiar figure that caught my attention. I went over, and there he was, with a young child, of an age similar to Richard. Then I realized the truth.

When I saw him behaving like a father with another child, I felt depressed, defeated, but above all humiliated. He also saw me and approached me; he begged my silence and told me what had happened.

One night he had a heated argument with his wife. He was frustrated that they couldn't have any children. What irony! He walked out, and happened upon the theater—he could just as well have gone to a cafe or the movies. But no, it was to the place where I was acting—quite successfully I might add—in "Pygmalion." He saw me and, according to him, fell in love with my performance. At the end of the play, he came backstage to congratulate me, and after a conversation, he felt so comfortable with me that he invited me to dinner—so he said. One thing led to another and—silly me!—I surrendered and fell into his arms without considering that he might be married. A few weeks later, his wife managed to get pregnant, and that was why I had not seen him again. Since that time, he had completely dedicated himself to the son he had with his wife, forgetting about me, and the possible consequences of that night.

After that meeting, I didn't see him again or hear from him. One day I received a notarized letter notifying me of the delivery a pretty hefty amount of money for my son, provided that I gave my full discretion over "the issue."

At first I decided not to accept such a bribe. How dare he do that to his son? But then I thought that if he did not want to know him, who lost out? It was _him_ , not my child, who was going to hell. _We_ didn't need him. I kept that money, invested it well so that my son would have a good future when he reached his majority. But my boy took after me, proud and dignified, so he decided not to touch that money for his college education. Between my savings and his own efforts, he studied for and then passed with flying colors the exams for the police academy and then later for detective. He liked his job, so he continued earning money and augmenting the amount that his father left him, until he finally decided to spend some of it for his dream home.

And now here I was, in front of the door of this "man"—if he even deserved the appellation—to renege on the agreement, to contact him and ask him to do something for me, not for his son. To save what he gave me that day, what I would now lose if he didn't donate his bone marrow.

I raised my fist to knock on his door. Though my hand shook, I pounded with strength and determination. I waited, praying I would encounter him face to face. I wanted to lay the blame on him for everything, but I knew this was not the time. My son needed me, and I had to be as quick as possible so that I could return to him.

When the door opened, I was taken aback at what I encountered. It was a woman with a little girl in her arms. She looked beautiful despite her age, which appeared to be more or less the same as mine.

"Hello, may I help you?"

"Yes, please excuse the inconvenience. I am looking for James Smith."

"That is my husband. But he is not at home right now, but if you want to leave a message I can—" she said, but after half a sentence I was not listening.

"Will he be very long?" I asked agitatedly, looking at my watch.

"I don't think so. Do you want to come in?" she said in invitation. "You can wait inside."

I thought about it a little, but did not believe it appropriate. I decided to leave a message.

"You can tell him that Martha Rodgers came to see him." I took a card from my purse and handed it to the lady in question. "And here's my number, tell him to call me as soon as possible." She looked surprised, but even more so when I added, "It is urgent."

"Yes, of course. I will tell him, don't worry," she said looking at me with concern, seeing me so agitated.

I left there determined. If he had not called me back by first thing tomorrow morning, then come hell or high water, I would make him talk to me, if it was the last thing I did.

* * *

RICK'S POV

We were sitting in the room, each in our own thoughts. She looked calm, but I could tell she felt sad.

"Kate."

"Yes?" she said lifting her head from the book she was reading.

"We're fine, right?"

"Of course," she said looking at me with puzzlement.

"It's that ... I'm worried that you're angry," I said despondently.

She got up and sat next to me on the bed, kissed me gently and hugged my neck with a smile on her face.

"Everything's good, very good," she smiled.

"You know what? I love being with you like this. Well, not that this is exactly the best _place—_ but I have a lot of imagination."

"Oh yeah? Show me," she challenged.

"Look ... for example ... close your eyes and see if you can picture it," I told her, placing my hand over her eyes. "I imagine being with you in a tropical paradise, lying on the beach in the sun, while you kiss me passionately."

"Not bad. I love that idea," she said, caressing my cheek and kissing me firmly on the lips.

"You know what? I thought about making another list."

"Another one? Didn't you just marry me?"

"Not that kind. It's another type of list, a list of places where …." I raised my eyebrows in a mischievous gesture, so that she would understand me.

"Oh yeah? Go on ..."

"Yes."

"Don't you count the beach, the pool, the bed, the shower—?" She enumerated on her fingers all the places where we had been carried away by passion.

"I loved all of that, but those are just normal places." I wrinkled my nose. "Here in the hospital would be—"

"Don't even imagine it," she laughed.

"You've got to help me with this list. I can't exactly do it by myself."

"Richard Alexander Castle, only you would dare to ask me this."

"Come on." I stretched my hand out so she could lie down beside me, trying to convince her.

"Castle," she protested, even as a little moan escaped her.

"We can do it quickly."

"Rick, stop..." she protested, attempting to get up. "Every hour and half they come to change your IV medication."

"That's fine. I don't think I could last any longer than that anyhow," I quipped, making her laugh.

"You are really something."

"Come on! Tell me you don't want to."

"Of course I do," she replied, suddenly timid, "but not here."

"You're raining on my parade."

"Come on. Let's do something more productive, and stop thinking about impure acts."

"They're very pure acts, when done for love," I asserted, then began tickling her. She looked like she'd never stop laughing, and I smiled too. Seeing her like that was the best medicine ever for me. After a while I said, "I would like to stay this way my whole life."

"Me too."

"I love you, Kate."

"I love you, Rick. You don't know ... you'll never know, just how important you are to me. Knowing you has been ... I never knew love like this."

"Didn't you ever fall in love? Never before?"

"Childish fancies, I guess I've had. But feeling like I feel now? No, I don't think so."

"I don't think so either. One time, I thought I did ... but now ... now I know that wasn't the real thing," I said softly stroking her cheek. "When I met you I realized that I've never felt anything like it."

"I …. Look, my parents really loved each other. They were an amazing couple. I thought what they had was special, extraordinary. I thought it was unique, and it could never exist anywhere else. But now I realize I was wrong. I thought I knew true love, but I didn't really know. Please, show me," she said kissing me.

We embraced for a long time until we fell asleep, side by side, feeling each other's quiet breaths. Now that I knew that she really loved me, I knew that it was worth all the trouble, worth all the pain—even though it would end so soon.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **In the next chapter we'll see if Martha finally found Rick's father, once and for all ... Hopefully it's really him, and hopefully he's compatible ;)**

 **I hope for your comments, and hope you have a good day. See you on Wednesday …**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Hopefully, we're back to a more regular schedule. See you again in a few days. Did you like the section from Martha's POV? I did! :) Thanks for your comments._


	37. Chapter 37

**Good morning, here's another chapter of the story. I hope you like it. Thank you all for continuing to read it.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 37**

MARTHA'S POV

I was dispirited and weary from traveling, from having to delay my next project, from being away from home, but I did not care about any of that. I sat drinking a cup of tea, waiting for a call that still might not lead to anything— _his_ call.

If all went well, I would not be away from Richard for long. I was not a typical mother, but at this point, I'd already reached the pinnacle of my career with the Tony I had received this winter, and I just wanted to be near my son, and his wife, too. And near the family they wanted to form. I wanted to be in New York, ready at hand to help out if they needed me, and also not to get in their way. I had traveled a lot throughout my life and despite still feeling young, it was time to rest. I was unspeakably tired of airports and trains, and I wanted a break from the hectic life I had led. Nevertheless, it was a full life, brimming with experiences and life lessons—maybe it would be a good basis for a book …

I wanted us to be a normal family for once, and I wanted to be with him. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him, but I also knew that when he was young he spent too much time alone. I had to work hard to raise him, but if I could go back I would certainly spend more time with him. That was the best and only way, really, to live life, to live a happy life.

I was sitting there lost in my thoughts and dreams, when suddenly the phone rang. I swallowed hard, trying to prepare myself for the battle that perhaps loomed, if his initial response was negative.

"Yes?" I answered tensely.

"Hello, Mother."

"Hello, darling." I relaxed immediately upon hearing the voice of my son. "How are you?"

"I'm just dandy, Mother." How well he lied, I thought. Perhaps he also inherited some of my talent for the theater. "How are you doing out there?"

"I think I've found him. I'm just waiting for him to call me. As soon as he does, I won't waste a minute, and soon I'll be back there with you."

"I hope so. I miss you," he replied, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I do too, darling. How's your dear wife?"

"She's here enjoying my company," he laughed.

"Of course she is, my little Don Juan, but I have to hang up, darling, so that the phone isn't tied up, if he calls..."

"I love you, Mother," he said before hanging up, and I could not help but smile, because despite everything he seemed lively and happy …. Without a doubt, that would help his recovery.

I was still smiling, and wiping away a furtive tear when the phone rang again. It must be that Richard had forgotten to tell me something when I hung up so quickly.

"Did you forget something, darling?" There was silence on the other end of the phone; finally I heard somebody sigh.

"Martha, it's me ..."

"Ah ...!"

"Look, Martha ... You cannot come to my house ... you understand that—"

"James, it's not my intention to ruin your life, you know." I spoke in a very serious tone as soon as I collected myself from the error I had made of thinking it was Richard. "But we must speak, and I cannot wait."

"Martha, no—"

"Look," I said forcefully, prepared to do battle if necessary. "Either you show up within the hour at the Sheraton Duluth Hotel, or I swear I will plant myself in your house until you agree to address this." I interpreted the silence I heard as a defeat for his party.

"You win. I'll be there in half an hour," he said angrily, and hung up.

He only cared about his other family; he never even asked about his son. That was enough to anger me, but at least he had agreed to see me. Now all I had to do was convince him, by whatever means necessary, that I would not even consider taking no for an answer.

I sat in the hotel coffee shop, at a table near the door, but away from the window to get some privacy. When he entered, I recognized him immediately—as did he, for after a few seconds looking around, he came straight to me. That was better than I had expected. He still had that gallant poise that he was so full of, forty-two years ago when we spent that night together. His eyes were the same, his graceful walk, his demeanor was the same, and his voice, at least by telephone, was the same. I didn't know what I felt in that moment. He looked so much like my son but quite a few years older. I only hoped my son would live to reach this age.

"Hello," he greeted me, sitting across the table from me.

"Hello."

"Martha, I—"

"No, let me speak, and then you may say something if you still have the gall to do so."

"Agreed," he spoke somberly and anxiously.

"I'm here for my son. He needs your help. Unfortunately, my help has proven insufficient."

"Of course, how much do you need? You know that I—" but he stopped when he saw my hand gesture for silence.

"Yes, I know all about your form of 'help'—money. But no, he has everything he could ever want, in terms of money."

"Martha ... Look, it's not easy for me. I have a family—"

"I know, and I'm not asking you to leave them. I'm just asking you to help." I swallowed and continued, "Our son has leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant. We have all been tested and are not compatible with him, so you are our last resort."

"What?" he exclaimed, as his skin turned red, and a bead of sweat dripped down his face.

"He's dying," I said, my voice breaking. "You're one of his last chances."

"Martha ... why ... you ... you should have told me sooner," he said, stuttering.

"I've been looking for you for _weeks_. You're not easy to find."

"Where is he?" he asked immediately.

"In New York. I depart for there in four hours," I said as I consulted my watch. I did not intend to stay a minute longer than I had to in this forsaken town. It only dragged up old memories.

"I'll go with you. I'd prefer that my family doesn't know about this, but ... if necessary I'll tell my son. Perhaps he, too, can be a donor."

"Thank you ..." I swallowed. It was easier than I had imagined. Maybe he still had the heart that I thought I saw forty-two years ago.

"Thank you? Martha, you may accuse me of anything, and most likely you'd be right, but I'm human being. And whether I will or no, he's my son. And if there is any chance, any way that I can save his life, I'll do it. I have not been involved in his life, for fear of losing my family, but as you'll understand, there's _no way_ I will let him die, knowing that I could save his life." He took a deep breath, expelled it, and continued. "I knew he was well, he was happy, and that was enough. But now ... What kind of person do you take me for, Martha?"

And so ended our conversation. I ended up understanding that I had judged him harshly. He was, after all, a caring person, and he was going to try to help, even calling his son if necessary. That gave me courage, and after agreeing to meet at the airport, we said goodbye.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I was tired. I had not had much sleep in recent days. I just wanted to stay by his side, constantly checking to make sure he was okay, that his heart was still beating steadily.

I wanted to be there with him, but I needed some fresh air. I didn't feel quite right and supposed it was on account of spending so much time in a place I really didn't like. I had never liked hospitals, anyway, and I especially did not like being here because my husband was sick. "My husband"—I was still getting used to that idea. I went into the courtyard in which I had finally managed to open up to him, in which I finally declared my love, and made my feelings clear. That made things easier between the two of us. We knew just by looking at each other, what the other was thinking.

I sat on the bench looking at the sky, searching among the stars for a shooting star to make a wish. But I was not in the Hamptons. Here in the city you could not see the stars. The sky was barely visible. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate, and I prayed. I had never believed in anything, but since this happened I kept praying to whoever could hear me to save him, because any help would be welcome.

"Kate."

When I looked up I found my friend standing there watching me. She sat next to me, placing her hand on my leg, and maintained her silence until I broke.

"It's late, Lanie. What are you doing here?"

"I just left work, and I wanted to see you," she said and I could not help smiling.

"You should rest."

"Maybe, but I get bored too easily these days at work. Without you nothing is the same."

"And Espo?"

"That's over."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, we're fine. It ended well, and that's okay with me. Always hang on to the good things, Kate."

"I'll take the good things, but in this story there are things that are ... much too bad."

"Yes, I understand, but at least there is one good thing—you love each other and you are together. That's the most important."

"Yeah, you're right. I need to get back," I announced, getting up suddenly—but I sat back down immediately when I felt like everything was spinning, to the point that I was about to fall over.

"Kate, are you okay?"

"Yes ..." I replied, holding my head, as if that would serve some purpose. "Yes ... just a moment."

"No, my friend, you're tired, and very, very thin. So don't tell me you're okay."

"Lanie, the important thing right now is him. I can take care of myself after he gets out of this damn hospital."

"No, Kate, the important thing now is you. Because if you're not well, you can't help him. We're gonna go now and have them test you. I think you must have anemia, at least."

"Lanie, I don't think—"

"Kate ... that's enough."

"Lanie ..." I whined, but I knew her look, I knew how stubborn she was. She would not leave me in peace until I did as she said, so I got up and went to the room where the nurses were. Alex was there among the others.

"Hi, ladies," I greeted them timidly.

"Hello, Alex," Lanie waved to her eagerly. "I need your help."

"Sure, what is it?"

"We need to make Kate take a blood test."

"Are you sick, sweetie?" Alex asked me, concerned.

"No, it's nothing ... I'm fine," I answered.

"That's 'fine' as in she's dizzy, she's lost a lot of weight, just look at those circles under her eyes."

"Thanks, Lanie," I said ironically.

"Come on Kate, let's go down and have a look," Alex said, taking my arm and leading me away with her.

"Fine," I agreed reluctantly and a bit angrily, knowing they were doing this because they were worried about me, "but not a word about this to Castle."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say lady, but come on, let's go," Alex coaxed, and I followed her, with Lanie right behind me guarding my escape routes, as if I were a little girl afraid of needles ... which, by the way, I really did not like at all.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 **On Friday, a new chapter, and until then I hope for your comments. Hopefully Kate does not have to pay a price for all her sleepless nights and days spent barely eating.**

 **Thank you and have a nice day XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your comments._


	38. Chapter 38

**Good morning, here's a new chapter. I love it that you've immersed yourselves in this story enough to speculate about Kate's health ... I just love it. We'll see what happens. I must warn you that today I'm going to a wedding and so tonight I'll be home quite late. By this I mean that the chapter tomorrow ... well, it's not that I won't get it uploaded, but it'll just have to wait until I recover enough to get it uploaded haha ... Probably after dinner I'll upload it.**

 **Thank you for your comments, more than 300 now, you all are incredible. I never expected this at all when I started. It's such a pleasant surprise.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _Translator: Well, the English language version of this story doesn't have 300 reviews, but_ _never mind, I'm still very happy to know that so many people are reading (and hopefully enjoying it). I'm not going to a wedding this weekend, just the usual, so I'll probably post the next chapter on Sunday or Monday._

* * *

 **Chapter 38**

KATE'S POV

I was back again at his side. After taking the damn blood test, I returned to his side because that was where I belonged, that was where I wanted to be. He was only awake for a few minutes, because of the drugs. I partly understood why he didn't want to come here. He wanted to last as long as possible outside of these four walls, but I didn't regret bringing him here. Only a few days more and perhaps there wouldn't have been any hope at all, but now, though the chances were slim, they still existed, and while there was life, there was a chance that this nightmare would end. After my trip to the emergency room, where I was tested, Lanie had gone home. She needed to rest because she was expecting another long, hard day at work.

The minutes passed. I was tired of sitting there, making a thousand attempts to get comfortable in what had to be the world's most uncomfortable chair. I was just about ready to go complain about it, when the door opened, and I was shocked to see who it was. I couldn't believe it.

"Martha ..."

"Hello, darling."

"Is he—?"

"Yes. He's here," she said, entering and letting in a tall, strong man, who certainly had to be Rick's father because those _eyes_ ... those eyes were without a doubt the same as my husband's. "Kate, this is James, Rick's father. James, this is Kate, my son's wife."

"Our son," he corrected. "Nice to meet you, although I would have liked it to be in other circumstances," he said as he warmly shook my hand in greeting. His eyes oozed sincerity. Maybe he really did love Rick. Sometimes life is just too complicated and can get away from us.

"How is he?" Martha asked, approaching her son's bedside.

"With the effects of the medication, he spends most of the time asleep."

"But—"

"He will get well, he has to," I said biting my lip, trying to hold back the tears that these days flowed all too easily.

"I want to get tested right away. I don't want to waste a minute if we have to look for another potential donor."

"Another is possible?" I asked puzzled.

"I hope I can be his donor, but if not ... I'll do everything possible to find someone. I have a son, and maybe …. When he hears about this he's going to hate me, but ... I'm sure if he knows that he can help, he will. He's a good person. I even have two grandchildren. I'll do whatever it takes."

"Well, we have something now we didn't have a few hours ago ... options," I said hugging Martha to convey my full support. Now I needed to be strong, because for me it was hard, but I imagined that for a mother this was the worst thing that could ever happen in life.

"All right."

"Stay here with him, I'll go with Mr. Smith."

"James, please," he smiled. "Great, let's go."

We went out the door in search of Alex to take charge of doing the compatibility tests as quickly as possible. We had no time to lose ... Rick had very little time left.

"So ... you are married to my son?"

"Yes, only weeks ago."

"Oh! I'm glad," he said. He looked nervous, like he was unsure how to approach the subject. "And do you know what your husband thinks of me?" he asked straightforwardly. In this way my husband resembled him. Always straight to the point without preamble.

"He doesn't hate you, if that's what you're asking. He just needs for you to explain some things."

"And I will, but I think any excuse that I give him will be insufficient. I've been such a fool, a coward who was afraid of losing things, and yet I've been losing out the whole time I stayed away from him."

"Yes, you did, James. You have an amazing son."

"Yes, that's the only thing that comforts me. That Martha knew how to do what I didn't have enough courage to do."

"It's around here," I told him, taking the way to the room where Alex was usually to be found. Except that when I turned the corner, there was the nurse. The woman had the gift of opportunity; she always seemed to be around when you needed her.

"Alex," I said when I saw her, "I was looking for you."

"Hi Kate, me too. I was on my way to find you. I have the results of your tests, and—"

"Alex, that can wait. This is James, Rick's father. He wants to be tested for donor compatibility."

"My God! You heard my prayers. Sir, I'm delighted to meet you, if you'll just come with me," she smiled. "You're as handsome as your son, did you know that?" she said with her usual self-confidence.

"Thank you," said James rather bashfully. He was not used to the manners of our nurse friend.

"Follow me," said Alex, taking charge of James.

I retraced my steps to return to Rick's room. I knew he was not alone, but I needed to be there when he woke up. I wanted to make the most of every minute he was awake.

When I arrived, the door was ajar and I heard Rick talking to his mother. I heard my name and I stopped in my tracks. This could be interesting …

"Kate is the love of my life, Mother, and I don't want her to suffer. I know you don't like this subject, but ... if anything happens to me ... I want you to take care of her."

"Don't talk about that, Richard," Martha replied. "I don't want you to focus on that subject."

"But—"

"No buts. Your father is here, so we just have to wait a bit to see if he's good for anything after forty-two years of doing nothing. Of course, he also wants to meet you. You may say whatever you want ... now you have the floor."

"Still ..." he said in a soft voice. He seemed discouraged, but he shouldn't be, not now that his father was there.

It was time for me to make my entrance, as my mother-in-law would say. He must not let himself lose hope. Not now that we were on the road to a cure ... the beginning of a new life together, and a return to work and the enjoyment of each other's company.

"Hello," I smiled. When he saw me, his face brightened and that made me feel special.

"Hello, Beautiful," he said, taking my hand and pulling me down so that he could deposit a soft kiss on my lips. I wanted to separate myself but he clung forcefully to me, giving me one kiss after another.

"Alright, children, I'll leave you two alone for a while," Martha said, laughing, as she rose from her chair and left the room.

"Please, Rick, for shame!" I exclaimed, blushing and pulling away from him.

"What's the problem? You're my wife, and I missed you a lot."

"Okay, but your mother has made a long trip and she wanted to be with you."

"And I do too, but also with you ... but with this medication ..."

"I know, but it makes you feel better. Your father is taking compatibility tests, and when you get the transplant, we can spend lots of time together."

"You've seen him?" he asked in a whisper, as if he thought he was right behind the door.

"Yes. He looks a lot like you."

"He does? How so?"

"Hmm, let's see ... I didn't spend much time taking notice, but he's tall, he has ash-colored hair, and blue eyes just like yours."

"You know what? It doesn't make sense, and I shouldn't care but ... I'd like him to be proud of me. I don't know why, but I care what he thinks."

"He'll be very proud. I am," I said kissing him again.

"If all goes well, I could stop taking this crap medication. I don't want to spend all day sleeping."

"Rick, it's—"

"For the best?" he shouted angrily. "It sucks! I want to be awake for more than a couple of hours a day," he said, lowering his voice again almost a whisper.

"I'll see what I can do, but until then try not to get worked up, okay?"

"Yes, boss," he answered, lowering his voice.

"I love you, Rick," I said near his ear. I couldn't help it, now I wanted to say it to him all the time, and see how his face transformed.

"You don't know what you do to me when you say these things to me," he said making us both laugh. "I love you too. And believe it or not, these drugs do nothing at all to dampen the desire you awaken in me," he said, raising his eyebrows and making me laugh.

"Rick, no, you heard me before, and I repeat it now: No."

"Come ... please, don't rain on my parade," he said, pretending to be put out.

"Soon, we can make up for lost time," I whispered in his ear, when I pulled away I saw his eyes were closed and his lower lip held between his teeth. "You're something else," I laughed.

"And you're really something, my temptress," he said kissing my neck.

"Castle, stop—"

"And what if I don't want to?"

"Rick—" but my admonishment was cut off when the door opened again and Martha appeared. We flew apart. "I'm going to leave you two here for a while. I'll get something to drink," I said, trying to conceal my laughter at seeing Rick so frustrated. I kissed him on the lips before going out of the room, leaving him frustrated and a bit miffed.

I went out into the hallway and I found James talking with Alex. I approached them and cleared my throat to get their attention. Both immediately turned to me.

"All's well?" I asked with trepidation.

"We don't know anything yet. But soon we will, we can only hope," Alex said with that smile that always characterized her.

"Good." I smiled reassuringly, trying to calm Rick's father who appeared very apprehensive. "Now we can go see Rick if you want, he's awake."

"I'd … rather …"

"He'll be glad to see you."

"I'm … very nervous."

"He is, too."

"Okay, but give me a second."

"Meantime, Kate, may I have a word with you alone?"

"Of course," I said looking at her strangely. I gave a smile to James and followed Alex.

"Listen ... I have the results of your tests. It's not serious, but you have anemia, Kate, and you have to take care of yourself. You can't go on like this."

"But I'm fine, Alex ... really."

"Yes, but your body can't handle all this. So you have to rest more, eat more and eat better, and you have to take some vitamins. In a week or so I'll repeat the test to see if we are improving, and if not I'll need to give you some supplementary iron. But since you're going to take good care of yourself, I won't have to do anything you don't want, right?"

"Okay, fine," I said with resignation, "but not a word to Rick—that's just what he doesn't need, to be worrying about my health now."

"Well, as long as you behave yourself, I won't say a word, but if I see that you're not eating, or not getting some rest in a proper bed, I will send you to the doctor. Now Martha is here and she can help you. Take turns with her."

"You're just like my mother," I told her laughingly. "Well, I'm leaving you. I want to get back to Rick before he falls asleep again. By the way, I would like to talk to Dr. Carter about his medication."

"Why? Is it making him feel sick?"

"I don't know about that, but he feels tired all the time, and he says he doesn't want just to sleep."

"But right now, that's the best thing for him."

"I know. But you know how stubborn he is. Somebody has to make him see reason."

"I think that only _you_ can do that, however, I'll speak with the doctor," she smiled at me, and left me standing there like an idiot.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **You already know it, there'll be a new chapter late tomorrow haha. Thank you all for continuing to read, and also simply because I'm really enjoying your comments and I know that you're really enjoying reading it. Next week there will be chapters on the usual days, as always, but on Thursday there will be a bonus chapter... so you can enjoy it a bit more, and also so that these hard times pass as quickly as possible haha.**

 **Thanks, and have a nice weekend XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: See you again in a few days. I was going to post this morning, but FF dot net was down for the count. Glad it's back up again. Please leave comments and reviews if you are so inclined._


	39. Chapter 39

**Good afternoon, everyone, haha. Here you have a chapter that is difficult in places, and tender in other places. I hope you don't want to kill me for this ... you just have to wait a little longer hehe.**

 **Thank you all for your comments…**

 **And thanks to my beta/collaborator for all her support and work ... Let me tell you that without her this would not be the same, and I'm counting on her for the next one ... always.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 39**

RICK'S POV

My mother sat with me and told me a few stories about what happened while she was looking for my father. What a privilege it was, to have my mother with me. It was one of the joys of my life. My body grew tired, and the fatigue began to appear, and my eyes were fighting a cruel war to stay open. I needed to stay awake ... but more than awake, I needed to spend more moments like these, good moments that filled me with strength, energy, and courage to face what was still ahead, a fierce battle against time, in favor of life.

The door opened, and within the doorframe appeared the most beautiful smile in the world, lighting up the whole room. I smiled at her. She was the most beautiful woman, and she was my wife.

"Hi, Babe," she said smiling at me. "I'm bringing someone who wanted to see you," she told me, giving way to a tall man, with gray hair and deep blue eyes. Those eyes seemed familiar—they were the same eyes I saw every morning in the mirror.

Reflexively, my body tensed and the smile left my face. I knew he was here to help me, but I had nothing to give him. In regards to him, my heart was hollow. I didn't know if I could ever offer him the love that he seemed to offer me—at this time, definitely not. Because his moment had come and gone. Furthermore, right now, the time I had left was a very valuable gift that I was not disposed to waste upon him. He was not someone who had importance in my life. Despite everything he was doing now, for me he was still the man who abandoned us, my mother and me. I grabbed her hand fiercely, the hand that she always made available to me these days, the hand of the one other person who had suffered as much as I had at the hands of this man. I wanted to hold her hand as protection, as a talisman against the harm that he did in his day.

"Hello," he said nervously, approaching and offering the hand that I now no longer wanted. And there it remained in the air, as lonely and abandoned as my mother was during my birth, childhood, adolescence, my whole life—alone. There he held it for several seconds until he realized that there it would stay, without welcome from mine, which continued holding my mother's hand.

"Rick ..." Kate admonished me, but I scowled at her, silencing whatever comment she intended to make about it. In this aspect of my heart, she did not have input.

"I'm tired, if you don't mind, and I prefer to be alone."

My mother gave me a kiss on the cheek and left right behind him. He had not even had time to close the door after his entrance. Kate stood there with crossed arms looking angrily at me.

"What? Are you going to keep acting spoiled toddler?" she asked me, annoyed by my behavior. "You didn't have to treat him that way."

"I just ... don't want to see him. He reminds me of the loneliness and abandonment that my mother and I lived through. Kate, you cannot understand. I don't want to relive that time of my life—don't want to go back to being the kid who waited and waited for him, hoping that one day I'd see him coming through our door," I stopped while those sad days of my childhood invaded my mind, "until I finally realized he would never come. Do you know why I'm named Castle?"

"No."

"After him," I said laughing ironically. "It was the false name he gave to my mother. Alexander Castle." Now I was angry, and my next words were full of it. "Until my mother finally realized that he didn't really exist! You don't know how much she suffered." I stopped for breath and lay back on bed, and once I was settled, I continued, "I thought I could do it ... but now, seeing him, I can't, it's just beyond me."

"If you hate him so much, if you have so much animosity toward him, why keep him in mind? Why use that name that reminds you of it?" she asked, approaching and taking the place that my mother had occupied a few moments ago.

"In case someday he heard my name, so that he would know that I knew of his lie, his deception. It was my way of letting him know. It was my way to shoulder this burden that I've had since I was a child. In order not to forget all the pain. _That_ was when I needed my father, and now I don't care to have one, I don't need one.

"I understand that you feel this way. But he's here for you, Rick. He's here to help and that—"

"And that entitles him to disappear for forty years? And expect that I couldn't wait to throw myself into his arms? I can't do that."

"Of course I'm not going to force you, okay? But don't act this way, I don't want you making yourself upset. If you don't want to see him—" she said as she took my hand to convey to me her unconditional support.

"I can't do it, not right now," I said, unable to avoid tears.

"Okay, I'm here with you, hear me?" she said wiping the tears and leaving light kisses on my cheek.

"Kate, I—"

"Shhh ... let's say no more," she said kissing me gently on the lips. Feeling them on mine made me forget everything and everyone. I could only think of her, and how her lips felt on mine.

"Oof! How do you that, erasing everything bad in a single stroke?" I smiled as she pulled away from me.

"Listen, I thought about it, and well ... the truth is—I was thinking—I'm really looking forward to ... you know," she said smiling at me with a mischievous look.

"Kate, wait, you're telling me this now?" I said feigning that I was about to get up, making her laugh. I liked to see her happy.

"Rick," she replied, still amused, "we have to wait a bit. Perhaps after everything, when it goes well, but before we leave, we could—"

"I can't wait that long," I said pulling her down to lie beside me.

"You'll have to wait," she said with a sly smile. She had fallen into my arms, and I could smell her hair, which fell gently on her shoulders. My crotch was level with her backside, and she could tell that I was not joking—little Ricky up to the task. Because just the smell of her made my body respond, despite the fatigue and medication. I began to lick her earlobe, playing with it with my tongue, while my hand took hold of one of her breasts over top of her clothes.

"When I recover my breath a little, you'll see, you temptress," I said nibbling on her neck, like a thirsty vampire, with my tongue and teeth. I let her know that this was no joke.

* * *

KATE'S POV

I lay down beside him and he immediately pulled me close to his body. I could not stop caressing and kissing him. Never before had I felt this way—I needed him all the time, every minute. When I wasn't with him, I could scarcely breathe, sleep, smile. He was my everything ... and when I thought there would come a time that I could not have him by my side, I became desperate. I couldn't live without him, that was clear. People said there was nothing to do but get used to the idea, but no—I couldn't do that.

"Hey! stop thinking so hard!" he said smiling at me.

"You know I love you, right?" I couldn't help it, I was looking at him and these words just popped out of my mouth. It had become almost a reflexive act.

"I know. But don't you know that I love you more?" There he was, teasing me and laughing in spite of being so ill, in spite of having just met his father, in spite of being medicated and suffering horrible pain. He kept making me laugh.

"Of course, gotta be better than me at _something_ ," I teased.

"You're gonna—" His hands attacked key locations, tickling me mercilessly in a way that, really, I deserved. I wallowed in laughter, couldn't stop until I was just about breathless.

"Stop, Rick, please! Okay already, stop …!"

"What will you give me in exchange?" he teased, continuing the torture.

"Anything you want."

"Well, I want ... I want you to talk to Alex."

"What? What for?" I replied frowning. What did he want with the nurse now?

"I want to stop taking the medication."

"Rick, I'm not going to do that," I said, becoming serious.

"Kate, I can't—"

"Let's wait for the results of the tests. After that ... then we'll think about it, okay?"

"Well ... alright," he agreed, closing his eyes while I caressed him.

"Are you tired, Babe?"

"Yes, very ... but I don't want to be."

"Relax, rest, we have plenty of time to be together."

"How are you so sure?"

"I have a good feeling. I know that in a few months we'll be back in the precinct solving cases together, and then later ... we can take a vacation."

"Where would you like to go?"

"Anywhere, as long as it's with you."

"I like that destination," he smiled, but his eyes were already half-closed eyes from the drowsiness caused by the pain medication.

"Sleep, my love, I'm here with you ... to protect you from bad dreams ..."

"I won't be having any bad dreams, because I'll be dreaming about you ... my muse ... my friend ... my wife ... my life," he murmured, smiling, just before closing his eyes and falling completely asleep.

I stayed there looking at how tranquil he was in his sleep. I could almost believe that nothing bad was happening, that the damn cancer was not racing through his body killing him bit by bit ... destroying all the good cells in his body.

I swallowed hard to keep my tears under control and gently kissed his lips before getting up. I was tired but I couldn't sleep until I knew for certain that James could be a donor for Rick.

I went outside and found Martha and James talking quietly. I had completely forgotten what had happened only a few minutes—or hours—ago ... I had no sense of time anymore. I approached them, and when they saw me they both avoided eye contact.

"Everything alright?" I asked. My intention was to apologize to James. Truly, Rick had been very rude to him, but right now, I could not reproach him to them.

"Yes," they answered both at once, I stared at them puzzled.

"James, I am very sorry—" I attempted to apologize.

"No, Kate, hush, it's okay. I understand that he doesn't want to see me. I expected it. It's just … perhaps one always has hope."

"It's good to have hope," I said giving him a sad smile. "I'm sure that eventually he'll end up accepting you. He just needs to get to know you a little, spend a bit more time with you. He needs to find something positive in this relationship."

"I know it. It's not easy to meet your father after forty years. I've been a lousy father. I can't blame him for what happened in there. I deserved it."

"Show him that he can trust you, that you can be a good father, or at least a good friend. For the moment, that's something positive. Give it time, and you'll see, everything will be fine."

"Now I understand my son, why he married you," he said smiling at me. "You're a good woman. I'm glad he found you."

"Thanks, James, but I'm the lucky one."

"Excuse me—" Alex appeared behind us.

"Don't apologize, Alex. Is there any news?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes ... but ... I'm so sorry, but ... they are not compatible. He can't be his donor."

"But—" I felt like the world was collapsing on me. He was my hope—he was everyone's hope. It could not be that he wasn't ... I couldn't hear a 'no,' this was more than I could handle.

"Kate, I'm sorry. Calm down. We'll keep looking for a donor—"

"And right away!" I exclaimed. I couldn't stop crying. I knew I had to be strong for Martha, and for Rick—but all the hope I had carried vanished with that one final word NO.

"I'll call my son. He'll be here by tomorrow evening. I know that he'd help Rick with his eyes closed. Thank God I have two grown children."

"But what if _he's_ not—"

"He'll do it. We're not going to lose hope yet."

"I don't know if—"

"Katherine!" Martha gathered me in her arms. "We won't give up. As long as Richard is still breathing, there's hope."

"But each day that passes—I don't want—Martha, I can't live without him!" I was crying inconsolably.

"Come on Kate, tomorrow everything will be better—you'll see." Now Alex was hugging me, trying to comfort me.

And in that moment of despair, I couldn't take it anymore. I found that my body couldn't hold me up, couldn't sustain my weight. I closed my eyes, tried to take a breath ... and everything went black.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Thank you all for continuing to read. And even though I know that right now you want to kill me ... I still need to warn you that there's yet more suffering ahead ... But have patience, and see you on Monday** _[Thursday]_ **.** **So that all of this passes faster, I want to let you know that next week there will be 5 chapters.** _[or not…sorry! see below]_

 **See you Monday, hope you all have a good weekend XXOO**

 **Please don't hate me!**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: I am running out of my cushion of translated chapters. I most certainly will not fulfill Tamy's promise of 5 chapters in a week. If I'm lucky, and have enough time to translate some more chapters, I will be able to keep posting every three or four days. If not, there will be a brief break while I catch up on translating…and that's when you'll all want to throw things at me, for keeping you in suspense. I'll do my best to keep 'em coming._


	40. Chapter 40

**Good morning everyone, here's the chapter. This week, despite the surrounding drama, I promise you some good moments … Too much drama is not healthy hehe … but don't get too complacent, the drama isn't all over yet.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 40**

KATE'S POV

I woke up disoriented, not sure where I was. When I opened my eyes I recognized the hospital. A thousand pleas filled my mind. I prayed that it all had been a nightmare. But then I encountered Martha's concerned gaze, and I began to fall apart again when I realized it had not been a dream. It was real ... and every day Rick lost more of his chances to live, to remain with me and his mother.

"Kate, are you okay? You fainted, and Alex and James brought you here to rest."

I tried to sit up, but everything started spinning. With help from Martha, I lay back down on the hospital bed and closed my eyes, willing everything to return to normal. When I opened them again, everything was back in its proper place, and nothing was spinning. I took a deep breath to try to relax. I let it out and tried sit up again, but she wouldn't let me. Through the door came Alex followed by Lanie. Now I knew I was in trouble. I was not going to be moving from this bed. I knew her, and nobody could beat her stubbornness. If she was decided, nothing could stop her.

"Kate ... for God's sake, how are you?"

"Well," I soothed. All I needed was to make her hysterical, too. "Just a bit dizzy. But I have to go back—" I tried to get up again, but Lanie pushed me back down in bed with some force. In a normal situation, that wouldn't stop me from getting up, but my body was tired, defeated, and I could barely move. Every movement cost me a great effort.

"You need to rest," she spoke very decidedly. "If you don't, I'll tie you down myself. So, choose."

"I can't rest. I need to be with him."

"He's asleep, and you should be too, if you don't want to become ill, Kate. You have to take a break or _you_ will be the one who has to be admitted to the hospital. Your body has collapsed from fatigue, not to mention the fact that you have anemia." I wanted to speak, but again she wouldn't let me. "Yes, I saw your test results, Miss ... well, Mrs now," she joked, "and you need to rest and then eat well. Until you do that, you won't be able to take care of anyone, let alone your husband. If you want to take care of him, you have to take care of yourself first."

She knew exactly how to make her case. She knew that the only thing that mattered now was Rick. He was my highest priority, nothing and no one else mattered, even myself.

"Okay, but just a couple of hours," I said trying to convince her, "then I'm going back to him."

"Kate ..." she tried to command my attention, but I was too worried about Rick at this time.

"Lanie ..." I dared her.

"Okay already, at least a couple of hours. Then you eat something, and if you finish what I bring you, I'll let you get up to go to see him. Don't make me restrain you. At least wait until you've rested a bit, you hear me? No exercise for now, no attempt to move weight. You have to take care of yourself. This was just a little scare, but if you keep this up, Kate, you will have serious problems. And remember that the important thing now is for Rick to stay well, and he's only well if you are."

"Okay, okay ... I'll do it ... when he's out of danger. Meanwhile the only thing that matters to me is him. He's all that matters now."

"Kate, if he knew what's been going on, he wouldn't let you overdo it. You have to watch out for him. You cannot disregard your needs. Imagine what happens if he recovers, and then you all have to stay here because of _you_."

"Okay, I'll do it. I'll try to sleep and eat more, okay? But you must _not_ keep me away from him—because then I really will get sick."

"We don't intend to keep you away," she replied, looking at Alex and Martha who assented to everything she said.

"Where is James?" I asked, searching for him with my eyes.

"He's trying to get his son to come. When I arrived, he was talking with him, to get him to take the tests. There's still hope, Kate. My son is strong, and he's going to keep fighting until the donor is found. I know he will."

"I hope so," I responded, looking down at my hands, where I barely had any nails left, after all the nervous biting.

* * *

RICK'S POV

I woke with a start. I had just had a nightmare where Kate was shot, and I couldn't save her. But thank God all that was just a nightmare. But when I woke up and she was nowhere to be seen, I began to worry. I tried to get up, but I couldn't—what with all the wires, tubing and needles that connected me to the various machines and medications, my first attempt was a failure. But not to despair, I was already trying to get up again. I had just accomplished my goal when the door opened. I smiled hoping to see Kate walk through that door, but I was surprised to see Lanie instead.

"Hi, Lanie ... is Kate alright?"

"And I'm happy to see you, too," she responded, smiling at me as she settled me back in the bed.

"You haven't answered my question."

"She's fine. I ordered her to take a rest."

"Oh! Well, only you could convince her to do that," I laughed.

"It was either that, or I would've had to drug her myself."

"I'm glad you did it," I told her, watching as she put all the wires and tubes back in order, making sure they were properly connected to the machines. I was unhappy that Kate wasn't with me, and I suppose my face telegraphed that clearly.

"You don't seem very happy."

"No ... I ... I'm fine," I tried to lie.

"Castle ... we know you. What happened?"

"I had a nightmare. They shot Kate and I ... I panicked. I need to see her to know she's okay."

"She'll be here in a couple hours. You know how she is. We can't keep her away from you for very long."

"God! Lanie ... I never thought ... I never imagined I could really be with her." I smiled like an idiot. "And now it's the reality. You can't even imagine—it's so much better than I even dreamed. She's so special ... unique."

"I always knew you were crazy about her," she replied, sitting in the chair that Kate had occupied until recently.

"I wasn't any good at hiding it, was I?"

"Actually, when you acted like a jackass, you hid it very well. But when you followed her around like a lapdog, you made it all too clear," she remarked, and we both laughed.

"Lanie ... I need to ask you something."

"Ask away ... but first let me make it very clear, no, I will _not_ marry you ... I like my neck the way it is, and Kate would definitely have my head." We both broke into laughter ... we had always been good pals and got along well together. Then she turned serious and said, "You can ask me anything, you know that."

"If ... this ends badly—"

"Which it will not do."

"Yeah, but ... if it does...don't leave her alone ... Take care of her."

"You know I'd never abandon her, she's my friend. I consider her to be practically a sister. I'd never leave her all alone."

"I need you ... let's see ... I don't know how to explain this …. It's not that I want her to forget me. But at the same time, I'd like her to find someone who can make her happy. This world shouldn't have to lose that beautiful smile," I said fighting back tears. "I want her to be happy. I want that even if I have to miss it. I want her to live on, and remake her life without me."

"I'll try."

"All right. Thank you."

As we finished talking, the door opened again, and my mother entered the room. She looked a little less brilliant than just a few hours ago, when I saw last her. I looked at Lanie, to see if they were hiding something from me, and, yes... I could see that little note of concern in the face of my companion.

"What's up? You two are hiding something from me, I can tell. Is it about Kate?"

"What? No. What are you talking about? I just told you that Kate was fine," said Lanie, but I still felt she was lying about something.

"Mother ..." She had maintained her silence, but I knew she would tell me the truth.

"It's not Kate. Richard, darling ... the tests ..." she couldn't quite say it, and just lowered her gaze.

"Not compatible," I said fixing the two of them with a look, while they didn't quite know which way to turn their eyes to avoid tears. "I don't know why I got my hopes up. It was impossible that he'd just appear out of nowhere to save my life. It was just crazy, the kind of thing that only happens in sappy movies," I spoke angrily.

"Look, darling, your father ... well ... James," she corrected, upon receiving my look, "is trying to get your brother to help you."

"My brother?" I repeated, astonished. This was the first I'd heard that I had a brother. It was like a mystery novel where without foreshadowing, characters suddenly appear out of nowhere in the middle of the story, and after much hoopla, it turns out that they're the ones who are responsible for everything. My life had turned into a soap opera that was getting worse and worse by the minute.

"Yes, you have a brother. He might be your donor, so don't give up hope yet."

"Kate knows about this?" I asked intrigued.

"Rick—" Lanie began, but I interrupted her. There was something they were not telling me, and I could see it in their eyes, their faces, in all the mystery that was hovering around this absurd conversation.

"She knows this, and she's not here? Where is she?" That was the crux of the matter ... Kate was not with me, and that meant something had happened to her. They couldn't lie to me.

"She's—" my mother attempted to tell me, avoiding my eyes.

"Don't tell me she's just resting. I want to know where she is, and I demand to see her now."

"Richard, darling—" my mother began again ... and I saw it in her face, something was wrong.

"Mother," I said, already angered. This pointless discussion was really making me very tired. I felt exhausted and my eyes threatened to close again.

"All right. Wait for me to get you a wheelchair," Lanie said when she realized that they could not stop me.

They wheeled me over to a closed door, a hospital room. Suddenly I felt a strong pressure on the chest. Kate had been admitted to the hospital—what had happened? I shot a panicked look at the two women who were with me, and they both took pity on me.

"Rick, I didn't lie to you before. Kate is alright, she just needs rest. Lately she's suffered a lot. She doesn't eat much, she sleeps only a little and ... her body is rebelling against this mistreatment. When she heard that you were not compatible with your father, she fainted. She just needs to rest, eat some food, and she's good to go. So don't worry, it's only a little fatigue and anemia."

"And what else?"

"She's okay. Come in and see for yourself," she said smiling at me. This smile was a true one, not a half-smile. So Kate was fine, just a little tired. But there I was, and now it was my turn to give back to her, for everything she had been doing for me. I was not going to leave her on her own. I'd make her eat and rest. She'd listen to me.

My mother pushed me into the room, and left me parked close to my Kate. Yes, mine ... and I moved closer to the bed where she slept. How long had it been since she'd slept properly? And it was all my fault—I was to blame for all this. I listened until the door closed behind me and I knew we were alone. Carefully I took her hand, gently, trying not to wake her. I loved her, wanted the best for her—and now she was in a hospital bed, and it was all my fault. She had stopped taking care of herself, in order to take care of me. I hadn't taken care of my wife, and that hurt me in the soul. I was asking all my friends to look after her, and in the process I, ironically, neglected her.

Until that moment, I hadn't noticed, I hadn't comprehended the extent of her weight loss, how she ate only if I was eating, at odd times. My lack of appetite made her forget hers. If I had eaten more, she would have, too. Furthermore, it was clear, from the deep, dark circles under her eyes, that she had missed her restorative sleep, sleep in a real bed, not in a hospital armchair. And above all, she spent day and night at my side, looking after me, worrying about me. I should have taken care of her, and now look …

I brought her hand to my mouth, placing a soft kiss on it. At this moment, I was thinking about how her life would have been if she had never known me. Right now she'd be saving the world—not here in this bed, seeming so small and fragile. These thoughts consumed me, and I thought about how, when this was all over, she could rest. I needed her to rest, and I needed rest, too. I loved her, and above all else I did not want her to suffer. If I knew for a certainty that her suffering would cease with my demise, I would instantly remove myself from the picture. But I knew that would not end her suffering. I knew she would suffer a thousand times more, and it would still be all my fault.

What could I do to save her all this pain? What could I do to stop her suffering for me and get her to focus on herself?

"God, if anyone knows the answer, shout it out to me, give me a sign so that I know what to do. I need something to help me, because if I don't get it, I'm going to go mad," I said aloud in my despair.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **On Wednesday there will be a new chapter and I expect that it'll be good ... that things will get somewhat better. Remember that on Thursday there will be an extra chapter that I hope you'll enjoy.**

 **Bye everyone and have a nice day.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Next chapter should be up this weekend. I'm trying to catch up with the translations, but I'm only a couple chapters ahead of this posting, not much margin. I'm hoping I won't have to pause (in the middle of all this anxiety-provoking drama) for lack of translations. Wish me luck (and lots of spare time, haha)!_


	41. Chapter 41

**Good morning. Here's a new chapter, I hope you enjoy it.**

 **I want to thank you for reading the story, and your comments are the best!**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 **Chapter 41**

* * *

RICK'S POV

Kate was still asleep. This was a very good sign. I sat in my wheelchair, watching her and stroking her hand. Now it was my turn to look after her.

I heard the door open, and my mother entered. She sat by me on the chair that was next to Kate's bed. For a while she remained silent, she seemed preoccupied. She was questioning me with her eyes, but I was still immersed in my thoughts about how to help Kate recover. Besides that, I was beginning to feel an excruciating pain in my bones, as if they weighed much more than normal. My body was complaining, and it hurt more and more.

"Richard, you need to go back to your own room so that you can receive your drugs."

"No," I refused emphatically.

"Darling ..."

"I won't take anything that puts me to sleep. I need to take care of Kate. Perhaps if you ask Alex for a painkiller of some kind, I have a headache," I lied.

"That's no way to take care of her. If she wakes up and finds out that you've skipped taking your medication—"

"It doesn't matter, she can get angry if she wants. I won't take it anymore."

"But you yourself just told me that—"

"No buts. I'm very sure that I have very little time left, and I don't intend to spend it all sleeping."

"But your father will come and—"

"That man is not my father," I retorted angrily.

"Yes, he is. He has not behaved as a father should, but now he's going to help you. You're going to recover from all this, and then if you feel like it, you can complain all you want."

"I will not move from this spot."

"Well then, I'll ask them to bring you a bed," she said impotently when she realized that she could not get me to move.

"I won't let them take me away by any means at all."

"Fine," she said resignedly, "but I'm going to have them bring a bed so that at least you're more comfortable. This chair can't be very comfortable."

"I have Kate's bed."

"Richard, darling, please ... don't do this. Don't be so stubborn ..."

"I will not leave her, mother," I insisted without even noticing the tears that began to drip out of my eyes. "I just need to be here, with her. I know that you all have hope, because if you didn't, you wouldn't be here. I also want to have hope but ... unfortunately, I'm a realist and the chances, which were already small when I got here, are now almost nil. I don't want to sleep. No ... I just want to be with her."

"I understand," my mother said sadly.

"Mother, I ..." I didn't want to undervalue her; she did not deserve it. But the words would not come.

"I know that you want to be with me, too. Don't worry, I don't feel bad about it. I know you love her—I've never seen you like this before. What you two have is so beautiful, it's precious, darling. You've fallen in love over this, fighting together against this. I see how you look at each other, how you take care of each other. I'm not angry because you want to be with her, and I will not say another word about your medication. I just ask you not to stop fighting, believing, dreaming ... don't give up yet, Richard," she implored with tears that trailed slowly down her cheeks like tiny caresses.

"I don't intend to stop fighting, nor will I. But I want to spend as much time as possible with her, with you all. I'm not giving up, but I need to be at her side, enjoying her company. What good does it do me, to have her or you with me, if I'm asleep all day? I can't, I don't want to sleep any more. I feel like someday soon I'm going to fall asleep and not wake up. I'm afraid, Mom—I'm afraid to die, I'm afraid to leave you two alone." And by that time I was crying too, and leaning my head against my mother's body as she stood beside me. She stroked my head where I used to have hair, now horribly bald and shining, although a few weak little hairs were sprouting. "I love you mother."

"I love you, too, my dear," she said and hugged me tightly. And I let it all go. I had managed to be strong during my illness, but now I felt afraid to the point of panic about dying. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to be with them, wouldn't be able to see their smiles.

Of a sudden, Kate began stirring. My mother gave me a kiss on the cheek and wiped my tears, then left us alone. I stood next to the bed and placed soft kisses the back of her hand, holding it delicately as if it were breakable.

"Mmm ... Where am I?" She awoke and looked at me, somewhat disoriented.

"You're in the hospital, love. You fainted," I replied softly.

"What are you doing here?" she said, pulling herself up as she suddenly realized everything.

"Taking care of you," I told her, staring intently into her eyes.

"Rick ... you shouldn't ..."

"Kate, I want to and need to."

She sat up in bed. Then she leaned her head on my shoulder. I stroked her hair soothingly. I knew what had come to her mind, and that she was afraid, as much as I was.

"Are we okay?" she asked timidly.

"Of course, love," I replied.

"Forgive me for not telling you anything, but ... I didn't want to worry you."

"I know. But don't ever do it again, because then I'll worry more thinking about what you're hiding from me. Okay?" I said seriously so that she'd understand the reason for my words.

"How did you find out?"

"I had to get the information at gunpoint," I said making us both laugh.

"I'm happy you're here," she said, kissing me softly on the lips, and I lost myself in the sensation, so happy to feel her lips once again on mine. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" she asked with concern.

"No, I needed to be here with you."

"I've had plenty of rest, I'm fine. Your turn, you need to—" She was getting bossy again herself, so I interrupted.

"It would be better just to share the bed," I suggested, raising my eyebrows and giving her a mischievous smile.

"You may, but no funny business, Mr. Castle. I remind you that we are in a hospital."

"I promise, Mrs. Castle." It was the first time I had said it, and it sounded so good I could not help but repeat it. "Mrs. Castle ... I like it."

"You like how it sounds?"

"I love it. You're my wife, my _wife_ ... and I'm very happy about that."

"Me too," she agreed. But I saw the sadness in her eyes, though I did not say anything about it, I just kissed her again.

"Kate, I've stopped the medication."

"But—"

"All it's doing is making me sleepy. It's not going to save me."

"But it took away the pain. So that you don't feel bad."

"But it made me lose too many things, especially spending time with you. That's why—"

"Well," she said, understanding my explanation, "do what you want, but if you start to feel worse—"

"Don't worry," I responded, returning to kiss her, stroking her bare legs below the hospital gown. The truth is that it was a very ugly garment, but right now I didn't care. It let me feel her skin, her endlessly long legs that made me feel fully alive, despite the fatigue that weighed me. "Kate, I want to make you mine."

"And I want to be yours," she said kissing me hard, with passion, and I felt my heart was leaping out of my chest.

I lay carefully on the bed, arranging myself next to her, and commenced kissing her neck, her shoulder, her lips again. I was beginning to feel my body reacting to her proximity, her kisses, her caresses ... when we heard a somewhat embarrassed voice.

"I'm going to ... oh! I'm sorry, I'll return in a little while," the nurse said, retreating as suddenly as she had entered.

I looked at Kate, who was as red as a tomato and covering herself as well as she could with the bedsheet. I could not help laughing out loud.

"Don't laugh, jackass," she said, hitting my arm. "I'm going to die of embarrassment!" She covered her face with the sheet, making me laugh even more.

"You are so gorgeous when you get flustered like that," I remarked, removing her hands from her face to get a better look. We stared for a few seconds, until I couldn't help it and kissed her again. But this time it wasn't amorous passion, it was a kiss full of love. We kissed slowly and with trepidation ... just rubbing our lips, a small touch that made my heart jump for joy. I brought her closer, gently caressing her face, brushing her hair aside, as my lips caught her own. This was what made me feel alive. This was what made me feel full of life and this was what filled me with the strength necessary to win this tough battle. We separated slowly, and never stopped smiling, looking at each other with such adoration that I felt I was in heaven and that she was my guardian angel.

"I love you ... I love you ... I love you," she said, dotting little kisses on my lips between the words.

"I love you, too."

"Oof! Now I'm the one feeling frustrated," she said, making me laugh.

"If you want, I can help you relieve some of that frustration."

"Oh, to be sure...and you know the nurse will choose that exact moment to come back," she snarked.

"Isn't there any way we can get a moment alone? Maybe we need to put up a 'Do not Disturb' sign like they have at hotels."

"Sure, and why not ask for champagne from room service while we're at it?" she laughed.

"Leave it to me. Maybe I can work my contacts, call in a favor. Tonight, though, I won't be letting you off so easy." I kissed her again with renewed vigor.

"Mmmhmm ... and what are you going to do me then?"

"Do you want to know?" I inquired, kissing her neck and making her sigh, then nibbling on her ear lobe in a way I knew she loved. "I'm going to kiss every part of your body, leaving nothing untasted. Then I'll make love to you until you scream my name, and to keep you quiet I'll have to kiss your lips again and again. Because I have no inclination to stop kissing you at any time. I'll make you feel good with every part of my body, every kiss, every caress. I will make the night unforgettable, that I promise you," and I bit her earlobe, again making her moan.

I covered her body with mine and kissed her hard. By this time I was also pretty worn out. My headache was worse, and my whole body felt ponderous. But I also needed her, and just hearing her moan, and seeing her tremble at my touch, made me feel a hundred—

"Is it okay to come in?" Lanie called out as she entered, and just seeing our compromising position made her laugh. "You guys are really, really bad. You think this is normal?"

That made me laugh again, and Kate, once more frustrated, grabbed a pillow and threw it at her friend, who also could not stop laughing.

"I have doubts about your friends, Mr. Castle ... especially the very gossipy ones," Kate declared, a little bit put out by her friend's interruption. "What is it about this place, that no one here knows how to knock on a door before opening it? A little privacy please. This man has needs, and this woman has some, too."

All three of us burst out laughing after Kate made this assertion. She knew how to be very convincing.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Tomorrow there will be an extra chapter, as I already told you ... hopefully they'll get some time alone together, because if they don't, they're gonna explode haha. Well, I want to thank you all and say that I think you will like tomorrow's chapter.**

 **Thanks for everything and see you tomorrow XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: I hope to have the next chapter up on Wednesday._


	42. Chapter 42

**Good morning. As I told you, this week you'll see things more relaxed as regards the drama. There will be more good times alternating with drama, so take advantage of it. Because what remains of this story includes some very, very hard times. Well, thank you all for your comments, and I'm warning you that this chapter is M :)** _[translator: Still T, don't worry! see below]_

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: This chapter has been edited to conform to T rating standards. The complete chapter as originally written by Tamyalways will be added to the "I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways M version" posted with the M-rated fics._

* * *

 **Chapter 42**

KATE'S POV

Again the door opened, the door of the room I had been allotted after fainting. I was already feeling better. All I needed was to put my feet up, get a few hours' sound sleep, and eat something. Both Alex and Lanie exaggerated and made such a big fuss over my being a little bit tired. Rick entered with a smile that lit up his entire face—even transformed it, it was so radiant. He walked slowly to my bed and lay down beside me, kissed me gently and declared, "Success!" He smiled like the cat that got the cream.

"Success?"

"We have a couple of hours alone, just for us. Nobody is going to bother us," he whispered in my ear, at the same time nibbling on the earlobe. Just that little bit of contact was enough to make my blood sing.

"How—?"

"Doesn't matter. What matters is that I've succeeded."

"You told them that—"

"I didn't even have to—" he chuckled.

"Oh god! This is so embarrassing! I won't be able to look your mother in the face, or Alex either, for the rest of my life. How embarrassing! You shouldn't have done that. What are they going to think of us?" I exclaimed, and Rick began to laugh at my discomfiture. "Hey!" I protested, slapping his chest.

"I like it when you blush, when you're embarrassed. That color suits you so well, makes your face so becoming. But you know what I really like?" he continued, attacking my neck and making me sigh, "I especially like when you forget everything else, when you focus on you and me, together. Not thinking, just enjoying the moment."

I kissed him hard, pulling him toward me. I needed him, needed to feel him as close as possible. I wanted to take off his clothes, to make myself his. My whole body was crying for him.

"God Kate! I want to kiss you a thousand times," he declared, settling down to the task. It was something special, this harmony we had. I don't know how, but he knew exactly where caress, where to put his lips, to make me enjoy and feel our union.

I felt him descend down my stomach, dropping kisses in every zone, never breaking his gaze into my eyes, watching me enjoy the sensations his caresses produced in me. While I, in those eyes so blue, I saw everything that he felt as he gave me pleasure. I felt so loved, wanted, safe, alive.

Little by little I was left with no more clothing, while he still wore his hospital gown and underpants. He worked his way down and back up my body, kissing every part wherever he went. When he got to my chest he gave it an extra portion of caresses on each side, making me moan again. Slowly, slowly, he climbed upwards toward my neck, and there he stayed, kissing, licking and nibbling my neck with just the right amount of tiny bites. I would certainly carry the marks for a few days, I mused as I enjoyed the sensation. Slowly he drew his mouth away, much to my displeasure. Just feeling his warm breath made me shudder.

"I love you," he breathed, and I could no longer resist the temptation. It was my turn to let him know what a woman in love could do.

In a wild manner, I stripped him of his hospital gown and underpants. When he was fully exposed, I got to thinking about Little Ricky and his shyness the first night we slept together, which made me smile.

"What are you laughing about now?" he wondered, seeing me smiling.

"I think that Little Ricky knows me now. He's not as shy as the first time," I remarked, making us both laugh.

"Now he won't miss an opportunity to say hello," he told me, smiling broadly.

I needed it so much. I loved him and wanted him so badly. I didn't want to lose myself in all this passion that was consuming us, but the thought flickered across my mind that this might be the last time we could make love, and I felt some furtive tears roll down my face; I was powerless to stop them. I wanted this time to be eternal, I wanted it never to end, but above all I wanted it to be special, I wanted it to be completely magical.

* * *

Rick fell exhausted on me, still placing slow kisses on my shoulder and tickling my neck. I wanted to stay this way for a little while longer, embracing, being together.

Rick raised his head, and we lay there for a few seconds, regarding one another with smiling faces. Rick tried to roll off me, but I prevented him by embracing him again fiercely against my chest.

"Rick, don't get up."

"But ... I'm crushing you."

"I need to hold you a little more, don't move."

"We don't have much time before—"

"I don't care ... stay here with me."

"Mmm ... you know, this was so much better than my fantasy," he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah?"

"The only thing is that, in my fantasy, you were wearing a nurse's uniform."

"Aha. Well of course, that didn't happen."

"Doesn't matter. You're the best nurse I could ever imagine. And definitely the hottest," he said kissing my neck, and I couldn't help moaning because my body was still so sensitive.

"Rick, you know what?" I mused.

"Mmm ..." he purred in my ear. I could feel his weight on me, and could tell he was relaxed, calm—and at the same time, worn out by all the exercise.

"At the precinct you were always boasting to the guys about your Saturday night hook-ups."

"Kate, you won't be jealous now?"

"It doesn't matter what you used to do. You're all mine now," I laughed. "I'm not jealous. I just wanted to ask if they were the ones who taught you all the techniques you used with me today."

"No, Kate, the things I told the boys were tales of my youthful indiscretions. Since I met you, I never had eyes for anyone else."

I kept silent, thinking. I couldn't believe what he'd just confessed. For two years he hadn't slept with a woman?

"Come on. I was with Josh, you know. I can't believe that it's been that long since you—"

"Well, okay, there were some women. I'm not a saint, I had my needs. But for the last year ... I'd go out with women, but in the end ... I couldn't do it. I thought about you all the time, Kate," he admitted, breaking eye contact and stretching out next to me.

"But—" It was incredible. I never would have thought he'd had such feelings for me.

"I know you were with Josh, and it hurt, but there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. You didn't know my feelings. I was nothing more than your partner and your second-string. Other than pester you and make you lose patience, there wasn't much more I could do. So I settled for that."

I drew closer to him. He seemed more distant now, despite the togetherness we had just achieved only a moment ago. Now, by asking a simple question, I was guilty of having made him recall that not long ago I had been with another man. But it made me think about something ... and I told him openly, as I rested on his chest. I brought my lips to his mouth.

"Well, I also have something to confess," I told him, leaving a soft kiss on his lips, those lips that still tasted of me.

"It doesn't matter, Kate, we're together now. You're with me ... and that's enough. Really, don't worry about it," he said, in an attempt to forestall the bad feeling my question had provoked.

"Seriously ... let me continue." I captured his attention, and he gave me his full attention, waiting for my confession.

"If you want to."

"This is the first time I've felt like this. I never had any experience like this. You're a champion. Despite everything, you've achieved what no man has achieved before," and I saw his serious face transform into a smile. "You have my word as police officer," I said raising my right hand the way we did when we swore to observe, uphold, and enforce the law in the Academy. He knew that was sacred to me, just as it was for him.

He returned my kiss and said, "Do you think we have time for another round?"

"I don't think so."

"Well ... really, I wouldn't mind a quickie."

"With you I don't want quickies. I want it to last a long, long time, Rick." He looked at me, with a strange look in his eyes, but with a smile on his face.

"I would love to be able to make love with you for hours and hours, Kate. This is the best thing that ever happened to me. You know that for me this is not just sex, right?"

"I know," I replied, and I kissed him again.

He had been about to break the magic, but I got it back.

No matter what, I held onto the confession that over the last year, he was unable to be with any other woman, because he was in love with me. That would be something I would carry in my heart for as long as I lived, because this love—his love—was unique and special.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Thank you all for keeping reading, and I hope this week's chapters will be to your liking.**

 **See you tomorrow with a new chapter.**

 **I hope you will comment XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Wow, sorry! Has more than a week gone by since the last posting? I had a very busy week, and it seemed like every time I sat down to try to work on this, I was surrounded by my children. I don't know about you, but working on editing an M-rated chapter to T standards is not something I want to do with my kids looking over my shoulder, so I jumped ahead and worked on translating Chapter 45 instead. And as you can see, I still do not have much of a cushion of translated chapters, so here's hoping I am able to keep up with some kind of reasonably regular posting schedule. Thank you in advance for your comments._


	43. Chapter 43

**Good morning. I'm happy that you're still enjoying this, and that you enjoyed the little respite from drama. Well, we'll continue with the story of the search for a donor for Rick. I hope you like it.**

 **The characters are not mine …**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 43**

MARTHA'S POV

I was in the cafeteria waiting for James. He had gone to meet his son who was arriving with his grandchildren. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes now, when he told his son about his affair with me, and the existence of Richard, much less that he had been cheating for years. I was sitting there drinking coffee when I saw them come in, a man in his 40's with two young children. They came over to me, and I wanted to sink through the floor.

"Hello," said James and this other man, who still held the two children by the hand.

"Hello," I responded, rising to shake the hand he offered me, this man who had to be his son.

"Martha, this is my son, Alexander." I stood staring at him upon hearing that name, the name he had said was his, forty-some years ago.

"Nice to meet you," he replied with a smile. He didn't really seem to know what to expect.

"Son, sit down. I need to talk to you."

"James, if you don't mind, may I take the children?" I offered as soon as I realized he had not yet told his son what was going on.

"No, please stay," he requested, with a pleading look. He was scared. I saw it in his eyes, and truly it was with good reason.

"But the children …." I sat down again. I was trapped and couldn't get away. But in the distance, I saw our friend the nurse coming into the cafeteria. My silent prayer had brought her help.

"Alex," I called. I was not eager to impose on her, but what else was there to do?

"Hello, Martha," she said smiling at me warmly.

"Would you do me a favor?" I begged.

"Of course, ma'am. Whatever you want."

"Would you please look after James's grandchildren for a little while? It will only take a few minutes."

She gave me a surprised look, but seeing my pleading face, she didn't resist.

"Sure. Hey kids—what are your names?" she asked them, crouching down to match their height and win them over.

"She's Emma, and I'm Edgar," said the young boy in a very earnest tone, watching his father and grandfather.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Alex. Would you like to come with me? We can get ice cream, okay?" She smiled at them. That woman was good as gold.

"May we, Daddy?" the kids asked excitedly, eager to accept the invitation.

"You certainly may," said the father, kissing his son's head as he smiled.

And by that means, the kind nurse took the two children hand in hand to the counter to order ice cream.

When we were by ourselves, I saw that James was trying to get his thoughts in order, but he didn't seem able to find the right words to express what he had to tell his son. That was certainly understandable.

"Dad, what is it?" he asked uneasily. "You're making me alarmed."

"Son, look, I ... I have to tell you something. First of all I want to apologize for having hidden this for so many years, but ... well, it's ..."

"Get to the point, please."

"I ... I met Martha many years ago, before you were born ... before I even knew of your existence. I was going through a bad time ... and your mother ..."

"Did you have an affair? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Alexander asked without mincing words, giving him a piercing look, as if he had already figured out everything that happened.

"Your mother and I have talked about this …. It was—"

"You don't have to make explanations and excuses to _me_ , Dad. It's Mom who you should apologize to," he answered censoriously.

"And I will, if necessary. She still doesn't know the whole of it. But that's not what this is about. I wouldn't have told you, except ... I need your help. Actually, I'm asking you to do me a big favor."

"What kind of favor, Dad?"

"You see, Martha and I ... had a son. He's ... your age, and—"

"And what?" Until then, he had remained calm. He looked like a polite, quiet man, exactly as I remembered James when I first met him.

"I'm so sorry I never told you before, but I was afraid of losing you."

"You're telling me you abandoned your son? How _could_ you? I always held you up as a model father, and believe me I would never abandon _my_ children. You know what it cost me to attain joint custody of my children, so no one could take them away from me. And now—you're telling me you have another son, and you've never said nor heard a thing about him for all these years?" He said all this without pausing for breath, getting angrier as he spoke, and it showed in his features. His face grew red and his voice rose as he went along.

"I know it's hard to comprehend, but—"

"No, Dad, I don't understand it at all. You know how hard I fought to keep my children. I can't believe that you could abandon a child."

"I'm sorry. I deserve your anger, but _he_ doesn't," he said, his acceptance of the reproof causing his son to interrupt his flow of words.

"Of course not. _He's_ not to blame at all," he agreed, a bit more quietly.

"He's not. That's why I've asked you to come here, to help us," he said looking at me, and I nodded when Alexander shifted his look to me.

"What's going on?"

I saw James swallow; it had been very difficult for him to talk about it. I knew that Richard mattered to him; his only problem was that he had been a coward, and now that he might lose him for good, he felt really bad.

"My son ... _our_ son is very ill," I said speaking for the first time.

"Ill?" he asked with a frown, looking very much like Richard.

"Yes. He has leukemia, and he's dying." I couldn't help the tears, these days they came easily. "He needs a bone marrow transplant. Your father and I ... we thought one of us would be compatible, but we're not. All of his friends have also been tested for compatibility, but we've had no luck. So your father thought of you. I'm sorry that you had to learn of the existence of your brother in this manner, but—" He instantly interrupted me to accept.

"Of course I'll do it. I'll take the necessary tests, obviously. And I'll call Mary to get permission for the children to be tested as well. No reservations. But later, I'd like ... I'd like to meet him, if that's alright with you, Martha."

It pleased me that he spoke to me, asking my permission so nicely to meet his brother. That showed what a good person he was, and it was such a positive thing, that he even offered his own children to be tested for compatibility.

"Of course. He would love to meet you," I replied, openly grinning.

"You ... did you already meet him, Dad?"

"Yes," he replied looking down at the floor. "He hasn't forgiven me for everything I've done, or rather, everything I _haven't_ done, for all this time."

"I'm sorry, but I have to say I understand it, too."

"I do, too. I hope that all this goes well and ... well, I'll try to fix things, but it's hard."

"Good luck, Dad. You're going to need it." He look at the counter, where the children were enjoying their ice cream cones, while Alex paid them the utmost attention. "But no matter what happens, I do want to have a relationship with him. I always wanted a brother. And whatever happens, I want you to tell Mom. Don't deceive her any more. Accept your responsibility."

"I will, but I don't know how she'll take it."

"Well, I'm going to make some phone calls, and we'll get to work. No time to lose," he remarked, seeing as the subject had strayed to territory that was not my business. "And then I'll come and meet him. Actually, I'm very excited." He smiled and went over to join his children.

The thing had gone well. My son still had a chance, and that was enough for me to keep fighting, to be able to smile a little bit more at what life threw my way. As I rose from my seat, I felt James's hand detain me.

"Is it okay?" he asked me solemnly.

"Yes, I'm going to tell Richard," I replied.

"All right."

"I'm so sorry ... that it went like this."

"It had to happen some day. I deserve a little hate."

"No one deserves to be hated by their own child," I told him, smiling at him for the first time, and leaving the cafeteria to look for my boy and give him the good news.

* * *

RICK'S POV

I was happy, I had managed to forget everything for a few hours. But now I was exhausted. My body was paying the price, the consequences of overexertion. My back hurt horribly, my legs, too, and I was completely spent. The horrible headache had returned, but seeing Kate smiling beside me made me forget all about the pain. The least I could do was to return some portion of the effort she was making for me.

I closed my eyes, feeling her gentle caress on my head, and the pain abated under her soft and gentle influence. We lay side by side, dressed once again after having our good time together.

"All good?" she asked me.

"Yes, don't worry," I replied opening my eyes to watch her as she smiled at me.

"You're nervous, aren't you?"

"Well, yes, a little. It's not every day that you meet your forty-something-year-old brother for the first time in your life," I said, making her laugh.

"It's kind of weird, actually."

"Well ... I'm kind of weird."

"I know, right? It suits you, it really suits you," she laughed.

"Hey—" I objected, pretending to be angry.

"You'll definitely get along, you'll see."

"I don't know. What if he's the exact opposite of me? Oof! What if he's completely serious, a banker or an actuary or something? I think he wouldn't be able to stand me. He wouldn't get any of my jokes."

"Well, I think he'd laugh anyway, even though they _are_ your jokes."

"Very funny," I replied, cuddling her in my arms.

Just then, we heard a knock on the door. We both sat up. I stayed seated in the bed, while she stood up and smoothed the wrinkles out of her clothes.

"Come in," said Kate, glancing at me. She looked a little nervous, too.

When it opened, a man my age with brown hair and blue eyes entered. The truth is that we looked pretty similar. He was tall, and obviously took care of himself, because he had a good physique. He also looked a bit nervous, and never stopped staring at me. That made me feel a little uncomfortable.

"Hello, my name is Alexander," he introduced himself.

"I …." I was completely speechless. Kate was right, this was certainly very weird.

"Excuse me ... this is a somewhat strange situation. He's Rick," Kate spoke, seizing the initiative, "and I'm Kate." She approached him and offered her hand.

"She's my wife," I blurted, seeing how he looked at her. I was getting jealous of my own brother! It was crazy—but this woman, after two horrible years of penance, was mine, and mine alone.

"Oh! Excuse me," he said, jolted out of his reverie. "I'm so pleased to meet you. I want to say first of all that I only just found out that I have a brother, so this is a bit—"

"—weird," Kate and I finished the sentence in unison with him. It was just the funniest thing, and all three of us started to laugh.

"I'm going to leave you two, so you can get acquainted. See you later," Kate announced, kissing me on the lips before leaving the room.

When Kate closed the door, I motioned for my brother to sit in the chair next to my bed so we could talk in a more relaxed and comfortable way.

"I'm very sorry that my father— _our_ father—abandoned you. If I had known before, rest assured that I would've done something about it, so that you could count on him."

"It's not your fault," I said smiling. "He thought he had to choose, and he chose your mother and you. That's neither one of our faults."

"He shouldn't have made that choice, at least as far as you're concerned. A child is a child, for all your life."

"Are you a father?" I asked.

"Yes, I have two children. Later, when they can, they'd like to meet you. I've told them about you now, and they think it's _so cool_ to have an uncle who's a cop."

"Sure. But it's not all that cool, you know," I laughed. "What do you do?"

"Oh, it's definitely not all that cool. I'm a university professor."

"They must be very proud of you."

"They are. They really are incredible kids. So ... I'm divorced, and I had to fight for joint custody of my kids. So I really cannot understand what my father did to you."

"Yeah, well …. For a long time, it hurt me ... but finally I just came to terms with not having a father. Or, I thought I'd come to terms with it, and risen above it, but now … well … Surprise!" I said making a funny face.

"You'd rather just continue not having one, I guess."

"It's complicated. More than the damage it did to me, I care about what it did to my mother. I saw her suffer for his absence, and I saw her suffer for my sake. So ... I don't know if I can forgive him."

"I understand. But ... at least, I'd like to keep seeing you."

"Of course. I love having a brother," I smiled and offered my hand. But he rose and hugged me tightly.

"I know that everything will be okay. You'll see. We'll make up for lost time. I always wanted a brother, and even now that I'm grown up, just knowing that you exist, has made me very excited.

"I'll be happy to get to know you and meet your kids."

"I think you'll get along well with my boy. I never knew where it came from, but he has this obsession with being a policeman ... and lo and behold, it seems like he takes after his uncle. And also, he likes to make jokes—he's always telling jokes, he's got a great sense of humor. I've heard that you do too, so you'll get along great, you'll see," he told me, smiling again.

I couldn't help but smile, too, because in spite of everything, now I didn't feel alone. I had a family, a much larger family than I had ever imagined. I wanted to enjoy my new family and this life I had now. I wanted to enjoy their company, which had always been missing. Without knowing it, I had already forgiven my father.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Tomorrow we'll find out the results of the tests ;) Thank you all for following the story and for your comments, you're so great! This is now officially my most commented on fic ... both here and on twitter. Thanks to all.**

 **See you tomorrow with the last chapter of the week. I hope it'll leave you with a good feeling hehe.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _Translator: It's been another busy week! But I unexpectedly had some free time today, so I prepped this chapter for posting. I like this one, I've enjoyed meeting Rick's brother. By the way, this is still Tamy's most-commented-on fic, with more than 400 reviews in Spanish. Not mine, though—you all would have to double your comments to catch up. But I might as well take this opportunity to invite you to check out my fanfic. I've written a couple of Castle fics, and most of my fic is Firefly. (I followed Nathan Fillion to Castle, that's how I got here in the first place.) If you enjoyed Firefly, perhaps you'll like my stories. And if you haven't watched Firefly—well why not? Wouldn't you like to see a lot more of Nathan Fillion, ten years younger, playing a character with humor, depth, and a serious amount of badass? ;-) As always, thanks in advance for your comments!_


	44. Chapter 44

**Good morning, the big day has arrived. Will Rick finally find his donor?**

 **Thanks for continuing to read.**

 **Thanks to my beta/translator for her work on this story and for being willing to continue treading this path with me.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 **Chapter 44**

* * *

KATE'S POV

I waited anxiously for the results of compatibility testing. I couldn't stop pacing the room. The doctors had made it clear that even if they were compatible, the chance of a successful bone marrow transplant had been reduced because the disease had progressed. But as long as there was still hope, I would trust in it with all my strength.

"Kate, stop pacing. You're making me dizzy," Rick said with a nervous grin. I smiled at him and sat down beside him, and he immediately drew me close to him, encircling my waist and placing a gentle kiss on my head, while my eyes fluttered closed. I just wanted to be with him. Was that too much to ask?

"I'm jittery."

"I know. Me too, but there's no point in having the jitters now. When they open that door, then I give your anxieties permission to manifest themselves," he proclaimed, making me laugh.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Never forget it," he said with sudden gravity. I was not sure how to respond to make him understand that I knew it, but just at that moment—

"Hey lovebirds," Alex saluted us, as she entered with the doctor. And what was that was on the doctor's face? A smile—it had to be good news, right?

"Hello," Dr. Carter said. "I have the test results, and there's a donor for you, Rick!"

"Yes?" he asked excitedly, for the first time with real hope.

"Yes, Edgar Smith."

"Edgar?"

"Yes, the little boy."

"Oh ..."

"Your nephew, Rick," I told him, embracing him with tears in my eyes. I had been losing hope that we'd finally have any good news. Things could still go wrong, but now there was a glimmer of hope, and I would cling to that.

"That's ... that's amazing."

"It is. It's a ray of hope," Alex smiled at us.

"I need to inform you that, despite this good news, this is still a very tricky and complicated process, this transplant. It could be that your body won't accept it, and it's possible that the operation may not work because your body is too damaged."

"I know, but it's the last chance I have. If I don't take it, I'll die—so ... I have to do it."

"I'll prepare everything for tomorrow. In the morning, we'll bring you to the operating room. Until then, enjoy some time with your family. You deserve it, champion," said the doctor, and Rick stood up and hugged him, to his great surprise, and then he hugged Alex as well.

"Thank you both, really, thank you all. You've treated me so well. You've made me feel good in spite of everything."

"Thank you, Rick. Meeting people like you is a treat," Alex replied almost moved to tears. "We need to inform the rest of your family. We have to prepare the child for the operation and do some tests on him."

"Okay. Thanks guys. And rest assured, I'm certainly planning to make the most of this night," he replied, giving such a look that I blushed to the roots of my hair.

I was so happy, yet so frightened. Now was the moment of truth, now we had hopes that would have been unthinkable just a few days ago, but ... it could all end tomorrow. He might depart from my life, and that thought made my heart stutter in my chest.

"Hey! You okay?" he asked with concern, tenderly stroking my face with his large hands.

"Yes, but ... " Should I tell him what was going through my head?

"What is it? You can tell me anything, beautiful."

"I'm frightened."

"And so am I, my love, it's natural. But there's no other choice, right?"

"No."

"Well then, we fight to the last. We will maintain hope, and with the strength of the two of us and everyone who loves us, we will pull this off."

"Rick, but ... what if I lose you ...?"

"You're not gonna lose me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I was born to be with you. And so far I've scarcely had a chance to enjoy being with you. I can't leave now that I have you. My heart beats strong when you're beside me Kate. If you're here, nothing bad can happen," he said emotionally. And even though I didn't have the words to say it like he did, I could demonstrate it in another way, so I draped my hands over his neck and pulled him in close for a kiss. I kissed him again and again, demonstrating with every touch and caress of my lips what I felt when he was near me, telling him in this way how important he was to me, and how I needed him. I could not live without him, and I clung to that as fiercely as he clung to life, and to our life together.

We stayed that way for a good while, until our family began to arrive. They were giving life to Rick again, and that mattered more than anything else. I saw how happy he was, happy and relaxed with his brother and his niece and nephew. Without a doubt, Alexander was right. Edgar immediately fell in with his uncle, and it wasn't at all difficult to understand how well-suited he was to be his donor.

I took advantage of the bustle of people and went out of the room. I needed a moment alone to deal with this. There were only a few hours left, and then my future would be decided. Was there a future for me without him? I couldn't imagine it. I could scarcely remember any good time without him. How could I ever be happy again? No, it could not come to pass.

I sat down on the benches in front of the hospital for a good long while. I thought being outside would help me, but no. I sat there alone, staring into space, trying not to think. I felt someone sit down next to me. When I turned I found my friend.

"Kate, are you okay?"

"Yes ... no ... I don't know."

"Did something happen?"

"Yes, Rick has ... a donor."

"Honey that's good, that's very, very good," she exclaimed, hugging me, smiling. When we broke apart, she saw I was not smiling. "Honey what's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong..." I echoed, crying. I couldn't express it again, this thing that was killing me inside.

"Kate ..."

"I don't want to lose him ... I can't... " I cried, hiding my face on her shoulder. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Everything might be fine, but it might also be that this was the morning that I was left alone forever without him. And that was a reality that I was not prepared for.

"Kate, sweetie, you don't know what's gonna happen. We have to wait ... and hope. It's not in our hands. But we'll all be there to help you. You have all our support, and that will help. Don't admit defeat before it happens."

"But ... I can't get it out of my head ..."

"Hey! whatever happens I'll be there for you ... forever. You hear me, girlfriend?"

"I know."

"Now let's get a nice cup of coffee. You're going to need it, the next few hours will be long."

"I know. There's only a few hours, and I want to spend them with him."

"I know you do, but first you need a moment to refresh yourself."

I stood swiping away the tears as I followed her to the cafeteria. Sometimes, especially in times like these, I was so grateful to have her as a friend. Only she could help in these situations. Although she didn't usually invite me to have coffee with her.

We sat in the air-conditioned cafeteria because it was so hot outside. But nevertheless I got hot coffee, taking small sips, trying to relax ... but that was impossible.

"Kate, you've done a lot of living with him."

"Yes, it's been a short time, but I've lived a thousand times more than in two years spent with Josh."

"The truth is, I haven't seen all that much of you two together, but what I do see ... I look into your eyes, and I see how happy you are when you talk about him. It's the same happiness he has when he talks about you ... well, that he _still_ has when he talks about you. He's worried about you, Kate. He's terrified, more than he is about dying, about the people he's leaving behind. He's worried about you and his mother. He needs to know that you'll be okay if something goes wrong."

"I wouldn't be okay. How could I? It's impossible ..."

"Honey, I know it would be very difficult, but time heals all wounds ..."

"Nothing could ever heal his absence," I said, raising my voice, sighing, lowering my face. I knew Lanie just wanted to help, but a life without him could never be easy. It would never be the same.

"Sweetie, just don't shut yourself off. It's not good for you."

"No, I know. I'm sorry, Lanie, I ... just ... I know that he'll live. He has to."

"Well, let's think positively about it," she said, giving me a smile.

We sat a while in silence. She held my hand, trying to convey her support, while I was trying to get a grip on myself. In the distance, I noticed Alex approaching with a smile on her face, holding some papers. I stood up to face her.

"Alex, has something happened?"

"Yes ... well ... it doesn't have anything to do with Rick ... well, okay, yes, it has _something_ to do with him ... but it's more to do with you."

"Ah!" I sighed.

She made me sit back down, and she sat opposite me, right next to Lanie. For a moment she remained silent, saying nothing, and I began to worry.

"Is that coffee you're drinking?"

"Yes. Do you want some?"

"No, just saying ... enjoy it ... because you're not going to be drinking any more for a while."

"What, am I allergic or something?" I said as a joke.

"No, Kate. You're pregnant."

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Yes, Kate _is_ pregnant ... haha. Well, the truth is I wanted this to be as realistic as possible, so I made it so that she didn't appear to be pregnant with the earlier test—it was so soon, it would be impossible to detect. I think it's still maybe too early, but I couldn't wait any longer to give the result. So yes, as some of you guessed, she was pregnant, although she also has symptoms associated with anemia, and couldn't yet show some of the symptoms of being pregnant.**

 **Thank you all for continuing to read, and see you on Monday, with Kate's reaction... Will she tell Castle? If she tells him, how will he react?**

 **Thank you and have a good weekend XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Thank you all for your response to last chapter! A few people asked questions that I can't answer via PM, so..._

 _Guest reviewer: Yes, in this AU story, both Kate and Rick are homicide detectives. Rick isn't a published novelist, at least not yet. He worked as Kate's detective partner at the 12th precinct for about two years before the beginning of this story._

 _Jan canup: Fanfiction dot net censors all e mails and web addresses. But if you're interested in my Firefly stories, they're easy to find, right here! Just click on ebfiddler at the top of this story, and my profile page will show you the list of stories I've written. Hope you enjoy._

 _And my comment on Tamy's comment: Actually, being pregnant and being anemic have a lot of symptoms in common! I can vouch for that, having experienced both. Also, you can detect a pregnancy pretty early on … I knew within about 10 days. The tests simply corroborated the signs I had already observed—fatigue and emotional volatility being chief among them._


	45. Chapter 45

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning to you all. Here's a new chapter where we'll see Rick's reaction to the news, and Kate's reaction too, of course ;)**

 **Thanks for your comments. Every one of them makes me smile.**

 **The characters are not mine …**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: Sorry to keep you waiting for this chapter._

* * *

 **Chapter 45**

KATE'S POV

I stood there completely frozen. I had not expected this at all, much less now. Was this even a good time for this to happen? In truth, there is no perfect time for it—it comes when it comes, but ... this was not what I expected.

"Congratulations, Kate," Lanie said, getting up and hugging me tightly while I stood still as a statue.

"Kate, aren't you happy?" Alex asked quite seriously, observing me carefully.

"I ... don't know ... I didn't expect this. How did this even...?"

"Do I need to explain how this kind of thing happens, girlfriend?" Lanie asked laughing.

"Ayayay! Lanie ... No, that's not what I mean."

"Kate, did you use protection?" Alex asked with professional detachment.

"Well, no."

"So? Kate, if you don't use protection, dear, these things happen."

"Yes, I know that, I'm not stupid. But I thought ... well, Rick thought the chemotherapy made him sterile."

"Well, yes, that can be the case, but it's not necessarily true all the time. It's not an exact science. It depends on the individual, the amount and chemical makeup of the chemo, on where the cancer is found—there are many factors in play for and against. Besides that, he was also not actively receiving chemo at the time... It's difficult to say. In any case, if you did not want to conceive a child, you should have taken preventive steps."

"Honestly, Alex, I wasn't even thinking about the possibility of having relations with my husband, because of the situation, you know. On our wedding night, he couldn't ... anything. It was a cumulative effect, a whole cascade of things that played into the situation. And so ... now what?"

"What now? Now you take care of yourself … and you take care of that baby, the baby the two of you made, Kate," Lanie advised, giving me a gentle pat.

"I ... don't know if I'm ready for this."

"No one is ever ready, Kate. But I'm sure you'll be a great mother."

"I ... should I tell him?" I asked, without having much idea of what I was doing.

"Of course! This will give him so much encouragement."

"Or it could crush him. If he thinks that he's going to miss out on his child's whole life, maybe he'll break down."

"Kate, I think he'll be happy to know it. That happiness could carry him a long way, or at least it'll cheer him up for a while. But he'll be happy even if the worst happens—though we hope it won't. I think you should tell him, but it's your decision."

"I can't let anything bad happen to him. I don't know, but I _need_ him, to take care of my child ... _our_ child."

"You two deserve every happiness, and if there's any justice in this world, God or whatever, he _has_ to help you. You two just need to have faith in each other ... and you both need to be there to support one another."

"I'm going to be a mother," I said with a shy smile. I couldn't believe it. I was going to give a child to the love of my life, my husband.

"Go on. I think it's time for you to go tell him."

"Yeah. Thanks for everything, ladies."

"We'll stay with you during the operation, and then ... we'll stay close by."

"Yes," Alex agreed, "and please, Kate. I know it's hard, but you have to be strong, strong for that baby inside you."

"I will," I smiled.

I walked down the hallway toward Rick's room, touching my belly. Of course there was nothing noticeable. But now, I knew I had to fight harder than ever. I was going to be a mother, and although I hadn't really considered this possibility, right now this was the best thing that could happen to me. Besides, what could be better? A child with him ... a child with the love of my life ... a child with the man who made my life turn around.

I went into his room, where he was sharing a joke, laughing quietly with his nephew and niece and his brother—his rescuers. They were just barely getting to know each other, and that little person was going to save him. I could not help but smile at seeing them so relaxed, smiling.

"Hi," he said, smiling and gazing at me with adoration, making me blush.

"Hi, there."

"Let's go, Edgar."

"Daddy, I don't wanna go."

"Come on, let's—oof, you're heavy!" Alexander said, lifting his son over his shoulder, making the little boy laugh. That made me think about my future child, and Rick with the little one. He would be a great father, the best.

"You're okay?" he asked, watching his brother and the children exit the room.

"Yes," I answered, puzzled.

"You left, and I thought something was wrong."

"No, take it easy. I just wanted some coffee."

"Oh. They won't let me have any," he pouted, and I kissed him to erase the pout from his face, replacing it with a beautiful smile. "That kiss tastes like coffee. Very rich. I want more."

"How'd it go?" I asked sitting beside him.

"Well, they're amazing."

"I'm glad."

"But I missed you," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me towards him, placing a soft kiss on my stomach. I felt a tickling sensation like butterfly wings from his lips.

"Me too."

"Where have you been?"

"Drinking coffee with Lanie."

"Oh! Right."

"Rick, I—"

"What?"

"I have to tell you something."

"If it's bad news, I'd rather not hear it."

"I don't know, depends how you look at it," I said, giving him a significant look. He was intrigued. "But it's not bad at all," I laughed, "it's ..."

"Well come on, then ... jump. You've got my attention."

"I just … they just told me ..."

"Come on, Kate, spit it out."

"I'm pregnant. We're expecting a baby, Rick," I blurted. I looked solemnly at him and there he was, his mouth hanging open, as tears sprung to his eyes and streamed down his cheeks. "Rick, say something."

"This is the best news anyone could give me," he gasped, pulling himself upright and hugging me tightly. We both began to cry, but this time with happiness, the happiness of two people in love who were going to be parents. I also knew how significant this was for him, and that made me even happier.

"You're going to be a father," I said smiling at him like never before.

" _We're_ going to be parents," he responded, kissing me again and again, with an unending smile.

"I love you."

"And I love you, Kate."

"I was worried."

"Worried?"

"Worried about your reaction, afraid this wouldn't help you ..."

"Kate, I'm happy—no matter what happens next. Now I will fight like a wild boar to stay alive—even more than before, if that's even possible. Nothing could make me want to leave this life, knowing what I'd leave behind. This gives me even more strength to fight, because I want to live more of this dream. I want to be happy, by your side, for a long, long time. You are my lucky amulet, Kate, my strength ... my strength to fight."

And I kissed him, kissed him like there was no tomorrow, because I was totally in love with this man, this sweet and tender man who made me completely crazy in love with him. I loved him and would fight for him ... both I and this little person growing inside me, would give everything we had to keep him with us now and forever.

"What do you want to name the baby? Do you have any ideas? Will it be a boy or girl?" he asked, so excited that he babbled an endless stream of questions.

"Hey! Stop the train, okay? We're only a few weeks into this, there's still a long way to go."

"Yeah," he said, suddenly glum.

"Rick, what is it?"

"I'd love to be able to live to enjoy all this, all the special moments, but I don't know if—"

"Hey, you will. We'll all three live together."

"I hope so…"

"Fine, we can choose names now if you want. What do you want to call her, if it's a girl?"

"If it's a girl, there's no question."

"Oh?" I asked in surprise.

"I'd like to name her Johanna." I looked at him in surprise, with tears in my eyes.

"Rick, you don't have to—"

"I like it. And it will honor her memory. I think it's prefect. It's a way of including her in world of her granddaughter, and my way of thanking her for bringing you into the world," he said, kissing me.

"Thank you, I hadn't thought about it, but ... I like it," I said smiling. "And what if it's a boy?"

"It's your turn."

"I'd like to name him after his father."

"Seriously? _Little Ricky?_ I don't know if that's appro—"

"Rick," I admonished, hitting him gently on the shoulder.

"Okay then, Rick Junior. I do like that," he said dreamily, as if he could see it.

"I like it, too. You're going to be a great dad."

"And you're going to be the best mother."

"You think so?"

"I don't think so, I know so. You're the most amazing person in the world, and that's even counting that little person inside you. I'm sure you'll go all out for him."

"Or her."

"Or her," he agreed, kissing me.

"How ... how do you picture him—her?"

"If it's a girl, I imagine her with your hair. I've always liked your hair. I love how natural it is. I like to touch it, I like to smell it. She definitely has to use your shampoo," he continued, making me laugh. "I picture a little girl with light brown hair like yours, with your smile, and those eyes that have me completely mesmerized. If she's anything like that, she'll be gorgeous. Well, and if she looks a little bit like me, too, that's not so bad."

"No, of course," I laughed. "And if it's a boy?"

"If it's a girl, she'll be my princess, and if it's a boy, he'll be my prince. I imagine him with brown hair like his father," he said, striking a pose, making us laugh out loud, while I hugged him, "and he'll also have your smile—"

"And your eyes. I'd like him to have your eyes."

"Do you like my eyes?"

"Are you kidding? You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I get lost in the depths of your eyes. They're amazing."

"Well, they're one hundred percent natural," he remarked as he kissed me.

We were so very happy, so serene that we felt that nothing and nobody could perturb us. But it seemed the universe was not paying attention to our bubble of good feeling, because suddenly the door flew open and Doctor Carter entered with two nurses, one of whom was Alex.

"Sorry to interrupt you two, but it's time."

"Already?" I asked in surprise. I couldn't believe how fast all the time had flown ... I couldn't believe that the time had come already. But that was always the case when I was with him. I lost all track of time, because we were so comfortable together.

"I'm sorry, but—"

"It's okay. See you in a few hours, right, Kate?"

"Promise me."

"Kate."

"Promise me."

"I promise you," he said, touching my belly, and I put my hand over his intending to give us both the strength necessary to get through this, so that he could return to us as quickly as possible.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Kate, never forget it."

"I'll never forget it," I told him, unable to stop crying like a little girl. Lanie came up to me and hugged me, while they wheeled Rick's gurney out of the room on the way to the operating room. At the last moment I ran down the hall and stopped the gurney just before it went in, to kiss him one more time, again and again, putting all my heart into those kisses. I wanted to remember his kisses and his warm lips for the rest of my life.

I let him go, but kept my eyes on his, blurry with tears, until I completely lost sight of him, and then I collapsed completely, curling up on the floor, wrapping my arms around myself and crying inconsolably, because it was possible, that on this day a part of my heart would die forever.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 **Thanks for everything. On Wednesday, we'll have a new chapter. There's only a little more left to this story, but it's the main thing, and I hope you'll stick with it until the end.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Hope to have the next chapter ready for you within a week._


	46. Chapter 46

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning, here's a new chapter. The chapters left in this story are going to be very intense, just so you're warned. I want to let you know that there are still six more chapters … with more drama ... and much suffering … and an ending ... just wait.**

 **The characters are not mine …**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 46**

KATE'S POV

I suddenly came to, feeling like I couldn't breathe, like there was pressure all over my body ... especially in my heart. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like everything pressed around me, like I was locked in …

"Kate ... Kate ..."

I opened my eyes and began breathing in enormous gulps of air, trying to fill my lungs, but however much I tried I couldn't get enough air.

"Kate, take it easy, okay? You need to relax, and breathe slowly, like I'm doing," Lanie instructed from beside me, where she sat holding my hand.

When I got my breath back, I sat up in the bed. I intended to get up, but Martha's frightened face stopped me in my tracks.

"Did something happen? Is Rick alright?" I asked as my agitation returned.

"Darling, Richard is still in surgery. All is going well, you mustn't worry. You need to relax, okay?"

"But—"

"Kate, if you won't do it on your own account, at least do it for the baby," Lanie said seriously.

"Baby?" Martha queried, looking at both Lanie and me.

"Umm … Martha, I would've liked you to hear this some other way," I told her, throwing Lanie a dirty look for spilling the beans like this, "but you're going to be a grandmother."

"Oh darling!" she exclaimed, hugging me close, "That's the best news you could give me. Does my son know?"

"Yes, I told him before we had to say goodbye. He was very happy."

"And I'm so happy for both of you," she said, hugging me yet again. "Now I want you to stay right there, lie down and don't move a muscle. You have to take good care of my granddaughter."

"Or grand _son_ ," Lanie stressed.

"I hope it's a girl, so that I can dress her up and do her hair and doll her up with all kinds of wigs. You have no idea how Richard used to complain when he was little," she effused, making everyone laugh.

"What happened?" I asked, indicating the bed and hospital room. I certainly didn't remember getting here.

"You had an anxiety attack. You need to relax because it can affect the fetus."

"Sorry, I'll try to relax. Though it's not easy, given the situation."

"Well, just do it. Remember, I'll be here with you the whole time."

"Thanks," I said with a smile.

"I'm staying here, too. There's no point all crowding around the door of the operating room."

"Thank you, Martha."

"Keep yourself calm, dear daughter. You know that you're my daughter, as far as I'm concerned? You're my family. I'll always take care of you."

Martha was almost like my own mother ... and I realized at that moment that there would be another important moment in my life that she would never see, and I was going to feel her absence acutely. But I also sensed her presence inside my heart, and she would always be there with me, protecting me from all evil, like my guardian angel.

The hours passed, and despite the support of Martha and Lanie, I began to feel that heavy pressure in my chest again. The time was approaching when we could expect the operation to be over, and I was afraid. I had a fear that it hadn't gone well. They tried to distract me, but I couldn't do stop thinking about it. This was my husband ... my friend ... the love of my life ... the father of my child. As if I wouldn't think of him when he was the most important person in my life.

Suddenly the door opened. I thought it would be news, but it was my father who entered, with a worried expression on his face. Without a word he came over to me and hugged me tightly. Martha and Lanie took their cue and quietly left. I hugged him as if we hadn't seen each other for a century.

"Dad."

"Why didn't you tell me you were in here?"

"I ... just … completely forgot, I—"

"Okay, never mind. What happened to you?"

"A panic attack, but I'm fine now."

"I'm glad. Take care of yourself. Honey, I don't want you to make yourself sick. I know what I'm talking about. When I lost your mother, I almost sent myself after her. I don't want you taking the same path."

"Dad, he's going to get better."

"I know that, but—"

"He _will_ ... I feel it here," I declared, touching my heart.

I considered telling him that I expected to be a mother. After all, Martha already knew. I thought he ought to know as well, and maybe talking to him about that, would help us both stop worrying for a moment.

"Dad, I have something to tell you."

"What is it? Don't scare me, honey."

"I ... I'm pregnant," I said excitedly. "You're going to be a grandpa." I smiled through tears of emotion, while his face lit up. He hugged me tightly. I knew he was crying too, his tears dropped on my T-shirt.

"Honey, you've made me very happy."

"Thanks. I'm happy, too."

"When did you—?"

"I found out today ... just before—"

"Honey, everything will turn out okay. Now I'm sure of it," he said hugging me like he did when I was his little girl.

I felt safe and secure in his arms, much as I did in Rick's arms. I didn't know what the future held in store for me, but one thing was clear—I was not going to be alone, neither I nor the unborn child. We would never be left all alone. We had a family that would always protect us—but if _he_ wasn't there something would always be missing in my heart, in my life—I would have a very deep hole that would be impossible to fill.

"Kate," Martha said, ducking her head through the door, "they're bringing him out of the operating room."

I jumped up and literally ran to the door through which Rick was exiting the room. When I saw him, I felt that pressure on my chest again. He was so very white, so still ... but I could hear the heartbeat monitor and that reassured me. At the moment he was alive, at this moment he was fighting with all his might to stay with me and his new family.

I followed his gurney to the doors of the recovery ICU. They would not let me enter, but I followed their progress through the glass as they transferred him to the bed and hooked up a mountain of tubes and machines. Dr. Carter came out and I sprang upon him immediately.

"How is he? How did it go?"

"Kate, be calm. The operation ... was a bit more complicated than I expected. He was very weak, but he's pulled through the procedure ... and that's good. Now we have to wait. The next 48 hours are very important. We'll be monitoring to see if his body accepts the transplant."

"And what if it doesn't?"

"Then there's very little we can do. We would wake him up so you could say goodbye to him ... but that's the most that could be done. But don't be pessimistic. We have hope, okay, Kate? 48 hours. If all goes well and no further complications occur in that time frame, his prospects are very good. That doesn't mean he's completely out of the woods. We have to be very careful about infections, and his body may still reject the transplant later—but we'll deal with that in good time, as it comes."

"Thank you, Doctor. Thank you for everything you've done for us."

"It's my job."

"Yes, but ... you all have handled this very well, you've never given up. So thank you very much." I hugged him, because he'd given me hope, and that was what I needed most at this moment.

I turned and hugged Martha with a smile on my face. I was happy. I knew we had won only one battle, but that was enough for now.

James appeared with a worried face.

"How is he? I just came from seeing Edgar."

"He's alive ... he's alive and that's good," I said, powerless to stop the tears flowing down my cheeks. "How's the little boy?"

"Asleep, but everything's fine."

"I'm so glad ... he's a hero."

"Yes, you have no idea how he's going to brag about it to his friends at school," James smiled.

"I'd like to thank him."

"It'll be awhile before he's fully awake."

"Well, will you please let me know when I can?"

"Sure, of course ... don't worry."

Alex suddenly appeared. She had a tired face but a slight smile, no doubt induced by the small victory we had just achieved.

"Alex." I spoke without really knowing whether to laugh or cry.

"Hi Kate."

"How did it go?"

"Oh! I worried for him—for a moment, it looked like we might lose him ... but he showed once again what a fighter he is, how strong," she said regarding him through the glass.

"When will I be allowed in with him?"

"In a few hours, but only one person at a time. And not for long. There's a tremendous risk of infection, and we don't want that. He can't take it, he's very vulnerable. And we don't want to take any chances. You wear a mask, no kissing and no touching, unless you're wearing gloves. You have to be careful."

"Well, I'll do as you say, but I just need to touch him, I need to be close, to know he's okay."

"And I won't stop you. I think it'll all work out, but ... be careful."

"It has to. I'll never do anything that might harm him."

"Let's all pray. The next couple of days are critical. Once you get through the next 48 hours, the outlook is pretty good."

"Right. But it's still possible that he'll—"

"Reject the transplant? Yes, but I don't think he will. In any case, don't think about it. Even though it can occur, that still gives us some time ... to spend with him. If he rejects the transplant either now or later, there's not much you can do. You'd only have a few days with him then … to expect anything more would be a miracle."

"He believes in miracles ... and I believe in him."

"I like seeing you so strong and determined."

"That's because there's a part of him in me," I said, making everyone laugh.

"What does that mean?" James asked in surprise.

"Oh! You're going to be a grandfather again," I told him, with a unique smile that comes from the knowledge that you're going to be a mother ... knowing that a little person is growing inside you ... a little person created by two people, created by a great love ... a love for always.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 **We'll see how things go, you just have to wait and see. And the hours seem very long when you're waiting.**

 **Thank you all for your comments ... I am stunned by the many messages I'm getting about the story from all quarters ... you guys are amazing.**

 **I also want to tell you that my new story is already taking shape and with the help of Ladydkl I'm sure it'll be a good one, too. I don't want to steal the spotlight from this one, so I won't even give you a teaser for the next story ... but when the time comes, I hope you'll check it out and see if you like it.**

 **So for now, I'll just say, see you on Friday. Have a good week!**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Well, folks, I never thought it would take more than a week to get this chapter ready! But as I explained a while back, I've used up my cushion of translated chapters. In real life, I'm a freelance musician. My schedule is highly variable—sometimes I have lots of time on my hands, and sometimes I am extremely busy. Springtime is often a busy season for me, and I just haven't had much time to spend translating or writing. I knew this day would come, which is why I translated 25 chapters ahead before I even started posting this story, but I thought I'd be able to keep pace. The good side of it is that being busy with music work means that I am actually earning a living :D . The downside is that you all have to wait longer for the next chapter :( . As always, thank you for your comments, favorites, and follows … all very much appreciated!_


	47. Chapter 47

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Good morning everyone, here's an important chapter in the story. Thank you all for the comments—they make me very happy.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

* * *

 **Chapter 47**

KATE'S POV

When the time came that I was allowed to enter intensive care to visit Rick, they called me into a room where they told me all sorts of rules. Then they dressed me in one of those suits like the nurses wore in the isolation ICU, with a hat, gloves, booties over my shoes, and a mask over my mouth and nose. I was so eager to see him, to feel him breathing, to touch him, that I was starting to get pretty agitated, but I knew it was for the best, so I did what was necessary.

Martha let me go in first. I knew she she was just as anxious as I was, but still she offered to let me go first, and I would always thank her for that, because I couldn't wait to see him.

They let me go in, and I entered the room whose walls were made of glass—I suppose because it was easier to keep watch that way. Rick was connected via a bunch of wires and tubes to various machines that made strange noises. I listened to his soft heartbeat monitor; it was constant. I walked forward slowly, almost afraid that I would disturb or hurt him, just by my proximity.

Two more steps, and I was right beside him, close enough to touch him. He looked so peaceful. I reached out my hand to touch his arm, but at the last instant I snapped it back—I felt a jolt of electricity run through my body starting with my fingers. I again approached, slowly, caressing his arm lightly with just the tips of my gloved fingers.

Seeing him like this again made me feel a pressure on my chest, but my intention was to cheer myself up. I needed to think of this as a battle we had won—so far, he was alive, and he was out of surgery. I had to think about what fighter he was, and that he'd never, ever give up—he'd never leave us.

I placed my gloved hand over his, lacing my fingers with his. Then I carefully raised his hand to my covered mouth and slowly kissed each of his fingers. My tears wet the surgical mask and our fingers. I thought about what had happened in the recent years of my life—the death of my mother before, and now, after no more than a few months, _he_ , and all this, had become the central focus of my life. When all this was over, I would set everything else aside and focus on one thing: being happy with and for my family. I would take care of my husband, my unborn child. Nothing could stop me from being a detective—because it was my vocation—but for once I'd put my family first. Now I'd really have a reason for wanting to go home every day. I couldn't stop smiling as those thoughts ran through my head, because I never used to imagine it. Despite having always wanted to find that kind of love in my life, I'd never really had faith that I would find it. Now, I had faith—in me, in him, and the two of us together. No one and nothing could separate us or stand in our way. This was a union filled with the possibility of magic, as he would say.

I could do little more than look at him—but I couldn't stop looking at him. I felt so good at his side, happy, secure, peaceful, loved ... feelings I hadn't had for such a long time, since before my mother died, torn from me.

Just by closing my eyes, I could imagine my life with him, with our little child running happily after him. I imagined his smile—from ear to ear. It was not at all difficult to imagine a happy future life, because these few weeks of our marriage had been unquestionably the happiest time of my life. In these weeks I had become young Katie again, a lighter version of me that I thought had died years ago with my mother. He had brought out this side of me, resuscitated happy Katie, and only now could I picture being this version of Katie again, with him, always with him ... making him happy, as happy as he made me, living ... just that simple thing, living with him. It was no small feat.

I left the room to allow Martha her turn to come in, and it was as if the fatigue immediately descended to take over my body. I needed to be near, even if it was not right next to him, I didn't want to go far. When I came out of the ICU, I took note of how many people had gathered for news of him. It just demonstrated how much he mattered to everyone.

Right away, the arms of my fellow detectives were around me. I had not seen them for quite a while now, and while I had certainly been preoccupied, I now felt I had neglected them. I could have made some calls. I just hoped they understood.

"Hey, Boss! Everything okay?"

"Yes."

"Really?" Ryan asked with concern.

"Yes, really."

"It's just that you don't look so good."

"Thanks a lot, guys," I grinned, "and I love you too."

"How's our champion?"

"We still have to wait. But he's strong, he'll pull through," I said biting my lip to keep the tears in. I would not cry not in front of the boys.

"Of course he will, he's too pigheaded to do anything else," Esposito chuckled.

"Guys ... I have something to tell you."

"What is it now?"

"Rick and I—well, we're gonna make you guys uncles," I said giving them my best smile. Their faces told it all. They were so excited and happy for us.

"Congratulations!" they exclaimed, each giving me a hug.

"Thanks, guys."

"Madre mía! Let's just hope the kid's not as bigheaded as his father," Espo exclaimed, making us laugh.

Lanie suddenly came up and hugged me. It was like a shot in the arm, all this support, making me feel full of renewed vigor—and I surely needed it to keep going, to keep fighting for him.

"How did he look?"

"He's ... breathing." That's all I could say, that was what sustained me. He was breathing, and his heart was still beating.

"Kate, you have to be strong."

"I know," I swiped angrily at the tears, "and I will be, strong for the three of us." I touched my belly, where the little one was gradually going to grow big. I already wanted to see the baby's face at birth, and Rick's face when he saw his child for the first time ... a proud father. Life owed him this happiness.

Martha, my father, James, and Alexander remained in the waiting room. James and Alexander, to be close to little Edgar as well. I went with the boys and Lanie to the cafeteria. I had to forego coffee, so I chose an herbal tea infused with lime, to calm my nerves—and the baby, assuming the child also received the same effect.

"So then? You already have plans for the future. Well, the wedding—in the end, it turned out very real."

"There were good reasons for it to be very real. Only now our feelings—or mine at least—have evolved."

"God! I can't imagine the two of you together like that," Espo said in disgust.

"Come on, Espo. Those two were made for each other, anyone could see that," Ryan chipped in, smiling.

"I said that because I've always considered you guys as my sister and brother, so it's strange to think of the two of you—you know—"

"As I've told you many a time, he is _not_ my brother. I never looked at him that way, you know," I smiled.

"Don't tell me any more ... ugh!"

"But you know me, girl—I want to know _everything_ ," Lanie inserted eagerly, her face making clear that she wanted details, _lots_ of details.

"We'd better drop it, because Espo here can't stand to hear what kind of hanky-panky his sister's been up to," Ryan teased, and received a blow on the shoulder from his partner. "Argh!"

"That's what you get for being a smart aleck," he remarked, making us laugh.

"Guys, sorry I didn't talk to you more before, but ... I've been so anxious about this whole thing ... just ... I really haven't been thinking about anything else."

"She hasn't spent a single minute outside the hospital. I practically have to tie her to a bed to get her to sleep."

"We get it. What we don't understand is why we didn't hear all about it from Lanie."

"Hey, I've been pretty busy helping you all. Helping you guys solve your cases, and helping Kate on top of that. Because, I'll have you know, Kate—ever since you and Rick left the precinct, if not for me, these two guys here wouldn't have caught a single criminal," she claimed, making me laugh. I was so grateful, really, that boys and Lanie were here. I felt better already. It carried me back to past times when we met to discuss a case or to drink a beer after closing a case. Those were great times ... only Rick was absent from this scene, and oh I missed him. I glanced at my watch. It had already been half an hour since I left his room to give Martha an opportunity to be with him, and I wanted to go back a spend another little while at his side. I longed for him.

"Guys, it's time for me to leave you. I have to go back to my husband."

"You see that? Not unless you tie her to the table," Lanie quipped, making us all laugh.

"We'll see you later, then, Kate. We have a case to get back to. By the way, Gates sends her regards."

"Oh! Please give her my regards and thanks for everything."

"We miss you two," Ryan told me, and as he gave me another hug he whispered in my ear, "Lanie was exaggerating before, but since you left, we really haven't sent quite as many criminals to jail to serve out their sentences."

"Cross your fingers, then, and hope that we'll be back there soon," I responded, kissing him on the cheek. I gave each one of them a big hug and returned to the ICU.

When I arrived back at the waiting room, there was quite a commotion, a lot of noise and movement, doctors and nurses running, but I never expected what I found. What I saw through all that crowd of people made my heart feel like it was stopping in my chest. Martha was leaning against James, seated on the floor, weeping uncontrollably, and when I launched my gaze to Rick through the glass wall, I could see his bed was surrounded by doctors. Without even thinking about it, my legs set me in motion towards his room. Arms grabbed me, restraining me, pulling me away, while tears rolled freely down my cheeks, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest ... I heard people shouting ... and the constant tone of a heart monitor, a warning sound indicating no heartbeat ... no life ...

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

 **Tomorrow, a new chapter ... get your handkerchiefs ready because tomorrow's chapter will surely bring a few tears. Thank you all for following the story and I really hope that you continue to read it to the end, there's only a little more left.**

 **Have a good day XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Okay, no one throw any virtual rotten tomatoes my direction! Tamy wrote that cliffhanger! However, if you wish, you may berate me for keeping you waiting, because I have not yet translated the next chapter, and it will not be posted tomorrow, alas. As always, your comments and reviews are much appreciated._


	48. Chapter 48

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author's note: Good Morning. Here's the new chapter of the story. I know a lot of you didn't like the end of the last chapter. I just ask that you read this chapter to the end, and then if you don't want to continue reading, I won't say a word about it. I also want to thank all of you who continue to trust in me and in this story. And also, I have a number of explanations to give at the end of the chapter you're reading now.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator's note: Profound apologies for not posting this sooner! Especially with the cliffhanger in the last chapter. It has simply been a busy few weeks in real life, and there was no time to work on the translation, no time to polish it up. I ended up translating it in bits and snatches at various airports—and then there was no internet, and I couldn't check a dictionary, and on and on in that vein. I finally had the opportunity this morning to sit down and go through it all in one pass, so that it would have some coherence. So once again, I am very sorry to have kept you waiting so long. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope that I'm able to get the next one ready without such a long interval._

* * *

 **Chapter 48**

KATE'S POV

He was not breathing … and he had not regained consciousness. My breathing was also paralyzed, waiting for his ... always in sync ... always together. I couldn't process what they were saying, all those gathered round him, I only heard the babble of voices and observed them, like an outsider, rushing about in their attempts to revive him. It was as if I were within a swirling mist where he and I existed, and everything else was a blur. They grabbed me, they pulled me away from him, but I had to be there, I _needed_ to be there with him—I couldn't abandon him, it just wasn't possible. I listened to the doctors talking, practically shouting, moving like madmen, and I could only look on. His heart still was not beating ... he was gone, and I—I was going with him.

"Please don't let him die ... please!" I heard Martha's desperate pleas and I felt like I was about to faint. What was going on? How could this be happening?

I collapsed down on the floor, crying without stopping, but I kept watching the heart monitor, with its flat line. I had to see if there was even a trace of a heartbeat.

"Rick, please ... don't leave me ... don't leave me! Without you ..." I couldn't finish that sentence. As I watched, the doctors began to shake their heads and pull away from him. No ... they could _not_ give up ... not yet ... no!

I pulled away from the arms that restrained me and ran toward him. No one could stop me and I entered the isolation room without stopping to look for masks, gowns, shoe covers, gloves or hats. I needed to hold him. I held to him, and Rick's body was warm—he was warm—he couldn't possibly be—

"Keep trying, please, don't give up—" I cried desperately.

"Kate, there's nothing more we can—" Dr. Carter said gravely.

"Don't stop! Keep trying!" I demanded, as I began to give Rick CPR myself.

"Right, one more try, folks. One ampule of epinephrine, right away."

I was pushed aside as they again placed the electrodes on his chest to try to revive him. I stood, trying to remember how to breathe, as the doctors again surrounded him. As they administered the charge silence fell in the room, as if the world stopped. I couldn't hear anything ... just the machine with its constant alarm signaling no heartbeat. Nothing more, and when I saw the look on Dr. Carter's face, my legs turned rubbery. They all began to gather up the equipment again, but I pushed in to Rick's side. I came right to him, stroking his face, my tears falling steadily, dropping onto his inert body, when suddenly, unexpectedly, the constant tone of the heart monitor paused, then resumed a steady beeping, letting me understand that his heart had resumed beating. The visual indicator likewise blipped. I looked to Dr. Carter for an explanation.

"It's a miracle, Kate. His heart is beating again."

"He's alive?" I asked, heart in my throat.

"Yes," he replied, examining him closely and checking his pulse again. "He wants to fight ... he wants to live."

"Oh god!" I cried. "He's alive ... he's alive!" I just about shouted, so Martha could hear me.

"Kate?" She looked at me.

"Martha, he's alive!" I hugged her with all my strength, and we both wept, but with smiles of happiness this time.

"How is that possible?" she asked a skeptical-looking Dr. Carter, who continued to examine every wire, tube, and machine that was connected to my husband's body.

"I don't know. I thought we had lost him, but he's alive. He's a fighter, a great fighter."

"He certainly is … Does this mean—?"

"This is not the final hurdle. We knew going in that there could be complications. We still have to wait and see. For now he's holding on, but ... we still need to wait and see."

"I need this to be over now," I said, my voice breaking.

"I know that, Kate, but _we_ can't do anything more for him right now ... only _he_ can do it, and at the moment I believe he's made it clear to everyone that he has no intention of leaving us."

"He'd better not," I said letting out a smile as I wiped away my tears.

"Give it forty hours, Kate ... forty more hours, and then we can say we've made progress. And though there's still the potential for regression, we'll have good odds at that point."

"Forty hours ... these are going to be the longest forty hours of my life."

"And of mine, too, darling," Martha inserted, adding, "Thank you, Kate."

"Thank you? For what?"

"The doctors had given up. And I think ... that this was something beyond us. He sensed that you were near him, he heard you—he knew that he couldn't die and leave you alone, you would have never forgiven him. My son is clinging to life like a prizefighter in order to stay with you and the little one ... so thank you."

I embraced her hard. She certainly was an extraordinary woman. Ever since I met her she had behaved like a real mother to me, and it was something that I would always thank her for—in addition to bringing into the world the man who was now my husband.

"Come darling, you have to rest."

"I want to stay with him."

"You know you can not—my grandson needs to rest well and be calm. This stress is not good for you."

"Yes, but ... I need to know that he's all right."

"If anything happens, I will let you know immediately. Sleep a while, be at peace."

I took one last look at the bed and ran my hand through his hair. I couldn't help but smile as I looked at him. At last, I left a soft kiss on his head and went to get some rest. I didn't want to be away from him at all, but they were right. We still had to wait forty hours, and I couldn't spend every hour in the isolation ward, or I'd go crazy. And besides I needed to think about my little baby. I had to take care of myself for the baby's sake from now on ... and I needed a respite from all this stress, all this pain.

* * *

RICK'S POV

I could sense her presence. I could hear everything around me, but it was as if I were paralyzed. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't open my eyes to look at her.

I wanted to do all those things, to reassure her. I wanted to comfort her, tell her that I was going to be fine, that I would fight for her sake ... that I was _here_ ... that I would always be with her. I felt her caressing me carefully, I felt her hot tears falling on my face, and I just wanted wipe away those tears, I just wanted to see that smile back on her face, but ... I couldn't do anything.

I needed to be able to do something. This was very disturbing. It was a weird feeling, like I was watching it all from the outside, and couldn't do a thing. A few hours ago I had felt like my soul had been released from my broken body, like I was rising and leaving this damned body behind, so tired of fighting ... but then ... I don't know what happened. I'm not even sure how to express what I felt.

I could see her, feel her, hear her asking me to stay with her ... begging me ... and I realized that no matter how weary I was of this fight, I could _not_ leave. I didn't want to leave her, had no wish to leave her ... and I don't know how I did it, but I did it. I suppose my heart stirred within me to reunite with hers, I suppose that love brought me back from the brink.

Now I became aware that she was sitting next to the bed, still crying, still suffering ... and I had to relieve her from this weight of grief, of pain, but try as I might ... I couldn't move at all ... couldn't even open my eyes.

I felt her move and position herself next to me, felt her hot tears and suddenly she began to whisper to me and I focused, concentrated, on this—on her voice that was barely a whisper.

"Rick, I don't know if you can hear me ... but ... I need you to keep fighting a little longer. I'm only asking for a little longer ... I need you ... we _both_ need you. I can't—I can't imagine a world without you. I can't, and I don't want to. I love you ... you've—you've taught me what love and happiness are, and you can't leave me now, because I've become dependent on it." She let out a small laugh, as she presumably wiped her tears. "I love you, big guy, I love you so much," and I felt her lips on mine, soft, just like a caress. Now I felt more alive than ever. I felt victorious in this life. Because no matter what happened at this point, I had done it, I had fulfilled my purpose. I had been with the love of my life, with the most special person in the world ... and now all I wanted was to continue enjoying all the good things it brought about. I wanted to meet my— _our_ baby. I wanted to enjoy the kind of family that I had never had growing up. I wanted to live. I felt that I deserved to live, and if no one else could help me survive this, I'd do it myself. I'd fight for my own sake and for the sake of all those who still needed me, all those who loved me. I'd fight for them ... and never, ever give up ... never.

I heard someone come in and sensed that Kate had stood up. I couldn't see what was going on, but I felt somehow that Kate had become more serious.

"Hi there. I just wanted to know how he is," asked a voice that I knew from somewhere.

"Hello. He's holding steady … and we have to wait," Kate answered. And then I realized who she was talking to.

"That's typical. I heard that he had a crisis."

"Yes, but he got through it. Josh, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Be honest."

"Of course."

"What are his chances?"

"Right now, rather low. But if he gets through the first 48 hours, well, then it's about fifty percent. That's a percentage that can give us hope. When he wakes up, and starts eating again, recovering, they'll give him lots of tests to check his blood counts and all that, and then we'll know if things are going well, if he's achieved remission, if he's beat A.L.L.," he explained, as I listened intently. It felt ... very strange ... to be listening to them talk about me this way, without them knowing that I was able to hear them.

"Thank you for being honest."

"Well, I think I owe you guys that."

"You owe me nothing Josh. If there's someone here who owes something to someone it's me. You took care of him when we arrived at this hospital ... and you helped me realize some things ... so thank you." I sensed that Kate had stepped away from me, and even though I couldn't see them, I knew that Kate was hugging him. And I was jealous—yes, jealous—in spite of knowing for certain that I had won her love ... that she was in love with me. It was just that _I_ wanted to be the one holding her at this time.

"I'll come back to check on him. I'm glad it's going well now. You deserve happiness, Kate, and even though it costs me to say it—I know he has brought out the best in you."

"Yes," Kate agreed, and again I felt her hand on mine. I wanted so much to entwine my fingers with hers, to tell her that _she_ was the one who made me happy, but I couldn't do that now. I heard the door close and became aware that Kate had placed her hand on my chest ... and I realized that I loved her even more than I thought, if that was possible. I recognized just how important she was to me. She had saved me once when she helped me become my true self, and now she was saving me again. She was my guardian angel ... my partner ... my wife ... the love of my life ... the mother of my unborn child ... and I was at peace because I knew with her by my side, everything would be all right.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 **Well, there's the chapter. Thank you to everyone who had confidence in me. My opinion always about writing a fic and what its goal is, has always been clear: it should be entertaining and it should be hopeful. Always I am looking for a happy ending, and even more so in a story like this where hope is needed. Now I want to explain the reason for these two chapters. Well, Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION asked me for an alternative ending to the story where Rick died. I wouldn't agree to publish it here, but I didn't want to refuse to write it, because she's the originator of this story idea, and she deserved to have an ending of her choosing. I don't regret writing it this way because it was a challenge for me. Therefore the previous chapter was necessary for that alternative ending, but I knew from the start that in my story Rick had to survive no matter what. Therefore, the story continues on Monday here waiting for Rick to wake up, but with the assurance that I have already said that I do not like such tragic endings.**

 **Still, as I said there is an alternate ending written, which will not be posted here but it will be published in another Castle forum page. I just want to say that whoever wants to read it can do so during the day on that page. I'll put the link for the chapter in my twitter for those who want to read it (it's not yet published). It has been a challenge for me, the most difficult chapter to write, but I'm happy with the result. I hope those of you who read it like it.**

 **Well, time to wrap up this author's note. I hope that you have a good weekend and see you Monday with new chapter, only one week left XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: My friendly neighborhood medical consultant has pointed out a few issues with this and the previous chapter; if you noticed them too, I'd be happy to discuss them via PM. Otherwise, please enjoy this work of fanfiction, and breathe a sigh of relief … no more cliffhanger, and now you have the author's assurance as well as mine that this fic is indeed "drama/romance" and not "tragedy." Three more chapters and an epilogue to go. Thank you so much for your comments._


	49. Chapter 49

**Good morning everyone. Here's a new chapter, and after all the difficult trials, we'll see how our favorite couple is doing. Thank you for giving the story a chance, and thank you for trusting me and for trusting in my writing. It's an important part of what encourages me to keep writing day after day, so my thanks to all of you.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: Sorry, it's been terribly long, I know. Sometimes life gets busy, and other things trump fanfiction writing and translation projects. Thank you to all of you who sent messages—I really appreciate the encouragement!_

* * *

 **Chapter 49**

KATE'S POV

At last, there I was, at his side. Everyone told me I needed to rest, and yes, of course I _would_ rest, but close to him, right beside him.

It had been nearly 48 hours since the operation took place, and I couldn't wait for Rick to finally regain consciousness. I needed to look into his eyes, for him to touch me, to feel his lips on mine. I even needed to hear him _speak—_ talk and talk and talk without shutting up.

I heard the door open, and Dr. Carter appeared, followed by Alex, both smiling.

"Hello," they greeted me.

"Hello."

"We're here to bring him out of sedation. It's the moment of truth."

"Okay. When?"

"We expect him to regain consciousness in an hour or so."

"And if he doesn't?" I asked anxiously.

"Oh Kate! Don't think that way. Be positive, okay? After he does, we have a lot of tests to run over the next few days. And if all goes well—"

"Then what happens, doctor?"

"Then you'll be able to go home under observation. I'll see you on some of the days, and on others Alex will make home visits. We'll schedule a series of office visits for evaluation, and if all goes well, in a year we can declare full remission," he said, and I stood up to hug him. "Okay, let's not declare victory prematurely. Although, I have high hopes for this fighter," he said patting Rick's leg through the sheet.

"I do, too," I responded, taking Rick's hand between mine.

"Well, call me when you see him showing signs of waking up. We'll be monitoring his reactions and vital signs."

"I will," I said with a smile. I was eager to see his bright eyes again, to lose myself those blue pools that made me feel like I was in heaven.

As the minutes passed, I began to worry and make myself nervous. I needed to hear him speak, or something to reassure me that he was okay—that he was with me again.

I sat in my chair, my hand in his. Suddenly, almost undetectably, I felt his hand stroking my hand gently. When I raised my eyes I met his pure gaze on mine and I felt the smile etch itself onto my face.

"I didn't think it was possible, but you're even more beautiful than before," he said softly.

"You're the one who is truly beautiful," I said kissing him gently on the lips before pushing the button to alert the nurses. I could not stop touching him, kissing him all over his face.

"I'll have to have surgery more often, if this is the reception I get," he teased.

"Don't say that, even in jest," I scolded him, but seeing his smile, I could not help but smile back.

At that moment, Alex entered, followed by Martha, James, Lanie, and the boys.

"Oh! Did you _all_ miss me so much?" he remarked in a sleepy voice.

"You gave us such a scare, my darling boy," Martha said hugging him tightly.

"Now—"

"No, really, you can't imagine it," Alex stated firmly.

"Okay, I understand," he repeated, more convinced.

"Look, say whatever you want, think what you want, but no matter what, _you are staying with me,_ and you will _never_ try to leave me again," I snapped, my extreme reaction making everyone chuckle.

Alex was looking at some things and making notes in his chart, and we all stood silent waiting for her to give us some news.

"Looking good so far. We just have to take a few tests, and if all goes well ... you'll be able to leave the ICU, and if you're still looking good after a few days observation, you'll be able to go home."

"Thank you. And how is my little hero?" he asked, referring to Edgar.

"He's resting."

"Oh! When he wakes up, I'd like to see him. In fact," he said looking at James. "I want to talk with everyone, with Alexander, and you, too, James," he said quietly. He had spoken to James by name—that he wanted to talk to him at all was a big step forward.

"Certainly, for my part," his father replied seriously.

"But right now, even though I love you all, I want a moment to talk to my wife alone," he proclaimed, reaching for my waist possessively.

"Let's leave these lovebirds by themselves," Lanie smiled, somehow managing to usher everyone else out the door.

When everyone had left, Rick tugged me down to sit next to him on the bed, his gaze locked on me, as he held my hand.

"What I told you before was true ..."

"What, Babe?"

"What I said about knowing what you were doing."

"Rick?"

"No, I don't know how to explain it, but I could hear you, I could tell you were there, I could tell you were talking to me, kissing me, touching me ... but I couldn't move or even open my eyes, no matter how hard I tried."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I wanted to be with you ... I wanted to get up and console you, and I couldn't. I just felt so helpless."

"Now you can move, now you can see me, touch me, and kiss me," I told him, bending to kiss him gently on the lips. "Now we have plenty of time to do that."

"I'm sorry to have put you through all this. I know what you've suffered and I feel so bad about it."

"You'd do the same for me. I love you, Rick, and there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you here with me."

"Thank you for saving me."

"I ...?"

"I felt like I was slipping away ... like my heart stopped beating. It was super weird, like I was seeing it from outside. To see you in such a bad situation ... to feel that you were crying ... so torn apart, it made me realize what I loved, and how much it was worth it to fight for it. For a moment I had given up—to stop suffering, to stop feeling bad, to ... stop being tied to this damaged body—but your warmth, your passion, made me realize that it was all worth it. I had to overcome, defeat this bodily pain—in order to have a long and full life with you. You made me realize that I'm worth it and you're worth it ... and you deserve it. You saved me again, Kate."

" _You_ saved me. You've taught me to love ... you've taught me to be happy. Thanks to you, I've begun to live."

"Well, let's live this wonderful dream together." He kissed me softly, and I felt the tears begin to fall, but this time tears of complete happiness, at having him back again … at feeling alive and whole again with him.

"I love you so much."

"Not as much as I do," he returned, smiling at me. "I really want to get out of here. So we can go live our lives together … see our baby's little face."

"That's still a long way away," I laughed.

"Not that far," he replied and leaned over to kiss me.

"I've been so ... frightened."

"I know. But now I'm here, and it looks like everything's going well … and I have no intention of leaving you ever again."

"Hello," Alex said as she came in. "Sorry to interrupt, but I have to take him for testing."

"Well, okay, just for a few minutes," he said, giving me a look that made me laugh.

"Be good. And don't stay out too late," I said, giving him a couple more lingering kisses on his sweet lips.

"I love you," he said with an adorable pout.

"And I love you," I smiled like a lovesick lunatic.

I plopped down on the couch, trying to wrap my head around the turn of events. Only a few hours ago I thought my life was over, and now … I felt like I couldn't possibly be happier … couldn't possibly feel more vibrant. Just having him near me made me feel better, special, happy, made me smile all the time. No one and nothing could remove the smile from my face when he was with me—well, whole, and happy.

"Hello there."

"Oh! Hello," I said startling. It was James who was leaning through the doorway now.

"How's my son?"

"He's well, James. Very well."

"I'm glad. Do you think—?"

"I think all of this has made him think ... and I do believe that things between you two will go better. You have a chance, but you must not fail him again."

"I know, and I have no intention of failing again. All of this has made me realize that sometimes doing nothing causes more harm than any action would. So I plan to be here for him, until he's back to good health."

"Everything's going to be fine. Alexander and the children will help him. I know that it will be fine."

"I've just come from visiting Edgar, and he's looking forward to seeing his favorite uncle," he said making us laugh. "He's fallen completely under his spell."

"That's easy to do."

"Yes, Martha raised a remarkable man."

"Yes, she did."

"I hope ... I hope to talk to him later."

"Yes, but give him some time. He'll let you know when he's ready, I know he will."

"I'll wait as long as it takes."

"That's right, James."

"Hello?" called another voice, and she poked her head through the doorframe. Luckily this was the ICU, and visitation was restricted, otherwise...

"Hello Lanie."

"Am I interrupting?" she said, dividing her glare between James and me, a broad enough hint that we should finish up.

"Yes, I'm already on my way," he said, taking his leave after allotting me such a smile ... one that closely resembled the one his son always had ready for me.

"All good?"

"All good."

"And Rick?"

"He's perfect. Now it feels like these last few days have just been a nightmare."

"Don't—"

"I know that we can't declare victory yet, but ... he looks good ... and that makes me happy. I need to have a little hope."

"I know."

"I love him so much, that it hurts me even now, not to have him close by. I must be crazy. Did I really just see him only two minutes ago?"

"That's to be expected."

"It is?"

"Yes, you're in love—and what's more, you're pregnant."

"I am. The truth is that I am. I don't deny it, just because I'm not shouting it out to the whole world. He makes me happy ... just to see him, just to have him smile at me, talk to me, kiss me, makes me feel over the moon."

"I'm very happy for you both, and I'm hoping you'll get out of here soon. Then let's have a big party celebrating the happiness of my best friend," she laughed. "I have a mad desire to see you completely happy, living life to the fullest like never I've never seen before."

"Well, when this is all over we'll have cause for a real celebration."

"If you could go back, would you marry him again?"

"A thousand times yes."

"Well then, you should do it again."

"What?"

"You should do it, then. The first time around, your motivations for marrying him were not so clear. Now they're very clear."

"Well, I'd like to. Really. If this all goes well—well, then, I want you to do me a favor, Lanie," I smiled.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 **Soon, we'll see how those tests go, and find out if he can go home. The final chapter will be on Saturday. Three chapters coming before the end, and I hope you like them. This week also I'll be posting the first chapter of my new story. I'm still not quite sure which day, Thursday or Friday, but on Wednesday I'll post the summary of it, so you can see what you think. For now the title is Escondidos (Hidden). I hope you'll give it a chance, and also follow me to the end of this story. I've learned so much writing this, so I'm happy I did it.**

 **Thank you all and see you Wednesday XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways.**

 _translator: Three more chapters to go, folks. No promises on when I can get them translated, but I'm going to try to do it before I get too caught up with teaching and summer camps. Hopefully soon. Thanks for your reviews and encouraging words._


	50. Chapter 50

**Good morning to all of you. Today I want to thank all of you who have been reading this fic from the beginning. Thank you all for believing in me and for your support.**

 **This chapter is one that I promised to dedicate to someone when the time came, now it's time! So I want to dedicate it to Javier (jagorfe on twitter) for his support, his messages, and because I promised—so here goes, the long-awaited chapter for him and many of you. Thank you all for being there.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: Yes, I know, it's been a loooooong time since last posting. Thank you to everyone who sent a message or wrote a review to encourage me. Don't worry, I will certainly finish the translation. We're nearly there._

* * *

 **Chapter 50**

KATE'S POV

SOME DAYS LATER…

The days had passed. They had done an enormous number of tests on Rick, and every time they had to take him away somewhere with them, I felt a tightness in my chest. I knew it was okay, but I couldn't avoid the memories of those bad days—the worst days of my life.

Whenever he returned from tests, I stuck to him like glue. I knew he was aware of this, but he didn't mention it because he didn't want to make me feel bad.

I was hoping for some good news; we were both really looking forward to his discharge.

"Well?"

"Hold your horses, Kate," the doctor laughed, and Rick joined in. "You know you're going to miss me."

"No offense, but I never want to see you again—at least not in the hospital."

"I understand completely. And you're going to have to see me, but not til later."

"And what does that mean?" I swallowed nervously.

"It means that you're going to have to come in for follow-up, but you can go home. See you in two weeks."

"Really?"

"Yes," he replied, and I threw myself into his arms, I was so happy.

"Don't forget he has to breathe, Kate," Rick teased. I could not help smiling, and drawing near him, I kissed him right on the lips.

"Better?"

"For now," he smirked, making me laugh.

I went with the doctor to get everything in order, to sign the discharge papers and receive instructions for Rick's care. When I returned to the room, I saw how happy he was, laughing with his niece and nephew. He definitely was going to be a great father.

"Hello, dear," greeted Martha, who had arrived in my absence.

"Hello, Martha," I said as I hugged her.

"Everything ready?" Rick asked.

"Ready. We can go any time," I smiled.

"Well then, let's all go home. We have so much to celebrate," Rick said, picking up his little niece, and hugging his nephew.

"Rick, you can't—"

"No, don't start. Let me, even though today I'm a little ..." he made an expressive face at me.

"Well, okay. But let's go now. I called the guys, and they're waiting for us at The Old Haunt, but we can't just—"

"Just for a little bit. Really, the truth is that just a small dose of you guys is as much as I can take right now—you understand," he joked, tugging me to him by the waist, and making everybody laugh.

"Go on and celebrate, lovebirds."

* * *

He looked so happy, so relaxed. Watching him interact with his new-found family, I knew that everything that had happened had helped him understand that you only live once, and you had to make the most of it. Seeing him at ease with his father, just chatting, made me feel quite proud.

I saw him approaching, and I couldn't help it—I broke out into a huge smile. When he got near, he hugged me, and together we swayed to the beat of the music and the rhythm of life.

"I love you."

"I know," I said embracing him with all my strength.

"You know what I'd like to do now?" he husked, and I couldn't help but giggle. "Mrs. Castle, your mind is in the gutter."

"Mmm. So, you gonna do something about it?"

"Yes, all I wanted was an innocent hug and kiss, nothing more. But since you brought it up—I guess I'll just have to make the effort," he said, making me laugh again.

"Before these efforts you mention—"

"What?"

"I have a surprise for you," I whispered in his ear, meanwhile signaling my accomplice with a look.

"I love surprises."

"Then I hope you'll love this one." My accomplice stood at the ready, signaling her knowledge of my intent.

"What is it?" he asked eagerly, all excitement and nerves.

"I just wanted to know ... if you'd like ..." The music fell silent, and everyone was looking at us. We were the center of attention.

"If I'd like what?" he repeated impatiently.

"Let me finish," I demanded, giving him a gentle tap on the chest. "I'm asking you if you will marry me again."

"What?"

"I want to do it right. I want to marry you again, now, knowing how I feel, knowing why I'm doing it."

"And why is that, Kate?" he asked, with a smile on his face.

"Because I love you," I said seriously, but seeing his smile, I also smiled like crazy.

"Did you all hear that? She loves me! She _loves_ me! So sorry guys, but she's _mine_ ," he announced, making everyone laugh. "Is there someone here who can marry us? Because she wants to do it, you know, so I _have_ to, since it makes her happy." He laughed as he babbled out this whole proclamation.

"You're such a clown," I said, laughing along with him, but he tugged me towards him with some force, spun me around, and surprised me by kissing me with enthusiasm, regardless of who was watching or where we were.

"I'd marry you one, two, three, a thousand times. As many times as you want, Kate. As many times as you want, I'd marry you, because it's a celebration of our love. It's the craziest way I have to tell you that I love you like I've never loved anyone before ... so ... of course I want to marry you again," he declared, smiling at me and wiping away the tears of joy that ran down my cheeks as I overflowed with emotion.

"I love you."

"I love you."

"Well, seeing as you're already legally married, and this is a declaration of your love, I'm sure you won't mind if I take it upon myself to officiate the wedding for you two," Lanie said with feeling.

"Let's do it!" Rick exclaimed, and took my hand to orient us in the proper position, facing each other, ready to say our vows again, to declare our love to the world, to celebrate life, our life together.

"Alright then, are you ready for your vows?"

"Yes," we answered in synch, smiling.

"Then go right ahead. I'm ready to officiate," Lanie laughed.

"I'll go first," I said, taking hold of his hand. "Richard Castle, I love you. I love you because you're the most amazing person I've ever met. I love you because thanks to you I have known true love, the kind of love I'd always dreamed of but had not yet discovered. I love you because you make me happy ... thanks to you and only you, I know how to smile. I love you because now, more than ever before, I know that together we can overcome anything. So Richard Castle, I want to marry you, because _I love you_ ," I declared with tears of emotion running down my cheeks.

"Well, I'm so touched," he gulped. "Katherine Beckett, you're the love of my life. I always knew it, but now I have complete confirmation. You're the most amazing woman in the world. You've saved me so many times I lost count. It's thanks to you that I'm here at all today, surrounded by everyone who cares about us. I love you, Katherine Beckett. Thanks to you I'm a stronger, better person, and a much happier one. I love you, Kate, as I've never loved anyone before in my life. And I know that all ... this ... was fated somehow to happen this way so that we would be together. I— _we_ have suffered a lot, but now I know it was all worth it. I love you, Kate, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy." When he finished, I just couldn't help myself, and kissed him on the lips with all the force of my love.

"Hey! I haven't yet said that you may kiss the bride—or groom," Lanie exclaimed, a bit put out.

"Sorry." We again spoke in unison, causing laughter from the rest.

"Well then ... Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle, by power vested in me by the State of Myself and by virtue of the Power of Love that Fills the Air, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may—" but before she could even finish the sentence Rick was kissing me again with all his might. "Fine. Don't stop on my account," Lanie huffed, leaving us to it.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

We celebrated with everyone, and finally, both exhausted, ended up in our bed after a great wedding night. We couldn't have had such a night the first time around, even if we'd been in a position to take full advantage of it.

"What plans do you have?"

"Well, I want to go back to work soon."

"But—"

"I have to talk to Gates. I really can't extend my leave any longer."

"But if you'll let me ... I also want to go back."

"Rick, you have to take it easy. You're not ready—"

"Fine. I'll do paperwork. Speaking of which, I think you should too."

"What are you saying?"

"Kate, you're pregnant."

"Yes, I know. But that's no reason to stop doing my job."

"It's just ... I don't want you to be in any danger."

"It's my job," I said, angrily.

"I know it. I'm also a cop, remember?"

"Sorry."

"I just worry about about you. Both of you, Kate."

"We'll be fine. When I'm not up to the task anymore, I'll back off."

"Okay, but ... let's just enjoy this a little bit longer," he said with sadness in his eyes, and that was something I could not bear to see.

"I ... I'll wait a few days. Maybe a week, just to celebrate that nothing bad has come our way."

"All right. And what do you want to do with these few days?"

"I thought we could return to the Hamptons."

"Yes?"

"Yeah, I think we still have a few items to check off your list," I said raising my eyebrows.

"Oh! You're right, we absolutely have to go back," he agreed, rising over me and kissing my neck sensually, driving me crazy.

"Right, because we need to take care of our tree," I said, eliciting a growl from him, before bursting into laughter.

"I can think of other things I'd rather do," he said, then dotted kisses on my neck as his hands caressed me, awaking my desire with every touch, desire for his entire body, and the union of two.

* * *

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**

 **Thank you all for making it this far with me. There are only two chapters left, that I'm sure you will like—it's a gift for those of you who have been with me from the beginning, enjoying and suffering through this story, so thank you.**

 **The next chapter will be on Friday, but tomorrow I'll post the first chapter of my new story, so you can see if you like it. I'll give you a short summary as I said. But now the important thing is to enjoy the little bit of this story that remains. : '(**

 **Escondidos (Hidden):**

 _ **Richard Rodgers is a prestigious private detective. He's taken some very important cases in recent times and has made a big impact in the PI world. Even the NYPD has asked for his help. Now he faces a case that could change his life completely. A husband asks him to find his wife and son who disappeared a month ago without a trace. The husband believes they ran away, and he wants above all to recover his child. His object is to locate Katherine Beckett and little Lucas.**_

 **I hope to hear your opinions XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: I want to thank all of you who are still reading for your patience. Summer is always a busy time of year for me, and this summer has been much crazier than usual. On top of the usual summer activities—kids home from school, family travel to remote places, and my more intense work schedule—this summer my husband had to work out of town for a while, my mother had unexpected emergency surgery, and to cap it all, we got hit by a tornado (not kidding) and we spent many weeks cleaning up the mess. This didn't leave a whole lot of time for fanfiction. My work schedule hasn't yet subsided back to normal, but I still expect I'll be able to finish the last two chapters of this fic by the end of September. I'll be continuing to beta for Revelations by GotchaYouLilDirtbag (if you haven't read that one, I recommend it!), and maybe even get back to writing my own fic again—more Firefly, probably._


	51. Chapter 51

**Good morning everyone! This chapter is to thank all those who have enthusiastically followed the story, for immersing yourselves in it, despite how much you've had to put up with, haha. Well, many of you at the time told me that this place was appropriate for their first time, but it wasn't possible then ... and others asked me to have them come back—and so, well, here they are again ;)**

 **I give you this chapter with never-ending thanks. This fic has been very special to me and to all who have participated in the making of it. THANK YOU.**

 **The characters are not mine …**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator: This chapter has been edited to conform to T rating standards. The complete chapter as originally written by Tamyalways will be added to the "I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways M version" posted with the M-rated fics._

* * *

 **Chapter 51**

RICK'S POV

I'd been out of the hospital now for quite a few days, enjoying life, love … and my wife. And now I couldn't tear my gaze away as she stood there in our special place—at the waterfall where Kate finally decided to give me everything, and where I promised to make her happy—where I promised, in a way, that I would do everything I could to deserve her love, to deserve that gift. And now a few months later here we were back again, both of us happy, and awaiting the arrival of our little one.

"Stop staring, and come with me," Kate said, biting her lip, because she knew what it did to me.

I removed my shirt and stepped into the water, which was the perfect temperature. I waded over to her and put my arms around her waist and began kissing her neck with love—with all my love.

"Do you remember the last time we were here?" I asked while kissing her.

"Of course I remember—you rejected me." She made such a face, that it made me laugh. "Yeah, and of course you're laughing about it."

"But in the end, wasn't it worth the wait?"

"Yes, although it left me wanting. I wanted you to make love to me right here," she whispered in my ear, and I was overcome with need. She could draw that passion from me with no more than a glance.

"I can remedy that."

"Don't believe you," she teased.

"Tell me what you want, Kate."

"I want you to kiss me," she said, and the words were scarcely out of her mouth when my lips descended on hers possessively, and I drew her to me without stopping to breathe. I could feel her skin shiver on contact. Slowly I withdrew my lips, leaving us glued together front to front.

"And what else do you want, Kate?"

"I want you to touch me, I want to feel you completely, Rick," she sighed.

I ran kisses gently down her neck. Meanwhile my hands began a braille investigation of her form—there was no need to look. I knew her body completely, every freckle, every birthmark, every scar, all those things that made her perfect, and that showed me she was real ... as real as life itself.

I took hold of her waist and lifted her up, and she immediately encircled me with her endlessly long legs. I kissed down her neck, lower and lower. I could feel Kate pulling my hair—yes, I had _hair—_ and I could not help but smile into her skin. We both were in such dire need of each other, and I knew that no matter how much time passed, it was always going to be this way—we would always be desperate for one another. We'd never stop feeling this way, every time it was extraordinary ... it was like a real dream from which I never wanted to wake up.

I felt Kate's hands running down my back, drawing me closer to her. I kissed her once more—her kisses were completely addictive.

"Rick, I need you," she said, devouring me with her eyes. Her eyes were windows to her soul, telling me everything I needed to know…her eyes which always gave me confidence when I was afraid, or when I needed to be reminded that this was real, not a dream.

The only sound was of falling water and our soft moans. I felt the cool water on my back in contrast to the heat of her body embracing mine.

We remained still that way, quiet, watching, saying everything in our silence. I brought my lips to hers, uniting them this time softly, in a kiss of love. Her arms draped around my neck, deepening the kiss. When our lips parted, there was no need to say a thing; we both acted at the same moment. We needed each other so much, it was as if our bodies caught flame the moment they came into contact.

* * *

I lowered her feet to the bottom of the pool, still holding her to keep her steady on her feet. I couldn't help smiling with pride to see how difficult is was for her to maintain her balance.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Look at you," I said, containing my laughter.

"It's your fault, stupid."

"I know. And I love it," I said kissing her heartily. I did not let go for quite a while, continuing to kiss her. She wasn't finished with me. "Kate," I protested.

"What? You can't stand for me to touch you?" she laughed in my ear.

I grabbed her firmly by the waist and turned her, drawing myself close to her from behind, and I started nibbling on her shoulder, making her sigh. Over and over, I stroked her back, kissed her neck. I could feel her heart pounding.

"Kate ... God ..."

"Do it, Rick."

* * *

Afterwards, I held my position as well as I could, and stood bearing Kate's weight. We stayed that way for a long time, recovering, and when we did, I turned her round and gave her a long slow kiss on the lips, savoring her.

"That was incredible," she whispered.

"I knew it would be," I smiled proudly.

"Smartass! Let's get some rest," she said, collecting our bathing suits and wading over to the blanket we had laid out on the bank.

She lay down and I joined her. I rested on one elbow, watching her. I regarded her figure, and it suddenly hit me how it would change in the coming months. I couldn't help it, I placed my hand gently on her stomach.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked, surprised.

"It's just ... when will I be able to feel the baby?"

"Rick, it's too early."

"I know, but I can't wait ... to hold him—or her—in my arms ... to hold you both."

"Me too," she said, also raising herself on her elbow so that we were eye to eye. Kate gently touched my face, my eyes fluttering closed from all the sensations she made me feel.

"I love you."

"Me too. This is so incredible, like it's a dream—or something I wrote in the novel. I couldn't have imagined anything better. There's no doubt, truth is stranger than fiction. I love you so much ... I feel so good ... so happy ... I can hardly believe it."

"Believe it—it's all real."

"I know it—your eyes tell me it is, every day."

"You know what? I'm sure you're going to be an amazing father ... the best."

"I don't know, but one thing I'm sure of—I'm the luckiest guy in the world, and you are the love of my life ... and the best possible mother of my children."

"I'm looking forward to all of it ... even though there'll be so many changes."

"Yes ... but we'll be doing it together, and that's what counts."

"You know, I always thought about what life would be like, to be with the love of my life ... to have children, but ... you're right, reality is better than all my dreams."

"You've always been my dream, Kate."

"When all this happened, when you asked me to marry you ... I was afraid, very afraid. I cared about you, I admired you ... but gradually I got to know you, and I certainly learned all about you. I learned what love really is ... and really, in the end, there was no way I couldn't fall in love you. I love you so much."

"Not as much as I love you."

"Don't make it a competition."

"That's true, you always win everything ... but this case, I win," I said pushing her over and rolling myself on top of her, kissing her gently and making her laugh. "It makes me happy to see you happy. It makes me happy to see you smile. Your smile, Kate ... your smile is what fills me with life."

"I love you."

"And I love you ... always."

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 **Yes, there is still one chapter, an epilogue, that I hope will leave you with a good feeling after so much suffering and drama. Thank you today and always for reading and following this story, you all have made it a great experience.**

 **Also thank you for supporting my new story** _["Escondidos." Tamy has at least 6 more stories up. If you have enjoyed this one, go ahead and check them out.]_ , **it never stops surprising me. I just hope that this story gives me half as many good moments and joys as this one has given me, but hopefully with half the work and half the head-spinning, haha. Really thank you very much.**

 **That's it, goodbye until tomorrow. I hope you enjoy XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator: Thanks to all for your patience, as I wrap this up. One more chapter (the epilogue) to go. Hope you have enjoyed reading—that's what makes it worthwhile to put in all this work translating. I am continuing with beta work for a couple of Castle stories—"Revelations" by GotchaYouLilDirtbag (It began as a prompt fill, and grew into a full-fledged multi-chapter story. Based on an interesting premise, it has some extensive backstory for Rick.) and "The Interview" by madreag (an AU set in 2009, in which Castle and Beckett meet at the 12th Precinct, but on somewhat different footing). If you haven't yet looked at these, I recommend them—look up the authors, and check them out. Next up for me will be a return to Firefly fanfic, with the sequel to "Ends with a Horse," the 13th story in my extended series set after the movie._


	52. Chapter 52

**I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways**

 **Translated from Spanish by ebfiddler**

 **Author's note:** **Good morning everyone, here's the epilogue of this story. Without a doubt, this story is the one that has given me the most joy, and no doubt it will continue to do so. Thanks to everyone who participated in it—without you there would be no sense in doing this. Thank you of course to Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION for letting me write this story. It made me learn a lot, and I enjoyed and struggled with this story as never before. It has given me hell (and my beta/collaborator, too) but it certainly was worth it.**

 **Many thanks to all of you for your support here as well as on twitter or the Spanish Castle forum. I really don't know how to thank you enough for your support, because without it I don't think we would have gotten anywhere with this story.**

 **Finally and especially, I want to thank my beta/collaborator ladydkl for her support, for her work and for getting me to do things I didn't know I could do. For teaching me to be a better writer and for continuing to help me. Today, with your permission, I want to dedicate this chapter to her, for her special talent for being so supportive all the way, and for teaching me so much. Ladydkl, many thanks to you, and thank you for always being there.**

 **The characters are not mine ...**

 **Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION**

 _translator's note: And here we are, the end of a long journey. I hope you've enjoyed reading this. I made it a goal to get this finished by October, 2016, and I've managed to do so—about a year since I began posting this translation. Thanks to all for your support in this_ _endeavor._

* * *

 **Epilogue**

RICK'S POV

I could not stop smiling at the sight of Kate sitting on the seashore with our baby in her arms, enjoying the beautiful weather. Seeing them, I couldn't help but remember the most beautiful moment of my life ... the previous week.

My son was about to be born, and Kate was suffering through what was necessary to bring him into the world. All I could do was give her my support, be there and speak words of love to make her feel better, so that she knew she had me with her. When the doctor called on me to help my baby come into the world, I could scarcely believe it. It was the most special moment of my life, and I was very nervous.

After I cut the umbilical cord and the doctor gave him to me to hold, it felt like my heart was just shouting with joy. I looked at my son as if he were the most precious thing in my life ... and he was a part of me.

Then the doctor took him to wash him, and I went directly over to Kate who was both excited and completely exhausted.

"Honey ... he's here."

"I want to see him."

"They're bringing him. He's beautiful."

"This is so—"

"Exciting."

"It's the best moment of my life…"

"Here you go, parents, here's the little champion," said the doctor, handing me the baby.

I brought him to Kate and placed him carefully on her chest. When she felt him, I saw the tears stream from her eyes, from all that emotion, and then that smile—this was a version of her that I had never seen before. The most beautiful image of my life, one that I would cherish in my heart forever. I pulled out my phone and took a snapshot to remember always.

Then I sat down gently next to Kate and placed my arm around her back, snuggling her into my side. I supported her head on my shoulder and we just sat there watching our baby for a long while, until Kate broke the silence.

"He's so perfect."

"Yes, he is."

"He has a lot of hair," she observed joyously, "and he's so handsome. Looks like you."

"Of course. That's why he's so beautiful," I said to make her smile.

"I never imagined how this would be ... no matter how hard I tried."

"He's perfect ... he's unique ... he's part of both of us. I also never imagined what he would be like, but I knew he would be perfect."

"Rick ..."

"He's perfect because he's the fruit of our love. For us, he'll always be the most important person."

"That's true."

"I know. 'Cause I'm always right," I laughed, placing a kiss on her forehead. We fell back into silent contemplation of our baby, enjoying our now larger family.

At this moment, seeing her so happy with little Ricky Junior in her arms, I just felt so blessed. I realized it was not only witnessing his birth, not only getting to bring him home ... that alone was not enough. I had a need to live through each of life's milestones with him, with the two of them. I wanted a long and full life to enjoy my many good fortunes.

I drew near and slowly sat next to her. Kate smiled at me and passed our little baby over so I could hold him again. I could feel her smiling into my shoulder, where her face pressed against me.

"This is incredible."

"It is."

"You know what? I know I have to go back to work soon, but right now, I don't miss it at all. I don't want to miss a single minute with him."

"I know, me too. We could live on what I earn selling my books."

"But I'm your muse. I think you need to see me in action," she said sensuously, eliciting a groan of frustration from me.

"Kate, you're sooo bad," I said, and we both laughed.

"I don't want to stop working. It's a part of who I am ... but now I'm thinking I should take it easy, a bit."

"In what way?"

"Maybe ask for a promotion."

"To captain?"

"Well ... if I can get it. I'd have more free time, and it would be less dangerous for—"

"Of course you can get it."

"I know you've always wanted to be—"

"No, I really only wanted to be your partner. Maybe now, if you become my boss ... it'll be even better," I said gently kissing her lips, making her laugh again.

"So, then …"

"Whatever you need, Kate, whatever you want. I'll support you in it. I ... the truth is that I've been thinking a lot about it, and ... I'm thinking maybe I should leave the force."

"You want to leave it?"

"I'd like to write ... and I could spend more time with our son."

"Well…"

"Besides, I also have inspiration at home … and you could always help me."

"Always ... I'll support you, whatever you decide."

"Well then—" Suddenly our baby began to cry, and I handed him to Kate. "I think our little guy is hungry," I said, kissing Kate and helping her up to go back inside the house.

I was very happy. We had only had our little Ricky for one week. Our lives had changed completely. My book had been published a month ago, and was so far a big success. I ought to have gone on tour to promote it, but I knew the birth was approaching, so I decided to stay home. But I couldn't put it off indefinitely, so tomorrow I was scheduled to leave for a week of book promotion. It was taking advantage of Kate's maternity leave, so that the baby was not left without one of us. It was hard to have to leave them and not spend more time together, but I knew that if I wanted the book to be successful, I had to do my part. I needed that book do well—because it was definitely a key part of our life together ... it was something I wanted to show the world ... because it showed my Kate, the true Kate, _my_ hero.

Today my—or rather _our_ whole family was coming to stay with Kate. I knew she was perfectly capable of taking care of our son herself; it wasn't that. But I didn't want her to be alone, I didn't want her to dwell on my absence, I wanted it to pass in the best way possible. And, well, it would also serve to celebrate the life and birth of our baby.

The party had begun, but I was still in our room ... alone, thinking and giving thanks for the good fortune I'd been granted. Just a month ago or so I'd also had my first long-term follow up check-up, and it went very well. A very pregnant Kate had accompanied me, knowing how nervous I was, how sick I'd made myself just thinking about it in the days prior. But now ... we were good, very, very good. I had recovered, and Kate, thanks to the pregnancy and my care, also recovered quite well. We just needed to be together to recover. Our love was what saved us both.

I finished combing and styling my unruly hair, the hair I had missed having for such a long time, and went out of the room, bumping directly into Kate on her way in.

"Oh! Excuse me!"

"Where have you been? We've been waiting for you."

"I was just making myself beautiful."

"Oh! Of course," she said, running her hands through my hair, disarranging it completely. I glared, but couldn't keep it up for long, not when I saw her smile.

"You're so bad…"

"Yes. So?"

"Yes, but you're also the dynamo that motivates and lights up my life."

"Rick ..."

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"It'll only be a week."

"So you won't miss me, then?"

"Of course I will, silly. We'll both miss you."

"Speaking of him ... Where is he now?"

"With Aunt Lanie and Grandma Martha."

"I suppose they're spoiling him already?"

"Yeah, like you haven't already done so."

"But I'm his father. I'm the only one who's allowed to do spoil him."

"So I always have to be the bad cop, is that how you see it?"

"Of course ... because you're the best bad cop ever, Detective," I replied, and kissed her lightly on the lips.

Suddenly I felt something tugging at my pants. Pulling away from Kate, I looked down to find my niece and nephew looking at me mischievously.

"Hey kids," I said taking up Emma in my arms, and hugging Edgar … the boy who saved me.

"Uncle Rick, we've been waiting for you! It's just that ..."

"What's up?"

"Well, we're bored!" they whined, and their pouty faces made us laugh.

"Come on, the party's only just getting started," I said tickling them both, and hearing them laugh, I was so happy to have them in my life. Without a doubt, having an extended family was a very pleasant surprise.

* * *

FOUR YEARS LATER…

We were all together, four years later. Our son, the life and soul of our home, was, as usual, running around nonstop, when Kate arrived home after a long day.

"Hello," she said, kissing me as she entered.

"And a good evening to you. Everything okay?"

"A bit tired."

"Well ... today your boys made you dinner."

"Oh, you did?" she said, gathering Ricky into her arms.

"Yes, Mommy."

We ate amidst laughter. Truly my son was a lot like me. He was a sharp as a tack, and in truth he was a spoiled child. But in spite of all that, in spite of spending so much time with me, he was his mama's darling. When his mother came home, he bypassed me entirely ... his mom was, for him, his hero.

"Mommy, I want ice cream."

"No, it'll give you a stomach ache."

"Pleeeeeease ..."

"Don't look at me like that."

"Daddeeeee ..." He now appealed to me, and I ... I could never resist that look. And now I imitated him—or was he imitating me?—but we both had the same expression on our faces, the expression that he used to sweet-talk us.

"Don't you guys look at me like that."

"Pleeeeeease ..." Now we were both pleading with her.

"Fine! But if you feel sick afterwards—"

"Right, I'll deal with it," I agreed, getting up to get the ice cream. When I sat down again I offered some to Kate, who opened her mouth to provoke me. No matter how long we'd been together, she always made me feel so alive. I was always ready for her ... always … and our passion for one another was a strong as ever.

"Daddy…?"

"God, Ricky! Let me wipe off your … how did you even...?" I exclaimed, upon seeing his entire face covered with chocolate.

I cleaned him up thoroughly and then carried him off to bed. After I got him ready and settled down a little bit, I left Kate to say goodnight to him, and went to our room to prepare a nice bath for my wonderful wife, so she could relax. When she came in, she gave me a smile.

"For me?"

"No, I was planning to invite our neighbor from upstairs."

"Very funny," she said, draping her hands around my neck to hug and kiss me. "Care to join me?"

"Of course," I said making short work of undressing, and getting into the tub with her. "This feels amazing."

"It is."

"Bad day…?"

"Yeah, well ... anyway ... you've made it better already ... both of you have made it better."

"You know I'd do anything to make it better for you."

"I know. Thanks," she said turning to kiss my lips.

"Thank you, Kate ... thank you for giving me all this time ... for making me happy."

"I should be thanking _you_..."

"I love you..."

"And I love you."

"Always."

"Always."

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you to all of you who have been excited about this story and given it such a great reception, thanks for your continued support despite all the drama and angst that I have made you live through with this story.**

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

 **Well, let's keep reading! I hope you'll enjoy my new story Escondidos [Hidden], and there will be many more, if you keep following.**

 **Thanks for sticking with me here.**

 **XXOO**

 **Twitter: tamyalways**

 _translator's note: And thank you, likewise, from me, for reading, following, favoriting this story, and continuing to the end. It's been quite a journey for me, as well, one that started in the late spring of 2015 when Tamy started posting the original, Te Aprendí a Amar. The subject resonated with me, as my mother had undergone cancer treatments earlier that year (for a different kind of cancer, and thankfully these have been successful in her case). In August 2015, I began the translation. I've learned a lot in the process. I've written hundreds of thousands of words of my own fan fiction stories (shameless plug: check them out!) but this story still represented several first-time challenges for me as a writer (first time for an extended story told from first person POV, first time for M-rated anything). It most certainly has improved my Spanish. For those who have followed me as a writer, I am continuing as beta for Madreag, who has just posted a new chapter of "The Interview"; and for GotchaYouLilDirtbag, who will be posting another chapter of Revelations before long. And if you've been following me for a while, you'll probably be glad to know that lately I have been writing more of the sequel to "Ends with a Horse," the thirteenth story in my Firefly series. I don't know when you can expect to see that posted, but I think I can say with some confidence, that indeed there will be a story to be posted…so keep your eyes open, and sign up for an author alert if you want to know when I do begin posting it. I may also have a Castle one-shot or short fic somewhere in me..._


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